For some background, this is my brother's life for the last couple years:
> move about an hour away to go to college
> immediately meets girl, she essentially starts living at his place
> gets arrested and thrown in jail for a night for vandalizing college property (spray painted stupid shit, also had a pocket knife so he had a "concealed weapon on school property, gun/knife/etc" charge tacked on
> continues to fuck up, dropping and failing classes
> drags feet in dealing with court case
> keep in mind that his rent and utilities and groceries and court costs are all being paid for by our parents
> about 18 months later his case is finally resolved and record expunged
> he and girlfriend get cat
> he and girlfriend get puppy
> he and girlfriend break up
> complains of stomach pains
> he moves back home
> sleeps until at least noon every day
> me and parents continuously finding empty liquor and beer bottles stashed around the house/in his room
> he claims to not be drinking it (???)
> refuses to have a discussion about it, just says "fuck you" to parents and shuts himself in his room when they bring it up
I'm pretty much done with the whole situation. I have no options. My parents won't continue to argue with him about it because he's irrational and flies off the handle, to the point of walking outside in the pouring rain yelling about how no one respects him etc etc. I'm not going to bring it up with him because I'm honestly afraid he'll try to hurt me. No one is going to involve the police or any kind of help in that direction because it's more trouble than it's worth, not to mention if he was committed I'm sure it would either break him or he would kill himself. I'm tired of trying to bridge the gap between him and my parents, both sides apparently don't know how to deal with this. He needs help, my parents need help, I need help.
Let your parents find him a cheap apartment, pay the first few months rent in advance, and tell him in no uncertain terms that he can not move back in with them again. And stick to it.
And then watch as he turns the place into a shithole and drinks himself to death? And/or gets evicted because he can't pay his own rent? Letting him go off on his own with no supervision is partly how this whole downward spiral began, I can't see it being the way out.
Your father needs to be a fucking man and instill some fucking values in that cunt. Tell your dad to grow some fucking balls and confront him and tell him to get his fucking arse in gear.
The "you're fucking up, get your shit together" conversation/argument has happened so many times that I've lost count. It doesn't work. My parents are tired of talking to an indignant brick wall, and my brother is tired of being "blamed for everything" even though the blame for everything is squarely on him.
A few months rent paid would really ease the transition. He has to grow up sometime, and eventually the only way to do that is by growing up. Your bro sounds like a massive faggot by birth, who had the terrible misfortune of being raised by completely worthless parents who compounded his already distasteful nature by enabling and encouraging his narcissistic behavior.
Now that the rant is over, my advice would be that all of you see a family counselor together, and individual psychotherapists. Your parents seem to have the money to do it.
> raised by completely worthless parents who compounded his already distasteful nature by enabling and encouraging his narcissistic behavior
I will argue that my parents aren't completely worthless, since I seem to have turned out alright, but that they are completely tired of having their other son ignore all good advice coming his way. I've already told them that he isn't my responsibility, he's theirs. They feel like they're at the end of their parenting rope because he's 21 and, like you said, at a certain point you just have to grow up. My personal feelings are that if someone is acting like a 12 year old then you treat them like one, but I'm almost 100% positive that that doesn't work and only would make him more angry at life.