I'm not a likeable person. I've drifted away from any friends I've managed to make, and doubt I'm missed. Not that I can blame anyone but myself for being a useless, antisocial shit.
I don't even know what I want advice with. How to make myself believe people like me? How to make myself believe I like myself? How to find motivation and direction despite being useless and forgettalbe? I don't even know what would help.
Well, for starters, try doing good stuff, try being sincere and nice.
Then start liking yourself, that's one of the major obstacles, if you doubt yourself, others will see that and doubt you.
Then you can try befriending people, it's not that hard, try it on some irc chatroom. Afterwards, do it in real life :)
I do try being nice - I'm just bad at it. And I've no idea how to start liking myself when it seems no one else does.
And I've had even less luck making friends on the internet. At least in real life people feel awkward ignoring me.
Try reading these. Calm down, and just start trusting in yourself. Be nice to others, go joing rizon irc, and some random chatroom. Try it, it wont hurt :)
I'm not sure how reading koans is supposed to help me. I'm not looking for enlightenment.
Talking to random people on IRC has never done anything for me before. I don't really have anything to say.
>How to make myself believe people like me? How to make myself believe I like myself?
Do you just want the belief, or do you want it to be true?
Do you actually think, factually, that people don't like you and that you don't like yourself, or is it an irrational feeling?
Google says that's a "Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory" but I've never heard of it, never mind taken a test. So I don't know.
I don't know. I think it's true, but I would still think that if I were irrational. How am I supposed to tell?
Pic related. Looks similar to Meyers-Briggs ones, which usually give me INTP.
>I don't know. I think it's true, but I would still think that if I were irrational. How am I supposed to tell?
Gather evidence. Try to think of concrete examples of things that have happened that make you think you're not likeable. If it's just a general feeling you can't place anywhere, it's probably irrational.
Don't think so hard that you start framing yourself for crimes you didn't commit, but just think on it for a moment. Recall a situation, put your words in someone else's mouth, and try and figure out if that person seems like an ass to you, or if you're just biased against yourself.
I can think of plenty of things that I've done that have upset or annoyed people, and signs people don't care about or like me. But I still don't know if that's accurate or skewed by my own perspective.
It's not you. Making friends as an adult is just goddamn hard. It's not like when you were in school and you were crammed in with the same people for 7 hours a day, five days a week and it was inevitable that a common interest would crop up between you and some school-yard rando and you just had plenty of leisure time to explore that person.
Your only real option is to get out there with your hobbies and try to attend meet-ups with similar people.
Mostly lots of little things. Like when I disagree with people they often get upset - for more so than they do at others. Mostly online, as I'm much better at judging how things will be recieved in person.
And there are plenty of times when I've found out about friends doing something and they've just forgotten to invite or consider me. Or the fact that I haven't heard from any friends in months. "Out of sight, out of mind" seems to describe me.
It's not just making friends, but keeping them as well. Other people manage that fine.
And all my hobbies are solitary, so they don't naturally lead to meeting anyone.
Probably teh most relevant comment I saw after reading the stuff from >>16786486 was
> it's as though INFPs like the idea of human contact, but not the reality of social contact.
So you're another broken INFP-T, I'm right there with you OP.
People like us prefer to have one or two close friends that we can connect with on a deep level rather than having lots of acquaintances or superficial relationships.
I have a hard time making friends myself and I have a hard time letting people past my guard out of fear of getting hurt as I have in the past.
We are naturally compassionate and empathetic people, people like us for these reasons but our empathy also makes us sensitive to criticism and rejection. It's something we have to work on unfortunately.
You need to find something that inspires your inner flame. It's easier said than done but that's what drives us. You need to have self-confidence, self-respect and self-esteem in order to operate at your highest capacity. Those are the engines that drive us, if any one of them are broken the whole thing comes crashing down because we overcompensate in other areas and end up ruining the whole damn thing.
We're also prone to being reclusive and introspective. I'm currently in the middle of a 'hermit mode' stage of my life right now after ruining the two close relationships I had with people that were closest to me. I'm now living alone and will probably be this way for awhile until I can get my own engine up and running again.
Sorry if this comes off as weird but as a fellow iNFP I know what you're going through. It's not easy for us out there in this kind of world.