I have this friend, let's call him T. T is the most charismatic, interesting and intelligent guy I ever knew but he also happens to be an asshole sometimes. We often fight, or rather I do the fighting, he just gets offended and stops talking to me, and we often break up our friendship but it always gets mended somehow.
Anyway now I'm in a situation when we don't talk after a fight and the relationship is seemingly over. So /adv/, which option is less autistic
>reaching out and apologising (even tho I was right and he fucked me over)
>keeping my word and never talking to him again
He has his moments but overall is a good mate, it would suck to lose him forever
What did you fight about? What does he do that makes him an "asshole?" It's tough to judge the situation without any details.
and it's worth asking, are you male or female? Are you romantically interested in this guy, or do you really want nothing other than friendship?
He flakes on me and ignores me which is shitty, but he can be very cool dude too.
I'm a girl and I want friendship. I want to reach out and fix things but I don't know, wouldn't it make me look needy and spineless
Meh. I do this to my friends sometimes, because sometimes I really am busy with something, or something else comes up after I made a plan. It's not really something to fight about, it happens to me sometimes too, it can be disappointing, but everyone's got their own life. Their lives don't revolve around me, and his life doesn't revolve around you.
You don't really have the right to DEMAND a friend's attention or free time, to the point you feel he did a "bad thing" by ignoring you
So to answer your original question, neither option. You don't need to apologize to him because this isn't a big deal, and you don't need to cut him off completely because this isn't a big deal. Just try to be a little more respectful of his space and time. Needy friends can be suffocating.
OP, this is pretty much just how male friendship works. As >>16787217 said, it's not really uncommon to break a plan or ignore a message when other shit is going on. As long as it's not every time, and as long as everything's cool when you DO have time for each other, you don't really have a right to get mad about it. Male friendship usually doesn't have the element of "obligation" that female friendships often seem to.
This is why they always say it's tough for men and women to be platonic friends. The attitudes and expectations are just different. So you're taking shit personally when he doesn't mean it that way. To him, it's "having other shit to do," to you, it's "ignoring me."
See, I'm trying really hard niot to be petty and clingy. What he did was really rude and upsetting. When someone flakes on me repeatedly, I assume they don't respect and like me; I don't see how I should ride with it just because it's how friendship with guys looks like. I frankly dunno what to do at that point, try to communicate or really let it go.
He's not in a relationship with you therefore you are not high on his priority list. Very common. He doesn't owe you anything and it will probably piss him off more if you over react. Sounds like you're trying to act like a SO. I suggest you find one and stop using this guy as your emotional tampon as he'll already being doing that willingly for the woman he actually loves
Ive ditched my best friend just about every time I have a girlfriend. What did you expect? Yeah she's got mad in the past for it but she knows I'll do it again. Like the other guy said you're just not high on his priority list and to be honest you sound like his doormat. Friendships usually fade as you grow up because everyone has their own life and family. It's not his fault or issue that you don't.
>Just another woman trying to justify their relationship with Chad.
He's not a Chad, you salty anon. He's just a flippant dude who probably uses friendship as a cover for using me as his stepping stone.
Pretty much yeah, and he was the one to make these plans in the first place, which is weird. But whatever.
>Sounds like you're trying to act like a SO. I suggest you find one and stop using this guy as your emotional tampon as he'll already being doing that willingly for the woman he actually loves
I really don't act like anything to him; I would say it's the other way around. I don't cry to him about my insecurities or not being in a relationship, whereas he does that almost every time we talk. I don't expect anything from him besides being honest with me and treating me fair. He asks me to hang out than lies and flakes on me; it happens once or twice, I can take it without any comment. But when it happen 7th time I lose my temper and become salty.
And he's to my knowledge single, doesn't have his own family and his life isn't that busy. It's a long story in which he basically acts like he wants to be my friend one minute and then gives me cold shoulder a moment later.
Yeah, I agree, I'm being doormaty here; but the question is, what is the best option out of the situation I'm in right now? I would be fine with no talking no contact policy but we're gonna see each other every day at work soon, and that would be, well, kinda childlish.
Flakiness is shitty in a friendship. On top of that, it sounds like you place a significance on the friendship that's not the significance he places on it (I thought you were talking about an SO at first). You have things you need in it that just aren't the things he thinks should be in it, and it creates tension when these things clash and cause you hurt. It's not going to change on his end. You have to either pull back and try to accept the casual conversationalist brand of friendship he's willing to provide, or break things off completely.
stop with this /r9k/tier obsession with Chads, it's not relevant and the only Chad quality I can find in this guy is being flaky, which honestly isn't that uncommon among normal people.
Keep telling yourself that, sweetie. I'm sure he only treats you like shit because he actually likes you and is in reality a great guy. Don't you worry your pretty little head over it.
Fuck off with sweetie, I'm sure you are a nice guy and all but I didn't make a thread to bicker with you. Go take your riddiculous jealousy and bitterness somewhere else. I understand you feel a very strong need to express your opinion on "Chads" and naive women everywhere you can squeeze it, but it's unnecessary here, you condescending twat.
Because I said it already, I don't want a romantic relationship with him so I don't give a fuck if he's a chad or not as long he treats me fine.
Why do you keep denying it when it's obviously true? I'd suggest you move on too but we both know that's not going to happen. You're too addicted to the abuse to stop. If you fuck him one more time I'm sure he'll fall in love with you!
I hope you do realise you make yourself look more way more pathetic than OP
OP: just talk with him like you would with any other colleague. Don't mention the fight and if he does say you overreacted and apologise and then move on
Maybe he's finding you annoying and and growing less tolerable of your shit. Look at the relationship from his perspective, maybe you're too clingy for a mere friend, or tired of making excessive amount effort being your friend.
Yep, and still less pathetic than you which says something, m8
>I don't cry to him about my insecurities or not being in a relationship, whereas he does that almost every time we talk
he might have some self esteem issues or is simply too lazy to leave his houes in order to meet up. either way you have to decide if youre ok with that and stick or leave depending on what you decide
would bet he is an intj or something as he sounds a lot like me in that if I fight with a friend I just quit talking to them. Forever if need be as my mind is more entertaining than most people but thats besides the point. My thing is though that I have a hard time staying mad because nothing is really importing. So following the time heals all wounds mentality just go and talk and you dont even have to mention whatever happened. Most people will know if they've done wrong so there is no need to point it out but of course if you do he will undoubtedly respond with the "every man is right in his own mind" as a point of honor. Meh then again just say fuck it and if you start talking again great if not who cares.