>Dating gf for four years
>lots of sex
>Now no sex, almost zero
Gf says her sex drive is coming back, but still says no every time I try to initiate. She says I got too rough a while ago and she gets anxiety from sexual contact now.
She's coming back slowly. More open to making out, letting me touch her breasts, grab her ass, etc. But can't go near her vagina or I get pushed away.
I have too much sexual energy to handle. I get distracted when she's around because she's very attractive and I know I can't fuck her. It's very frustrating.
I started a Tinder and have been contacting girls to meet up. I met a few who are interested, but I haven't done anything yet.
I jacked off last night. First ejaculation in a week. Just made me want real sex even more, I figured it would help. Nope.
What do I do? Tell gf I need her to put more effort into having sex or I'm leaving, or just cheat on her and never tell her?
Don't cheat. End it if you wanna fuck other people.
Has she ever been raped? Seems weird to get so affected by some rough sex. Be gentle for a while and let her decide when she's ready. How much does your relationship mean to you? Never stop trying if it means the world.
Cheating should never be an option anon, it is deliberately destroying your loved one's life.
Talk with her, try to explain it in a way so her logic doesn't let her think that you like her just because of sex. If you notice she doesn't make any improvements over next let's say 2 weeks, maybe you should break it off
I know that's what makes this so difficult. I love her, but I have so much sexual energy lately I can't focus on anything.
I flirt with every girl I meet, and I've gotten extremely good at it. I've gotten more girls numbers and interest in a few months than I did in four years of High School.
If she just gave me a weekly handjob I would feel 100x better, but nope...
It's like she wants me to cheat or something...I don't think she understands.
Yes but what do I say, exactly?
This is what usually happens:
"Do you want to have sex tonight?"
"No, sorry. I just want to relax and watch Twilight Zone."
What do I say to her to make her realize I don't just want her for sex, but literally need sex to feel happy in our relationship?
"Sweetie, I have to talk about something. When I try and initiate sex, it's not just physical, it fulfills an emotional need. I really need sex to feel secure and wanted in a relationship. I think a lot of guys are like that. I'm not upset at you, I'm not angry that you don't work that way, but the lack of sex is starting to seriously threaten our relationship."
> I don't just want her for sex, but literally need sex to feel happy in our relationship?
Exactly what you just told me, but elaborate it a little more and be prepared to breathe deeply so you don't let potential frustration affect you
She is a reasonable being too, and I am sure you are close enough that you can't openly tell her
Yes, you should tell her you are really unhappy with your (lack of) sex life with her and things need to change faster.
Delete your Tinder immediately. It's fucked up that you even made it and she would be hurt if she found out about it.
Don't cheat on her. Leave her if you must, but don't cheat.
Also, sounds like you need to work on yourself. I don't know what this "too rough" event was, but if you were out of line you don't really have anyone to blame but yourself.
Basically when we first started dating our sex life was really rough and intense. Lots of spanking, hair grabbing, intense kissing, cum swallowing, finishing inside her, etc.
It was like being in a porn. I got to live out all my fantasies.
When she dropped birth control her sex drive plummeted, and hasn't fully recovered. I tried to have sex like we usually used to a few months ago, and she says I was being too rough and made her feel anxious. I told her that I wasn't do anything that she said not to and she has told me in the past everything I was doing was okay with her.
So she basically didn't communicate that she wanted me to chill out, and instead had an emotional breakdown.
We've worked on our communication, but she still has an anxiety response to sex.
is there any way I can get her to start wanting sex more often? I've been working out a lot, got a nice haircut, always wear good clean clothes, etc. but nothing gets her in "the mood."
I think she's literally become asexual, but I can tell her hormones are getting out of wack. When we have sex her hormones are normal, and her skin clears up. When we don't have sex for a while it's like she's constantly PMSing and her skin gets break outs on it, which stress her out and make her want sex even less than before.
I've tried being direct, I've tried backing off completely, but nothing works.
I'm going to talk to her about it again tonight
tell her everything you just told us. she should at very least be blowing you if she doesnt want to fuck, the fact that she does not indicates a lack of understanding of her partner/male sexuality in general. if she does not attempt to compromise after you tell her these things, you should terminate the relationship before you lose your mind. you must remember to be assertive when you discuss this. more assertiveness in general would probably benefit you as well.
Well, if you've been trying everything you can think to do, and all attempts at communicating have failed... well, this might be the end.
Sucks if she's actually going through some shit, but if she can't/ won't communicate it properly or take steps to fix it, then it's getting time to cut bait. There's no sense in prolonging a relationship that neither of you are happy with anymore.
When you talk to her about this next, tell her she needs to start taking this all very seriously or you will be gone.
Ask her if she is confortable with your current economical situation or what are her future prospects.
Do you also fuck without condoms?
She might not want you to fuck her because she thinks you are not up for her expectations, so have a baby with you would suck for her dreams
this is how women think
I'm a TIG welder looking at six figures in the next ten years. We drank mushroom tea yesterday, and it was very helpful, because we both communicated a lot.
She basically told me that she's very happy with me and herself and where we're going. Didn't mention sex at all, just confirmed that she's happy with who I am and who she is.
Tomorrow is valentine's day. She said all she wants to do is grab a pizza and stay in for the night. Hopefully tomorrow we'll have sex.
And yeah we use condoms. She's not on birth control, and she's not ready to have a kid. She is slightly anxious of having penetrative sex even with a condom because she's afraid it will break and she'll get pregnant.
She said she wants to have kids with me eventually, but not while she's still in school and hasn't moved in with me yet.
then she needs to be pushed away. there is nothing wrong with firmly communicating your desires as long as youre not pushy about it. no begging/whining/etc. from my perspective, she does not care about what you want/need from a relationship, which is not a good characteristic in a partner. i would have broken things off as soon as sex stopped being consistent, as that is something that i need from a relationship. no hard feelings or anything, different people have different libidos. sex is a mutual activity for mutual benefit, not something she "lets" you do or that she feels she "has" to do. honestly, i think she is not attracted to you anymore, and if im right that is all the more reason to terminate the relationship and find a more suitable/compatible partner
Yeah that's what it feels like.
What's kept me with her is her saying recently when talking about this issue:
"You're the best sex I've ever had, and I'm still very attracted to you, I just have no desire for sex. It's nothing against you, it's just not important to me right now."
Basically I think she's become asexual from birth control/bad sex experience.
I'll communicate clearly what I need out of our relationship this week without being pushy. Tomorrow is Valentine's day so I'll be direct and ask her if she wants to have sex while we're in bed together or something.
Tomorrow seems like it's going to be great or really suck.
Don't ask "Can we have sex?"
This is a turnoff for every woman
"What can I do to make you enjoy or look forward to sex more?"
If she gives a shit answer, tell her that you love her but sex is important to you and you want to go to couples therapy etc together (if you're genuinely serious about this girl)
If she refuses, dump her ass