Relationship novice here,
In high school I had a few short 2 month relationships that didn't amount to much, and then a pretty bad on again off again with a girl who turned out to be the town bicycle that lasted about 8 months.
Now, I'm about to turn 20, and I've been dating my current girlfriend for a bit over a year, and I find myself losing attraction to her.
Not that she has gotten ugly or anything, I look at her and think "wow, what a great looking girl, why don't I want to fuck her?"
My guess would be that this is just my first time being with someone outside of the honeymoon phase, and my dopamine levels are just going back to normal.
My other guess would be that maybe we have just become to close, we are essentially best friends, and have a very friendly dynamic. There isn't the enmeshment/intensity that I've been used to in other relationships.
We get along great, share very similar worldviews, have an identical sense of humor, and have a blast every day just doing normal routine things.
Is it normal to not be attracted to an otherwise good-looking and compatible person? Does attraction come back and leave and come back again through the cycles of a relationship?
Pic related is something I used to do all the time, and now I do it maybe once a week and it's not even that fun.
The end of the honeymoon phase is totally normal. For me, it lasted even less long that what you're describing. However, you've already got the hardest part out of the way by being best friends with your girlfriend.
Yes, there can be cycles to feeling attraction to your partner. Sometimes you have to foster that attraction for a while to get it to come back. How often do you have sex? Do you mix it up at all or explore any kinks? Is sex planned or routine or do you do it when you feel like it? Has your girl changed at all in terms of appearance or the way she treats you sexually? Do you still feel sexually satisfied by her? Your current lack of attraction could be do to any number of things - try to do some thinking on it.
This is a small road bump that you need to approach together to overcome. Be careful not to make her feel like she's not sexy or not good enough. Becoming a bit bored is normal - it's why so many relationships end once they start approaching the "long term" mark.
>how often do you have sex
Like once a week
Kinda both, we only fuck on the weekends when I have the house to myself. We're moving out together soon because we both have hostile living situations and we finally found a co-signer for an apartment
>changed in appearance
She has gained a little weight since we started dating - like maybe 5-10 pounds but it has been steady and she shows no signs of increasing. Her ass used to be super fat, but she wanted to get into fitness because I go to the gym 3x a week. So her idea of "fitness" was eating 300 calories a day and running 3 miles a day for 2 weeks and then stopping after 2 weeks and losing 15 pounds because she got shin splints. All of this was against my advice, but now she is back at her original/normal weight
No, not at all actually. If I get aroused I want other girls or /s/, wouldn't act on the cheating though
Nah, we tried bondage, and she loved it, but I don't really have any "kinks", the thing that turns me on is the idea of fucking other girls sadly
But yea, I've kinda tried talking to her about losing attraction, and I reassured her that I still love her and care and all that, but girls are so sensitive about certain topics, I don't want to send her into a panic.
I've been with my boyfriend for really long. We're totally best friends, and I love being with him, but we both felt less attracted.
We decided to have sex less often, but better. We both stopped masturbating. We spend a LOT of time with foreplay, oral sex, making out, kissing.
We try to do different things (my kinks/his kinks).
We've been really open.
It worked wonders for us.
Yea girls can be pretty sensitive
Do you watch a lot of porn, or look at a lot of images of women you find beautiful? Maybe watch porn or browse /s/ a bit less often, if that's something you do regularly. If you want to have a happy relationship without cheating you need to not indulge in the fantasy as much either
Also, do you have any mental illnesses? I know when my boyfriend's depression was getting pretty bad, but before he got medicated, he was having a really hard time feeling attracted to me, or interested in having sex with me
I like how you guys could compromise. Most other girls would've quickly ended their relationship, you on the other hand found a solution out of love and respect for each other.
I'm just trying to say that I'm pleasantly surprised that people like you still exist.
I wish you guys the best of luck.
It comes back. Long term relationships are about maintenance. The term partner is more applicable than the term lover, some times, but people really like banging. That's a perk of a real relationship --if you want sex, no biggie!
Thanks! That's really nice to hear. You made me smile.
I really love my boyfriend and we've been together for almost 8 year, so no way I'd ever leave the man I want to get married with over something so stupid.
Best of luck, take care :)