It has been while but I am willing to offer advice
>48 year old guy from the US
>Married ~24 years
>Six kids: oldest two already graduated uni., one of them married, have a grandchild
>Have owned my own business, have worked for others; have succeeded and failed
Responses may be delayed by work.
>two of my closest friends started dating
>been three-four months
>she tells me she cheated on bf when she went back home in the holidays
>begs me not to tell him, says it was a mistake that shouldn't change the fact that they're 'magical'
>I promise not to tell
>Two weeks later cheats on him again (back in town at this point)
>I find out through someone outside social circle, no one knows I know
>wondering whether to tell or not
>person who told me is blood, makes me promise not to tell bf
>Someone else tells bf
>Bf doesn't believe, mentions it to me
>I tell him everything
>Bf fucked in the head now, fighting with gf who denies everything
Should I have not told him the truth? Because now I've fucked up my friendship with the gf who I was pretty close to, as well as their relationship in a way. Would it have been better to keep him ignorant?
This is only my own opinion.
The first time? That might have been in a moment of drunkeness, an single mistake, etc. Since they are not married nor (I assume) even engaged, let that one incident go.
But after the second one you knew of all bets were off.
Think of it this way - she asked you to promise not to tell but that implied she wasn't going to keep on harming him (yes, cheating on someone harms them). When she continued she, in a real way, broke her part of the promise you made.
YOU did not harm their relationship - she did.
YOU did not betray her, she betrayed her BF *and* she betrayed you.
You shouldn't be happy with all this pain, but none of it is on your shoulders.
I'm failing most of my classes at uni, I have absolutely no motivation to study, most of the time I'm sitting during a class I'm just thinking about other stuff. How do I fix me?
about 17 years ago I was in a car accident - hit by an uninsured motorist. I was unable to work and the car insurance, health insurance, etc. were all suing each other over who should pay my bills, and the hospital just wanted money.
I had just started my first business.
I ended up having to sell our house of a loss, move into a rental property a friend owned, and taking 3 jobs (1st shift, second shift, and a weekend shift) to keep food on the table until I finally got the medical bills paid ff and gt a better ob again.
My third attempt to start my own business was a nightmare - I was *this close* to declaring bankruptcy when another firm bought my client list off me and I found another job.
I just made more money with more work. hell, I ghost authored a D&D book for cash when I was recovering from the accident, made $2k
I worked 3rd for 18 months. I worked extra hard, got the paperwork done properly, etc. and as soon as I got some recognition I fought for a supervisor's spot. When I got that I push for a promotion and got it, moving to 1st shift.
3rd is a great way to stand out and get early promotions.
You shouldn't be there. Doing something hard like that requires that you want it.
If you don't want it, don't waste the time and money. get a trade or something, go earn some cash.
I was forgiving *anon* for not telling - what she did was inexcusable, but I think he is off the hook for trusting her a little.
If they had been engaged or married he HAD to tell IMMEDIATELY
Its weird. About 10 years ago i realized what I want to do is be a good husband/father/uncle/etc. Work is just how I pay the bills. I've done all sorts of things and none of them defined me. Being a good husband? A trustworthy friend? A dad that is respected?
If I have Vice President on my business cards?
I very seriously considered working as a CDL driver for an air force contractor for 12 months just a year ago. He would have reactivated my clearance and I would have made $120k a year for driving a semi back and forth once a day 5 days a week.
A guy I know said "How could you be just a truck driver?"
I said "you've worked in your field for 12 years and make $65 a year - why AREN'T you trying to get this job?"
He said "I have a college degree".
I want to be the guy people can count on, not the guy with a corner office, I guess.
Old man, I need advice please.
My boyfriend and I have been dating 2 years. I know it's not long in the grand scheme of things, but I thought I should mention it. We have had problems/incompatibilities which we worked out or simply got used to.
The problem is I have a higher libido than my boyfriend. He is lower for several reasons. First one, he just is. Second being his ADHD meds, and third reason is stress.
Him rejecting me whenever I initiate has hurt my pride and self-esteem. I'm trying to control myself and initiate less.
I don't know how to handle this or what to do. I know when I get older, this won't matter, but I'm not old right now. I'm 22 and I don't want to my youth to disappear slowly. I'm happy being with one person, but I would like to enjoy one aspect of my youth which is sex.
Any advice or suggestions?
Not OP, but definitely. Romance is a enjoyable part of life, but there are so many other things.
people who cheat/lie/betray don't deserve any trust, she is a shitty girlfriend and friend for asking him to not tell, you don't need to be friend with someone who cheat on another friend of you, he should have immediately told him and stay loyal to him, it sounds like you are bad at judging people.
Have you told him all this in a non-confrontational way?
Like I tell men and women where he wants it more, if one person expects the other to control their libido, then they have to as well.
If you want it 12 times a month and he wants it once a month twice a month is not actually a compromise.
Start by working with him to reduce his stress. Another idea that may seem distasteful is to schedule the *minimum acceptable* sex (i.e., 'every Thursday at 9 and every other Sunday" or something) so there is no rejection, not guilt, etc. for either person.
