So, my ex-girlfriend, with which i was for 2 years, left me 2 years ago. This was our first relationship, and our first love. We were deeply in love with each other, but long story short, she left me because i fucked up with my low self esteem and pseudo-depression that made me awful to be around because i was so jealous and all.
I still think about her a lot, pretty sure i'm still in love with her. We had NO contact for those two years (except during the first months after the break-up where we talked once in a while).
And this morning, my best friend (who is also her friend) he had a big conversation with her, and she talked about me, said she wanted to talk to me, because it felt really bad to her to have been very close to me for 2 years and then have suddenly no contact, no news from me. BUT she told my friend that she didn't want me to get any ideas and that she didn't feel anything for me.
She wanted him to not say anything to me about this, but he did tell me anyway.
Now this is fucking awful, i have no idea what to do. There's this girl i'm still deeply in love with, i'm dying to talk to her and get back with her for 2 years, and now i learn that she wants to talk to me as well, but that probably nothing will happen more than a friendly conversation.
How the hell do i get out of this nightmare ? I feel terrible.
Also i must add that she recently broke up with her ex-bf.
If she doesn't feel anything for you, she would not have sought out your friend to pass on a message that was sure to get passed on with "She said not to tell you this but..." in front.
The honest truth of the matter is, both of you will have to work extra hard to avoid the same pitfalls that poisoned your relationship the first time around. You love her. But she left you. Your love for her is limitless, but her love for you had a limit.
You just have to come to terms with that.
>If she doesn't feel anything for you, she would not have sought out your friend to pass on a message that was sure to get passed on with "She said not to tell you this but..." in front.
What i thought, she knows exactly our relationship with my best friend and that we tell each other everything. Also this is actually the second time she asks about me to him, last time was six months ago she asked how i was doing, and now she wants to talk to me directly.
And since those last 6 months i've had a couple of "hints" of interest from her, small things like listening to the songs we used to listen together ("our songs", huh) a lot, liking some of my posts, while she would never do that before. It's really nothing, but when you add it to what she asked to my friend, it makes sense.
Maybe she really is interested but won't accept it ? Or i'm just full of bullshit and she really wants to be friend with me. That sucks.
Still, my initial plan was to talk to her next time i come back in town (i moved out since then but i often come back), and i think i'll stick to it, i won't be sure of anything as long as i don't talk to her directly. Should i ?
Maybe once she'll see me she'll want to be with me. Or not, i don't know.
Man this is really depressing. I think i was better when i was just thinking about her and thought she completely forgot about me
Probably worth talking to her, but I wouldn't expect anything to come from it.
If you find that you're not over here and aren't ready to be "just friends" then you can always go back to not being in contact with her.
If you're actually interested in being in a relationship with someone, I sure hope you didn't spend the last two years not trying to meet anyone else.
First of all: it's unfair of her to Alex pet or even ask of you to not have feelings for her. That isn't really how feelings work. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty one way or another. You're not a bad person because you're not the person she wants you to be. Don't let her mould or manipulate you. At the same time, don't push anything on her. If you can't get over her just don't do it. You shouldn't force yourself. It isn't your job to be her emotional puppet and dance around to please her.
Time for me to be overly cynical: she sounds like she just feels guilty over what happened and wants to get rid of that guilt while at the same time not really wanting to meet you again. Yknow? She's recently lonely and needs something to reaffirm her value and to be her emotional blanket. And you'd be a fool if you allow that to be you. Don't bend over backwards to please her.
i haven't been in a relationship since those two years indeed, although i want to and tried.
It's kind of in the process right now, i'm suppose to see a girl for netflix and chill on tuesday, and i still plan to try and get this one girl, but i'll know i'll still have my ex on my mind
I mean, i really want to talk to her. Initially i thought i wanted to talk to her (exactly like what she said to my friend) and just see how she was, and maybe if we still had a thing try to get her back.
But gradually i realized i only want to get her back.
And if i talk to her and nothing happen i know this is gonna be very depressing to me. I don't by any means wanna be friend with her.
And i thought this was how she felt as well because she always told me friendship after a relationship never works and she wouldn't want that. Now she wants to be friend ? Weird.
here's the thing : i can get over her, in fact i want to be in a relationship with another girl, but at the same time i know if i had the occasion to get her back i wouldn't even think and immediately take it.
So in some way i'm ready to talk to her and that nothing happens.
