I've been dating my girlfriend for a long time and we love each other blah blah blah. Anyways, she's a very sociable person. The problem with this, is it attracts some really creepy dudes.
I had to tell some kid off the other day because he got it in his head that he could feel her leg. And I felt bad because this kid had some issue, probably never seen a vagina in person before. He assumed that a girl being friendly with him meant she liked him. Then he crossed the line and she got uncomfortable.
This has happened with several really desperate guys before. I usually just laugh it off and move on... until they cross the line. The above kid was the only one so far that went too far. Others have asked her out knowing we were dating and I thought it was kind of funny they thought they had a shot.
Well, there's a new one. And this one is a bit different. He's desperate for sure, but he isn't butt ugly and repulsive like the others. He's nowhere near as good looking as me of course, but I honestly think that's why he's trying so hard. He asked her out knowing we're dating to which she declined. I'm used to it now so it doesn't phase me. But every time he sees he grins like he's stealing my girl or something.
I have to be honest, it bothers me. I want to go up to this fat dude and ask why he even thinks he has a shot. But that just means I'm letting him win, get under my skin. And I know a big part of him doing this is because I am better than him, he just wants something... anything to hold over me. Should I ignore it? Or should I embarrass him bad? I can easily shatter his ego in a heartbeat in front of everyone. Or should I just say fuck it and leave the guy to be creepy?
Ignore it unless he crosses the line with her, or blatantly challenges/disrespects you. Then, take the chance to show him his place. By the sound of it, he probably will give you a reason pretty soon. Until then, act like that passive-aggressive bitch shit doesn't even bother you.
She's forced to. She works at a gym and gets all kinds of dudes hitting on her. She can't be blatantly rude since she is an employee. But I understand what you're saying. Sometimes she has a hard time being rude when it's acceptable to be rude or blunt. And this gives guys a green light if they're not good at picking up on body language
>I have to be honest, it bothers me. I want to go up to this fat dude and ask why he even thinks he has a shot.
So its less about you wanting to protect your girlfriend and more about using her as a trophy so you can feel better than other people.
Obviously she's a big girl that has no problem taking care of herself but you seem to feel the need to insert your ego into the equation so that not only do other guys not talk to her/hit on her but you also get to feel better than them in the process.
If you trust your girlfriend to stay faithful then keep yourself out of the situation unless there is imminent danger to her. She may find this kind of behavior flattering right now but pretty soon the "Oh I'm a pretty pretty trophy" sheen is going to wear off and she's going to see it for the childish knee-jerk reaction that it is.
Either that or she's going to get tired of your possessiveness and actually just accept one of those date proposals one of these days instead of rejecting it.
Its the same reason children with helicopter parents always end up rebelling and pulling away from their relationship. Its just too much dude. Swallow your fucking pride and start practicing behaving like an adult, it will come in handy in future relationships.
It doesn't really sound like he's being a "helicopter boyfriend" though, his actions have been very restrained. I think pretty much anyone in that situation would have negative thoughts about the guy hitting on his girlfriend and grinning at him. But they're just thoughts and he didn't do anything to humiliate the guy (though he wouldn't be completely out-of-line in doing so)
Honestly, this post just reads like you might be a tad overweight yourself, and maybe got a little offended by the way OP chose to denigrate his girlfriend's suitor
I hate to admit it but you're completely right. She has no idea I'm actually as possessive as I am internally. I just play a really good part in hiding it and she loves that. She often comments how she thinks guys get mad because I don't get jealous. It is true to some extent but it's because I am guilty of having an inflated ego. Truth be told I'd be crushed if she ever cheated. She'd never know though. I need to do something about my narcissism/insecurity
Mate there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're handling this situation like a champ. You judge a person by their choices and actions, not the thoughts and feelings they choose to keep to themselves. Don't get too caught up by bitter 4channers, learn to recognize a hater when you see one. This guy's not trying to help you, he's just putting himself in the creepy guy's shoes, because that's probably the guy he is outside this thread
> his actions have been very restrained
>And I know a big part of him doing this is because I am better than him
>I can easily shatter his ego in a heartbeat in front of everyone
These are not the thoughts of a restrained person. I'm advising him to cut this shit out before he lets it get out of control.
Planning to publicly confront and embarrass this guy for smiling at his girlfriend is not even about his girlfriend at this point. That's some serious self-conscious shit, dude. If you're not 17 you really have no excuse for that kind of behavior.
Like not once has he said anything even remotely resembling concern for his girlfriend's safety or comfort its all about how funny he thinks it is that men who he feels superior too think they have a shot. Only when they come too close or comfortable interacting with his trophy does he start having a problem with it.
Make the imminent safety of your girlfriend a priority and nothing else. She's an adult with an adult job and unless she needs your assistance in maintaining that safety keep you and your ego out of it.
>I need to do something about my narcissism/insecurity
Being able to pause for a minute and acknowledge it is honestly a huge step in the right direction, dude. I don't mean to completely flame you but I figured you could use some truth about the situation.
Practice letting things go. If at the end of the day your girlfriend is safe and feels like you respect her and don't think of her as a pretty thing you earned because you're better than a bunch of other dudes than having to nurse your ego is a very small price to pay.
It'll get better with time, but at least you're able to acknowledge where you fuck up a little bit. That means there's tons of hope for improvement.
>This guy's not trying to help you, he's just putting himself in the creepy guy's shoes, because that's probably the guy he is outside this thread
Also, try to avoid alpha'ing out like this anon suggests. It may look cool in action movies and rom coms but in real life relationships it drives women away. Maybe not at first but eventually it will. Protecting your girlfriend is not about making other people feel bad so bad about themselves for talking to her that they leave her alone, its about letting her live her life and supporting her when she needs it.
There will always be other men trying to have sex with your girlfriend, if you insist upon being an ape about it you'll be treated like an ape.
I never suggested "alpha'ing out." That was the opposite of my advice. I just don't think he should brainwash himself into being completely OK with it when creepy guys hit on his girlfriend right in front of him.
> I just don't think he should brainwash himself into being completely OK with it when creepy guys hit on his girlfriend right in front of him.
I never said to be completely ok about it. But it is possible to confront these situations without behaving like a child about it, which is what I was discouraging.
You're completely ignoring the motivation behind these confrontations and encouraging them despite the inherent place of insecurity that they come from.
That's not a very healthy way to live. I mean, it is if you're like 18 but as you become an adult learning when not to be aggressive is just as important as learning when to be aggressive, not to mention the fact that not once did he say that these incidences were occurring right in front of him.
You guys both brought up good points and I thank you guys. Also, another reason it does bother me is because he would never ask her out in front of me. But he awkwardly flirts. Or tries to, in front of me. Then half the time he's smirking at me. That in particular bothers me. It wears on you man especially if you're at the gym every day trying to get a workout in.
I have been ignoring it well until this point. And I think it bothered him that I didn't care at first. But he crossed the line asking her out. And I haven't seen him yet. But when I do, I just hope I can continue not caring, or at least pretending not to. That has seemed to be the most effective way to annoy him