I started a fucking company with you. I gave you my orthodics when I realized you didn't have any, crippling myself in the process so you could have an easier time.
I go out of my way to make your life easier; I prop open doors so you can get through with your wheelchair, I carry your wheelchair downstairs whenever you ask even though we both know neither of us should be lifting shit with EDS. I bend over backwards for you.
I gave you my heart. You're the first woman I really loved in ~5 years. You helped me get over my ex. I gave you my virginity, for crying out loud.
And STILL you choose to spend your time with someone who's only given you a hard clitoris and your first lesbian experience. There have been so many nights when you come to me, "Matthew, she did this! Matthew, she did that!" and I have to comfort you and stroke your hair and remind you she's crazy. You came to me for comfort when you had to take her into the hospital, and you got me to cover for you when she made you her emergency caretaker--at the cost of actually getting shit done around the company, which I had to clean up.
I'm sick and fucking tired of being taken for granted. Keep this up and I'm not always going to be around, because you're being a straight-up bitch and I'm not going to tolerate it.
>>16811676 I don't wish for it for that reason, the death part of it is enough for me. Why would you want the gratitude of some fake fuckers who love you only due to your illness? Also, as if cancer isn't incredibly uncomfortable, so easier is not even in that equation, sorry.
To G, Seeing you all the time at college hurts. I'm talking to another girl with a boyfriend. I'm not a home wrecker, though. I wouldn't go further. I hope she wouldn't either. She's nice to have around because she's kind and is cute and I like her company when I am alone. I would never go on to a different girl yet, as I'm sure you know. I'm still faithful to you despite knowing I should just let it go. But it's fine. Currently, I am tired and jaded. And I love you a lot and I cuddle my pillows at night thinking of you. I'm not depressed because the sadness is just brought on by unfortunate things that happen, so I don't need medication. I'm as confused as anybody and life isn't that great when you're trying to find a place to live and be fulfilled. One day I know I'll see you with another guy and unfortunately I won't be hurt so much by it anymore. I honestly don't know what I'm doing most of the time and I'm becoming more accepting of my lack of power. Just know I'm here still and despite what's been done now, I'll still be there for you. I'm alright too, and I hope you're doing well. With your studiousness and charm, you'll go far.
I tried to be something cool, something my friends and family could look up to and be proud of, but I wasted 5 years of my life and countless dollars trying to be something I knew I was never cut out for from the start. But it's too late to do what I was born to do, and now I'm destined for a mediocre life. I should have just been... me.
>>16811992 All I have are the ideas in my head. From grade 1 to 12, I never once took a class in how to write non-fiction, direct a video, draw, or anything. I have zero experience in the arts, and every time I try to learn, I give up because I have no visual imagination and can't transfer what is in my head onto a page.
>>16811673 Be depressed forever. After a little college decide to change my life. Live in the moment. Starts with a nervous breakdown. Downhill from there, having quit drinking and starting to explore what makes myself happy, family hates me. Literally are told that family members say behind my back they are made uncomfortable by me. Always have been a cute girl with bad choice in boys, leading to slews of unhealthy relationships. Currently lost. But don't drink or do drugs and healthy/ fit. And above average intelligence, without the tools to be altogether smart. What is with all those wise saying to live in the moment, be true, when god shuts a door be open another
>>16811673 Today, I met a man with an ass for a face.
New part time dishwashing job, second day. Shitty, but it's an in-betweener. Most of the people I've met so far are alright, but this one guy...
He is one of the most hideous people I have ever met in real life. This man, a line cook, has a face the texture of cottage cheese, with all kinds of little dents in his skin, while the bottom of his cheeks seemed to be sliding off of his face. All over his face are the reddest and ugliest pimples I have ever seen on a person, quite prominent, despite the fact that he must have been in his thirties or so.
Along his jawbone was a long, scraggly beard, which wasn't fully grown in some places and only serves to make the man seem more sloppy in portrait, doing little to his already hideous visage.
I suspect this is from a heavy daily consumption of soda and other junk beverages, since he was also highly overweight (which I usually don't judge on, seeing as how I myself have a modest gut), but his face haunts me. How could someone actively neglect their physical health so?
The worst part is when I overheard him chit-chatting with his co-workers about how he and his girlfriend have been abstaining from sex on account of their busy schedules. Even though I actively avoided looking at his face to avoid vomiting, the thought that any organism would consider having sex with him makes me feel all the more queasy.
As Harry S. Plinkett once said;
>Ohmahgawd, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAAAAACCCCCEEEEE?!?!?!?
Yeah, I know I'm an asshole, had to get that out of my system. Once I get a better job, I'll never see him again.
I hate my body, and I'm not sure which side of my parents to blame for said shape. Granted the fat is my own fault but I mean the shape of my breasts and bottom; my tits sag and the nipple points down.. my butt is square and ugly... Why can't I have the shapes of the women I admire? Why am I cursed with such a horrible shape? Sure I can drop the weight but that won't fix my saggy breasts.. it won't give me the ass I want.. I don't have the money for surgery so what do I do? What CAN I do? FFS.
Normally, I am very beta and can rarely even dream of asserting myself to others, but today when I was walking to class, some guy came up to me and asked if I was a Christian and for a moment of my time. I looked the guy almost in the eye and clearly and sternly said, "no, and I don't want to talk to you."
I minor thing I know, but I'm a little proud of myself. Immediately after I thought to myself that I didn't know I had a spine.
I miss being in love, but I deeply value and enjoy solitude, and trying to find a female friend to build something with doesn't really appeal to me. I guess I can just wait for the next girl to fall into my lap by happenstance like the others, but it would be nice to have someone in my life right now. I'm torn, I guess.
>26 years old >Never had a job >Didn't finish college, only dabbled in different subjects: Art, Cognitive Psychology, Astronomy, Computer Science >Never driven >Never had sex >Every relationship I've ever been in was toxic on both ends >Was bullied as a kid by other kids and school staff >Always been coddled by dad (mom died when I was an infant) >Last year dad had stroke >Become responsible for him >Somehow manage to not fuck up >Lose social awkwardness along the way >Become financially responsible since I have to manage his finances too >Diet improves significantly for both of us >Decide to return to gym since dad's becoming more independent (had joined last year, friend somehow convinced me to) >Feeling way better lately, making some gains, have a good routine, something to work toward >Every night though I lie awake regretting the past and fearing the future >Scared I won't be able to get a job and will just be seen as this useless manchild for lack of proper work history >Wonder if it's even worth it to back to school >Trying to take things a day at a time but all the self doubt always creeps up
I ruined my own fucking Valentine's Day because I couldn't keep my stupid fucking mouth shut.
I spent last year's alone and miserable because he wasn't here to spend it with me, because he left. And then when he finally is here and I'm stupid enough to believe that maybe he wanted to make up for missing last year, and you know, to maybe spend time with me (without the expectation of sex, as fucking always), I fucking ruin it.
I shouldn't have ever said anything. I should've just pushed all my massive worries and insecurities to the back of my mind, like I always fucking do, so I wouldn't have made him mad and so I wouldn't have ruined what I was so badly hoping was going to be a good night.
Yet, once again, I just couldn't fucking stop myself from speaking and from asking questions because there's now no doubt in my mind that he never wants to see me again, ever.
And once again, of course, he left me in a complete wreck. How pathetic I would've looked walking down the fucking highway bawling my goddamn eyes out. It's not like he gave a fuck though, he abandoned me (again) and I deserve it.
