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Is an EXTREME "hands-off" approach...
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Is an EXTREME "hands-off" approach to parenting completely valid? I'm having a big fight with my wife about this (we have no kids yet).

My parents largely ignored me as a child. I would often disappear for 3-4 days at a time. In turn, they showed very little in my well-being or safety. They also showed zero interest in my childish activities, though they always provided food and shelter.

Sure, I got heavy into drugs at one point and almost died a bunch of times during my adventures, but learning from my mistakes has made me a better person. I went on to become a successful lawyer.

Am I right that over-parenting is bad? I mean, strength only arises through making mistakes and living through it. And if my (hypothetical) child dies due to misadventure, it would be sad, but probably due to stupidity and weakness -- not all of my crazy friends made it. Some people just lack the common sense to keep themselves alive when shit gets real, simple as that.
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>>16800063
I appreciate you OP
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>>16800063
Your girlfriend probably doesn't want to carry a child for 9 months, breastfeed and raise it only to have it get killed due to its lack of maturity and guidance, then have her husband go "meh, he was weak".
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>>16800063

Most people would just find it impossible to behave that way about their kids, even if they wanted to. Biology overrides philosophy. Chances are, if you have kids, you'll care about them and watch out for them and have a heart attack anytime their life is in danger, just like most parents do

I don't want to talk shit on your life or on your parents, because I don't know them, and it sounds like you've had an interesting life. But most parents just couldn't do that, and I think most kids really appreciate knowing that someone cares about their well-being, even if it restricts their freedom at times. Kids just aren't really equipped to weigh risks and make decisions yet, a child who dies due to "stupidity and weakness" might've grown into a perfectly functional adult if he wasn't neglected and allowed to get himself killed by his parents
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There is a middle ground between helicopter parenting and borderline negligence, you know.
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>>16800063
Parenting is all about giving up your life for your children in the least obvious way possible.
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OP here.

>>16800069
Haha, thanks. I consider myself a retired adventurer, and I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. I truly learned that there's nobody in the world you can rely on more than yourself, how to talk myself out of trouble, that there's often no safety net or "redos," and that there are things in life a LOT more scary than taking a hard test or having a tough day at work. I'd want my child to experience that, even if it occasionally puts his life at risk.

>>16800074
I mean, I would be sad if my child died. Of course. But I 100% believe that being an active parent does a disservice.

I mean, why should I pretend that I care about Power Rangers or Minecraft, or whatever stupid bullshit kids are up to? My parents always told me they didn't care about stupid kid stuff, and I had to talk at their level if I was to keep their attention. That too is valuable.
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>>16800063
Needs to be a balance desu all the fuck ups i know either had parents who did not give a fuck or were way to strict and had there kids 'rebel' in college by letting tyrone run a train on them.
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Your parents were neglectful. Emotionally neglectful (yes, this is a thing) if not physically so.

That's not an okay way to parent. My dad was like that and everybody fucking hates him.
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OP here.

>>16800090
I get that, man. But I don't really even understand HOW I should act as a parent. Hell, I didn't learn that from my parents, and most of my friends were legitimate sociopaths or weirdos. If I wanted to, I'm completely positive I could be just like my parents.

The interesting part is that I don't know if my parents did this intentionally as part of a bigger lesson, or whether they were just assholes. They were actually moderately wealthy, but clearly didn't care about me.

They also gave me only a pittance for an allowance, got me only the bare essentials for clothing, and told me to learn a skill if I wanted more. So I learned a shitload about computers and became a part-time assistant sysadmin at age 13 for a "dot com."
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Over parenting is bad. Under parenting is bad. Are you fucking serious? You don't have to go through a ton of drug use and near death to end up as a high functioning human being. Strong gentle guidance from good parents who care for your well being usually creates well adjusted adults. You sound as fucked up as someone who was raised by shitty hands off parents and now you're trying to justify not taking care of your future offspring. Don't be a faggot and learn how to look after your kids the right way.
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>>16800063
>Some people just lack the common sense to keep themselves alive when shit gets real

This is one of the stupidest statements I've ever seen in the context of child rearing. ALL children lack "common sense". Learning how the world works is almost entirely through experience, and this includes learning about what sorts of things and situations are dangerous.

Children learn how to do things primarily through imitation and the guidance of others. Parents typically have the strongest influence and role here, and if you think it somehow would benefit a kid to not have this, that's just stupid.

You also have an obligation to your child and to society to not raise a piece of shit.

If you're too lazy to spend time taking care of a kid, don't have one.
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>>16800108
>>16800131

I'm sorry to say it man, but your parents sound like absolute sociopaths, and it's amazing to me that you don't hate them for the way they treated you. They simply did not care about you. This is no way to raise a child, and it never was. The fact that you survived it and came out as a functioning person says a lot about your own strength of will, but it's no endorsement of their parenting tactics. If you plan to raise your children in the same way, I honestly feel that you should not have children.

Not to say that you're a bad person or you're fucked. But if you're going to be a father, you need to come to terms with the fact that your parents were fucking terrible to you, instead of endlessly excusing and justifying their neglect to the point that you actually WANT to emulate it.
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