What is your opinion on age differences in relationships? (as long as both are legal adults?)
I ask because I've been on a few dates with a guy who is 42 (I'm 19) and I've already received a few bad comments from family members.
Pretty much this. Personally I think it's kind of gross but hey love right. It's your life and your choice, but if you're gonna be worried about what your family thinks and let it effect you then maybe you shouldn't be in the relationship.
In your case it's mildly disgusting; and of course these relationships don't usually long last. When a 42yo guy goes after a 19yo girl he's either a gigantic player looking for a young. easy to manipulate girl to fuck, or mentally backward so he has to search for youg, naive and inexperienced girls who are on his level mentally, rather than pursue women his age.
either way it's cringy
>looks bad for the massively older party
I think it's the opposite. I think it looks bad on the younger person because it's obvious they could get someone their age if they wanted.
>42 (I'm 19)
There's nothing wrong with you. You're 19, so you're an idiot. Every 19 year old as an idiot so I can't really blame you for your poor choices because that's what children are supposed to do; make poor choices.
There is, however, something wrong with him. If he were a stable, mature, normal 42 year old man he would not feel the need to date children. Besides it being kind of gross, obviously, he's obviously struggling to accept his age and his current situation in life.
Children are meant to make mistakes and its an adult's responsibility not to exploit that naivety for their own emotional and god forbid, sexual gain and this is exactly what this guy is doing.
If you're aware of this and are genuinely attracted to him and just want to have fun with him for a little while then you're legally allowed to do so but one, don't expect anyone in your family to be ok with this two realize that you have absolutely no long term future together.
If you're cool with that then rock on.
I've tried to date guys in their 20's but the relationships never work out and I never fully connect with them. I have more in common with older people, i'm more at ease with them.
Seems like the exact opposite for me again. If they could've get somebody better, they are in the position of a "chooser" and picked the older person for some good reason.
An old person hanging with somebody younger is probably mentally backwards.
That's why it's gross. I didn't mean it was gross physically but more on an emotional and mental level... but again do what you want. Just realize what's potentially going on.
>I have more in common with older people
In a couple years when the jello in your brain finally sets into something resembling a brain you'll come to realize how creepy it is when older men feel they have more in common with younger women than women their own age.
Meaning that they're too immature for a meaningful relationship with women their own age. Meaning they never grew up and don't plan on growing up. They're a bunch of saggy old babies.
Like I said, when you've all grown up you'll kind of look back this and chuckle a bit. We've all been there, it just takes time and maturity to gain perspective on things. You have very little of either so I can't blame you.
Well, it's up to you. People will always find something wrong with the idea that you are dating a guy who could be your father, it's revolting in a hard to explain way. Personally, whenever I come across a young girl dating an older guy I assume that she has either daddy issues, or is a gold digger. And I assume that the guy is sleazy and is with her only for a young pussy, or has some kind of pedo fetish.
That being said you should go after what makes you happy but be mindful that you can't change how people think and perceive such relationships.
Also, I forgot to leave out that fact that you're 19 years old. You've had 1, maybe 2 years of actual dating underneath your belt so you hardly have the experience or knowledge to start writing off 20 year old men because you haven't connected with them.
You haven't even begun to date yet so this shit about being tired of it is kind of laughable.
You're like a 2nd grader saying how tired she is of school. You got a long way to go before you start burning out kid.
It is SO annoying that girls tend to date older guys on the grounds that guys their age aren't mature or developed enough personality wise.
I mean I wonder why that is. Maybe because none of them have had long term girlfriends.
Reap what you sow. Dating an older guy might make sense to a person who doesn't think about things deeply but in reality it's a terrible idea. A regressive instant gratification sort of thing.
My dad had 9 kids between two wives. He was born in 1941 and was 15 years older than my mom. They since have both passed away. Love is love you cant change that.
>Maybe because none of them have had long term girlfriends.
Is a very small part of maturity though, not being able to get one has usually other reasons.
Also she has a point, guys her age are even more annoying than girls her age.