I just wanted to have a good night and I fucking ruined it, like I always do. Now he fucking hates me. But at least he got laid, right? That's the only good thing he'll take out of last night, I guarantee it.
I'm still so worried about him, real or not, whatever the fuck happened scared the fuck out of me. But I got to hold him in my arms and I got to calm him down and make him feel better and make sure that he was safe, with me. I don't even care if I'm pathetic for missing everything about holding him, but I loved doing it. If he wants to take anything positive from last night (doubtful, and if it even is positive to him), I hope to god it was what I was trying to say when he was in my arms. And I hope so fucking much that he at least felt a fraction of what I feel.
I fucking hate myself. I just want him to love me and to let me love him. But he doesn't. He never did, and he most certainly never will.
I don't think I can keep going on much longer. Even thoughts of hurting my family through ending it all are less of an obstacle with each passing day.
I don't know what it is. I think I'm just too weak for this, or perhaps just a failure as a human. Or both. After all, everyone else I know, even others who considered suicide at some point in their lives, are doing better. It's only me who seems literally incapable of having a social life. Thirty slowly approaching, and not a single real-life friend.
But it's not just that, anyway. I can't deal with so many things everyone else handles just fine - the fact none of this really matters, that I'm not extraordinary and will never actually make an impact on history, that life isn't fair and just shits on you sometimes. That one person gets everything, and another is born a useless cripple and to a poor family both. Well, at least I'm not African or something, I guess.
I'm just losing it. I haven't slept well in years. Every night I think about why I can't seem to improve. Every day I have these retarded edgy fucking thoughts about how maybe if I did something awful, that would impact the world.
But the worst part is that I can't expect anyone to love a faulty human like me. I wouldn't let anyone, either. I don't intend to inflict myself upon good people.
And all this won't help either. Fuck it all, I guess. Another day of feeling dead inside.
I want to write to my first gf i met when i was 15, our relationship was 2 months long but now as I'm 19 and still see her alone almost everyday I think she was the best i ever had and there is no one like her. It may sounds funny since I'm still young but she is the only one that makes my heart go mad when i think about her
I wish I could figure out why I can't keep friendships with anyone and can't really "connect" with people on the same level. I always enjoy my outings and dates but they usually don't leave an impression on me. I don't mind being alone, but it really sucks trying hard and just not keeping people around.
>i can't commit to anything. i can't be fucked find a PT job after giving up my last one. and i'm not determined enough. >i can't fucking study right even though i try. >i'm always tired everyday, but only when i need to do the things i need ie study and work. >i'm high energy whenever i'm having fun. >i'm not sure which degree i should be doing bc i don't know what job i want after gradding. >i don't have any more friends bc i can't properly commit to a human relationship beyond my family. >my life has been utterly worthless despite working hard at academics and trying to be a normie >only reason why i haven't killed myself is bc i want to pay back my debts to my parents.. >/a/ no longer fun, weeb friends all grew up, never played vidya bc fuck that shit, /sp/ are few and far between, /tv/ is boring >i'm 19 and still haven't done anything meaningful in my life. and i'm getting close to 24 by the minute and rn i'm closer to 24 than i am to the beginning of HS. >my mates have the normie life. i want to be a normie.
>>16812531 I hasn't gotten better in years. I don't think I can keep going for who knows how many more on the off-chance it actually improves. And I mean, why would it? I've lost all energy, all determination. I'm not going to make it better. All previous attempts failed. I'm too awkward around people, or come off as creepy. My standard behaviour makes them think I actively dislike them.
I have nothing special going for me, at least in a positive way. No talent, no interest, no raw potential. Nothing. Less than nothing, because at least the bog standard average human can at least do something right just by virtue of being average - I can't even do menial labour or try to find some fulfillment by joining the army or something, due to being a cripple.
I would live for someone if I could, but I've already drifted apart from my family beyond the point of repair, and as mentioned before, I will neither find anyone nor actually choose to knowingly let them deal with my shit. Having been in touch with many people who went through rough spots of their own (albeit ones that actually passed, unlike mine), I know how emotionally exhausting helping with it can be, especially when there is no guarantee of success. And there never is.
Who knows, maybe that's what exhausted me so much. Sure is a shame I can't talk myself out of this state.
In the end, the only way to fix things is to do so yourself, but I can't be bothered anymore. The best I can do isn't enough anyway.
New temp girl at work was complaining about how no one bought her flowers this valentines day.
She's sweet and always smiles. I don't have feelings for her, I barely know her. But she's nice, and I'd like to get to know her more.
I wanted to offer to buy her some flowers... Wanted to try a make a little deal, I'd bring her some flowers if she gave me her number. Just so I could see if there is something there, and also, to test how well asking a girl out would go.
I wanted to.
The little nagging in the back of my head then reminded me that I'm a creep, always am, always will be. Every time I've ever caught a girl lookin' at me - It's probably because she don't trust me and wants to keep her eye on me. That I would be an idiot to ever get my hopes up. That the manager I liked has been avoiding me, rather than just being busy with her job. The little nagging voice that has proven itself to be true way too many times for me to ignore.
And the psychological wall or barrier that prevents me from getting to close made my mouth shut when I wanted to say something.
I feel like shit because I can't show any interest or let any woman know I like them. I feel like shit because I'm not the same awkward teenager I used to be but I still assume people find me creepy. I feel like shit because my instincts tell me that I'm right about being a creep. Fuck me, even if I wanted to open up to someone I couldn't.
gf broke up with me in november. Currently I'm studying molecular biology and since the breakup my grades skyrocketed and people seem overall more interested in me. only thing is that I smoke weed close to daily by now, drink immense amounts of alcohol and did cut my back completely open in december/january. I don't feel like i can feel emotionally attached to any other girl but have a date on wednesday with a girl who might be into me, but i just want to have a good conversation or maybe a fuck (or perhaps the hope to get the feelings back). Also I distrust one of my roommates (female) who is still friends with her and with me. In spite of this my grades are still top-notch.
>>16811673 I had a small affair with my fine art teacher when we were away on a college trip. I'm 23 (mature student) we talked about how our situation was like "Lost in translation" and we had a beautiful time away together; inside jokes from every night spent together, talking intimately about people and life. He understood me so well and I him from what I could tell.
He's married and said his home life can't change, we've been back for a month now. I allowed myself to catch feelings for this teacher (48) and now I feel totally fucked. I have him for classes regularly and see him everywhere, but he acts a bit differently too me now, I'm not sure if it's colder or more intimate... I've been to his art studio (nothing happened) and since then I haven't actually seen him because he was away on another trip and now we've been off college for a week. I want him as a private lover while I go off to university but I'm not sure if he'll cut all ties when I finish this course in June.
I can't tell if I'm heart-broken, overthinking our situation which should be technically nothing or whether he actually see's nothing wrong and will continue to keep in touch (he mentioned about wanting to see me afterwards because he genuinely felt close to me and wanted to know how my life turns out, casual coffee chats apparently)
>>16811673 I'm so depressed. I can't seem to do anything to help myself. There is no motivation or drive to excel or rebound from my slump and I'm scared that one day I will be literally alone. There is no point to writing in this thread. I'm wishing for a miracle chance to change my entire life.
Its slowly dawned on me that all of my hunches and observations were probably right. I've been pretty stupid regarding you and all the times you swore to me that you weren't lying. But yet, you deny everything and take me for a fool. If you ever decide to be honest I think I'd have a bit more respect for you.
