My grandfather has terminal cancer and dementia. I've been his carer for the last 10 years, and I'll be completely honest, since about 3 months ago, I don't enjoy his company anymore; not because he does 'embarrassing stuff', but because I can't have a conversation with him. He just rambles. And he doesn't want to do anything except watch TV, despite my best efforts to get him to help me with baking cakes and whatnot.
I'm going slightly insane, and part of me really wants the nightmare to end. I feel both guilty for my feelings and completely helpless, and it doesn't help that he gets aggressive whenever we try to get doctors/nurses/social workers to help. And even I draw the line at putting him into a home (I'm based in the UK, where carehomes don't have the greatest of reputations)
How do I stop going insane
How do I stop disliking being around what was once my best friend
How do I stop feeling guilty
Op, you have a kind heart, won't be easily tainted. I'd suggest getting away from your usual surroundings, i.e gramps, might help you calm down a bit, you need to realise that your grandpa is going through a phase, everyone does, it's just like childhood, adolescence.
Once he is gone, you will realize that you will not see him again ever, then you will feel very guilty for not having done more for him. It is a heavy burden, ask for someone else to help you.
I think you are doing the right thing, but dont let it “take you down with him“. Find professional help if you can, and think you need it. My mother works in ambulant palliative care and i could ask her tomorrow if this thread is still up and you are interested.
^This. My bro in law does respite care for parents of mentally disabled kids. Helps them out a ton.
Respite workers (some of them) are trained/have the kind of personality to get along well with difficult people. Could be a good option for your grandfather.
Very sorry for your situation. My grandfather had Huntington's Disease and died about 4 years ago. Grandmother took care of him right up until the end, even after he could no longer do anything for himself, and could barely complete sentences. When he died, she felt guilty bc it felt like a weight had lifted off her shoulders. She had to work through that, but the fact is that you're doing a good thing taking care of him. As much as it seems like a black hole right now, know that his life would be immensely different in a bad way if you weren't caring for him. Keep up the good work man. You're doing a good thing.
**One last thing, stay connected with friends (old/new). Let them in on a *little* of what you're going through. Don't make it all you talk about, but let them know about your life. It'll help you have friends to fall back on when your grandfather dies. Good luck friend.
Talk to him. Just ramble on about your day and especially about memories you have of times with him in the past. Even people deep into dementia are sometimes pulled up to the surface by a jog to the memory or just an ordinary chat, and you will treasure those moments yiou stimulate.