Hey /adv/, Femanon here, need some help.
Have a male friend, been friends for 4 years, really close. The kind of friend you tell all your secrets to, and who tells you theirs. The two of us have always supported each other and been there for one another.
Yesterday I received a message from him, and then noticed that shortly after I read the message, he blocked my phones, my email, unfriended and ignored me on all social media, ect. He suddenly just cut me out of his life entirely.
I have no idea why. I don't understand, and can't get any real answers from him. I went to his place and banged on his door for an hour straight and he just ignored me.
The last message he sent me read:
" Anonette, I'm sorry to tell you I can't be your friend anymore. Our relationship has become taxing on me, and I'm not capable of being the friend you deserve anymore. I want you to know you've done nothing wrong. You're a wonderful person and I care about you deeply, but I can't continue to be friends with you. For both of us, I think it will be better in the long term if we stop hanging out/talking with each other. I'm sorry if your hurt by this, but it's for the best. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better friend.
I don't understand. Why would a man do this? It came out of nowhere, for no reason. Hell the day before we had an amazing time together. I just don't get it.
Might have been something traumatic that he has no idea how to deal with? I for example cut ties with freaking everything when my depression worsened, because I didn't consider myself to be worthy enough.
But that's just my assumption.
I concur. Odds are you prattle on about yourself and your boy problems thinking he gives a shit and all this time he's grown resentful that he is the outlet for all of your garbage, but gets none of the benefits. Platonic male/female relationships don't work unless both parties are somewhat physically repulsed by the other.
If he's been interested in me at any point, he has the world's greatest poker face. I'm not a mind reader, but men tend to be at least somewhat obvious. I've never even noticed him doing as much as trying to check me out.
I'll admit, I found it weird because I never saw him dating, but according to him, his family, and his friends, he doesn't really date.
He's not autistic/socially impaired though. He's great with people, even women. Tons of friends. If he wanted he could have a girlfriend whenever he wanted to.
Also, considering how close we are, if he had developed feelings for me, I'd like to think he'd tell me. I could see why he might feel a need to break off the friendship in this case, but he's always been honest and direct until now.
Also, if he does like me, and wanted to date, I'm not entirely sure I'd say no.
I've rarely talk about my dating life with him. Mostly because he has a policy of not giving advice or commenting on other's religion/sex lives.
If I did so it was entirely unintentional. If I begin to talk to horses, it also won't be a purposeful attempt to emulate Nietzcshe. Either way it's an accurate statement.
Her friend wants to have a romantic relationship and believes the feeling isn't mutual. Odds are he feels guilty thinking he is now a bad friend.
It seems that your friend has some self-steem issues...
And the 'more than friends idea' from the posts above, yeah, more than likely that.
He NEVER checked you out?... I mean, NEVER?????.... That's unnatural. I have many girl friends and I check them out a lot, they are pretty and hot, I'm a man.
I'd say he knows how to hide the 'checking you out' part perfectly...
But, back to the point, I really think he's been feeling real bad about himself. This sudden departures or whatever are usually because the person thinks he doesnt deserve, or that he'll hurt the other, or himself... Either way, low self-steem.
>Also, if he does like me, and wanted to date, I'm not entirely sure I'd say no
Did you communicate that to him? Straight out of your mouth, with no hint or mind game at all. Did you tell him that exactly word for word?
I know that feelin' bro.
Yep, communicate that to him. I wouldn't go straight forward "YES I'D DATE YOU" mode, but it might be too late to be 'not so' subtle about it but still subtle.
No, because I'd never had a reason to. As far as I knew, and know, he doesn't date. Also, while I think he's cool and I'm really close to him, he's never really seemed interested in me. Between those two things, I never had a reason to tell him that.
In fact I'd never considered it until writing that reply in this very thread. The idea of dating him never really popped into my head. So I'd never had a reason to say as much.
On a scale from 1-10, how sure are you guys that he's doing this because he has feelings for me? If I'm going to confront him about it, I want to be as sure as possible. ( As sure as I can be with the advice of internet strangers. )
If he has been checking me out, I never noticed it.
As for feeling bad about himself, I couldn't imagine why. He's a great person. I'm kind of upset that if he was having depression issues he didn't rely on me to help. He's helped me through lots.
To me, it sounds like he's fallen in love with you and he feels guilty about it so he wishes to cut off contact in order to male it easier on him since he feels like he will betray your friendship by asking you to date. Either that, or he got a gf and she wanted hime to cut off contact with you. Also, another possibility is that he was servicing himself one night and you popped into his head and he liked it and now he feels guilty about servicing himself to an image in his head of one of his best friends.
ONE-itis. It's when a man has eyes only to one girl, it makes us put the girl on a pedestal and well, you know the rest.
Usually the ones that are the most kind are the ones that feel most sad and suffering...
Hard to believe, but I'm one to say. I've been depressed and people would say "How? You're like... so polite, a great person, good and filled with friends".
I'm not depressed anymore, but I still feel a lot more than other people, enough to make me treat everyone with respect, including some people that others say not to deserve it.
The diagnosis is oneitis with sadness (NOT DEPRESSION, for all we know).
>On a scale of 1-10, how sure are you guys that he's doing this because he has feelings for me?
Almost the entire thread is telling you the same thing so I think everyone is fairly confident.
You don't "confront" based on a guess. You politely ask him if he wants to talk about it and then you politely if the reason is X or Y or Z in order to make the conversation progress.
ALTERNATIVE POSSIBILITY: The friend is going through an intense phase of self-hating and thinks that OP deserve a friend who is not human scum. Possibilities include: he is an habitual liar, he is a serial murderer, he is a pedophile, he has a rape fetish, he is three dwarfs in a man suit, etc.
OP I've done this very thing before. What they are saying is probably true. He has the feels but knows he wont get you.
Yeah he seems to like you, if it's this bad and you've known each other for four years he might be be in love with you.
Some people can't take being around people like that they know they could never be with.
I got this oneitis thing a while back and it gave me such bad anxiety I couldn't sleep and my grades started to slip in school. the only reason it stopped was that she left the state and I had an excuse to keep contact to a minimum and forget about her.
OP, post an update.
Txt him or leave him a messge somehow saying that youre down to clown. I mean... Not all autistic like that but, you know, use your big word. Good luck winning your friend back and finding out what an awesome relationship is like homie!
Women seem to struggle understanding this concept, so I'm gonna state it in all caps.
IF YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH A GUY FOR MORE THAN TWO MONTHS, IT IS BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BANG YOU.
There are exceptions of fucking course - this is simply a rule of thumb.
No matter how obvious you may think people actually are, you can never read what goes on behind their eyes, the fact that this event sneaked up on you proves it to be true. So yes you aren't a mind reader, even with guys.
Also let it go, maybe he likes you maybe he hates you, it doesn't matter he clearly states he doesn't want to contact you in any way. Respect this.
Again it doesn't matter, you had loads of time to act on it. Let it go. If he comes back maybe there is still a chance, but that probably won't happen.