Anybody have that person who refuses to friend you on facebook even when you have at least 8 mutual friends? Like, just to show you how much they hate you? Like they got all kinds of principles and shit? Like you're not good enough to be one of they 658 friends? Fuck that.
I just can't get it, you know? Why exactly is escapism so bad? The world fucks me up the ass every single time I deal with it. I have no hopes left for the future. But I don't fucking want to kill myself, not when I can drift through what's left of my life in relative happiness by just cutting myself away from all the bullshit and plunging into this supposedly inferior fake bliss. Sure as fuck feels real when I'm doing it. Who the fuck are you to tell me it's worse? I don't fucking see a degree in happiness - hell, recently you've been bitching about life more than I am. Maybe it's you who's taking the wrong road, maybe my way is the better one. I sure seem to be happier than you.
I just turned 25 today and I haven't really accomplished much in life. I've been in and out of school but I've managed to keep a job for a long amount of time but that doesn't mean much. I don't have shit in my savings and I'm living from check to check. I'm a lardass and I'm single because of it I know. I can talk to women but being short and fat isn't helping.
I decided I'm going into full hibernation mode. No more facebook, partying, instagram. I'm gonna go back to the gym and get my life back. Losing weight won't fix my problems but the discipline would help in other areas of my life.
I am only sexually attracted to animals, and only then in extreme fetish situations. I would never, ever do anything sexual with an animal, because that shit is clearly immoral, and I don't even find the idea tempting.
I do write erotica, though. Animal erotica, featuring animals farting and pooping on people for amusement. Because it's what turns me on.
I wonder if I'm going to actually be able to have sex with real people, or whether I'll just be stuck with my bizarre solo adventures in sexuality for the rest of my life.
J Honestly im questioning your commitment to our relationship. I was at work all day yesterday and as soon as I get off my double I come home to all your friends over. No warning. After a long day I need the break. You didnt even clean house and it was filthy even though you were off all day. So today after your friends left I had to clean the house, pay the bills, and get everything done while you slept all day. Since ive gotten home youve ignored me. You havent even made an attempt to hug me. Your so lazy and selfish and you dont care to do anything to help out. I have to drive you everywhere and you refuse to save for a car. You spend all your money on weed. You didnt get me a christmas present, nothing for valentines day, you wont file your taxes to try to get money for a car. You are turning into a major fuckboy and I will be damned if I spend a penny towards your car. Heck you dont even help with gas for my car and you work 2 towns over with oposite shifts as me. If you arent willing to step up, then im done.
I keep bombarding my only friend with emails and text messages. Writing helps me cover up the voices in my head. Writing to HER makes me feel connected, valuable, alive. Every time I send her something I am aware that I am appearing more desperate, more clingy, more inappropriate (and more boring) yet I just can't stop myself. I am poisoning the only good relationship that I have with anyone, and I'm doing it with my eyes wide open, and it's killing me.
If I'm re-reading our texts, so is she, right? If she was just the one all over me and begging for my attention then she has to be thinking of me more than I of her, right? Why am I all of the sudden thinking so much about her. Why is it human nature to go after something you can't have. I was finally doing great at letting go, and now it's fucking hard again
Let me tell you: I've seen countless beautiful women. In spite of all their make-up and photo editing, they simply lack the elegant beauty that you possess. It's the way you look when you're focusing hard. It's the way you carry yourself in your walk. Something about it just drives me mad. When you say my name, my heart throbs. You told me you had a boyfriend, and I don't know if that was just to get me to piss off or what, but I've been doing crazy things since I've met you.
Crazy things like working hard to be a better person. Trying my absolute hardest to break through my laziness so I can be more than just somebody who passed through college. Trying my hardest to be kind and gentle to other people. I want to make a name for myself. I want to be worthy of somebody like you. I want to make sure that if I ever have the chance with somebody like you, I can't possibly mess it up.
There are women I want to fuck, but you have the looks of somebody I want to love. Part of me hopes you thought I was a creep and lied about having a boyfriend just so I might still have a chance.
>>16811673 I can't handle thinking of you with someone else, the thought that you don't need or care about me anymore is killing me. We used to text each other nearly all day everyday but now you've gone silent because of this new man you just met a while ago, for one I have to thank you for opening my eyes and noticing how little I meant to you apparently, how those months of me thinking I was actually starting to be liked by someone was a complete fucking lie and now I havent been able to sleep for 3 days now. On the other hand you made me notice that everyone in this world is black and white, I thought you were different I thought you were unqiue compared to the other girls but your not, your just like them and only care about yourself dont get me wrong if you can find someone to love in your life I wont be jealous and resent you but I cannot continue being your friend because overtime as much as I dont want to admit it I fell for you. I knew though the whole time that you didn't like me that way and never would of but I still continued to talk with you and have glimmers of hope. I misunderstood our conversations looked alot deeper into them then normal and made a false paradise with us, but now reality has crashed down and I truly understand what I meant to you. Thank you for showing me the truth of this world and how I shouldnt put as much faith in people as I have wasted on you.
------With much regret, your former friend------ T
I am honestly just getting ready to give up And I don't mean I'm killing myself or something, I mean just give up and stop trying to live, stop trying to get a job and friends, just survive and let time do its thing. I probably sound really retarded by saying this and honestly I am starting to believe I am for ever thinking something good was ever happening to me I had everything and lost it all because well I am retarded, really I just don't know what do I have left now that I care about this is all because one person, ONE PERSON doesn't want to be my friend anymore. We were so close 2 years ago already, I have been trying all this time to get that back but really, it's not going anywhere, neither is my life. I realize the only moments where my excuse of a life was worth a damn were when we were together. You were the reason I kept going and I know there's no way you'll see this message and no wait this will ever fucking work but if i am going to completely forget about our dreams for once I just want you to know that there is one thing I will always think and never stop thinking. I'm still sorry. I hope you live the best life you can, no matter how much you've hurt me, I still love you.
As of late everything my girlfriend does upsets me. I know logically she is doing nothing wrong, but I'm still experiencing extreme agitation. We've lived together for as long as we've dated, about 2 years, I'm wondering if maybe I'm feeling overwhelmed about seeing her every moment of every day.
Predictability is annoying, so when two people act in the same predictable fashion I'm the kind of loser that sits back and asks "why is everything so stupid?" How long did you spend fawning over her openly, making it so transparent that you would do so? How much time did she spend doing the same thing, but over you? How much time did you spend being a downer because she was close to someone else? How much time has she spent doing the same thing? It's so stupid and because of the two of you pull this, other people wind up getting caught in your stupid game.
You're the one who announced over and over how much you loved her, and she did the same. You're the one who said you regretted breaking up with her, she's the one who wishes you never had. One day you'll both stop being dumbasses, at least that's what I'd like to believe.
Everyday I try to pretend I don't dislike being alone. Some people, even the one who I find attractive would say things like "you need a partner" "we gotta get you a girl" and I pretend that I'm not really heading that way. I act as though I'm putting too much value on something like that, that I should be doing something else, I spent years trying to improve myself, and I sure did have some progress I wouldn't have imagined, yet when I'm reminded that I'm alone something makes me feel weak.
Nearly 30 I feel more exhausted and the more people I met, the more people started running away or only calling for help. The new place I'm at now has very few people, very non-social to the point even cracking a joke or starting a conversation seems almost rude. It's hard to know whether those friends who haven't left me alone are really with me or rather just require my sympathy.
