I feel like suicide is inevitable for me. My life will never improve, and actually keeps finding ways to keep getting shittier. I'm a kv and I have only 1 friend who I don't see very often. I've always been an outsider, the person people don't care about. I'll never been valued by anyone, or #1 in anyone's book. I'm doomed to live a lonely, miserable life, and there's nothing I can do to change it.
I guess I don't really need advice, but it just hurts so much to lead such a useless, lonely existence. I'm so sad that I don't get to be like everyone else, and I don't understand why life is so cruel.
the core concept of existentialism is that the universe has no inherent meaning. We are organisms with the opportunity to make choices. its the choices we make that give our lives meaning, if we choose to declare any.
the moment we start claiming we have no choices, our lives lose meaning. we cease being humans or even organisms, but simply become tools that a hostile universe uses to carry out its will.
the truth is the universe isn't hostile. it is indifferent. if the universe actually had it out for you it would have made you one of those chinese child slaves that simply can't commit suicide because of nets outside the window. forcing them to work their entire lives, suffering.
the universe is in fact indifferent to you, which means that you have the ability to change, shape, and improve your life. of course nothing good comes without some sacrifice, otherwise we would just have it.
now, what is more likely
>you, not having put in enough effort to carve out a good life for yourself
>some magical force of the universe made you blessed enough to be born in a first world country where you have the luxury of whining on a Hungarian cartoon pictograph forum, but ultimately needs you to commit suicide after years of being mildly depressed in order to activate its endgame.
do you really think you are so insignificant that the universe wants you out of the way ASAP, but somehow so important that it made you live to begin with? what god, what force, what universe would create you wiht the soul intention of giving you first world problems worthy of suicide?
you ARE like everyone else. life has not been particularly cruel. it has actually been more kind then it has for most of the world population. the big moments are going to hit you no matter what. but its what you do afterward that define who you are.
Honestly, the second one seems more likely to me. Think of it statically. There are many possible outcomes to life, and all together they add up to every possible outcome (100%). Now some outcomes are more common than others, but if you go through enough lives you will see every possible outcome. This means that yes, someone will lead a life of depression and isolation and then kill themselves in their 20s. I think that person is me.
I can't make other people care about me. Changing where I am or what I do or how I act has thus far had no impact on that, and I don't think that will change.
is not the same as
>someone has to
suicide is a choice. you are not being forced to kill yourself. you are literally refusing to put effort into changing your life. you might not have a good choice, but you have a choice. be your authentic self, or lose yourself entirely. but dont claim that the universe purposely conspired to give you the most comfortable possible life just so you could be apathetic about it and kill yourself.
>i cant make other people care about me
no, but you could start by caring about yourself.
>i dont think that will change
not with that attitude for sure.
but hey, if you want to believe the universe gave you all this luxury and opportunity so you could kill yourself, go do it. why wait? why keep whining? if you seriously have no choice in the matter, shouldnt you do it now?
But they are the same. Anything that can possibly exist WILL exist. Can a person lead the life I've described? Yes. Will a person lead that life? Yes. Would anyone willing lead that life? No. If a person could will themselves out of it, then it would never happen, but statistics says it will happen.
Caring about myself has no impact on others caring about me. Furthermore, the "attitude" argument is a meme, and the little amount of scientific data we have actually shows it false. For example, depressed people are more realistic than non-depressed people, who greatly over estimate their influence on things. On top of that, in my own personal experience, my attitude has no impact. I've gone into things hopeful and happy and had no diffrent results than when I was hopeless and depressed.
>but they are the same
will and have to are not the same things.
you have choice. the fact that you havent killed yourself yet proves it.
you can choose to keep pursuing life.
im done arguing though, you just want to whine so, why bother posting like ur asking advice?
Usual stuff. Tried clubs and groups as a kid and in college. Made a MySpace/Facebook/twitter/tumblr and tired to update them and talk to people. Tried smiling more in public. Tried smiling less. Tried being myself. Tried being fake. Tried reaching out to other isolated or socially awkward people. Tried going to bookstores, coffee shops, anime conventions, bars, clubs.
I think the fact that I haven't killed myself yet only proves that a person can kill themselves at a number of points in their life, and the point that I'll going to off myself just hasn't arrived yet. But goodnight.
It doesn't seem you've put yourself in situations where you're forced to talk to people, just crowds where you always have the possibility to talk to someone, but never do. I recommend either "getting interesting" (that is being knowledgable either on popular subjects, or autistically expert in one field that isn't weird to talk to people to like american litterature), getting yourself a better look by going to the gym (where it's really easy to talk to people for advice about the material), or just doing charity work, where you meet a lot of girls and can in your inner self laugh at the human cockroaches that come to you begging for help
Don't try to see every woman as a potential date, always aim to first speak to men, then to their female friends. It's way more important for you to have a male circle of friends than to get laid for now. It's a lot of work at first to make the connections, but it gets easier