I was a sheltered kid, abused, builled, never left the house due to that. I never developed any life or social skills.
Everytime I saw someone I wanted to talk to, i never knew what to say, and everytime I saw a woman I liked i couldnt even speak to her as i was never sure if she was taken and if i was wasting my time.
im 24 now, soon to be 25. I saw a very cute girl at the local shop, getting coffe, so was I...I couldnt speak to her, how do i start a conversation with a strange without looking weird? what if shes already taken? how do i not sound like an ass if i attempt to flirt with her, how do i get a girls number without sounding like a creep?
what do i bloody do? I dont know how to talk to people, the only people i ever spoke with was people i worked with, and since lsot that job so I have no idea how to be social outside the workplace.
What do i do...how do i do this?
Practice like an autist at home
Pull it off like a band-aid
Do you listen to podcasts/ lots of videos of people talking normally? If so, you know what it sounds like to speak like normal. Read a book out loud and commentate on it out loud after every few sentences, like you're talking with an invisible person across from you.
Be fine with backtracking your statements/ clarifying. "You know what I mean?"
In real life, people will be like "actually, ye" and accommodating- way more than you might think actually. It's kind of annoying actually, because you expect it to be harder, but people (at least once you're out of highschool) are actually receptive.
Hey, you're trying to pick up a girl in a café? That's very hard, advanced stuff.
The easiest way is to meet girls and people in general is continuos and spontaneous contact, to give time for the chemical cocktails in our brains to do their magick.
So, what could you do? Chart:
1. College, art schools, courses in general
2. Hanging out with old friends, hoping that they bring you with them in new social circles
3. Making new friends through work (harder cause work gives people bad fee fees and they tend to associate that with their co-workers) (but sometimes you can find someone that you can relate to, and develop a special connection)
4. Online bullshit (not recommended)
5. Chatting up random people on the street (shit tier; avoid this)
whenfirst meeting someone, it's always best to establish dominance.
tell them to hold out their hand, then poo in it. they will look at you in disgust but you will tell them 'no drop. you hold. this is mine, and you shall hold. no drop, ok'
and once they hold, you should have asserted dominance and then you should be in control
Its like a small shop, not a cafe. Google WAWA, they sell coffee, its a shop.
But yeah, no old friends around, no college, no friends of co workers, and ....well yeah im stuck on shit tier stuff as online got too many time wasters and noshows.
I'm never sure what to say though, its not how i say things its what should i say to a stranger. I dont wanna sound awkward but idk what else to do
I tried college back in 2011, ended up dropping out as the cost was too high and I was struggling with some classes. I saw it as a waste of money. Mind you this was around the 2011 college crash, where people with degrees ended up in debt and homeless.
Even there i waa quiet, kept to myself, same problem.
Honestly, I suggest drugs. Do some cocaine and drink some booze and suddenly you'll have no problem talking to people. After a while you should be able to reduce your dependence on them.
It's really the only thing that will solve the emptiness in your mind.
> Do you like traveling and foreign cultures by any chance?
Travling costs money, so i cant do that. Only foreign culture i can even look into it japanese anime
Already smoke weed with my ex coworkers. Gonna quit that soon, as its hell on my lungs.
Man, you're depressed. But you know that already.
The problem is that you fossilised into this mindset, cause it's comfortable, it's what you know, and your primal brain will make everything it can to cockblock you out of life.
Why don't you move out? Remove yourself from your environment.
Yeah I am depressed, but again it all comes down to money. No local jobs seem to pay enough to pay rent, let alone have extra money for travel or fun. Honestly, if I had the money to travel I would, but my real problem is i have no social skills and cant just walk up to a strange and have a conversation with them without it sounding cringworthy or creepy, so i had given up for a long time. Its just after seeing this girl, i had to rethink that day and time....i want to change
....i do want to change i just dont know how. How do i walk up to a strange and strike up that conversation....how do i make strangers friends without seeing creepy?
You don't. If you don't already know someone or at least have a specific reason to need to talk to them, don't start saying things at them just for the sake of making noise. There's nothing I hate more than some normal appearing out of the blue spewing inane shit at me just because they want to hear themselves talking.
Doing this is a sign of complete arroganc and disregard for others. You're essentially telling them that their peace and solitude is worth less than your desire to bother them. Who do you think you are? Just FUCK OFF.
I dont understand your reply. So should i remain quiet forever? this isnt just for the sake of hearing myself talk, online games fill that hole. Doing nothing will solve nothing...
This is because I saw a woman i really really like appearance wise, and i wanted to get to know, she seemed shy and i know nothing else about her i will admit.
