Would like to talk to and hear from someone who has experiences dating loners, preferably girls not guys.
Im 19 and there's this mexican guy (he's Americanized tho and doesn't know spanish) that comes to my job (grocery store) who's 25. Every time i see him he looks sad and mad and has a serious expression all the time he's walking around the store shopping. He shops frequently (usually 3 times a week). First time i talked to him he seemed to not want to talk but eventually we've actually had good conversations when he's relaxed and he's really cute and dorky and i wouldn't say he's funny but he says things that make me laugh. For the last 3 months Iv always tried flirting with him to show him im interested but he hasn't replied back until recently. Yesterday he's asked what my race was because he was curious (i just said im white and dont know) and it ended up with him complimenting me saying i had blue eyes and saying i had cute light skin. I thought the "light skin" part was weird but i was blushing from the blue eye part, he then said i was skinny like a model and could probably do runway if i wanted
That part i thought was weird and he picked up on it and got embarrassed and shy and started apologizing. I kinda liked him and i thought it was a good opportunity since so i asked him out for some coffee together since i dont think he'd ever ask me out and i know he likes me. He got really nervous and started blushing and he was even shaking when i gave him my number.
But the thing is iv never dated a loner like him before, all my co-workers think he's a serial killer because he's always mad "i saw him almost get into a fight with another customer who tried pick pocketing him". So i does anyone have any experiences dating a loner, id like to know what to expect as well as some advice if i end up liking this guy and things get serious.
I will be monitoring this thread until it dies because i'd like some input. I guess if you have a question i can answer.
My friends kinda convince me that he's a serial killer and will probably murder me
I didn't want to tl;dr the details but i can ensure you he is a loner. He has a very dead eyed stare and the way he acts is very anti-social. Whenever i asked him what's going on or what he's doing on the weeken / holiday he always kinda looks down and say nothing much. Also he says things that an asshole would say but he doesn't realize it, he's very rude but you can tell he doesn't mean it or realize he's being rude.
During one of our conversions he slipped and said something like "I know im quiet, I'm just my own man. People always tell me i dont talk much, shit i feel bad." and another time he said something like "Yeah i dont have a lot of friends on my phone, my contacts are kinda empty, i only have like mom and my job on my phone."
If you saw him and talked to him you'd see he's a loner. He kinda reminds me of taxi driver which is why i posted him.
Fine, fair enough. But iv seen guys fight before and he got really loud, the entire store heard him.
He legit sounds like a serial killer. I dont even know why the fuck you gave him your number and asked him on a date, seriously what do you see in this guy? From what you describe he seems like problem.
>Simoonn (anons name)
>whats up? :P
>Where are u bro? :D
>youuuu, ? next week we got history presentation, you have it on friday 09:30, and i got it on wednesday 9:30, is it possible i could switch with you? :D you dont even come anyway :P
I was thinking of coming back to school I left cause of it was just a deppressive place some people were nice i guess but honestly just a shit place, didnt really feel like i fitted inn. I decided to come back cause I was worrying my parents.
But since i saw this message i just grow more to despise the classmates and i've given up trying to come back. I am kinda unsure if I am doing this out of anger or that i am getting hurt that nobody in my class dont even care of me being gone for a month.
Just listen to what he said
>you have blue eyes
>i like your white skin
>i only have my mom and job on my phone
You telling me that doesn't sound like Buffalo Bill? And hes 25? This guy sits in an empty apartment all day in isolation, that cant be healthy for his mind. Also what kind of weird compliment is "you have blue eyes and cute white skin" that's creepy.
Also look at the way he acts.
>He's always mad and serious
>dead eye stare
The dead eye stare exist in anti-social serial killers for a reason. His minds on idol and he's focused on his thoughts and not the world around him, its a state of mind where the person is fantasizing all day. The fact that he exploded on a pickpocker means he has a lot of frustration in him.
And the fact that he started shaking after a girl gave him a number shows he hasn't been with a woman in a long time if ever because he cant relate to people. Seriously im a nervous mother fucker but even if a hot girl asked for my number i'd blush and smile and stutter but to be 25 and actually start shaking? He has no experience, and he probably blames the world for it.
