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Communication
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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Whenever relationships are the topic, communication will come up. I have NO communication skills when it come to romantic relationships. My parents had a horribly disfunctional marriage. The only communication was yelling that ended with my dad beating my mom. That's all i ever learned. And i have a big tendency to bottle everything up untill i can't take it anymore, just to get loud and dramatic. I don't want this. I want to be able to have healthy and honest talks with my bf. There is so fucking much information on the internet that it seems impossible to filter something decent out. If anybody could help me find some good sources to learn the basics, i would be very thankful.
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Just speak whatever is on your mind. Even if you think it will hurt the person.

>I dont know what my thoughts are, im a crazy person with no concept of my own mind!

You are currently unsuitable for any kind of relationship and should probably avoid them until you get to know yourself a little better
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>>16787157
I've been working on this for a few years now. I have read a lot of books, i went to therapy. I did a lot of maturing and getting over issues. Recently i started a new relationship. Untill now we are still in the honeymoon phase and never had any conflicts. But i know we will get there. And i'm scared that i'm going to fuck this up majorly.
I think it really boils down to your first statement. But i guess the problem is that i think my feelings are weird, stupid, unimportant and what not. Basically insecurity. I know i'm not "ready" for a relationship. But being lonely isn't helping my cause. I'd rather learn a thing or two with a less than perfect relationship
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>I'd rather learn a thing or two with a less than perfect relationship

Not everything we learn in life serves us well.
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>>16787229
I'm not planning on getting bitter or something. I just want to learn how to propperly communicate. Why is this so hard?
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>>16787233

No one ever 'plans' on getting bitter. Its one of those unforseen consequences.

What do you think proper communication is? It isnt really learnt.

Just tell them how you feel. Instead of saying "I hate when you dont give me attention! You just play fucking video games all day!"
say "I feel unwanted and unnoticed when you just play video games all day.."

Tell them how you feel. If you dont know how you feel, no one else is going to be able to figure that out for you.
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>>16787246
I get THAT part. I know what and how i should say things. I just never actually SAY them. I feel like adressing something. Then i decide to wait till tomorrow and see if i still think it's worth it to talk about. Then i just decide that it's not worth the drama. Over the course of a relationship this makes for a fuckton of issues. Basically, i jist bottle stuff up unitll i'm at a breaking point and end it.
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>>16787273

Nothing anyone here says or tells you will make saying things easier for you.
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>>16787278
But, i NEED to learn this. Pls, just some pointers. I don't get why it's so hard for me.
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>>16787283
I feel you OP and am also still struggling but I try to improve everyday. The best advice I can give you is to just let out whatever you're feeling in that moment and just not think about it. If you wait until an "appropriate" time it may and most likely will ever come. Just get it off your chest as soon as you can.
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The goal is to make yourself understood. If you have self esteem problems then you have to work on those separately from your communication issues. When you are arguing you are supposed to be trying to explain and reach common ground, don't say insulting things, don't bring up ancient history, don't put yourself down, don't try to win, try and understand and be understood.
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