Although, i wish she'd talk to me directly if she wants to, instead of trying to be subtle with my best friend
While I'm on decent terms with some of my ex's, there's only one who I actually consider to be a real friend. It took years to get to that point (and what did it was actually the second time around, I had a moment when I realized that I liked her a lot as a person, but holy fuck is she the wrong person for me to be in a relationship with).
It may be worth giving her a call and seeing if she's interested in trying again, if nothing else so that you can ask, get rejected, and put the idea behind you so that you can move forward with someone else.
Yeah... I guess i'll try seeing her anyway.
I'll just act like i don't know about that conversation, since he wasn't supposed to tell me about it.
But i'm feeling so down right now.
My best friend was always supportive about me getting her back, he wanted to do everything to help us get back together since he still sees her a lot, and after the conversation he had with her this morning, he told me for the first time to just give up and forget about her. This is so fucking frightening and frustrating. I feel like i can't even "give up" because i was so involved in it it'll probably follow me for the rest of my life even if nothing happens, so why the hell anyway.
To think that i was happier when i thought she forgot about me and didn't want anything to do with me, than now that i know she wants to talk to me and maybe still has some interest in me, that's so fucked up, it kills me
Any other advice ? Please guys, i just need to talk about it
Hey anon, since you fucked up and she didnt cheat or anything, you should see her.
>Get your friend to set something up where you both get invited so you dont look like you're desperate.
>be everything you weren't before; charming, upbeat, happy, etc... (Ie be a good friend)
>let her come on to you
>but if she never does and its clear she wants to friendzone you, thats cool. Now you have someone who knows you well and can set you up with a match
>hell, who knows maybe shell get jealous and beg for the D at that point
Good luck OP
thanks for the advice.
My friend actually wanted to throw a big party at his house when summer will comes and planned to invite her too so eventually we get closer.
Maybe we'll stick to that.
I wish i could see her soon though, like next time i come to town.
Thing is i don't even know if she wants to see me irl or just know if i'm doing ok since she broke up with me and make sure i'm not on the verge of suicide since 2 years (i'm not, btw) so that she can feel better about herself like another anon suggested
Your friend isn't the one making the decisions.
It would probably be better for you if you accept that the two of you aren't right for each other regardless of why. Thinking "oh I messed up, if I could only redo everything, it would all go perfectly" is bullshit, but if you're not able to accept that and the possibility of getting back together with your ex is causing problems with moving on, then contact her and see what's up.
You don't need to play any games or wait for special times or anything like that. It doesn't matter why or why not she would want to talk to you. You'll probably figure that out really quickly once you get back in touch. You know how to get in touch with her, so just do it.
i want to, but just getting in touch with her it feels so hard to do, after all this time
Like what do i do, send her a freakin text ? a facebook message ? That feels so weird, it would appear right after messages back from when we were together
I really want to meet her irl, i'm not comfortable with texts anyway
It's funny how when we got together, i did all the "moves" and she was really thankful for that, i wonder if it'd be the same now
I don't wanna do everything again, i just wish i could build something new with her
i know her, and i already know how it'll go, whatever i do, it'll end up in bullshit monologues about "it'd be bad for us" and fucking metaphores i don't care about, she is a very intelligent girl, too intelligent maybe, i wish she could stop overthinking everything and rely less on logic and more on her emotions, because i know one of the main reasons she won't go out with me again is because "getting back with your ex is wrong", even if she wanted to, that's pretty much what she told me when i tried to see her again like 2 months after we broke up, and after that i just stopped any contact with her and now we're here
i mean i just thought about it and, she is my first love and the person i cared about the most, i loved the most, i was the most intimate with, how fucked up would that be to be friend with that person ?
And it's the same for her, so why would she want to be friend with me ? How the hell can you want to be friend with someone that was all of this to you ? This is so fucked up to me, i can't even imagine it.
It fucking kills me, it really does
What the hell does she want from me anyway ? If she just wants news without actually caring about how i feel about all this, i find that very selfish. She knows she could easily put me into a fucking mental torture by doing that.
i swear this is killing me
If it helps I'll just say that my wife and I broke up about 10 years ago over that very reason. It took about a year and a half before we started talking again, but we dated again for 7 years, and got married in 2014.
YMMV, but you should give it a shot because of the break up reason being so petty. Don't talk about the relationship, just hang out again if she wants and see how it goes. Good luck.