Please tell me if it's a bad decision to email the girl like. I will provide context to avoid any impulsive conclusions:
>work in an office complex in central NY
>a girl from another company on the floor above enters 2-3 times a day to print things off or make coffee
>she asks me a question one time and I really notice her
>she smiles when asking the Q but I dismiss it as formal pleasantry
>she seems pretty quiet and is very beautiful to me but not a sort of minx everyone gets the hots for
>google her name and find out we're both into the same kind of music etc
>develop strong feelings towards her
>I'm pretty quiet and for whatever reason (I don't think it's just plain shyness) I act aloof and indifferent when she's there
>can't really make conversation as it's a small office and everybody would notice and hear
>she's likely from an upper-middle class background and a top college which also discourages me from thinking I have a shot
>she hasn't been in work for two weeks
>overhear a conversation her boss was having today which implied they are moving offices very soon (maybe this week)
I have written a draft of the email I am intending to send. If anybody is willing to give advice etc I'll post it in this thread.
It's a great idea. What's worked for me in the past is being 100% honest about my feelings in a seemingly nonthreatening email. I described the things I wanted to do with her (take her to the mall, dress her up very pretty, make love to her by candlelight) and it worked amazing. We are still together today.
Do it in person or not at all.
The email is going to fail terribly. And they have a paper trail. If you think that people overhearing is bad, imagine her forwarding the email to people you work with. Imagine your boss asking you why you are asking people out at work and why he received a complaint about you stalking someone.
I am strongly convinced that this girl wouldn't do that. She may show one of two of her colleagues, though I don't think she'd send it to my boss. Also the chance of doing it in person has passed. It's email or a life of regret.
"A life of regret?" Please, you don't even know this person. Your feelings are entirely based on what you imagine her to be, not who she really is. All she would ever be for you is a disappointment and why would she ever want to be with someone like that. Find someone else and don't wait so long to ask them on a date and get to know them next time.
what are you bumping for? We told you it's a bad idea, there's nothing else left to say
It's your own fault for being spergy earlier and not making a move when you had an opportunity
Do it you fucking pussy
Chances are she is not going to read it
She will respond
She will giv you succ
Either way you prob should move on, just send it so you dont have that nervous feel to send it
Just tell her in person. Remember that you are having tunnel vision.
She's a person like everyone and you can treat her like a normal person. Don't hit her up like you want to go from null to girlfriend. More like escalating from null, talking, more taking, liking, friendship, girlfriend. Not natively English here
>draft of the email
"hey so I heard you might be leaving?"
wait for answer
"cool, cool - listen this is a bit randomn and like no pressure, but if you ever fancy a drink some time I know bar X which is pretty cool"
Wait for response
Follow up with contact deets.
Its that simple. If you cant bare rejection, then you don't deserve to make progress.
Good riddance with giving autistic OP high hopes
Anyway Op I think your window of opportunity has closed. I was a girl in a similar situation, a guy I knew from work confessed to me in a very long text message....All I can say that it was awkward and embarassing to me. I liked him before but because he didnt try to ask me out or anything I moved on and then he sent me this text and I just felt kinda weirded out by it desu
let it be lesson for you to make a move normal way ei. by flirting and asking girl out when she's around
Far too casual considering there has never been a conversation beyond a brief question regarding stationary. Can't just email somebody you've never properly spoken to with "hey how's it going!", especially if you are an otherwise quiet individual.
well you know when someone sends you foot long love confession but ignores you or acts aloof when you speak face to face for half of a year you kinda assume there's something off with that person
I get being shy and all but thats just autistic. In my case this guy had plenty of occasions to ask me out and get to know me and he didn't use it but then out of blue he sends me text saying how he wants to get to know me and how he thinks i'm wonderful. So I assume he either got very thirsty or is somewhere on creep spectrum
normal person would try to get to know me when I was around and willing to chat not go into dramatic messages and all
What if the guy hadn't had many opportunities to do so?
But I get what you mean and I suppose my hesitance here is due to the fact that I know this can't go well and will likely result in me feeling extremely euphoric (for lack of a better word) for like ten minutes before realizing what I've done and regretting it. But really this isn't just a person who is replaceable and just another fish in the proverbial sea. I realize me saying that is a consequence of assumptions I've made but still I've made assumptions about other people and never felt this way previously. I realize I seem autistic and though I may not be very sociable and so on I'm also a pretty good judge of character and am not naive to the varying perspectives of those around me and subtle cues etc. This is going to haunt me I just know it.
Also what do you mean by "off"?
Like creepy or just depressed or something?
Providing they make it clear in a non-foot long message that they realize it may be strange to contact them, and isn't saying like "wanna meet up at my place tonight lol" would it be in any way non-autistic / creepy to send it.
But there won't be. I'm not willing, at the moment at least. to register another regret and failure on my part and continue with the vague optimism that there will be a next time. I know you're thinking practically and so on but it really is saddening.