I mean how will i meat my other half if i dont try to talk to someone i dont know at first?
Do you still live with your parents?
I can feel you're probably a nice guy, that just want to feel loved and part of something bigger. We are (almost) all like that. And I know you're very scared of failing whatever you try, it being moving out or talking to a girl. But you have to do it.
You are single and childless. Why don't you move away from your hometown?
I'm from a way poorer family situation than yours, I'm from Southern Europe. The thing that made me the happiest was when I lived on my own in Japan for 6 months.
Biking everywhere, getting surprised by any little thing that was around, I felt like a little kid again. And I was so fit too. A slob lazy loser like myself became POPULAR there, but not for the white cock meme, just because I was independent, fit and brave. I felt like a god.
Now I'm back home and I want to kill myself. That's why I'm saying you should move out. I'm doing it too. Things will never change, and you'll just get older.
Thats the problem, i dont work with them, nor do i know them from any school. I want to get to know them, so far for years i did what you suggested, and ive met very little people outside work, this is killing me, i feel ill never meet the right girl if i dont branch out, i just dont know how.
Had already moved out twice, one didnt work due to a theif roommate, the other didnt work as I lost my job and couldnt pay rent anymore.
Jobs are hard to come by, and the oens that you do get dont pay enough to put a roof over your head.
> Biking everywhere, getting surprised by any little thing that was around, I felt like a little kid again. And I was so fit too. A slob lazy loser like myself became POPULAR there, but not for the white cock meme, just because I was independent, fit and brave. I felt like a god.
Just wanted to say that sounds amazing anon
If you think your happiness is dependent on finding another person, then you'll never be happy. If you happen across """""the one""""" that's a nice bonus, but tethering yourself to other people as if you need them is pathetic and a sure path to misery.
> If you think your happiness is dependent on finding another person
I never said happiness had anything to do with this. I just want to know how others do this, how do you approach someone you think is cute, how do you get to know them, without stalking where they work or something. It seems impossible if you only talk to people you work with or go to college with.
I want to be able to talk to this woman, and get to know her. I keep thinking back to the day i saw her, ill be honest shes no 10 out of 10, but there is just some charm about how she looks and dresses...I just wanna know more about her. I just dont know what i could have said...
If you don't have a legitimate reason to talk to someone, then there is literally no answer to what you want.
>How do I selfishly forcefully inject myself into someone's space without making them think I'm selfishly forecfully injecting myself into their space? How do I act like like an annoying cunt without making people think I'm an annoying cunt?
What you are asking for is a logical contradiction of itself.
> If you don't have a legitimate reason to talk to someone, then there is literally no answer to what you want.
What about the reason of "this looks like someone i want to be friends with" ? I mean seriously, even my mother age 69 calls me up and says i hsould just "go out for a walk, talk to people make friends" and how she did it in the 1960's and how things where grant tale. I know this shit isnt that easy, but your telling me just to keep to myself if i dont work with someone just sounds strange...
Unfortunately you really can't talk to random people like that. Just appreciate her beauty from afar and move on. Only by being already social you can meet people, and there are particular places where you go to be social (pubs, clubs etc).
I think people would get pissed if you started cold approaching them like that.
I saw a lot of beautiful girls that I never talked to and never will: oh well, can't do anything about it.
I had the chance of sleeping with pretty co-workers or fellow students, but never did cause of fear or stuff like that: oh well, can't do anything about it.
Just move on, dude. Like that guy said >>16809676
You won't find happiness like that.
>Just wanted to say that sounds amazing anon
Thank you, but I'm still a total loser. Sometimes the little charming kid inside me comes up and I live life like nature wants, and people are attracted to that. Lately he's not showing up though.
(keep posting cute kitty cats)
That's not a reason to talk to someone. That's a reason that makes *you want* to talk to someone. Think about how intrusive it is for a random stranger to start bothering you. It's never not going to be creepy and unwanted.
Don't listen to your grandma about this. Old people give good advice on careers, finances, and recipes, but never on social issues.
Eh just to be clear: Shes not my grandmother, shes my mother.
> I saw a lot of beautiful girls that I never talked to and never will: oh well, can't do anything about it.
But heres the thing, i think she was checking me out and was shy about it, i dont know this is why its bothering me.
> You're delusional.
Over the years ive gotten good to watching people from the corner of my eyes, I notice shit people wouldnt think ive noticed.
She gave me a look over at least 4 times in the span of the time it takes to make a coffee. I dont think im wrong on this one, but even if she didnt....just from looking at her it seemed like someone i wanted to know, i just wish i knew how.