>he looks angry all the time
>he's rude but doesn't realize it
As i send pent up anger and inconsideration for those around him. I dont think he's actually a serial killer but i think he does have the potential to be a dangerous man. OP is 19, shes still a little girl and this guy is 25. Does that even sound right to you?
As a loner myself, this sounds like me. I am really shy and tend to say things that deter people when I do not mean it. If I was doing my regular routine and some girl took notice and gave me her number, I would be beyond flattered and nervous. You sound like a cool person OP. My brother would often joke that I looked like a serial killer whenever I had a serious face on, but trust me, if he gets to know you he will open up and look less intimidating.
Have you considered that it's assholes like you that treat these people like monsters that end up causing them to think that they're a monster, and that they should act that way?
huh. Would like someones output on how it was like to date a loner tho, rather it not be the loners themselves no offense. I just wanna know what im in for, i'm going to date this guy no matter what because i like him and i'll give him a chance, i wont mind if he's extremely uncomfertable in the first date i'll go on a second one because im attracted to him. But again i just want to know what im in for if we do start dating.
I'm a loner, OP. The only difference between me and this guy is that I work as a server-- I'm forced to fake being sociable to make my living. Don't ask me how it happened, it's a long story. I'm self-aware of my flaws-- he is, most likely, not.
Just be prepared to have conversations that don't constitute "normal" by conventional standards. There will be awkward moments that seem completely fine to this guy, like long interludes of silence, or laughing at innapropriate situations. The days where he will try to impress you by attempting charisma with others will be cringe-worthy.
Guys like this tend to see actions as a stronger message than words. You won't be getting the, "I love you baby, gushy gushy goo!" treatment. There will be moments where you'll wonder whether or not he really cares that much for you, like when you're talking about your day and he just nonchalantly nods. It's not that he's indifferent-- he just doesn't know how to relay the proper facial expressions. He hasn't grown up in that type of environment.
The world hasn't given this guy any advantages. He has probably been shafted on more than one occassion by others. Expect a cynical view of the world.
Sex will be awkward for the first four or so times. He'll be nervous and have trouble getting it up. Don't worry, it's not because he finds you unnattractive. His flight-or-fight response is in overdrive because of the pressure of impressing you.
As a loner myself at 26 self aware some times, I can say he will do a bit of cringing things at first. He may also be short tempered. Maybe a bit emotional when he opens up or distant. Why are you even bothering with Travis Bickle anyway? Because hes cute? Hes 25 and your 19, dont you want a dude whose close to your age? Who you have more in common? The fact you have concerns about this man means you have some reservations and some fear. Its kind.of a sign that its going to be doomed.
>The fact you have concerns about this man means you have some reservations and some fear. Its kind.of a sign that its going to be doomed.
I wasn't worried at all actually. I really like talking to him whenever i got the chance to. Our conversations started off with me just trying to be coy and annoying because i was bored but when we started having like 2 minute conversation i started becoming attracted to him because, idk the words for it i guess deep, poetic, unique and smart? He has great observations and a unique opinions about stuff. I sense there's a lot to him if he opens up. What got me worried as my stupid friends who spent the entire day telling me "what the fuck he's going to kill you!" and "i cant believe you gave him your number it doesn't make sense" i lied and said he asked and i lied saying i wasn't going to actually go out with him .. My friends are the ones who got me on edge, idk if thats still a bad sign but they've made me start to second guess.
I dont know if i even really like this guy after so many people telling me im stupid. I think about this guy alot, i find him attractive tho maybe i might be 1 point above him but he's attractive enough. More so i love his mind and i like his dominating firmness and confidence, im attracted to him like i'd imagine a girl is attracted to a poet. I think about him a lot. But idk if im making a mistake let me know
Also the age gap kinda does bother only because im afraid of what people think, it doesn't bother me personally, he looks like he's in his early 20s anyways, also i don't like most guys my age anyways and i hate the college lifestyle... and there's a racial weirdness i feel since he's mexican and has a little accent, it mostly bugs me for the same reason the age difference bothers me, people's opinion.
Again if im being stupid call me out please.
>and there's a racial weirdness i feel since he's mexican and has a little accent
I really hope your not burning coal just to burn coal or rebel... i dont have a problem with interracial relationships so long as they're from love.
