Married about 24 years
six kids with 2 grown
I've done well, I have failed. I hope I have learned what not to do.
Between work and lunch my responses may be a little delayed.
When you started dating your wife, were you like crazy in love with her? Or did you fall in love later on? And I mean did you really really like her before making your aproach to dating/whaver or was she just a random woman that was potentially relationship material but that you didn't madly like yet?
Torturing myself with over-analysis of what I should do in the future.
>Bachelor of Modern Languages (English-Japanese), paid by the gov't
>stayed in Japan for 6 months, happiest period of my life
>met an Aus girl there
>move to Aus for two years
>thinking about marriage
>things go sour, we break up
>I'm back home with my parents
>no jobs no life here
What would you do? Survey:
1. Move somewhere else in Europe/UK to get a Master's.
2. Move to the UK find a wageslave job.
3. Stay with my parents and become their carer.
4. Follow my childish dream and move to Japan, maybe through an advanced language school.
5. Start doing hard drugs and then kill myself.
That story is - a little fucked up
We met on a blind date arranged by mutual friends who told us they were certain we'd hit it off
It was love at first sight for both of us. That night I told my roomie I was going to marry her and she wrote in her journal she'd met her husband. I was seeing 2 other girls at the time and broke it off with both of them after 1 date with her. We were married in 18 months.
She was the only person I ever felt like that about; same for her.
I had been 'working on' a girl before I met my wife. 9/10, huge tits, the whole nine yards.
She was mad when I blew her off and started dating my wife.
3 or so months after we married this girl shows up at our place, says she knows my wife is working on some days I have off. Offers to be a fuck bussy, no strings, no telling.
I threw her whore ass out, told my wife, and told all our mutual friends. About a year later the wife told me of some guy hitting on her.
We are together so much and spent a lot of time working together before he became a SAHM we really didn't have much opportunity, ever.
I have been with 6 women before her, she was a virgin on our wedding night.
How old were you when you first met her and how old were you when you married?
I wish i wasnt such a chuunibyou in high school only being attracted to 2d
Im 20 now already and my class and college in general is such a sausagefest i havent even interacted with a girl in the past two years.
Marrying a childhood freind is my deepest desire but i never had any female childhood freind
My first 'real' job was at 16; a Summer working as a janitor (part time) and working at a theater handing out popcorn and sweeping floors (part time). I kept the theater job my senior year in HS
I enlisted in the Army at 17; got out after we married, have been doing various IT things since.
I've never considered suicide and things have been pretty low (too sick to work, no money, no income, house in foreclosure, 3 kids under the age of 6 - a year later we had a new house another year later we had no debt).
I became religious after we married and am pretty religious now.
The fact is that demographers have been predicting that human population will peak soon and then decline for at least a century since 1970. This isn't a secret, it has been part of the UN's total Population Report for almost 50 years.
Why do I feel shame though?
Logically it looks like a very bad move, like it's not a "real career". Like I should study something useful with the Masters before moving there.
But I don't desire any materialistic thing; I'm pining for something I don't even know.
I don't know what's up with me.
How important is experience compared to a college degree? How important is the college you went to for the degree?
I've never learned to take care of myself in society.
I haven't nailed a job, and I'm more or less struggling with school right now.
I haven't taken the responsibilities I have seriously and now I'm paying for it and feel trapped.
I never learned how my government taxes me, or how money works, or how to approach people, friends, and employers.
Essentially, I've fucked up and feel like I'm in a state of disrepair.
What's your advice?
I started my college degree when I was 25 and finished it when I was 31 (going part time at night)
I was a manager making six figures before I completed my degree and I started my own business twice (once failed, one I sold) before I completed my degree. I got a degree in what I was interested in at a small university known for that program.
As a hiring manager I have never heard GPA mentioned when considering candidates and which school only matters for someone with zero experience.
In me experience, college degrees are not as important as skills and dedication plus experience
Get a regular schedule for your life to stop wasting energy.
Then, set some long-term goals. Break those goals down into the steps needed to achieve them.
Start the first steps.
Make sure you have good life habits; regular hygiene; regular cleaning of your living space; regular exercise; good, regular sleep; good, regular meals. This develops a habit of success.
Avoid junk: read good books, learn new things; hang out with people like you want to be.
Take classes: adult cooking; how to prepare your taxes; Dale Carnegie has online stuff on meeting strangers and dealing with co-workers, etc.
This will build emotional momentum along with confidence and new skills.
Each small success will build your confidence and prepare you for larger success.
Avery 3 months review your goals and how you are doing.
You will be amazed how fast you turn into a focused winner.
Could be a few things. The most likely are
1) You aren't ready to settle down/have a long relationship
2) You have standards that are too high
3) You are in a situation where you tend to meet guys like #1 or #2
4) Some combination
Here is what I tell my kids
>Me: "Are you ready to get married 1 year from today?"
If they say 'yes' I tell them to think and act like it. If they say 'no' I tell them to focus on other growth instead of dating.
Thank you. But I think I'd like to study too. I love university.
>going to Japan now
>do Master's and go later, maybe
I have to decide quick.
Sorry for being snoopy, but what did you study?
Do you think if I study something like Comparative Literature, would it be a waste of time? I don't pay taxes for uni where I live.