My childhood friend has tried to scam me twice, no longer gives a shit. The person who has tried to get me out of my shell is putting me back in by smearing shit. My only true friend is a woman twice my age which is riddled with personal problems which make me feel more useless when I can't manage to do anything about them.
I'm stuck and frustrated. let go of the friend I ended up falling in love with because he has just been stringing me along for a while now. I have no idea how to even begin to talk to him about it or if he feels the same way. it's funny, he just started out as a really fucking annoying older brother feeling but feelings just changed... what the hell is wrong with me?
>>16811673 I want to transition It started when I would cross dress and really liked it, I felt comfortable and being complimented by people telling me that I'm hot as a girl was really good for my confidence but I'm not into guys and I dont want to transition completely because I'm afraid of the hate/ridicule that comes from the social stigma attached to it. I'm not happy as a boy but I'm not brave enough to become a girl. I don't feel like I'm completely miserable as a boy but I feel like I'd be happier if I was a girl.
I've started having this weird pain in my side for the last two days so I'm having it checked out tomorrow or Thursday. I'm brushing it off as just an annoying cramp but recently it has become apparent that the first-born male in the family of my mother's side will have cancer - my great grandfather must have pissed off a gypsy whilst serving in WWII or something. Either way, I'm having it checked in the hopes that the cancer in my family is just coincidence and it's just a cramp.
On the upside, I've convinced my friend that it's worth calling a help-line to talk about her depression. Hoping to see her happy by the summer. Hoping to fit my CBT in between uni and volunteering so that I can get mobile and start learning how to drive so I can get a warehouse job over the summer or something.
Apart from the kidney stuff, I've been having fun.
>>16812525 You can't deal with the fact you will never make an impact in history. I for one believe making a positive impact on someone's life can be very rewarding too. Even a minor kind act to someone is a way of reminding himself that there are other good people in the world
>>16811673 i am infatuated with my roommate. i need to make new friends. i dont know how. i just moved to this city. i dont do social media and i have a hard time with my emotions. i am every 22 year old ever
One of my friends tried to commit suicide last year, she doesn't know any of us are supposed to know about it, so she doesn't know we know.
Recent events this year and the end of last year have left her in a really tough spot and we've all tried to talk to her and help her as much as we possibly can. (tried getting her a restraining order, consoling her, etc) I'm at college currently so I can't see her or talk to her as much as my friends still living in my hometown but I try to see what's up when I can. The other day she texted me and said she missed me and then today she texted me and asked if she could come to my college tonight to hang out (I live like 2 hours away and she said this around 4:30, so it was kind of random). I didn't see it until around 5:30 because I was doing some school stuff, and texted her back. asking what was up and apologizing for not replying sooner. She hasn't responded since and I asked another friend if she was alright. Other friend said the other day she had a really bad day and that she didn't know how she was today.
I know it's bad to come to the worst possible conclusions but I'm just extremely worried about her, especially not replying because she's always one that's eager to reply and hang out. her text messages the past few days have just seemed odd and I'm really hoping she hasn't done anything. Sorry, just what's been on my mind for a few hours.
It okay to tell me you're kicking me off the routine. I've been kicked off twice my freshman year. You to dont have to feel bad about kicking off a senior. I get it. Its for the team. You dont need to spare my feelings. Ive been burned so many times before i dont feel it anymore. Its okay to tell me im not good enough. I already know.
The hospital, the place I went to for help, fucked me up. They gave me medicine to "help" my depression, causing me to gain over 50 pounds in fat.
I have lost that weight and have gained muscle, but I have stretch marks that kill me.
I've had girlfriends, I've had sex with ten different girls. My girlfriends have been shitty, except for one. I push girls away once it comes to a relationship. I want to have a girl that I will love and be with.
Everyone is so boring, conversations are stereotypical. Everyone is one their fucking phones when I walk around on campus. Everyone has their fucking headphones in. No one wants to fucking talk to each other and it eats me up inside.
I have overcame my weight, my depression, and the relationship with my parents. My parents are amazing and I love them.
I just feel like I'm missing something, I just don't know what. I view myself as never being good enough. Although, just about everyone I meet likes me. People annoy me.
Fuck this shit dude, Why should i be some mindless fucking drone in society? oh wait that's right fucking money and responsibilities. Get looked at as some retard for not wanting to work. Why go through life wanting to kill yourself because other people say you have to. being an adult is real fucking lame.
I guess I was stupid in hoping that I'd at least get a message from him, when he knew that my anxiety was sky high about today.
Silly me for continuously having this ridiculous hope that he actually gives a fuck about me, when it's so goddamn clear that he doesn't. He hates me and probably never wants to see/talk to me ever again.
my husband's cheating on me it's pretty annoying since i've had opportunities pop up but i've turned them down because i'm not that type of woman and i've always cherished my husband as a good man he stuck his dick in me after he's stuck it in another woman ewwww
I wish I wasn't so socially inept and asked her out when she wanted me to. I still like her but she wants nothing to do with me now. I feel pathetic about it but I can't move on. Probably because I have no social life to distract me. I hate my life
People tell me I am a really great guy, but I have never had very many friends (5) and now even they can't be bothered with me, makes me feel like i am not the 'nice guy" they always said I was. really just dont want to be here anymore.
>>16816464 >I have never had very many friends i only have one really close friend. i'm also very close with my family. the rest are just people iknow. that's more than enough for me. why do you think you need so many friends? and why can't your friends bother with you anymore?
I re-read your texts every night because you mean so much to me. I know you don't do the same. I would drop everything to be with you, but you message me days later. I was going to give you my virginity, but as much as it hurts, I need to move on. I admire so many things about you but every conversation feels so one-sided. I could have grown to love you, but you won't ever feel the same.
>>16816509 >I do get off to him too, and he indulges my fetishes and that would validate you giving him your virginity and seeing yourself falling in love with him? pls reconsider carefully. i'd suggest breaking off any contact asap and find a guy that values you . have some dignity anon
>>16816512 I really like him just as a person. He is the most hilarious person I know and he is charming, very smart and is a grounded person. That is why I would possibly fall in love with him, not the sex stuff. I won't be breaking off contact for those reasons too.
>>16816520 > as a person to each their own. for me, a person that's only interested when he can jerk one to me isn't really the best person around, but that's for you to decide. i have to admit that i feel like you just clinge to him because you don't know any better. but as you said, i don't think you will take any advice out of this. however, consider yourself officially warned that this will lead to a broken heart sooner or later.
>>16816536 >I'm pretty inexperienced don't settle for the first guy that shows interest. find one that also shows that he values you HUGE difference, belive me. you'll know what i mean when you find one.
>just slowly but y? you could use that wasted time to get to know better guys, or take some time for yourself.
>>16816545 >rather than a fight just don't text him anymore. if he WONDROUSLY suddenly feels the urge to contact YOU, find out what his intentions are. if he's just after more nudes and a fap session, tell him you don't want to do this anymore and that was it. he won't ever bother you again, i'm pretty sure
>>16815747 Someone that was pretty much my only friend I have other friends but honestly without him I just not care, I don't care about anything and I don't know why, it's like he was almost a part of me and now it's gone
Are you really so naively gentle at heart? A story is just a story. Inappropriateness lies only on the ear of the listener, not in what you say. Or are you carefully playing with me, telling me these things about yourself knowing that I will fantasize about them later? If you are trying to exercise power over me - you can stop now! You've already won. I have the biggest crush on you. I love you more than... more than a certain person. I value your happiness more than my own. I am your willing slave to command. There's no need for these games, I'm in the trap and I can't get out. You've won, effortlessly. I'm yours.