>i saw him almost get into a fight with another customer who tried pick pocketing him
thats a legit reason for being mad, your coworkers are major pussies
>He has great observations and a unique opinions about stuff.
you are 19, it is easy to impress you
good luck to you op, just take it slow
(sorry, not native English speaking here)
But there are girls like this, too. Right??
There's a young woman, i like very much and i think i got a crush on her.
She is doing that nice guy stuff as a girl.
So what would you do, if I'm pretty much like >>16812047 described and she is not very forthcoming?
Am i right, thinking that i have to hit on her opened up otherwise nothing will happen?
Fearing a bit, i might scare her away but also thinking she notices that.
Will ask her out and tell her i want to spend time with her, but just asking for a little advice, cause i don't think this is just a men-thing
>you are 19, it is easy to impress you
Maybe but idk since i get a lot of regulars. But we're at a kind of busy spot near a super walmart and college and we have a lot of regulars like professors as well as college guys and he's impressed me the most. Like there's a few examples where my professors would tell me something, i'd repeat it to him, he'd say something like "that's fucking stupid here's why" and go back and tell my professor and he'd be bewildered and wouldn't know how to defend his logic because some mexican bum destroyed it, i mean i can give a few examples but i dont wanna blogfag.
*sigh* nvm i'll accept that im easily impressed.
Thanks for the post, i felt bad this one slipped past me. Aww i feel bad about the "couldn't get it up" part. Im not even thinking that far ahead since i dont sleep with a guy unless iv dated him for 3 months to keep the riff raff out but i felt so bad when he started trembling as i gave him my number. Thanks for the post, very informative.
Don't misinterpret a girl being nice to you as being sexually interested. Likewise, don't fall for someone just because they treat you with the same respect you give them.
The loner will always come off as a creeper if he is forthcoming with his romantic interests. Their strength lies in the mystery that is their personality. If you focus all of your energy on productive tasks and character-building skills then girls will start taking notice-- they'll be the ones that engage you first. Just look at OP.
the person you describe,i think i understand him.cause thats how i always look.for me,i was being like that was because im serious towards my studies,i think it as a duty or responsible.but when it comes to women i lost composure a little and sometimes can be clumsy.he might have something that he always thinks and priortize that leads him to have that kind of expression.plus,even i would fight a pick pocket.though when it comes to women i cant lost my cool sometimes.
I don't know if she is just being nice to me or actually likes me as much as i do. Man, i don't know how to estimate the situation and find myself in a loop of fear.
I don't know what i can learn from this thread... Don't think that my personality is a mystery or even that this is a strength; more that I'm just afraid of rejection and deter that something will happen.
What do you mean with character building? What which point should i look at op?
He just sounds like a jaded introvert who had to bottle up his feelings for too long because of social rejection, and absolute lack of female attention so he doesn't even know how to handle situations like this. Expect awkwardness, cringey behavior, and long silences because he doesn't know what to say and doesn't want to say what's on his mind not to hurt others.
The primary problem of people like him is lack of perceptiveness, that's why they are bad at socializing because that is all about catching social cues. They try to socialize from time to time, day something inappropriate, others get creeped out and they internalize the judgement that they are bad at socializing that makes them jaded, lonely, and eventually depressive. If he's not complete psycho he almost certainly won't hurt you, but prepared for extreme emotional clumsiness especially in situations that involves a female.
I was going to post this, although if he's firm with you he does sound like a psycho. Listen to what htis guy says, i'd go on a date with him and see how it pans out but keep in mind he might what this guy says.
You're aware that almost all scientist are socially retarded right?
I've met some very smart people who weren't good with people at all. I'm good with people, I'm not saying I'm smart. But I'm good with people, though I really prefer to be anti social. Doesn't mean a damn thing about my intelligence or potential lack thereof.
Like others have said:
He will be awkward
He will say awkward and socially incorrect things
He will be awkward in bed, but propably quite good once you teach him
A loner spends a lot of time thinking, which is why he makes a lot of observations and thinks differently, because he has thought a lot about many things, but has never been pressured by others into thinking in a particular direction.
He probably has a love/hate relationship with his mother, and she will be a large if not huge influence in his life. She will also be somewhat strange and unconventional, she raised him after all, so he takes from her.
