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Love
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 16
Thread images: 1
Can someone be in love and still cheat?
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>>16785357

yes. but that does not mean you yourself are worthy of love.

i dont believe cheating is so black and white and think sexual liberation might be better for the human race in the long term.

but to boil it down as simply as possible, if you are cheating on her against every better judgement, then your love for her isn't that strong. and her love for you is artificial
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>>16785368
It's not me, it's my girlfriend. She shared a drunken kiss at a party with a guy she used to have a fwb thing with. She hid it from me until I found out accidentally, but she said they immediately knew it was wrong and split when I asked her to explain. I know she cares about me, but I don't know what I'm willing to forgive and what I'm not. I do love her but we're living 300 miles apart and trust is everything
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Cheating is super complicated.

I cheat on my gf of four years, but it's because I don't want to leave her for her low sex drive.

I feel like it's worse to dump my gf of four years because she doesn't suck my dick often enough than to stay with her and keep her happy while keeping myself satisfied without hurting her
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>>16785396

eh. id forgive it. i had similar situations drunk. especially if she pulled back and stopped it.

she was drunk, it was a kiss (supposedly) and she was 300 miles away. a little lee way is fine.
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>>16785410

this is kinda where i fall with cheating. if someone refuses to put out then they arent fulfilling their part of the relationship and its not evil to get it elsewhere. kinad depends how long she wont put out for, and also what her feelings on the situation is though.
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>>16785422
The supposedly part is what worries me, if she didn't tell me about that I'll never know when something more serious happens. Am I justified in cheating on my end with such ambiguous evidence? I don't want to end the relationship more than anything but the uncertainty is starting to affect other areas of my life
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>>16785357
>in love and still cheat?
Simple answer is yes.

Complicated answer is that "love" is a lot of things to us. There's love between friends. There's love between family. There's even a type of "love" between business partners and people you admire.

Love is a complicated beast. So yes, I think it's possible to "love" a person who cheats on you. Just because your wife did a shitty thing to you... you can still love her - care if she lives or dies, care if she's hurt and in trouble, etc.

For example, let's say you were neglecting your wife. Let's say you were being a real dick for a long time, just a real piece of shit. Do you not feel shame in yourself and your poor treatment of your wife if she cheats on you? Don't you also feel really pissed off that she cheated and hurt you like that? it's possible to feel multiple emos at a time.

Sex also serves multiple roles in our lives. So yeah, i think it's possible to feel lust towards one person while also feeling love towards another person.

However, just because a person "feels" a certain way inside doesn't make that feeling "true." Feeling love doesn't mean you're actually loving "good" in real life. Because if a person is in love, they're supposed to care. obviously she didn't care that much if she took another cock in her just because she was horny. She's "in love" but she's not being very good at it.
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>>16785438

the fact that she didnt tell you about it is the most concerning. but people are also human and scared of how you'd react regardless of if its open or not. she wanted to stay and possibly made the affirmation not to do it again. you have to try and figure her out. there is no answer cuz you will never know the truth. there is only her word for it. is her word worth much despite the situation?

>am i justifiedi n cheating on my end with such ambiguous evidence

an ass for an ass makes the whole world prolapse. cheating because she cheated is not the healthy option. you either forgive, or you leave her. how would cheating do anyone any good?

>i dont want to end the relationship more than anything
>bunt the uncertainty is making me want to end the relationship

you are contradicting yourself anon.
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>>16785357
nope. That's akin to saying you "love" your family while you go and rob all their money. If you love someone you won't intentionally go out of your way to harm them to make yourself feel good. It IS as black and white as it sounds and the retards who claim otherwise are either

A. cheaters
B. cucks
C. "muh monogomy is da devil. Poly is da tru path" faggots
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>>16785410
There are these neato things callled polyamory and open relationships in which you mutually agree to fulfill your needs elsewhere?

You've violated your agreement with her and her trust. That's worse than leaving her for having a low sex drive. She can find someone else who is okay with it.

Take it from someone who cheated because my partner was awful in bed. I needed a real man but I didn't bother to leave my partner right away because I knew he'd be broken without me. It was weak of me and a terrible thing to do, staying with him while I fooled around. Your responsibility isn't to protect your partner from a break-up, but to be honest so that you can both fulfill each other's needs voluntarily. In the end, if she finds out what you did, you'll have hurt her more than if you simply left and allowed her to find someone whose needs she fulfilled better, OR reached an agreement in which she's cool with you having a FWB. There could be other solutions too, like learning how to stimulate her better so she enjoys more sex.

Just my two cents.
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yes. But you can't be a good person and cheat.
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>>16785357
Love is a human construct, there is no such thing as love in the animal kingdom. The alpha male will pump and dump the best females and move on.
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>>16785357
we all assume that we are fully civilized rational beings that are capable of monogamous relationships
when in fact we are just sex crazed animals that are in constant search for mates to have sex with (to spread our seed as far and wide as possible) and one or two main mates to breed a small core group of offspring together to try to ensure the best possible survival of our select progeny - even then we will give up all this when we find more attractive mates (by attractive, i mean physical, youth, money, power, etc)
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>>16785476
Yo read the thread, she cheated on me. We're long distance and when I brought up the possibility of an open relationship at the very beginning of our dating, she struck it down definitively. Our sex life is great but the problem is we can only see each other about once a month.
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>>16785643
Damn, it's almost hard to blame you for cheating. Still, that's not something you want to justify and get in the habit of doing. You have to decide what's more important to you: sex, or her. Is she worth the wait?

To answer the question in the OP, if you really love someone, I don't think you can cheat. Even after they're gone it can feel like cheating to be with someone else. I'd give up every man in the world to be with the one right one. I cheated because I was with the wrong one. I don't think I really loved him. The next one, whom I really loved, didn't trust me because of it. It ruined our relationship.
Thread replies: 16
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