>Is a very small part of maturity though
>relationships let alone girlfriends aren't the main thing which develops a person's maturity and personality
Stop making excuses. A lot of guys are obnoxious but that's because they're compensating for the lack of real womanly companionship and affection in their lives.
A lot of that has to do with the way men treat women but women aren't completely exempt from responsibility there either.
Yeah but it's also poor taste for older men. For example, me, in my mid 20s, just when younger 18-20 year old girls all start gravitating towards guys my age, I refuse to be with girls younger than me now because I know when I was their age and they were all going for guys my (current) age, I absolutely despised that. So I don't follow in their hypocritical footsteps because that's the thing to do if you want to have good character.
What I mean is the older men who get all of these younger girls flocking to them are really not at all in a passive role in terms of their culpability in the bigger picture. They do just as much damage as the girls who chaotically, almost impulsively seek out this myth of 'maturity'.
>but that's because
It doesn't really matter for you as the person, who is supposed to date them, whether they are obnoxious because lack of experience or rapists because of a shitty childhood.
There are people with not too much dating experience who manage to be normal and dateable, and oh the surprise, they usually get dates.
You can do what you want but more than likely the guy is going out with you because you're not fully mentally developed and thus easier to control. I have a few female friends who have done the older guy thing and when the ages are so disparate (10 years +) it usually ends in heartbreak or abuse (usually mentally) for the woman
Sounds like a shitty idea.
But one of our freedoms are the right to go forward with shitty ideas.
So you do you I guess, just don't be surprised if it crumbles as badly as everyone else expects.
>guys her age are even more annoying than girls her age.
I don't think it's a problem because my entire life I dated men much older because I was scared of boys my age + major daddy issues. Most were at least 15 years older. When I was 30 I dated a man who was 62 and he was a really great boyfriend. But I ended up marrying a man only one year older.
>no daddy issues, dad is fantastic/had a really great childhood
>dating someone 46 years old
>been seeing each other for two years
>get engaged today
It's like this thread was made for me.
The first year that I dated my fiancé we received a lot of rude comments and judgements from family/friends/even strangers. But it stop eventually when people realize that you're happy. Dating someone older then you is difficult at times because sometimes you'll feel on a completely different wavelength, so arguments tend to be a little harder to resolve.
If you're happy, that's all that matters.
>If you're happy, that's all that matters.
This thread was definitely made for you. Hope you're happy being your old ass husband's nurse for the majority of your relationship.
Its always good to be a roll model for women who want to be changing their husband's diapers by the time they're 40.
lol ok. i'd love to meet up with you in a walgreens in a couple years while you're pushing the love of your life around in a wheelchair, spending the peak of your adult life tied down by a bag of dust ready to kick the bucket and ask you the same question.
don't gotta convince me you love him, just keep convincing yourself there, lolita.
just don't have kids is all. its ok if you decide to weigh yourself down with an old man for a husband, don't make your young children have to throw the ball around and go fishing with the handsome guy next door because their old ass dad needs a new hip.
Yes it does matter because women do have a definitive role in terms of shaping men, especially the bridge between boyhood and manhood.
Surprise, there are things women are responsible for. I know that's harder for you to fucking swallow than a 19 year old's cum but it's true.
At the end of the day, it's your choice. If you're happy and fine then whatever. You're 19 so you're just barely legal but the question I would have is why is a 42 year old dating a 19 year old.
23, i've dated guys around 5 years older than me and those never seemed to work out. current boyfriend is just about 4 months younger than me and it's one of the best relationships i've been in in a while. I generally wouldn't go more than a few months younger but my max for older is 5 maybe 6 years. any older would make me uncomfortable.
>there are things women are responsible for
So in other words, you are entitled to relationships with women because ... you're a guy? Interesting world view. What are men responsible for?
What sort of mean-spirited person looks at it as a matter of 'entitlement'. Yes, absolutely everyone is 'entitled' to love, sex, affection, companionship, because human beings literally subsist off of these things. The concept of 'entitlement' makes no sense in that regard. It's as nonsensical as asking a person why they feel entitled to nutrition or liquid or rest or shelter.