For fuck sake, I'm never getting abs at this rate.
I've been counting calories, drinking my water, doing HIIT, lifting weights and all that shit, this stubborn fat won't fuck off! I need 1700 calories per day, that's a 25% caloric deficit as I'm 70 kilograms.
To do a proper cut, you have to have like max 25% carbs (daily intake). Fat needs to be 20% or less, makes sense as that's what you need to lose but then you need like 55% protein. At 1700 that's 234g of protein. I'm a poorfag, sure you can get protein from sources like fish or oats but those carry a lot more macros with them. After a (very easily reached) goal of max carbs and fat you have to like... scarf down 4 chicken breasts a day or 2 protein shakes a day. I cannot afford that nor can I stomach it.
And of course bulking is also out of the question cause without the protein, again, you'll just balloon back to being a fatty. I'm fucking stuck in perma-skinnyfat. Look nice in clothes but next to no definition at all.
Someone really good looking (and smart and funny and blah blah) just asked me out and I'm mildly freaking out??? I thought he was probably dating a beautiful petite model who makes handmade prosthetic limbs for orphans.
The people interested in me having steadily been more and more good looking which makes me feel hopeful that my subjective view of myself as ugly and fat is just my self esteem talking. But this dude! Honestly now I don't know what to think when I look in the mirror. Who am I... why is this beautiful hipster interested... @neildegrassetyson please explain
>>16815848 You are 100% romanticizing her in your head and projecting your fantasies. If you think she doesn't remember you, then clearly you didn't get to know her very well. Please don't believe that other girls won't live up to her, because even she doesn't live up to herself- that person doesn't exist. But you have the opportunity to meet real girls and get to know their authentic selves and see how they really exist. I know it's easier to love someone from afar because you're not risking anything and you don't have to be vulnerable with another human being, but it's extremely worth it to overcome that fear and talk to other people. Worse case scenario, other girls really aren't as good but you've expanded your social circle and now have a greater network of social support and your self esteem has improved.
FUCK you. I turned in the essay early. I made sure it was a good paper. I did multiple revisions and peer reviews. I turned it in 3 fucking days early. What do you do? You delete the essay the day it was due. Don't tell me until after you already have me a zero. Thank you for the 15 I now have in your class. You are a shit person and a shit teacher for telling me it's my fault that I turned it in early. Sorry for trying to be a good student. I hope you get fired and end up homeless. Go fuck yourself.
>>16817024 If there isn't some policy already in place regarding submitting assignments early (and this grade will really hurt you) then I'd go to the supervisor of whatever department(major) you are in.
I'm wasting my fucking life loving a girl who hardly pays mind to me and when she does? She's the one who needs help. She doesn't understand the pain I go through seeing her hurt and listening to her cry. It hurts to know she keeps hurting herself. I love her and I mean nothing to her. She means the world to me.
>>16816469 2 married couples I see once every couple of months and just made a new friend (?) who doesn't really even seem like he wants to be friends (I don't get it it was his idea to become friends) Why don't they bother with me? i wish I knew, that's why i am beginning to think it must be me. its not a need for so many friends, it is just wishing I had one I could do stuff with, I don't even have that. of course being painfully shy and having social anxiety don't help.That being said i am in college and have joined a few clubs so will see how that goes.
>>16812014 I have serious feelings for a co-worker, and I'm married to somebody else. Fun, ain't it? Luckily for me, my crush will never reciprocate. So the situation is simple, it's just my feelings that are complicated.
I've been in a relationship for nearly a year now but I just don't feel like I connect with my boyfriend. I don't feel like a very romantic person and seem to only get crushes, which is part of the reason why I don't feel romantic love for him any more, but he does for me and is very outwardly showing of it. I just want to not be in a relationship but I don't want to hurt him because I do love him, and I don't want to ruin the group of mutual friends that we have.
Another issue is that I also think I have a crush on one of our other mutual friends. It feels a lot stronger than my usual (and pretty regular) crushes and I feel a really strong emotional connection to them. However, I wouldn't act on it while I was in a relationship at all and I don't think I would even if I broke up with my bf since I don't really enjoy the pressure of a relationship and it would probably fuck up our friends. But I still find myself thinking of this person a lot and I'm kind of scared at how strong my feelings are for them. Am I with the wrong person or do I just not want a relationship?
I'm madly in love with a girl and I think she might be interested in me as well but since I have severe fucking autism I can't tell for sure. I've talked to her and texted her before, saying shit like I had fun with her at a party or something and she's not totally rejecting me. She seems like a really shy person as well so I'm not sure if she's into me and is just shy about it or whether it's just my imagination.
Either way I feel like I need to act soon or she'll think I'm not interested. Thinking of asking her out this weekend. I figure I have nothing to lose, everything to gain.
>>16817196 Fuck it I'll continue because I don't think I emphasized enough how in love I am, or at least think I am. I've been thinking about her for so fucking long, literally ever since I looked her in the eyes (as cliche as that sounds). I've lost tons of sleep over her, I've felt that seeing just a glimpse of her at campus has been a driving force for me at some points during the past months and whenever I've made her smile I've genuinely felt like my life is going great.
I'm 20 years old and I've never felt anything like this towards a girl before. I've had infatuations before yeah, I've made out with girls who I thought I liked, had sex just for the sake of it but I don't think I've ever felt that I'm genuinely in love with another person before her.
I really, really, need to do something about this because I don't know if I can function anymore without having closure on the subject, for better or worse.
Had a minor anxiety attack yesterday and nearly got one today as well in the hallway. Doing my last course ever in my life and I'm only getting turned down on all my suggestion for my thesis, this is the fourth suggestion I've made and got shut down immediately. I now have two days left to hand in a suggestion and get it through or I won't be able to read the course.
In comparison to my fellow students, I'm one of the five who will be able to get an exam as the other 25 has to redo courses due to failing them. I can't believe that this one last thing is going to fail me. I swear I'm going to end my life if I don't get this sorted out.
Fuck performance anxiety and fuck feeling like I want to slit my throat.
Sometimes I feel on top of the world, like I could do anything I want. I get creative and just want to create new things. It feels like there's nothing I couldn't do if I tried. Sometimes I just want to do too much and I idle because I can't figure out what I should be doing. Also, sometimes when I get this way my ego inflates too much because I feel totally in control and confident in my abilities.
Then the pendulum swings and I feel severely depressed, lonely, and withdrawn. It seems like everyone goes away and I feel so isolated. I withdraw and I feel even worse because it just amplifies my lonely feelings. It's dangerous when it happens and my ego is inflated, because it's like a crushing blow to my psyche and it can ruin my self-esteem until the cycle repeats again.
The worst part about it, is that I know exactly what's happening. I know nothing has changed drastically between the days but it doesn't stop me from beating myself up. There's just a gnawing feeling deep within my core when I get depressed, and a beaming undeserved confidence when I'm not.
I hate that I'm still not over you. We weren't in a relationship, we never had sex, but that one morning with you, where we just talked, watched cartoons and cuddled all morning was one of the best days of my life. I felt hopeful that I could be happy for once.
