My husband teaches German at a secondary school. There is this girl who graduated a year ago who he seemed to have befriend. He taught her four years ago. My husband seems to like talking to her and have mentioned me to her before and showed me the "thank you" card he got from her once.
Anyway, I was recently looking at his Facebook on his phone when he's still logged in and I can see that he's been messaging this girl. They tend to send a few lines of text and the other replies with a couple of sentences around a month later. They talk about stuff such as TV shows, books and recent movies but it is still making me uncomfortable. Should I talk to my husband about this?
How am I a psycho? I mean, it's not normal for a man to talk to some girl who graduated a year ago about Game of Thrones and The Book Thief in their Facebook messages? I mean, he was her teacher, not her friend.
The language was harsh, but it really is true.
There is no reason for you to be jealous, questioning, or anything of the like. Your husband taught this person. They formed a sort of bond, as students tend to with good teachers. Good teachers reciprocate this bond. Talking on social media is extremely common. Grandmothers are on social media. So are former students. So are teachers. Them talking is innocuous.
Unless you have something that leads you to believe that something more is happening, leave your husbands innocuous private life to himself.
To your second question, it certainly isn't abnormal. Game of Thrones is a cultural phenomena. While their taste in books, and movies, is questionable as far as the Book Thief goes, it still doesn't make anything unusual or untoward.
You should be questioning why you think this is a problem. There's something else. If it's just you overthinking, talk yourself down. If it's that you truly think something inappropriate is really occurring between these two, then you absolutely should deal with it in a direct, adult, non-confrontational way. If it's that you're insecure, then you need to deal with that.
Best of luck.
It's not exactly unheard of for teachers to befriend their students. This really doesn't seem to be a concern, especially since they don't actually talk all that frequently from the sounds of it. Plus people make tons of random friends on Facebook.
This isn't worth getting paranoid about. I mean sure, keep snooping around if you're that worried, but there's no reason to actually bring it up to him.
>leave your husbands innocuous private life to himself
My first boyfriend cheated on me and I have trouble trusting men.
Teachers shouldn't befriend their students. There should be some sort of boundary and this is getting unprofessional. I bet that girl has feelings for my husband and that is why she keeps on messaging him despite that he taught her ages ago.
yeah pretty much, i fucking hate this kind of hypocrisy, you don't keep talking constantly with a person of the opposite sex if you aren't interested on them, platonic friendship is just a stupid meme.
well what are you hoping to accomplish by bringing it up? he'll probably be worried by your unannounced invasion of his privacy, to begin with.
let's say hypothetically he's innocently talking over mutual interests with this girl. well now he probably considers you to be paranoid and obsessive. and if he genuinely doesn't see himself being faithful to you in the future? well i suppose you might save yourself some time and trouble by finding out now.
It seems surprising but teachers add students as friends all the time on facebook.
Its because its frickin facebook.
Also you said they would only send messages to one another every month or so and that it would be about tv, books, and movies.
Its typical pleb small talk. Youre seriously overthinking this.
I understand. My husband is addicted to Facebook himself. It's normal small talk for two friends or kids at school, but not between a teacher and a student. And why would she want to do this small talk if she doesn't have a crush on my husband?
Its normal for teachers and students to message one another if they were already friendly with one another. Ive seen this quite a bit. Ive even seen a case were this one girl gave her phone number to a math teacher and they would talk about college and what she should do with her life.
>My first boyfriend cheated on me and I have trouble trusting men.
Hey guess what? You're blaming your husband for your previous boyfriend cheating on you and are seeking to punish him for what he did not do. This is the exact equivalent of calling the cops on your husband for a prior boyfriend raping you and having him dragged away, except you're the one levying the punishment.
Fuck you. You're being a terrible wife.
I am a girl, he's not. I think he has feelings for me though, everytime he implies we should meet up in the cinema or something I don't e-mail back for a few months, until he picks it up again.
Is that maths teacher female though? If so, then it is ok.