What are men responsible for? Uh, idk, civilisation? Society? Sort of everything else?
Why can't men shape themselves? Are you admitting they're directionless babies who need women as a catalyst for their growth?
Lol I'm fucking with you, but I am actually curious to hear your answer .
Nature. Our sex is dimorphic that's just how it is. Synergy. Of course men are responsible for themselves and others a great deal more than are women, but women still have a small burden to carry in terms of themselves and others, especially men, especially young adult men transitioning from boyhood into manhood.
Men can fuck things up greatly due to their laziness, but when women refuse to carry that small burden, so can they as well.
>Why can't men shape themselves?
People don't exist in a vacuum. You wouldnt expect a man to develop in a healthy way if he was isolated on an island, so why would you expect someone who lived the majority of their life alone to develop healthy expectations?
I'm not the original poster, and I wouldnt go so far as to say anyone is obligated to date anyone else, but don't be surprised when ostracized people have some serious brain problems. People want and need some level of validation, especially from the opposite sex.
Be a girl or a woman to them. That naturally means being caring, compassionate, sensual, etc.
A lot of women today aren't that way though. Or they are that way only to the guys who don't at all have a real and honest need for it (because they can get it anywhere else).
>And how do men help women in the same respect?
There is no equivalent respect, if that's what you're getting at, but men provide everything else obviously. Not a case of you make that lane of the road and I will this one, but rather, you make the road and I will give you the ground upon which to construct it.
Thank you for explaining it for him.
And in my view, it's not specifically that anyone is obligated to date anyone else, but that the concept of obligation really shouldn't even exist in the first place on the woman's side of things. Most all of life can be seen as an obligation anyway.
I've always been intrinsically motivated for things like self improvement whatnot and I could not understand why others would need so much validation from others. It's really cool hearing another side of it. Thank you again!
Hi 25 year old year old here. I find it a bit odd but I think really once you hit around 21 age becomes irrelevant because everyone mindset and maturity is very different. 19 I'd a bit young to be dating 42 year Olds but I say this because 19 is only a year after high school so if you are dating a guy that old in order for it to work you have to have simular mindsets and a guy who is 40 stuck in the past maturity wise is not worth it in the long run. It's less common now a days for men and women to have a big age gap compared to the past so people are just generally going to be uncomfortable about it. You can keep doing your thing but speaking from someone a couple years older than you I say wait until you are 21 to date that large of an age gap. Your mindset will be very different by then.
I think it's great that women like you will date old fogies. It gives me hope. I know I can take my time getting my shit together and not have to worry about losing out on women in their prime.
Look, I'm sure you're all happy and fine and dandy, sweetie. However, a 42 year old dating a 19 year old is only basking in having some younger pussy. That's all you are to him. Get over your daddy issues. It'll help you both in the long run.
Large age differences are fucking gross. Once you're old enough to have fathered or given birth to your date, it's disturbing. I don't trust people that date people that are pretty much children relative to them. I see them as either manipulative or pathetic, maybe both.
Your life, but you deserve the bad comments. Be prepared for your entire family to hate that gross fuck.
I would say that past about 40 it becomes meaningless to call it relative but it definitely is relative before that.
20 year olds are adults but are basically children compared to 30 year olds. Same is true of 30 year olds to 40 year olds. So yes it is relative.
idk man have you met 42 year olds? Most of them have had their souls crushed so thoroughly that I don't even know if they're alive anymore or just a creepy flesh robot. If a younger person wanted to date, then as the adult you're taking the risk of them changing their views/etc and dumping you, but otherwise it's dating someone who isn't a jaded piece of shit
They're just younger relative to each other. THEY'RE STILL ADULTS. It's not hard to understand. The 40 year old looks back at the 30 year old and to them, they're 30 FUCKING YEARS OLD, NOT FIVE YEARS OLD.
You obviously have some feels that are interfering with logical processing.
The 40 year old looks back on the 30 year old as if his knowledge and awareness is lacking in a few important respects, just in the same way as does the 30 year old to the 20 year old, as well as the 20 year old to the 15 year old. Just in greater and lesser magnitudes and quality.