And then you stopped talking to me, you cut off all contact. I guess I could see why, I could see you were frustrated, but just ignoring me like that? At least tell me why you didn't want to keep seeing each other.
But then I see you one night two months later and it's like nothing ever happened. I know you have a boyfriend now, I thought I was over you. Maybe I would be if the other girls I've been talking to hadn't rejected me, but it was fine, at least I'm still trying. But when I saw pictures of the two of you, I got pissed, angry, not at you, but at myself, for still feeling this way even though I shouldn't. I don't want to, but I do, and it sucks.
>>16817407 Wow, I've been feeling the exact same way for the past year and a half. I never thought it cold be bi-polar disorder because I thought that required wild moodswings from one extreme to the other, which doesn't happen to me. Maybe it's a more mild condition for us? I have days where I feel awesome, on top of the world, only for a few days later I start feeling a shift and I just fall into a hole, only to suddenly pull myself out days later. It feels like a cycle I can't get out of.
I hope she didn't get in contact with me because she forgot or because she couldn't find me, rather than she thought I wasn't interested/I acted too distant/she was insecure, because I was interested. I'll never know though.
>>16817482 I've done research on it because my mother's side has a history of it and I wanted to be sure I knew the warning signs.
I felt the same way, I thought bipolar was going from crazy to depressed unpredictably. It seems that cycles can be in the length of weeks before they switch back. Some people even have cycles in the length of months. I think I'm going to talk to a doctor soon, you should do the same anon. As someone who's been on the other side of a bipolar person, it can tear families apart.
We're going to make it anon, I'll be rooting for you in the back of my mind.
>>16817660 Who do you know that could write that truthfully about you, and what will you do when you confirm that I am that person? If, as probability almost insists, you are not the T that I addressed then I am extremely interested to know about the dynamics of your own situation such that you would have even the slightest suspicion that this was written with you in mind. If, however, you are the T of the moment then: hello. You already figured out that I'm all yours, right? It's up to you what you do with me, I really don't mind whatever happens. Take me, leave me, torment me, forgive me, turn me into something new. Put me in your pocket and keep me there in case you want to use me later. Put me in a box and send me overseas. Put me in the ground. Thy will be done.
>doing great in university >on track to get a good placement which will mean a high chance of a good job >still have gut feelings that I've fucked up my life >can't see myself having a happy, meaningful future at all
Shit sucks. I should be happy that I'm doing so well but I'm just not.
Yeah idk, it's like picking up that knife over there and just cutting your wrists would be so easy. Sometimes I get to the point where if there was one there it'd be done. I actively look for objects that I could end it with easily and quickly whenever I get pushed to the brink but I haven't been so lucky yet. One day the stars will align...
>>16817742 Too long a situation to type, but you sound simular to someone i see alot. Even if I confirmed anything on here, i wouldn't bring it up in person. I'd just let whatever happen naturally. But for shits n giggles, what's your first initial?
Cute little lies (no offense), there is nothing I'm waiting for in this world besides my catalyst for suicide, something that will pain me enough to do it. The one thing holding me back is my mother, but that is growing weaker.... I literally cannot wait to die. When I go home, I'll stare at my bare white walls and just think about it, sometimes for hours at a time.
My life isn't that bad, I'm just not equipped for it... too painful for me. I appreciate what you're trying to do though, and it's nice. I'm sure you'll find someone who is more open to it someday.
I want a woman One that will let me tie her up to a tree and suck on her tits like ice cream. Then we kiss and her tongue goes everywhere in my mouth. She begs me to eat her out, but I won't allow that. I'll rub her clit until she gets the ground wet instead. Comes all over mother nature and I tease her. After that her face will go red so I have no other choice but to let her go and fuck her on picnic blanket. We do. I slap her ass and she gets more wet. Then I'll whisper in her ear how bad it is for us to be seen out in public fucking and after that she shakes. At the end I come all over her tits. It's a huge load. After that she runs off decides to jump in the pond to wash off her tits.
Every once in a while (rarely,) I find a girl who makes me feel something. It's always so intense and intoxicating. Sometimes, when it's happening, it is all I think or care about. Spending days and nights with her, thinking about her, missing her when she's gone. I love all of it. It makes me feel so alive. Unfortunately, right now, I have nobody in my life who makes me feel that way.
Sometimes, though, I get the opportunity to savor delicious dreams about a time long since gone. There were some periods when they would happen more often, but it has been so long since I've had one of those wonderful dreams. They always make me feel simultaneously nostalgic, sad, and energized. They remind me that I can still feel something powerful.
I wish I could bottle up those feelings and keep them with me forever.
There's nothing wrong with my kidneys which is nice. If I start pissing out blood I'll be pretty let down.
I also joined a church service because I had nothing to do and the guy seemed nice. Everyone was friendly and enthusiastic, it was great. There was a free lunch but I'm trying to diet at the moment.
Decided to buy some cheap aftershaves/fragrances because they were £1 each and when it's £1 you can just use them to spray your socks or the insides of shoes or whatever. You don't have to worry about wasting them basically.
These 1 Million knock-offs are getting pretty good.
>>16817815 Please please don't. I know this is a vent thread but do not do this. See a therapist, get help, move on from the people you hate. No matter what the voice in your head says, no matter what the people who've hurt others claim, it doesn't help in the slightest. But there are other things that do help.
>>16818524 Sex therapists exist, specifically to work with warped sexual needs. Whatever they are and however you'd like to deal with them, there is an actual trained professional who won't judge or be shocked and will help you progress to a point where you can have a relationship.
nope, I'm not pushing hard enough. I'm not doing this, brain. why so whiny about the lack of sleep? don't you understand how much I need you right now?
usually takes 3-6 months to break even, we don't have that long. aight?! lets get with it dude.
man, I just realized I'm working three jobs 7 days a week now and that I haven't slept properly for over a week... and my brain decided it was time for a panic attack for no productive purpose. everything was totally awesome and fine right up until that realization.
I'm gonna handle this shit like a bawz, Imma be the bawz, cause I am the bawz. this'll get cleared soon, I'll be making a profit within a month, expand slightly in two, be set doing big jobs by three. BREAATHE for a minute then expand big time. it's all gonna work. time to bust ass for myself for once instead of everyone else.
payin da cawst ta be da bawz. TO THE FUCKING TOP. first the gym though for dem endorphines... then like 4 hours of work.
>>16818697 Anyone know if a sex therapist could help me be attracted to normal things? Like human beings?
I have all these oddly specific fetishes (hyperscat and other, just as nasty things), and mostly am sexually attracted to animals. It'd be nice if there was something I could do to experience sexual attraction like a regular fucking person for once.
The last time you tried to talk to me, you probably thought ill of me. I wasnt trying to be rude by ignoring you. The truth is I got nervous, panicked, and was overwhelmed because your probably the cutest girl to try to talk to me in awhile. I get why you were always trying to talk to me it was because you liked me. If I could take it back, I wouldve talked to you and tried to get your number at the very least. Needless to say I regret it and it pains me to see you with somebody else. Could I be idealizing things? Sure. Am I going to wait for you? No. If the opportunity presents itself, I at least wish to tell you the truth.