Him looking "mean" and "angry", is not likely because he is that, it is just his resting "bitch-face", like many girls have. It's because he tries to not show any emotions or act "wierd" and thus tightens his facial muscles and look like that.
Getting angry at a pick-pocket and yelling at him is a fucking normal thing to do. I don't know what magic land all you guys come from where you don't react when someone is trying to steal your property, but I would have yelled as well and maybe hit that person, even though that is illegal in my country.
Then again, I am a loner, though I have few good friends that brought me out of my bubble.
One thing OP, that is very very important: YOU will be the main thing in his life if you choose to get together with him. So you will mean a lot to him. Don't lead him on or do all those things that girls do to a guy once they get tired of him. If you loose interest, tell him and be done with it. A guy like that will break if you suddenly yank several years of bottled-up love away.
He will have a huge capacity for emotion and human interaction you know, he is not unable to be "normal", he has just gotten used to being himself and relying on himself and viewing people as someone that most often are an obstruction, annoyance or hostile in his life
26 y/o loner again. Its doomed. You just spewed more than enough. You are too concerned with people and their opinion. You are bothered by the age gap and the fact he is a different race than you. All things you cannot change and what your type likes to do is to "fix" people not knowing that somethings cannot be "fixed". You have these reservations. You maybe just be infatuated with him and the thought of being with him, a fantasy if you will. You being 19 have yet to discover shit, he may have been there. You seem very fickle about it and thats a bad sign. You may put him through a rollercoaster. Dont do that to him. If you want to hang, then hang for a bit, but dont lead him on.
From a personal persepctive as a latin guy myself: If a girl has some racial weirdness because of my race, let alone weirdness of my age and the fact shes letting peoples opinions about me effect her. I would do her and myself the favor and leave beacause I know who I am and I would rather be with someone who accepts me for me. I wouldnt be mad, its there feelings.
He might have a fear of abandonment. Op hope u understand that you're all that he has.
He'll get too attached to you and want you 24/7 only bc he's never had anyone like you in his life before and will be terrified to lose you. You'll become his only source of happiness and he'll get dependent/needy of you. He'll be protective, loyal, caring, and loving of you
I can tell you act childish and abit insecure. Why do you need peoples opinion on deciding if you should date the guy or not? You should be able to decide for youself based on his personality/ your judgement.
If you like him (seems like you do, since you spend so much time thinking about him) get to know him better. Dont be a pussy - if he is too beta to make a move on you or arrange a date, then take over yourself.
You will find out sooner or later if you share some other interests. If he starts to bore you (which you might fear abit here) you will naturally lose interest over time and ditch him.
But if you dont try - you'll never know and maybe regret it afterwards.
The whole practice of branding a person a "serial killer" because of shyness and lack of social skills is human group dynamics 101. It has NOTHING to do with actual fear, its just a way to exclude someone the group finds undesireable in a way that we dont find morally wrong.
>Youve seen that quiet guy? Yeah, hes a creep, better keep away from him. Hes probably a serial killer or something.
While the truth is more akin to:
>I was mostlikely taught that excluding/ discriminating people is wrong, and I feel I should try to help this obviously socially alienated person. I however do not desire to do so/ find interacting with him taxing/ I do not generally want to be associated with him.
Now, there ofcourse are SOME people who are actually retarded enough to be afraid, due to buying into this narrative that people like this are dangerous. These are the same people who spend their limited brain capacity to being concerned about becoming a victim of terrorism daily.
Look, stop listening to anybody else, they will all just tell you their opinions based on their own experiences as a loner or their social-influenced opinions about what's right or what's wrong.
This is all just creating innecessary prejudices in your mind, it's going to end dethering your opinions about him, which is quite unfair when all he needs is an opportunity and patience.
My advice, as a loner myself too, is that you have patience with him. Remember that his social skills are kinda scarce, so be comprehensive. Anyway, be prepares to have someone loyal (and probably clingy).
By the way, what's that shit about 'you're 19, he's 25'?? So what?? Do what you want, baby gurl, don't let others ruin it.
>mfw I realize there's a version of me that died when I ran that stop light and wove between two oncoming cars a few years ago.