S.P.S took my child hood

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>first time a watched porn i was 8 years old and basically brainwashed to thinking my pecker was not of any use so i avoided girls to save my self from humiliation.it grew to hunt haunt me for 13 years it was torture especially when i was sexually active.
>I could have lost it at least at 16 but i was still thinking my dick was small so i rejected them painfully.
>became socially awkward and introverted i plan to but some dick growing pills but my peers got in my way mostly my mother who is super religious
>after i came to the realization that i was normal it was to late whole school turned to a jimmy dean hot dog feast
>i was in tatters when i came to realized i miss on so much.
>im turning 21 this year i plan to lose it to a prostitute then kill myself
>unless someday i could transfer my consciousnesses to another body and relive those years i could die satisfied.
>the only reason why im going to biochemistry
>has anybody life have been destroyed because of this problem i feel like im the only one and for this long, I felt that i have no control over my destiny
>if anybody else had this fate hoe do you cope with it.