I've tried and failed miserably to be someone i'm not. I never mention my "hobbies" (obsessions) at work or uni. when someone asks what I do for fun I get caught like a deer in headlights. In reality 95% of my free time gets passed in front of my computer. I try my best to hide it, but it's like people can smell it on me. No one knows how I live except my parents and the people they complain about it to. I operated under the delusion that if I kept a lid on what I did at home I could make friends in the real world and become a normal person... it just doesn't work. I was misguided. I don't know what to do now. I haven't had any friends in a long time. Everyone else looks like they're having lots more fun than me, and that eats at me sometimes. I wonder what i'm doing everything for and I hate when the answer comes back that I'm just dragging myself to the next few hours when i'm allowed to escape into the digital world.
Used to be all friendly, now only talks to me when it's about work. Won't even say "hi" in passing, just blanks me. Ignores me, gives me the cold shoulder etc. I did have a thing for her, wonderin' if she figured it out... maybe that's why...
Any-time I end up working in her area, she gets me moved.
Like 99% sure she hates me.
And pretty sure she's been avoiding me.
So, I've been staying out of her way. Stopped talking to her. Just keep my head down and now dread the uncomfortable silence around her whereas I used to appreciate her company.
Literally can't stand it when she's around.
Here's the problem.
We're both smokers - it's fine normally. We just go to the smoking area in our workplce at different times. Most of the time anyway.
Jesus christ I went out for a smoke today and she was walking out just as I was. Probably thought I was following her or some shit.
Now I'm torn, I want to keep smoking because fuck, I aint letting some awkwardness around some bitch who hates me stop me from doing the one thing I need to do to cope. I'mma keep smoking.
On the other hand, I feel like Walter White when he moved back into his families house without their permission and forced his way in. I know I aint welcome and shit, but fuck I wanna smoke.
Goddamn I hate this bitch for making me feel like a creep when I never made a move or anything. All I did was be friendly and polite and smoke.
I miss my dad so fucking much and it hurts so much. It's been ten years and it still breaks me apart
Today I opened up the unused wardrobe and it was full of his clothes. Things I remember him wearing. His swim trunks. Untouched for a decade. They still smelled faintly of him. I miss the way he smelled
I'm a complete failure of a daughter
I just want my dad back and nothing will ever fix this
I can't stop crying and it's been an hour. I'm pathetic
We are starting to argue more, sex less. You never call me after an argument, you just keep living your life....how can you do it? All i can think about is you. You say you love me but i think i'm being fucked with.
>>16818723 thank you, I need it. mounting credit bills lol. but bigger better things juuuuust on the horizon. horizon being like days away when a few customers with larger jobs decide to use me for their projects, and they will. I'll be straight for the month, and in the black for costs on starting all this.
even if I get the jobs at the beginning of next month I've got financial backing, but I'll be more proud of myself if I'm in the black before the first month ends.
>>16818799 mm, you need to step outside your comfort zone methinks. I've found a whole new realm of opportunity and experiences just in the last month. try new things. move toward your goals in any way you see, even if you think they're ridiculous.
being human is so much better than being an... ant, for example.
I'm barely turned 18 and I'm so convinced I'm not supposed to be alive any longer . If I was meant to be here any longer why hasn't there been a reason for me to want to live for years. I've only stayed because I believe I'm not worth the cost of the funeral but lately I've found myself putting away money just for such an occasion that I do kill myself. I think it's time I go already . I wasn't made to be alive this long
I'm not sure what to do with 'friends' after the "getting to know you" part. I've haven't had real friends in such a long time and I don't know what to do. All I ever wanted was one best friend my whole life.
I realize how out of touch I am with other humans; especially when I have to look up how to make friends and conversation. It's hard, I really want to be friends with them but I feel like the more they know about me the less they will want to stay friends. I seem very friendly but also very distant and slightly awkward.
I feel like a kid while everyone else is grown up. Everyone around me has experienced life the way it should have been and I've been so sheltered and isolated until a few years ago. I just don't want to feel left out anymore, I hate it.
I feel so crushed, I should have solved all my social problems and mistakes while I was still in school. My entire life was just being in the wrong place and time or having bad timing.
I remember the first time someone had said a simple hi to me in highschool after years of isolation, I literally cried that night I got home. It made me realize how shitty my life was that someone saying "hi" brings me to tears for being grateful to them showing kindness to me.
I just want to be around people who are happy to see me, I want to be happy to see people. I want to smile all the time and have people I can really call friends.
But it's always the one who needs friends the most who has none.
>>16811673 I am actually wasting away my 20's at a dead end phone sales job in a dead end town. I guess I'm at least staying out of trouble. How could you ever be content with yourself in a place like this? I see and know people who are in their 30's working at a fucking grocery store or a bank.
An adult stuck in a kid's job forever.
I never go out and socialize because I can't tolerate how much I've failed at life. I don't want anybody to see me like this. I want to go into cocoon-mode and fix myself and show people a type of me that I can be proud of. Except I go into cocoon-mode and I never actually improve myself.
Man, I'm back in the same situation I was years ago. I guess it's pretty obvious now that I was never actually over her. Goddammit, it's always the same thing. I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm stuck in love with the same girl, and with no one to talk to about it again... Why does the one person I desperately want to talk to about this have to be so unnecessarily difficult to get a hold of? I just need to get it off my chest, man...
It's so fucking stupid being like this again. And the worst part is I know nothing will come of this. I know you'll never have even the most remote of romantic feelings for me. Even then, you're leaving in like August. I don't know that it'd work out regardless, but goddamn... I just wish that for once, things would work out for me. It sure would be a nice change of pace. I fucking love you, man...
"As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself-so like a brother, really-I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again. For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate"
This passage of "The Stranger" is running parallel to my thoughts. Something in me fucking snapped today. I'm not putting up with this machine anymore.
I'm getting fucking sick and tired of having no free time because of school and work. I hate having to put up with my friends' shitty behaviour towards me. I want to stop being "the manlet" in the gang. I don't even care about having a girlfriend anymore. I feel like moving to New York City to be a loner and live by my own damned self, so I can finally write and try my best to play music.
There's this one girl that has a lot in common with me, and she's real cool but she has a boyfriend. I don't even want to fucking bother. I've only had one girlfriend in my whole life and it was a shit relationship, and I just know ,instinctively, that my love life will be shit. I don't want to bother. If God wanted me to have a woman in my life, then I'll let Him decide, and wait till she falls in my lap. I'll know if she's the one, and I trust God, my father and my uncle to do me well.
Tomorrow, my day is full, I'll have almost no time off, doing stuff I don't want to for money I don't care about. That kinda shit will pretty much repeat itself until Monday, and then until Thursday, like some kind of infinite loop. Why do I have to be stuck in this?
My biggest regret in my life so far is that I've never taken the "Have fun while you're still young" thing seriously. The death of the child inside of me happened so fast, like an aneurysm or a car accident. My soul has left the building, and my heart doesn't really feel like sustaining this robotic body of mine. If this goes on, in two months, I'm becoming a vagrant. Fuck this society, and if they don't want me, then I'll be glad to get the fuck out and see the world before dying. Peace, brothers.
I miss you whenever you are not around. You make everything so much better. And whenever you are gone i feel like we are loosing that connection we have when we are together. It feels like starting from scratch everytime i see you again. I want you to stay so we can move further instead of starting over and over again
>>16817009 I know i'm romanticizing her, but i can't resist it. I am an arrogant fuck and almost everyone hates me, but the she tried to befriend me and i wasted that chance. I had a lot of girls in the past, but i only love her. Maybe i'm idealizing her too much, but i want her to know how much i love her without looking like a creep.
