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Got a couple of valentines-day themed questions...
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Got a couple of valentines-day themed questions for you, /adv/.

It's about that time when the majority of my acquaintances who had started a successful relationship between 18-20 years of age are now getting engaged.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years now, and although I know she's not keen to get married just yet, she's dropping hints like crazy about engagement, and her family are starting as well.

My problem is that since about the 2nd year, I've had this niggling feeling that I don't want to be with this girl for the rest of my life. I love her, but I just feel as though I wouldn't be happy long-term and I've recently been finding myself unhappy more often.

I can be happy with her perhaps 70% of the time, and most of that time is when we're out doing something nice. Problems arise when we go back to her house and she starts shouting at her parents for genuinely negligible things, or when I point out she's doing something she shouldn't be doing and she twists the scenario to make herself the victim and place me in a situation where I have to apologise for calling her out, or the fact that we actually have nothing in common besides our extended relationship; no mutual interests or anything.

Like I said though, it's been 6 years, I'm close with her family and they're all good people, not to mention that she's one of my best friends: I just feel like if she got impatient and proposed tomorrow, I would pretty much have to say no, and I'm not sure that's ever going to change.

I need a third person perspective, and a drink.
>>
why have you started that relationship in the first place?
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>>16801494
She was beautiful, interesting, and easy to talk to.

None of those things have changed, but I'm questioning whether that's enough to build a marriage on; even disregarding that feeling that marriage with her wouldn't be a good idea for me, and maybe even for her.
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>>16801502
tell her what you honestly think and how you feel, it is the best you can do and see how she will react to that.
remember that it is your life and your feelings are just as important as anybodys elses
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>>16801515
I really appreciate you telling me that, the only problem is that I've known I need to do that for a while.
Truth be told, I tried telling her that at the 2 year mark when I realised things might be starting to go awry, and the shock of me telling her gave her a blood nose and she was a wreck for the rest of the day.

I know my feelings are important, but even the mention of this would hurt her really badly.
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>>16801502
>wouldn't be a good idea for me, and maybe even for her
why so? what do you fear would happen? and do you have anything those fears ground on?
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>>16801534
The most prevalent consideration isn't necessarily a fear, it's more that I just frankly don't care for the idea of marriage, and no matter how I try to spin it to myself I can't shake that dislike for whatever reason.

My more rational fears have their foundation in simple incompatibility. She is dead set on kids and a real estate portfolio, and a relatively high life.
I'm uncertain about kids, anything more than a single house (two at most) seems like an unnecessarily large pool of assets, and I don't think I could stand what she considers a 'good' lifestyle (which I would call lavish).

To elaborate further on incompatibility: the career she's gunning for would place her in a very business-orientated environment, and what she's done so far has already moulded her personality. She doesn't joke as much as she used to, and things I say or do aren't acceptable anymore.
I went out with her and some of her friends one time and met a really interesting person, only to be teased later because the person I met was obviously 'not cool' (to use her exact words).
She calls some of my more recent hobbies nerdy, and has outright stated that she wouldn't be comfortable if I pursued them into married life; but they're things that I enjoy doing.

Fundamentally, I can see what kind of person she's going to become, and that kind of person isn't going to be happy with the person I want to become.
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>>16801566
>I can see what kind of person she's going to become
judging solely on the infos i got from you, i'd say she has adopted the "normie lifestyle". she wants everything her friedns have. it's not a desire that comes form her heart. it's a competition, and this sucks.
i feel like you have lost the connection to HER. i don't know if you ever had it. do you think yo uknow her? do you think you know why she want's these things regardless of your happiness? why does she want to mold and change you into something you aren't?
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>>16801574
I know her very well, she wants these things due to a combination of wanting to succeed and excel.
The kids, portfolio, and lifestyle thing have always been things she considers important, and her new job is a way of securing those.

Plus, it's work that she enjoys; and that's nothing but a good thing.

Also, I had the realisation that she's becoming 'normal' a month or two ago. To be exact, I realised that she was becoming conventional, and that made me pretty sad; because a lot of her previously charming characteristics are being phased out to make way for this new person.
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>>16801583
>have always been things she considers important
and what kind of person would YOU like to become? it sounds as if you don't fancy the traditional stuff, kids, a house,... what's it that you want then?
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>>16801597
I want to be productive, and for my work to make other people's lives better. That's pretty much all I want.

Things like kids, a house, and nice things all seem incidental to that.
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>>16801617
and why do you feel like this clashes with your gf's wishes?
do you explicitely NOT want kids or do you just don't care so much about it?

i feel like this
>She doesn't joke as much as she used to, and things I say or do aren't acceptable anymore.
I went out with her and some of her friends one time and met a really interesting person, only to be teased later because the person I met was obviously 'not cool' (to use her exact words).
She calls some of my more recent hobbies nerdy, and has outright stated that she wouldn't be comfortable if I pursued them into married life; but they're things that I enjoy doing

is the real problem.
firstly, she is suddenly becoming less humorous and lighthearted.
she also starts mocking you for your preferences (whilst also making fun about others, not a nice thing to do).
and she want's to controle and change the way you are.


that would be deal breakers for me, for sure.
a lot of people slowly fall into that kind of mindset. if i'd be you, i'd have a honest talk with her and tell her exactly the things you told me itt. maybe she didn't even notice how much she changed. maybe she doesn't want to be a nagging and humorless girl eiter. or, she thinks you are being immature and unreasonable. in that case, you got your answer.
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>>16801622
They don't necessarily clash, although my considering kids incidental is a problem as rearing a human being is something serious enough that you can't be half-hearted in your efforts.

Everything else you've said seems right though. Combined with what the other anon said, I pretty much have no choice but to think hard about how I feel and just tell her honestly.

I really do appreciate your help, I hope the next time you post a question I'm there to help you out.
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>>16801638
>think hard about how I feel and just tell her honestl
yup, that's what you should be doing. it takes balls, but as it seems, it's just time to change something or move on.
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>>16801566
So basically
>my gf undermines my masculinity and is the dom

I mean if you aren't comfortable now you won't be comfortable years from now. Just make sure you aren't look at grass that isn't greener.
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