I'm reaching the limit of my sanity. I keep having suicidal thoughts and I keep imagining myself dying. I'm 23 but I am a huge failure. I never finished high school because i was too socially anxious to walk down the hallway and i was obese. I started going to college only last year and I'm struggling to do middle school algebra.
I work a full time job at a call center which drains my soul. I have never had sex or been in a single relationship. In wouldn't even have the first clue when it comes to that sort of thing. I live with my mother who constantly complains about everything and treats me like a child. She takes my money for "bills" whenever she wants because she insists that we have a joint bank account.
I can't enjoy food anymore because I'm limiting myself to 1500 calories a day so no more junk food which was one of the only things I enjoyed in life.
On my days off in spend 24+ hours playing videogames because I have 0 friends and videogames are the one thing I find pleasure in.
I feel like a loser and that will never amount to anything.
What can I do to turn my life around?
Have you considered seeing a therapist and/or a psychiatrist? They can really help with problems like suicidal thoughts, imagining yourself dying and other depression-related problems.
I used to curl up in bed trying to get these images of my own suicide to stop forcing themselves into my head. It got 1000 times better when I got treatment.
Your weight loss is a great step in the right direction.
Once you become healthier and more attractive, things will fall in to place.
Why are you in college? Are you actually ambitious or are you just doing it because you feel like it's what you should do? Don't waste your time if you're not gonna make it- you'd be better off getting a job and working your way up without a degree.
Also he joint bank account needs to end.
If your mother wants to charge you rent, so be it, but it has to be a fixed price and you have to voluntarily give her the money- her taking money that you earned when she feels like it is not ok
Stop playing video games constantly. Stop being afraid. You are an adult. You have no choice. You have to evolve. You will have a lot more confidence and respect when you start accomplishing things.
And get a prostitute.
Focus on moving out and improving yourself physically. If you can live a balanced life and boost your confidence relationships will happen naturally.
If you're concerned about learning algebra you should visit KhanAcademy and teach yourself through gameplay. Don't worry about your education level, everybody goes through life at their own pace.