I'm with this op if you have to send and email and not find a way to find her in the office before they move which would be best be casual in your asking. I'd say this, "Hey I'm anon we talked a little bit in the office a while back, I'd like to get to know you and take you for coffee or a movie sometime. "
Ok but please articulate your ridicule rather than just accusing me of being autistic.
I notice that your company has moved offices and wanted (despite being aware that doing so might be perceived as strange) to wish you good luck for the future.
I realized we've never had a conversation that may have warranted this email and that the impression you may have of me if any is as a sort of humorless mute, but I hope you don't take too much offense at me communicating this way.
Anon (from Company Y)
God I really don't know. I'd find out where the company went with google - then like call her up on listed number. And be like hey remember me.
Then 'I was going to ask you out for a drink? whatcha say?"
I have never tried this though anon - you'd be flying solo and without a spotter.
But iisnt that the true nature of being alpha male?
Nope. Totally separate companies, with no communication between the two other than a hello in passing.
You're trying to trick me into going to prison. But thanks for your previous posts anyway.
Don't apologize say hey this is anon we talked a little bit in the office I heard you were moving to other work and wanted to wish you luck. Sorry it worked out that I had to say this in email and not in person.
But we didn't talk, it was like two questions asked on separate occasions in December. I think the "sorry it worked out" is too familiar and would appear insincere coming from me, and also sounds like I'm blaming the situation rather than myself.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too formal
This might seem a bit random, but I'm the boy from downstairs a y company. I was going to ask you out for a drink but your colleague told me your company has moved office! Anyway, its cool if not, but do you fancy grabbing a mojito at XX bar sometime?
(id find a way to fit in a compliment / reson why your asking her out - but really you're doing this on the basis of wanting to fuck her / stalking her interest and its hard to translate that)
yeah but you had some opportunities and you acted aloof instead. Also how do you know your admittedly creepy email won't haunt the girl? Like come on. I still cringe whenever I remeber that guy and his text.. Like I said just learn to let go and next time actually make a move
Both creepy and depressing and while i obviosuly can't speak for all girls, most girls would find Op's action pretty creepy and weird too. Just imagine that you know this guy from work from time to time and he acts distant towards you and not really interested. and then out of blue he sends you an email (no matter the content really). so first he kinda ignores you and then tries to worm his way into your life. So yea most girls would assume that the guy got very thirsty or that hes a spaz who ponders for a long time if he should ask you out or not (and does it when you are basically gone)
OPs grave mistake was that he didnt take an action when she was still around and asking him questions or chatting whatever. now he tries desperately to gain something and desu shell realise he does it now and not before because of some self esteem issues or whatever. I'm almost 100 percent sure it wont work out the way op wants it to
There has to be a degree of formality here. Coming of as uncharacteristically optimistic or "fun" would be suspicious and false on my part. Also I never use exclamation marks and would never invite someone for a mojito, it's just not that sort of context. Also my intentions are pure and are not influenced by lust.
Well then maybe emailing is a good (because only) way. You just have to figure out, what to text. Maybe something like "heard that your company will go away, you too then right? Wanna stay in touch?/Wanna meet up with me sometime?"
I'm a girl and I would find this mildly disturbing; the serious language and the fact that you write to me for no reason - because honestly, why would I care about your good luck wishes at that point? You do sound autistic, sorry.
Is flippant but a bit better. Still from what I gather you didn't really have many interactions with her, so she might perceive you as some stranger she was nice to and might be surprised by your suggestion. Did she give you her email or did you find it?
but why is it heartbreaking when you just said your intentions are pure?? it's not like you are gonna become her best friend forever. She will know the moment she reads that email that you are getting in touch because you will want to fuck her eventually. you write basically with no reason and just the content is stiff and autistic.... just spare her and yourself embarassement and let it go
idk i see that many anons suggest you go for it but personally if I were you I would rather avoid humilitation.
First of all, you deprecate yourself like 4 times in the email. Don't do that. Who wants to date a self-described fucking loser/strange/humourless.
Just write "Hey! I heard you're moving offices from xxx! But I always wanted to get to know you better. Want to do drinks?"
I was trying to be humorous with the mute thing, to show I'm not actually humorless and possess a degree of self-awareness about my disposition and so on. Also from this thread I gather that I'm autistic and should just accept that I've fucked up beyond saving.
Don't ever be negative about yourself in an introduction email. For work, social, anything. Why would you ever give a person a reason to think negatively of you, even as a joke? Plus, it only works well as humor if they already know you (and therefore think it's funny because they know you're not like that).
Self-deprecating humour miiiight be charming if you guys had actually had a conversation before. But as it is, it just sounds creepy.
Please just do what wrote for the love of god.
OP here. I'm still browsing and would appreciate any further thoughts or advice about this.
Considering this could be a major turning point in my life for the better I want to receive as much guidance as possible