Yes, but again, none of this reverts the person back to the level of a child.
There's a basic difference between children and adults having to do with basic cognitive functioning and knowledge about the facts of life. That's what's relevant when deciding if it's okay to have a relationship with someone. If they're just a kid and not smart enough yet to know what they're getting into, you're taking advantage of them and it's wrong. That doesn't exist for adults. It's never wrong for two adults to have a relationship, no matter what their ages are because they're both adults and know what sex is and they're capable of making their own decisions.
society's view on the old person:
>manipulating the younger person for sex
>not a loving relationship
>looking for a sugar momma/daddy
>marrying for (the) love (of money)
The whole point is that a 20 year old definitely does not understand sex or relationships like a 30 year old, and even that a 30 year old doesn't really understand them like a 40 year old.
You're implying this perfect, continuous knowledge which one acquires going into adulthood and which never becomes modified the whole way through until death. But that's just categorically untrue. Of course it's not in the same sense as the shift in the degree of knowledge between a literally cognitively underdeveloped state and a fully cognitively developed state, but, again, that goes without saying.
People see that as weak and enabling, like homosexuality. If it's a younger guy hooking up with an older girl then it's congratulated but anything more serious than that and it's seen as incestuous.
As in "mommy-issues"?
Is this true even when the age-gap is very small? What would be an age gap that would be seen as "on the same level"? Cause finding somebody you want to pursue a relationship with is already hard enough. If they also have to be the EXACT same age, this might turn impossible
be serious now. as people get older, the age gap can widen more too.
35 yo and 45 yo is fine.
15 yo and 25 yo is not.
19 yo and 42 yo is clearly an old guy abusing a young girl's naivety for sex. It can be long term, not a matter for him. The problem only exists on your side.
When you're above ~35, the age gap can be anything really. But you have to remember that if there is a more than 15 years difference, you eventually will be changing is diapers instead of living your life.
Ayy Lmao. I had a friend who was 18 and got into a relationship with the girl of his same class who is 25. She had a lot of family issues and got into college late. Just 2 weeks back, I got into touch with him and came to know that his marriage is on the next month with the same girl.
My father was 40 when he met my mother. She was 19. His first wife had just divorced him to 'go find herself'.
They were 41 and 21 when they married. I was born 11 months later.
They've been married 24 years and are embarrassingly in love.
Ill put it this way.. Im 28. When i listen to a 19 year old talk, or watch a 19 year old be 19, I hear and see nothing but a child. A 19 year old is still developing in the brain, and is very inexperienced in the real world and it really, really shows.
You will feel this way about 20 year olds when you yourself are 25.
So while you feel like a mature adult and think love is love and its legal so whatever, 42 year old should feel the same as I do or worse.
The guy you are seeing is only technically not a pedophile
Only okay after you're like 30 or even 40.
Young people are most often naive and just get played by old dudes, instead of being in a relationship were you both grow together.
If you just want to fuck with no emotions attached and you both have an agreement it's fine, but this is quite hard to pull off for a lot of people.
the general rule is half your age plus 7 is the minimum age you could be dating.
desu OP I think you're either being used or you like sugar daddies
I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm in a similar situation. 18 year age gap. Though it's intense and hot on a sexual and emotional level, things are weird on more intellectual levels. Thread actually helped me cope with the fact that it won't work. Not really my loss because I have my whole life ahead of me.
Yeah, yeah. Age is just a number. Have fun, but realize there might be huge differences. Make sure you don't become blinded by your fantasy of dating a mature older man, they can be just as childish as 20 year olds.
The cult of Perpetual Childhood strikes, I see.
Go to most of the world and 19 year olds are running businesses, married, parents, and doing quite well, thank you.
Even in the effeminate West you find pockets where it is the same way.
Heck, look at the Military: you'll find 19 year olds in charge of classified information as well as the lives of others and doing extremely well.
At the same Time I am sure I could drive to the local state university and talk to dozens of grad students in their 30's that still can't figure out 'showing up for important things on time' and 'paying your bills' or other tasks most 14 year olds grasp.