You're going in circles man, there is no way to do what you're asking about. There is no magical combination of words and body language that will make cold approaching a stranger acceptable behavior for an adult. You're going to drive yourself insane if you keep focusing on this.
> You're going to drive yourself insane if you keep focusing on this.
I know, I am fully aware of this, but i feel like i've been going insane for these last few years going by without talking to anyone, just going about my business of work, shop, go home and game. I cant stand it. I mean i have a folder with over 800 cat pics....i shouldnt have this. I dont know what i should do anymore....i dont work with anyone intresting to get to know, and most of them stick to their own groups.....i dont have any other way to branch out, and i cant go clubbing as im too awkward to do that....same rules apply. What do i say when i approach someone in a club? shop? bar? etc?
Okay, say for a momentthis wasnt a shop, what if it was a bar or club? How could i approach them and strike up conversation and get to kn ow them.....same rules apply think. I dont know what to say, or how to tell if someone is in some relationship...i just want to find a gf...someone i can connect with, is that too much to ask? if i dont know how to talk to people how could i ever do that?
The reason youcan't think of what to say in those situations is because there is nothing appropriate you could possibly say. Join a club or something, that can give you a legitimate entry.
> Join a club or something,
dont know anything like that around here
> that can give you a legitimate entry.
what do you mean a legitimate entry? i still dont know what to say or how to approach them..
A legitimate reason to talk to them. In a random situation there is nothing to say and you shouldn't say anything to strangers, but if your're in a structured group like a club sharing a structured activity, it's much easier to talk because you can talk about the activity you're all doing together.
> Look dude join a fucking club, any club
I dont know of any clubs
> Get a dog.
Got a dog, its just a drain on my resources atm, as my dog is just as socially awakword or worse due to his last owner abusing him for the first 4-6 months of his life, he cant even get walked outside without shaking and running from everything, even car noises freak him out. I cant do anything with that dog outside my place.
> You're suffering from lack of social engagement and being retarded because of it
I dont know how to change that
> like a club sharing a structured activity,
Dont know of any such clubs, only group of people i know that meet is a MUNCH for bdsm. I went to it, but mostly older crowd, toy makers, and couples.
Even there im too socially awkward to approach people as most of the young people like myself go in their own groups.
Most ive ever done there was nervious ask a girl about her cat ears, and pet her after a knife play example.
Real OP here, this isnt me and this thread is real, so stop trying to copy me thanks
Pretty much in a bad location, nearest munch is 40 mins away, and nearest clubs are hours away in another state. Bdsm seems to be a good way to let lose, and its something i enjoy and its the only social circles i know of.
I mean besides work and ex coworkers, i only know of a local private dungeon to go to, but i know very few people there. Still being there i was more social then i have been in years, so its really my only outlit left, besides being hit over an hour gets you high so its a good distraction from life.
Look guy, go over to /b/ to troll. I am just seriously trying to get help for how to be social when i havnt been for most of my life.
So please stop.
wish the post would say it was me if im replying to myself like other boards.
The whole truth to this story is, that I have different personalities which make me so unsocial in my life. It really sucks sometimes, in fact I have a multiple personality disorder.
Please have patience, thank you
Yeah i do, at first its soft and slowly builds up, your bodys pain tolerance gets higher and after awhile your brain feels floaty an high. I find its a good distraction from my life, and its the jointly social circle besides the munches that i know of.
I mean one guy approached me, just asked how my first flogging on the Saint Andrews cross, and the owners of the home where very welcoming. Its really the only place i can be social besides the work place. I just cant really approach people, even there i had trouble doing it.
*Sighs* name stealing on 4chan, you must be proud. Go bother someone else man, im just trying to sort my life out here. trolling on /adv/ isnt needed, go back to /b/.
Anyway, fake me aside, i think this thread has run its course, thanks for the replies everyone, and japanese name i sad, thanks for your post, it helps.
dont worry i only play with ppl with exp, always have aftercare after a session
Op here, real talk.
I have been posting cat pics sicne i made this thread, the fake only posted a dead animal, if your gonna pretend to be me at least post cute cat pics, that way you pretend to be me, i can collect cute cat pics to make my 800+ folder to reach 1000, and everyone wins. cheers
all cute cat pics i post are from the net, and my mother smoked pot in the 60's so she doesnt have a problem i smoked myself. I'm just deciding to quit as i dont wanna mess my lungs up
>all cute cat pics i post are from the net
oh really u dont say, I thought this was you all the time, I am sorry.
But I have should seen that coming, since I have been inside you (pun intended ;)))))))))))))) all your life
ur cat pics cant do shit, look at this DAMN bunny..thats way better than random pussys mate.. just freakin look at its face oh ma gawd