Hey op, my bf (22) and i (27) are dating since 2 months. We are very much in love. it feels like a fairytale, really.
Everyboy tells us that we'll see in a few months, when boredom sets in, when the fights start, when the sex gets less, when we start to get annoyed about each other, and so on. Frankly, this makes me worried to some extend. Sure, the people that say those things are mostly in miserable relationships that had a very rough and less than optimal start. I'm not surprised the honeymoon phase wore off fast for them. But, is it possible to keep our relationship the way it is right now or is this an illusion?
You said you knew from the get go that you'll marry your wife. Have you been able to keep that spark? Do you still look at her some times and feel lucky she's by your side? Are you still proud to call her your wife?
I feel lucky every day.
Yes, we fight sometimes. But not much for years. And we always make up and move on.
I am proud of her and I know she is proud of me.
THing is? Most of our 'couple friends' are in the same boat - married for decades and still madly in love.
Love, real love, is an act of will.
I'm a relatively young girl with anger issues/drama queen syndrome. I had a friend who hurt my feelings (he lied to me and stood me up for 7th time after not seeing me for a year). I reacted the only way I know, being very emotional and presenting verbal diarrhea. Told him to fuck off and removed him from social media. But I see him everyday at school and I feel so bad - to a point I feel like throwing up. I feel bad because I feel used by him (helped him loads and he treated me like a doormat), because I miss him as a friend, because I'm jealous when I see him happy with other people.
I don't know what to do and how to deal with that. Time doesn't help much as I see him everyday and we have to interact at least on a hi - hi basis.
Cast some light of experience on my dumb brain.
How do i fight fair? My parents had a VERY disfunctional marriage. Every argument ended with my dad beating up my mom. I'm affraid i have no concept of communication and solving an issue like a mature human being. And the last thing i want is this relationship turning sour because of some silly arguments
Well, being ignored and lied to isn't fun. Get rid of the drama queen stuff and simply ask him - does he care to know you and, if so, why did he lie/ditch you? No screaming. No tears. Simple questions and really listen to his reply
Not OP, but I'd bet my bottom dollar your family experience/growing up was very turbulent. I'd stay away from relationships and dating until you can determine what is appropriate behavior and what is not. I would also work through and confront emotioms/memories you have been avoiding in childhood. A good therapist can facilitate and speed this process, but they can't do it for you, and a bad therapist can hinder the process.
I would try to learn to recognize some behaviors that are exhibited in healthy social interaction, and study them until you figure out why it is that "well-adjusted" peoole behave the way they do. Good luck!
The rules of an argument
1) no extreme language ('never', 'always', 'worst', etc.)
2) The other person cares for you and you care for them or you wouldn't be fighting
3) They can't read your mind: if something is bothering you and you don't tell them *they don't know*
4) You can't read their mind - if they haven't told you what they think or how they feel *you don't know*.
5) 'winning an argument' is nowhere near as important as 'being honest, fair, and kind'
Write that stuff down. Carry it with you. Refer to your notes.
Thanks for that advice anon. I do most of the things you listed. I'm in therapy since a year now. I have and still am working on it full force. I've come a long way. I think i'm at a point where i just need to try having a relationship and learn to fine-tune my skills on the go. I think i know the foundations. I mean, i know HOW to communicate and how not to. I know, but i feel like i lack real life experience. The more subtle stuff. In fact, i think my main issue is that i don't adress things that bother me cause i don't want to make a big deal out of it. So, i want to learm how to find a solution or a compromise in a productive and calm way. And i don't think i can really learn that without actually HAVING a relationship.
Wtf, that's not me...
Well, it would be problematic since we don't talk anymore. I can't ask him out of blue if he cares about me
I know which reactions are right and which are wrong, I'm aware of my mistakes - but sometimes I lose my temper, especially when someone fucks over and over again.
Mr Married Man,
I'm young, 22 years old.
I had a date with a girl (30 years) the other day and we end up making. We didn't end up in bed, though, because she said she was on her period, that we should do it another day. Pretty cool. The next day she texts me saying I turned her on a lot, and that she hopes I undertanded she wasn't feeling fine and yada yada yada. I replied to that telling her that early this week i was busy, but that we could meet on the weekend. Nothing else.
What do now? I sort of not feel like writing again would be a good idea. She should be the one making that move. Im not romantically interested in her, and luckily for me she's leaving the city next month
So i write her this weekend, or just I mind my business and let her chase me?
>taking advice from someone who is married
Long post incoming:
Over a year ago I started a creative project with a friend. We split all costs 50/50 and have each put a large amount of effort into it. Recently, we got Kickstarted and now she's asking of me more work of me than I am willing to commit to a side project.
This project was supposed to be a fun, creative outlet for me but currently it the biggest source of stress in my life and think it has contributed to me being quite depressed over the last six months.
I'm a PhD student and want to start going out and enjoying myself more, making new friends, etc, getting my stupid PhD done this year, but to do the amount of work she wants I'd have no life for the next year and a half while writing for PhD and the project.
I'm torn between continuing and stepping away. Ef I stay, I know it'll negatively affect my mental health and productivity in other areas of my life. If I leave, all my time and effort over the last year plus will amount to nothing.
If I quit, I don't know if I should suggest staying on as an editor or sounding board or just distance myself completely. Any advice would be appreciated.