Dating a guy with a kid.
I hate babies, I love kids. I watched my neighbor's kid constantly for about 5 years. They don't stress me out too much, and I have a high level of patience. But my friend keeps going on and on saying "you have no idea how much work it is. You wouldn't be able to handle it. You have to help raise their child. blah blah blah"
Ok dude. I get it. But maybe I'll be a shitty girlfriend. "That's not possible. You have to raise that child." No I don't. I can just be shitty. "But that's not an option though." Keep in mind, the guy she was with that had a kid was a total piece of irresponsible shit. She DID have to raise that kid. But It's kind of annoying being told this shit over and over because "I won't know until I've been through it." I don't even bother arguing, she's already decided I shouldn't get too involved with this guy. I don't even know what I should say or if it's even worth it.
>thank you for the concern, but im just starting to see this guy, and were still figuring things out. not just if im compattible with him, or us with each other, but also me with his kids. yes, there comes a point where you gotta commit or ditch, but for now, were still just exploring the possibilities. when the time comes i will keep in mind what you are saying, but its my life, so please stop trying to tell me i shouldnt do something just because you didnt like the results. if you bring it up again, i will shut down the conversation, and that is the endo f that. do we have an understanding?'
shes being aggressive with you, so you gotta be aggressive with her, but stil lvalidate her concerns.
She's normally a totally supportive and great friend. Which is why THIS is so annoying.
I guess what I dislike most of all is "I can do it, but I know you can't." People assume I'm an idiot all the time, and are surprised when I'm not completely incompetent. I don't care about them, but it kind of hurts coming from a good friend.
maybe address that with her and have a good cry over it. explain your history with kids. she might not change her mind but you'll have at least said your piece.
but go in soft in that case. sos he doesnt feel like its an attack
Ew, no crying. Haha, but I'll tell her when I'm less salty about it. That way I won't say some nasty shit that I don't really mean.
Is this common though? People that have kids thinking they're some kind of superior being? Bill Burr is always spot-on.
ehh. depends on the person. if they have other things going on its no big deal. some people act like its the end all. and to be honest it is probably because their life revolves around it. especially if you dont have a kid in daycare. it is a full time job
I really like the guy, and I can see it getting serious.
I was kind of joking about just being a shitty girlfriend and not having anything to do with the kid. It was moreso to get her off of my back... as in I don't HAVE to do anything.
I don't really mind taking care of kids. I just don't go about it in the most conventional way, but I've still been on field trips, parent teacher conferences, and doctor visits. Maybe I'm too nonchalant about it for her taste, but I swear people are exaggerating.
It's really is life changing. All priorities change because you have an inalienable responsibility to put this little person's requirements first.
Want to go to dinner? Not without making arrangements.
Want to go on holiday? No more shagging all over the hotel room, sleeping in till midday and laying in the sun. Junior has to be catered to too.
It's not bad, just inescapable so you adapt by necessity.
This is also where I feel like money comes into play though- and what kind of support system they have (mom in the neighborhood, babysitters/nannies, etc).
But I get what you're saying.
Your friend is full of shit. Babies are a lot of work. Kids (~3-4 years+), on the other hand, aren't as taxing. If you have buckets of patience, you'll manage.
> Sauce: Father of three
Haha, ok, I thought so. I can admit that I CANNOT nor do I want to handle a baby.
But kids, I've always had a particular ease with. Thanks for not bullshitting me man. I've had friends with kids that say the same as you. People exaggerate and act like martyrs sometimes.
His kids will always come first. You may not have to raise them, but he will expect you to be there for him, and by extension them if need be. There will be a point where he expects you to "take care" of them, and whatever capacity that may be will vary. This is strictly relationship status, if you plan on being serious in the future then expect to actually take them in as your own.
I have no problem with all that honestly. I can be wildly irresponsible and nuts, but I also can be pretty selfless, and have plenty of olove to give.
I just don't need someone in my ear telling me it's the 'hardest job in the world' and that I can't possibly understand. It kind of negates any valid points they might have.
They don't need to be butting into your relationship regardless. Tell them that you'd rather not talk to them about it, if that's all they have to say then you've heard it and understand, but it's your choice to make not theirs.
There's a reason why the evil stepmother story exists. You'll always be #4 in his life
> his kids >>> his ex wife > him >>> you
Just look at step mom central forums at Cafemom for a glimpse of what your life will be like. Constant step kid drama, baby mama drama
Oh jesus. I don't like the ex wife taking rank, I can't lie about that. I mean, I don't see why she would unless it's in regards to the kids, which would mean the KIDS take rank over me; which is how it should be.
I also tend to put who I'm with before myself, but that only works if he does the same. Oh fuck me man.
He'll always love the ex wife more, she made children with him. They were once family. You're literally an unrelated stranger.
The only way to change this is to marry him and have children with him. Sad but true, children from previous marriages are often forgotten and neglected once the shiny new wife has children. Understandable, you have a real family with a loving wife now, who cares about that ex wife bitch and her not-cute older kids?
Hey, no one likes the stepmother for a reason.
>I don't like the ex wife taking rank, I can't lie about that.
Unfortunately, unless she dies, she's always going to be in his life and will have more importance, if she takes the kids most of the time. If she's not doing well, then the kids will suffer. It doesn't exactly end at 18 either.
Ok, so the kids I can definitely handle & step up to the plate for, no problem.
But you know what I DIDN'T factor in? The ex-wife. Ohhhhhhhh fuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkkk meeeeeeeeee
Yup. Kids are fine, but it's the crazy ex wife you have to watch out for. My sister-in-law married a great guy with a kid, but his ex is still in their lives. Every day is a new problem. They divorced because she became lazy, wanted to be pampered, and drove him head first into debt.
And this ex wife is going to be in their lives every single day, every day a new baby mama problem
Worst of all, she will always rank over you because she had kids with him. You can't get rid of her, but the new girlfriend is expendable
I don't want to bail immediately on the slim chance it WON'T be like that, because I really do like this guy. But I know what is most likely going to happen at least. Thanks for the.... unfortunate heads up. Blegh.
Out of curiosity, is it the same way when dating a single mom?