I'm just being careful, that's all. You will be the same as me if you were in the same situation.
See? These sort of relationships are odd. Is your teacher married?
I live in a relationship that has had several of these relationships of sorts begin, last a short time or are long lasting. If it truly is inappropriate and bothers you, would 1 if ur partner has never showed disloyalty towards the marriage relationship etc make it a conversation that makes him/her aware of how u feel. At this time analyze there response u will see thru any deciet first hand without any real challenge. 2 use Facebook to test not entrapped there is a thin line but it works if u know how.
you are probably over thinking things. they are probably just friendly with each other. There where some teachers in college who i could talk to like a friend. talking to him about it makes a lot of suggestions that expresses a lot about you and how you perceive your husband. the fact that he just leaves his Facebook open on his phone insinuates that he isn't to hide anything. i girls that are friends and i couldn't see myself dating them.
>I'm just being careful, that's all. You will be the same as me if you were in the same situation.
No, seriously - fuck you. I've been devastatingly cheated on too, but I don't go around blaming subsequent people for the crimes of others. ONE PERSON IS NOT ANOTHER. You don't understand how self-destructive and awful your behavior is; this is entirely the reason you're bothering to make this thread in the first place. You're approaching your husband's behavior from a place of extreme bias, and as pretty much everyone is saying in this thread, you're a nutter. Emotional scarring is not the same as "being careful" you emotionally-stunted moron.
so yeah, fuck you.
No, he's a 30 year old single. I was just being friendly, but he confuses it for romantic / sexual interest. Like, I complimented his teaching methods last week and he implied I was just being flattering so he would do something for me, "although he did not know what"
He had a relationship with a student a year above me before, though. I hope it stays platonic between your husband and the girl.
i think you are just insecure and worried your husband is going to cheat. i mean you're married to him.. you should trust him by now. it is most likely just casual plebeian talk. people always talk about random shit with other people on Facebook regardless of weather they are male or female. this girl could just have decent conversations with your teachers. if you actually bring it up to your husband you're suggesting that he is capable of cheating.
man you are really fucking the OP over here. Are you trying to get this obviously intensely insecure woman to sabotage her own obviously healthy marriage? Because that's what you're doing.
I think I have a reason to be suspicious. I mean, my husband is not single but he may have feelings for this girl too.
All men are capable of cheating because of their biological nature.
Excuse me if it seemed that way, it was not my intention.
OP, our cases are very different. DON'T bring it up, but if you are really uncertain, silently see how it progresses. I bet 99% it's nothing and you are overreacting because of your ex.
You don't need to be insecure and worried. As you have said, their communication on facebook is irregular and looks like small-talk. My best guess this : Your husband probably feels proud that a former student contacted him, maybe it means to him that he did a good job. Teachers don't usually get a "good job" from former students, especially German teachers ( I don't know from where you live, but German and German teachers aren't popular in my country).
>all men are capable of cheating because of their biological nature
the same applies to women. Statistically women cheat as much as men. i dont think you're really looking at this from your husbands perspective. he probably doesn't want to be disrespectful to his student so he is talking to her and she could genuinely talk about topics that interest him. if someone pops up to me on Facebook, i dont ignore them. they are talking about books and shit. if they start flirting then you should worry. you need to calm yourself down.
>Your husband probably feels proud that a former student contacted him, maybe it means to him that he did a good job
Or he can interpret it as some chick having a crush on him. A 40-year-old guy will be happy.
OP it's very clear you only posted here to get some justification for your toxic attitude.
If you wanna question your husband over something ridiculously non-substantial, then fucking do it. You clearly weren't planning on de-escalating this, regardless of what we were to say.
When you bring this up, at least try and come across as simply curious, rather than accusatory. To be fair, I doubt you're even looking to ask him anything, you simply want him to stop messaging her.
Just to continue my thought. after I finished high school, I kept contact for a while with my English teacher, who is married, just mundane casual stuff.
