Hi /adv/. I'm looking for advice on how to move out when living with an absolutely batshit parent.
Context: I'm a 19yo uni student in Australia living with my mother. I love her a lot but it's getting harder and harder to live with her. She starts screaming and crying over minor things like not approving of the way I bake cookies or for not wanting to go to the beach with her. Today she threatened physical violence so I don't know how much longer I can be here for.
That aside I have some uni friends who are also looking to move out so we want to rent something together. I have part time work so the rent is covered and I have $5k in savings on me. My two main problems are:
>I don't know if I should tell my mother I'm moving upfront or just disappear. If I disappear my relationship with her is 100% over, no salvaging ever again. If I tell her upfront then I'll have more time to move out things that are important to me and I might still be able to have her in my life. But I don't know how she'll take that or what fallout there could be.
>The only household car is hers. If I move out I need to give my rifle to the people at my range to safekeep, and she could drive me there is she's okay with me moving out. If she gets pissed, I can't just leave my gun with her because that's super illegal. But I can't take it with me just anywhere either.
Thanks in advance /adv/.
Definitely tell her in advance, she's your fucking mother.
As for your gun, I really don't know what the problem is. Just leave it at the gunrange? What sort of advice are we supposed to give you about this?
I would tell your mother but couch it in a "I think my house is too far from uni and/or it is inaccessible by public transport". Don't mention that you're moving in with "friends", she will start shit about if your friends all jump off a cliff etc. Don't start any shit about how she's been treating you.
Your mother is screaming and crying because she is a petulant little shit who grew up at the tail end of baby boomers with no medicare levy and no HECS and thinks that at age 16 you should have gotten a part time job and that would have allowed you to magically move out and get a mortgage because by jove that's how she did it. She probably is aware of the money you saved up, and the money you earn from part time work. She probably resents that you are "hoarding" this money away from her, and she DOUBLY resents you for the fact that in her opinion, you are paying below market rent or no rent at all for the privilege of living with her. It's a bullshit cycle you cannot get through.
However, note that if things do go sour with your friends (living with people is not the same as hanging out with them) and you eventually slink back to your mother's place, she will charge rent AND act just as batshit as before. If I were you, I'd try to stick it out for as long as possible.
Gun safekeeping laws are very strict in Australia. I also suspect that OP does not have an unrestricted full driver's licence (Australia has a tiered system).