Also, have him talk to his doc - there may be alternate meds he can use.
I also suggest that if he isn't, he start some regular exercise, at least walking, get his diet solid, and get regular sleep.
Hang in there, understand this is something to be worked on together, not against each other, and you'll get through it.
How do I keep my husband from cheating?
I am 11 years his junior, beautiful, and give him sex whenever he wants it. I also plan on helping him out with his business and also pursuing my own career and finding my own hobbies so I'm viewed by him as productive and active. Anything else?
He is 33, very handsome, and wealthy
>Have you told him all this in a non-confrontational way?
Not exactly this. I have told him it hurts me and asked if he could try to initiate more. I don't want him to stop taking meds, his classes are important. Usually during these talks, I'm distance and sad on the verge of tears so I don't know if it would be considered confrontational.
I would love to have it 16 times a month, but I'm trying to lower it down to 8. He typically only wants to on Saturday, maybe Sunday, but I usually leave for home to do homework. Saturday is the day is usually isn't on his meds.
>Another idea that may seem distasteful is to schedule the *minimum acceptable* sex
I agree that this is distasteful, but I think I'm going to try it. I feel like compromising to twice a week is acceptable.
>Start by working with him to reduce his stress.
Do you have any advice on how to do this? I usually try to comfort him with soft words or caressing. I send him encouragement texts and make him dinner.
Do you have any advice on how to help him reduce his stress? He has music and games to relieve himself, but I guess they aren't enough.
Are you guys religious?
First - does he *want* you to be working outside the home and being productive or are you assuming?
Here is a secret - you can't read his mind, he can't read yours.
So - ask. tell him the truth: you want to make him happy and give him what he wants. Tell him you are afraid of him straying/cheating and want to make that something he never considers.
Then listen, really *listen*, to what he says.
Then keep that up - telling him what you really think and feel and then listening to him.
Doesn't have to be every day.
I hope I am being clear.
Might have gotten my GF pregnant, we were fucking without a condom for once and I felt I may be cumming soon. Pulled out and immediately came on her stomach. What do you think my odds are and what should I do? I need assurances.
You said he found out from someone else
If he ever found out you knew and you never told him, he would never respect you again. You would have betrayed him then.
As it stands, you did nothing wrong.
explain you want to help with his stress and listen.
He might have no idea! Plenty of people struggle with stress because they have never learned to deal with it.
Good routines (regular sleep schedule; regular time for meals; regular exercise; etc.) frees up a lot of mental energy for other things. And try something new every now and then, like making popcorn and watching bad science fiction movies together on the couch, or something.
When you talk, do try to be matter-of-fact. That is tough for everyone, but it lets everyone see the issues, not the emotions.
Who knows? Could be 100%, though.
Here is the real question:
Are you ready to marry and be a father for the rest of your life?
If yes, so what?
If no - KNOCK THAT OFF!
Seriously: if you aren't ready to be a daddy and can't keep it in your pants, don't do that.
Be like my wife.
Seriously - my wife sees being a wife an mother as a vocation, like being a doctor or a priest. It isn't something to be 'gotten over with', but something to excel at, like being a musician or a painter. That passion isn't just for marriage as a whole, but for the nuts and bolts; the cooking; even the cleaning.
Love - real love, what the Greeks called Caritas and Agape - is an act of the will. Crushes? That comes and goes, but real love is something we *do*, and we can choose to do it.
SOmetimes you;re tired. Sometimes you are sick. Sometimes the toddler has ruined your sleep for 9 months.
Dig in like a tired olympian and finish that race for the gold.
My wife brought me a thermos of coffee 30 minutes ago (I have a home office) - and I know it was brewed, bottled, and brought out of love.
That doesn't fade, it grows.
In the face of it I must love back, I must grow..
We drive each other on, forward.
I guess - love him, love being a wife, love doing wifely things.
Let him love you, love being a husband, and love doing husbandly things.
I dated this girl for a year and half, things were going well, not many flights but when we fought it was major. We were engaged for a week got in a fight and she left me for some other guy. I've moved on but she still wants to be friends but I really don't want to but she claims I was her everything.
What should I do?
>Very bad habits of procrastination deep rooted in me
>Came back today from failing a test because I didn't study or do anything about it even though I had time and even have interest in the subject
>Have no feeling of trying what-so-ever
>Have many hobbies to try but always stop when it feels like "work"
>10/10 genes but killed teeth through not brushing every day and kinda chubby. Not fat yet but I think it's because of my age and lack of eating anyway.
>Basically I'm literally fucking myself up through laziness.
What the fuck do I do? I just want to sign up to a bootcamp so someone can beat the shit out of me and holler at me to do better. I feel like I am wasting away, I'm no genius/model but I think I'm better than the idiot I am right now lying around all day.
I feel like the fire inside me died and my lack of participation in anything has pushed out any friends I've had in the past.
Have you even been through a period like this? Can you share how you got the work ethic together to run your own company?