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Post No. 16787435
I think I have an inferiority complex. I've heard plenty of tales of delusions of grandeur, which makes me nervous, because somewhere inside me I have to know I've achieved something rigorous and difficult, something I'm satisfied with. The Wikipedia article for inferiority complex has a good part; "...experience of being unable to reach a subconscious, fictional final goal of subjective security and success to compensate for the inferiority feelings."
The point is I'm in high school and have shit grades in everything. I got accepted to a university, somehow, probably only because it's very expensive. I want to do something STEM, it will probably be CS or CE. But this university seems very very weak in those fields. I wouldn't be able to feel satisfied with myself if I thought I wasn't doing something very difficult or worthy, and I wouldn't probably get more shit grades and drop out.
I can't stand the thought of wasting any of my family's money, if I go to this university and do something I can't get emotionally invested in, I will feel huge insecurity for having spent their money, and this will effect my performance.
So I've thought about it and I have 3 options.
One thing to do is not attend that university, but I doubt any other would take me. I only applied to one and it's a bit late now anyway. A different uni that would accept me would probably also be lacking, but at least it would be cheaper.
The other option is pursue something in liberal arts, which is what that university specializes in. I could take rigorous philosophical classes instead. But I just have more of a drive to learn something in STEM.
Another option is to not go to a university entirely. I want to study, that's the only thing I want to do, I want to be able to master a field and appreciate it. But the insecurity and guilt I'd feel for simply being in university at all might prove to be too much.
What should I choose?