I've been together with my gf for 8 years now. We had our good and bad times, but i've never felt so bad as of this moment.
She is a beautiful, funny and good women. As we met we fell in love pretty hard. We were young and of course this crushy feeling faded over the years, but we loved each other. She made me always feel needed and i think i made her always feel desired.
But for about half a year now things have changed. She was always kind of cold, because of her parents, and rarely talked about her deep feelings, but now she seems like a stone to me. She is in a lot of stress, because she is majoring and has difficulties doing so and i was under a lot of stress, because of business. This actually worsened the situation till i could not take it anymore. After about a month without sex i pressured her into talking and she told me, that she does not find me attractive anymore and she isn't happy with our sex live.
This hit me hard, but I tried to do better. I started working out more, take her out more and give my very best to have sex with her as often and as passionate as i could. Also do some crazy stuff, when we were out to show, that I can still surprise her and be fun, also I was a little flirty with other girls, when she was around, to show, that i'm not a loser and could have other girls, if i wanted. This worked pretty well for a couple of weeks.
Than i was a dick once, because i drank to much and came not home for the night without telling her, because my phone was dead. After this things worsened rapidly. She started to meet with one of her friends more often, who i despise from my heart, because this cunt already once tried to reassure my gfs doubts about our relatinship, which lead to a hard time a couple of years ago. This whore also has problems with her bf at the time and is a groupy of a local singer, to whose gigs she always goes. She and my gf started to go there together and get quite drunk. Also return home in the early morning hours.
It sounds like you're both degenerates who don't know what relationships are for.
You're supposed to be bound by marriage and child, not just wanting to have sex and feel lovey dovey.
At first i did not really care. I wasn't jealous for years and I trusted her. But this shit became to frequent and i started to feel paranoid. I was afraid of loosing her. Partiing was never really her thing. She went with her friends once in a while, but this was new.
I was gone for a weekend and I knew she was partiing again. When I came home I checked the photos from the location, where she was and i became furious. It's not that she was dancing on these with other man, but she was having fun behaving slutty with her friends. I destroyed all our alcohol at home and told her, that she needs to quit doing this, because i can't take it anymore. She was mad, that i was so paranoid and didn't trust her. I told, that it is not about that i trust her or i don't, it's about, that i wi not tolerate it, because it will have very bad consequences, if i do.
After a couple of days things got better. We were very passionate. Had a lot of sex and she clearly enjoyed it way more, than before.
Again I was gone for a weekend, because of business and, when i came home she confessed to have been partiing again. She showed remorse and told, that it was stupid of her and i belived her and to my surprise reacted very calmly.
This is two monhts ago. Sex became less frequently again, because she is learning all the time for her finals. She was partiing once again on a birthday. She told me about it and i was fine with it, because a birthday is a valid reason to do so. But my paranoia, that she does not wantto be with me anymore got worse and, when she yesterday told me, that she is goiing to party on friday whith her cuntfriend again i went full sperg. Telling her, that i fucking hate that bitch.
I hate beeing a whiny faggot. I've never been one and i hate, that my gf or the fear of loosing her makes me one. I feel like i have to finish this to keep a shred of self respect. Do i?
I can't imagine a better future than growing old with her, but at this point i think she can..
I understand your concern and me and her both want to have children, when the time has come. We live as we are married. Living together for seven years. We know both our families and always went for the full game. But you're right in the thing, that she seems to gotten more degenerate, which i hate to see.
When we had the first talk, she confessed, that she did not come for years.
I am her first, she is my second.
I am 99.9% sure, that she is not cucking me, but until this shit it was always 100%
While its good that youve put in effort before to spice things up and keep things interestong, you've broken two rules to keeping a long relationship going:
> Never show your partner that you are paranoid or jealous of her activities.
This is ultimately what puts women off of men because it's an indicator of confidence and self-worth.
> Never try to control your partner or give them ultimatums.
You will start to come across as controlling and not fun to be around. Don't make her feel bad for going out. She will eventually come to resent whatever control you have over her emotions and will eventually cheat on you or leave.
Talk to her without putting her on a guilt trip, nor getting drunk and aggressive, nor accusative and controlling. Maybe go out with her a bit, find a compromise, do more stuff together. Either she will realise that you really care on an emotional-needs level, or she will still allow herself to get influenced by her friend, which means shes still immature, and you should think about distancing yourself if she doesn't realise her friend is whispering poison to her.
7 year mark is about when you start getting sick of each other. A lot of the relationships that don't last fall apart around this time. And you two have already made it to 8 so that's good.
If you wanna stay with her, then stay. Maybe start getting better at sorting the shit that bothers you right when it first comes up instead of waiting until you can't take it anymore.
So: Bothersome thing happens. Decide if thing is something to talk to her about or something you need to get over. If it's on her or that big of a deal to you, speak up. If it's on you or not that big of a deal really, make peace with it and move past it.
As I see it, both of you are unhappy with this relationship and isn't worth saving.
I'd assume she feels there is more in life that she never got to experience because of you,
You don't seem like the party kind of guy, so assuming you have been with her this whole time she
never got throught a partying care-free phase in her life.
Now, I don't mean this phase is kind of necessary or meaningful in anyway.
She probably is just checking her friends lives' via social media and realizing that other are
getting in life something she never have and can't have because it doesn't suit your particular life style.
If you keep extending your relationship at this point, she would be just unhappy. Just look what you wrote,
you are already dictating what she can and cannot do with her life. Not being a degenerate is something your
partner shouldn't be told to do but rather a mindset you expect by default from them.
Just end it, and find someone that fits you better. She probably is would cheat at some point if she hasn't already
if this keep going any further.
I'm imagining that you're pretty young. You guys were probably together through your late teens and early twenties, and if that's the case, it sounds like she's just getting out and doing all the things she missed because she was in a relationship through that time.
Just try to understand it from her perspective, maybe try going out with her and see what happens. Just let her do her thing man, any relationship involves compromise. Try to look at it objectively: does she seem really distant? Is that lasting a long time or getting progressively worse? If so then she's starting to get over it or she's grown resentful.
Long relationships are weird. What you need to do is figure out whether this is just a phase, and for how long you'll be willing to put up with it for the sake of being with this girl. If you don't like the answers to those questions, then it's probably time to get it over with and end the thing. Make sure you get yourself a lead on some living arrangements beforehand so that everything goes smoothly, if that's what you decide to do.