How do I abandon all hope for love and focus on other things in my life?
I just got stood up. Again.
I've literally been trying my best my entire life, and failing hard.
I've tried so many different approaches.
There is literally no hope for me.
I just want to move on, but I can't.
I'm afraid. I really don't want to keep on keeping on anymore.
I would say, don't give up.
Not gonna lie, you're probably fucking awful with dates. But that can be fixed. You said you've tried a lot of different approaches, but dating doesn't work that way. Strategy is overrated. It's not about that. The fact that you seem to think approach matters has me a little concerned.
So basically I'm guessing you're really maladjusted and terrible with women. Fixable. But not by "approaches." By getting a fucking grip on reality and relationships.
My only approach is not having an approach. I've learned a long time ago that you could never plan anything. It needs to be organic.
Not that any of that matters. One day you just stop and realize a positive outlook means shit when you've wasted your entire life moving on.
Not really a "positive outlook" kinda guy myself. More the "if, against your preference, you're not pair bonded by 27 you're a fuck up."
People can decide to give up.
They can fucking do something about it.
This defeatist crap is ridiculous. "Bleh I'm maladjusted and that makes me unhappy so instead of working on being content in this world I'm going to dramatically give up like it's noble and I'm a victim"
Didn't ask for advice.
Also don't hate myself.
Sometimes the pain of changing is less than the pain of being on the outside your whole life. Neither the outsider or society is more correct. So it comes down to what is the most reward/least pain for the individual. I think a lot of people's first instinct is to give up, and o don't think that is always the right choice for them. If a choice to remain outside society on some level is made bitterly, with moral bias, self-pity, etc...it doesn't really indicate that a balanced (as possible) weighing of costs and benefits has occurred.
>They can fucking do something about it.
Im in the same situation as OP mostly, id kill for a gf or even a date but i find litterally nothing
How do you change other people to fit your needs?
Changing other people to fit your needs is abuse.
Changing yourself (and thus how others perceive you) is self-improvement. I don't know either of you so I don't know exactly what to tell you. But as for you...your initial question there...hoo boy. You need to change A LOT but I'm guessing you're so dug in you won't. You can. Just doubt you will.
What is the function of this (currently hypothetical) relationship in your life?
What attracts you to a potential partner?
What do you expect from them?
What do you bring to the table?
We can talk on these sort of points but I'm guessing your social worldview is so fucked up we'll quickly be down an entirely different rabbit hole. That's cool with me but if you really want to change you're going to have to challenge all of your basic assumptions about people and relationships.
the hell you need somebody else for to be happy? don't try to change people to meet your needs. it won't work and they'll just leave. I know. I've left friends behind who were obviously trying to change me (for the worse). The fact that you're so hard up for a date suggests it's not really what you should be focusing on. Heard of getting fucked?
them traffic lights are burnin
the wheels of steel are turnin
Answering all questions in order
1.companionship, ive always wanted a family because i never knew my dad and my mom was always absent. having people to share life with is a comforting thought even though it mostly makes me sad nowadays since its so hard to realize
2.Dont honestly know, its been all over the map psycially and is mainly focued on personality
3.I expect one to be reasonable and that this person trust and love me as i would
4. Im a terrible judge of these things, i dont know what girls want/need from a guy either so that doesnt really help
Question 1 above should clue you in
I dont want them to change, i want companionship and love.
My question was mostly retorical since you cant change people, only yourself but it doesnt work because people will be the same.
I need people in order to be happy but people need me to be lonely aparently and i do anything for things to be diffrent
I can't continue my productivity because I've never had any form of sexual fulfillment. My mind and spirit is literally dragged though the desert.
I'm not even asking for a pity party, I just want ways or wisdom to overcome it. I realize that at this point in my life, nothing will ever come. It's a train that's never going to arrive.
I can't change who I am. Despite welcoming criticism and trying to view myself as subjectively as possible, I don't see myself as completely undesirable. And because of it, I'm in a constant state of internal pain and screaming.
You, my friend, need to buy a fucking hooker. You are so deeply set up in your head that this love or compassion or relationship will give you meaning, and that is not the case. They help give further meaning to a cause for life, but a relationship won't be the beginning of a new life.
If you're even a quarter as negative as you are in these posts, then no wonder you get stood up. I got really bummed out reading your post and I haven't even met you, I can only imagine the vibe you give off in real life being such a cynic. Believe it or not, people can tell when someone is pretending to be happy.
I know i shouldnt need a relationship to be happy, and i do have some happiness outside of it.
But i know it will give me a shitload more of happiness to get one, even though it is hard as hell
barring a relationship it would be nice to you know, have dates, have sex or even know that i have options
i work out, i study a field that will give me a great income later and i have a part time job which pays pretty good. I think this should give me some kind of edge but alas, it does not
>How do I abandon all hope for love and focus on other things in my life?
You do the first by doing the second: build a life where you can be happy without a partner.
>I've literally been trying my best my entire life, and failing hard.
Then you've been trying too hard, and worse, you got caught trying. When this happens, it looks fake, and that's a massive red flag.
>i study a field that will give me a great income later and i have a part time job which pays pretty good.
Where do you draw your dating pool from, OP?
Women want men who have their lives together. This is a relative term: its meaning changes depending where we are in terms of culture, development, and situation. We do not, for example, expect a 9th-grader to have a job and his own place to live, but we do expect these things at different ages and situations.
Because these definitions change, we periodically experience "transitions": points where your life is completely upended, nothing can ever be as it was, and you need to put your life back together. Entering high school is one, entering college is another, and entering the work force is a third. Getting married or divorced are also transitions (though the point is mostly academic in the case of getting married).
I bring this up for two reasons. The first reason is that having to rebuild your life affects your dateability. You can carry a preexisting relationship through a transition, but if you aren't in a relationship when a transition hits, it's going to be VERY difficult to get into a relationship until you're done with the process of rebuilding your life.
Relative to the general population at your age, you do not have your life together. This is not a bad thing, per se, especially in your case: you're building a solid foundation for the life you want. But there is a price to pay for that: it takes a long time, and until it's finished, the general dating pool is not going to consider you ready.
The second reason I bring thos up is that depending on your situation, it CAN be possible to get around this by carefully choosing your dating pool. In your case, there IS a dating pool where your life may be considered together: fellow students. Have you tried looking here?