As I said, contact like this means a lot to teachers, as it shows they can still connect with young people, which in turn means they can better explain ideas and concepts to them.
Students always have crushes on teachers. I mean we all remember how students drool over young teachers. There is nothing to be upset about or paranoid, in the case of teachers. cheating with a student is very rare, and penalties are Draconic.
There is a much higher chance that a person cheats with a co-worker, then a teacher with a student.
Here is the thing that is obvious, there is a real issue that u are experiencing that is leaving real questioning on the marriage. This left alone will not be what you want too let evolve into whatever outcome it will become. I have personally allowed something like this nearly destroy my life it will repeat unless u step in and say how it is effecting you especially in negative way
We talk in our workplace and we bump into each other naturally. This girl makes an effort to message my husband.
That makes sense, but that doesn't mean that cheating with a student is not possible.
ohh I get it now
this is all just a smokescreen because you want to fuck other people, so you're pretending that he's cheating in order to justify you going off and meeting up with dudes
It is possible, but extremely rare.
I come a country where it's still pretty normal for young women and girls to be with 5+ year older guys, and it's extremely uncommon that a teacher had something to do with a (former) student. The few instances I heard stuff like that happened, shit got real for the teacher.
No real reason for OP to be worried, she should work on communication with her husband though.
>girl makes effort
its not hard to see someone is online and message them. the fuck do you expect your husband to do anyway? "sorry, my wife thinks i am going to cheat with you so we can't talk about game of thrones anymore" lol
How do you guys (M) deal with being unattractive? Like id really love to end up with a nice girl that does not need to be picture perfect or anything, just an average looking girl with some of the same values and quality's as me.
Trouble is I'm pretty unappealing in terms of facial structure body type and the way I dress.
Hygiene and all that is tip top and I usually come off a presentable but the innate quality stay the same (minis the fashion).
I'm skinny not fat, not REALLY skinny but bordering, 19,67kg and about 6.2ft I already know I can improve my body at the gym.
Anyway since besides gym, what else can i do to become more attractive to chicks in the future? For ugly guys is the only option to work towards really big money? Not whining about it just hoping for a realistic answer so I can find out what goal I need to work towards.
>19,67kg and about 6.2ft
Nigger you gotta be kidding.
First thing: using metric and imperial system - wtf?
Second: I am 5'9" and 68 KGs, and some people consider me skinny. I knew a guy who was 6 feet straight and 50 KGs, and he was ULTRA skinny.
You, my friend, are a skeleton.
I think you're justified in your paranoia. Innocent messages months apart? Who does that?
There will be dozens of messages every day using whatsapp or similar. He deletes them and leaves a plausible cover story. He's probably been fingering her when they were at school and she's blown him a few times.
I wouldn't worry about it too much unless he's making excuses to visit where she lives or vice versa.
I did this with a few teacher and talked about future, family and stuff. Reading this now you could almost think it was online dating. It is normal.
But maybe there is more and we don't know because we are people on Zeh Internet. But maybe you're just insecure.
Sounds benign but keep an eye on that shit because it's a boundary crossing - their relationship was founded under a power differential - and what could he possibly have in common with a teenager?
I mean, what if the facebook conversations are a distractor and they're really communicating more via some other method? He could be just laying the framework for accidental messages you see on, say, whatsapp, or accidental meetings, or "honey it's just a misunderstanding"
That's what I would do if I were trying to score some on the side. But I love my wife and so I don't have extended conversations or socialize with younger girls that I was in a position of authority over.
There is. When youre married/ in a long-term relationship, you eventually get bored and need something new. If that happens, you can either cheat or have innocent "flirts". Forbid him that and he will either dump you or cheat, on the long run.
Maybe he likes having some connection to one of the bright minds he helped mould. Maybe he likes talking to a younger person like they have something in common so he doesnt feel old. Maybe he's just being polite.
It's good for a former student to have a good relation with a teacher that can give you recommendations and maybe even some guidance pertaining to the subject.
There are several teachers i had that i regret not staying in touch with.