Could be worse, you could be fat. Also, eggs? Not an option? I'm not an expert on nutrition, but I eat lots of eggs for protein and they're the one thing my fit-friends have always said I've done right.
I lament so much that I'm alone, but who the fuck am I and what have I done that I deserve anyone? The focus needs to shift. It needs to be about me, and making myself someone other people would be interested in. I wouldn't want to date me right now, I can't expect anyone else to.
It isn't fair to hurt myself like this by having feelings for you. I wish I could stop feeling this way. We're both gonna feel terrible by the end of this, cause I know I'm tearing us apart, even though I don't mean to. I feel so bad. Until then, everything should just be as good as we can make it, cause I feel like neither of us are gonna be able to stop the wave that's gonna pull us apart.
>>16812011 I'm currently in college and I'm an artist. It's hard. You will be shit for a long time, and then you'll be kinda better but still shit although people seem to think you're godly for a longer time, and then youll be okay. You can't just expect to be good right away, talent doesn't exist, at least not to such a degree that everything is instantaneous. Whatever you want to do you need to do, and spend as much time as possible doing it. The master has failed more times then the beginner has even tried.
I'm head over heels for a girl I met on /adv/. I just needed someone to talk to and she volunteered her time, and I just expected it to be a one time chat. Now she's all I can think about, we talk almost daily, I'm literally losing sleep over her trying to think of different ways I can get her to maybe fall for me as well. I'm scared that I'm her charity case, that a relationship won't ever be an option. Fml, I never thought I'd find "the one" on fucking 4chan
are you with someone already? im sad to say ive done this to you before, but youre handling it so well. are you with someone? in truth i left you for someone that doesn't even like mee. i thought everything would go according to plan. but boy how wrong was i. maybe i deserve this. last i saw you were hanging out with some other guy on snapchat. is that him? or just another one of your guy friends? am i over thinking this? if i tell you i need you back in my life, will yyou come back? or will you tell me you're with someone else already? i dont want to be alone. not right now. i cant deal with this. im completely alone. i cant handle this. i need someone. i need you. im so sorry.
>>16819112 18 is the new 10. 30 is the new 20. You're still young live fast and die young or live long and die old. Whatever choose you make, the road to the next life is longer. Why not make it shorter and enjoy this life before starting a new one.
You've been my best friend for so long, but when did I start loving you? When did your texts to me become filled with smiley faces and hearts? I told you about my feelings back at the end of the summer. We both admitted it couldn't work because of distance. Ever since then we've been closer. Something between us changed when I was home for winter break. When we were together on New Years' we were totally lost in one another. You broke up with your boyfriend right after I left.
I hope you're still single by the time I get back from college for the summer. The first thing I'm doing is taking you on another date.
So sick of seeing bitter anons here who whine endlessly about being single virgins and blame the whole world except for themselves. They are so self-centered that they believe the world is plotting against them, while the people in real life around them just don`t care about the grumpy fool in the corner.
Fuck I hate my job and I don't wanna go in today, the place is horrible and I work for a piece of shit who is probably a pedo (seriously something wrong when he's around kids). I'm only still there because I need the income and I'm too scared to find another job and I don't feel confident I'll find one let alone keep one. I've been hiding out back everyday now while a freak out just a bit and I can't sleep too well either.
Meanwhile I'm still a virgin and I've never been on a date. I'm shit at asking girls out and I've even tried online dating but I never get any replies. I know I'm not going above or even in my range and I've lowered the bar pretty low. I'm not even that ugly, I guess I'm desperate though.
Even so I have a friend who uses the same dating sites as me and he gets replies all the time. He brags and show me pictures of these girls and he's never been without someone. And yet he always fucking goes on about how lonely he is and always act all 'depressed'. I'm sick of him always playing sad music at every moment he gets and the fact he keeps cutting his arms and pretty much showing them off as he never wears long sleeves. I can't even talk about my problems to him because he always goes on about how his life is worse. I have a bunch of problems but I never mope about like his pathetic ass.
Okay that should do for now, that's for reading anons. I'm gonna go back to /a/ and talk about my waifu and moe stuff.
My dog died last night. He was only 6. He was very, very, very special.
We took him to the vet last month for a general exam and they did a lot of tests on him and noticed that some of his levels were off, but they hoped that getting him to lose weight would even everything out. I'm upset that the vet was so casual about his bad results when we could have started addressing things more aggressively 3 weeks ago.
He had an emergency surgery, and then a cardiac arrest and stopped breathing. Somehow they got him back, but he died after a second cardiac arrest a few hours later. So now he's gone and we owe the vet 8k.
Its just so shitty that we took him to the vet and they made observations that could have saved him, but they dismissed them. Its shitty we put him through a surgery and 2 cardiac arrests instead of just putting him down. We would have done anything to save him. He was my little baby.
I hope he's at least been using condoms every time he finds another new (or old, you never know) slut to fuck. I hope he'll continue using them every time he puts his dick in someone else. I really fucking hope he used them in the past. Probably not though. Which just makes me feel even worse and even more dirty and even more fucking worthless.
I hate that your number doesn't work anymore! I hate that you tried to forget me and I you. I don't hate that it didn't really work. I love you. I want to call you, I don't always feel like writing! I need to see you! I leave you alone. Please don't stop looking out for me. What are we? I'm here for you! Only you, love. I love it when you gave me your landline. Do you still have one? I do. I love you more and more
Someone I dated asked me to call them and I didn't for ages, yet still have feelings for them and I tried to call them and they no longer had the same number. I guess it's creepy to have feelings for someone, and fall more in love with them instead of getting over them, we never officially ended things, they drifted
Alright, we were friends first, for a long time, very close indeed, and twice we dated briefly, it was a little awkward because I had recently come out of a long relationship, and wasn't ready and they weren't over a previous relationship either..so it didn't work out and we fell out a bit, nothing unresolvable, and we both had issues, anyway I regret not keeping in touch and that we didn't continue seeing each other, I felt without resolution and over time fell more in love with them. I tried to call them recently and they didn't have that number anymore, that's all
>>16811673 Unbelievably cheeky, do you even understand yourself at all? What do I do that you say you don't want to see, post songs on FB? Ask yourself how often you texted me in the past weeks. Why should that be only my task? All of January you acted really weird. You have these weird thoughts, make up a wrong picture of me and then go ahead and accuse me of things that aren't true, for example the "player" story. It was you who told me of your affairs - on the very day I wanted to spend with YOU in this foreign city, when YOU opened yourself up toward a total stranger and gave him your number, all while I was with you! Not a single time have you texted me since then on your own free will for a get-together. When I tried, you were always busy, had plans already, were short-spoken ("i am in a strange mood"), or met your ex. What do you think kind of signals does that send? Then in mid of January your statement I wouldn't try hard enough, even though it was YOUR idea to go slow - and you made that statement while I was at your house, because I wanted to see you. What the hell is that? I doubt your loyalty, when you can go out and talk shit about me to play with me, but never show how much you're really interested. Show me that you're worth it! You think you're just an option for me and treat me like an option yourself. You just want to get rid of me and draw this line (unfriend from FB) that I don't even see immediately. Very grown up. Trying to avoid all confrontation. Ok! Then that's it.
All I can think about is breaking up with him. Assuming I actually see him in person. I can't handle this bull shit. I have my own baggage to check, I'm not ready for someone else's. Thank you, please drive through.
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