>>16785114 What does that even mean, though? Like it's all so abstract. Maybe it could be explained in tangible ways but I doubt it.
>>16785118 Well sometimes I feel sort of bad. I keep going back to this one guy, and it's been like an on and off again thing for years now. It's back on right now and I don't know how to feel about it. I really like him and we enjoy our time together but then I have to leave before his wife comes back home and he says things like, "gotta open the windows to get the smell of sex out of here" and that bothers me somehow.
>>16785145 I can never find single people. The last time it happened I was literally in high school. There's gotta be something wrong with me or something. But I'm sort of in love with this guy again and it feels complicated, even if it's really not.
>>16785155 Is it the right thing for me to do? Right for me. It's something I want to do, but then there's something I dislike about it.
Maybe you could just tell me it's fine and I wouldn't worry so much?
define 'right'. its an annoying question, but its the most accurate one. you are essentially asking us to decide arbitrary morals for you. generally speaking this is conisdered immoral. but its a new world where this thing is not only more common than before, but more open than before. plenty of palces dont consider it immoral for you, just for the man. others might say its okay if the man and his wife are essentially over but living together for the sake of convenience. there are a thousand variables that effect everyone you tell in a different way.
if you feel guilty you either need to come to terms, or get out.
>>16785178 I like that he's married and I like him. We're I guess like FWB and I like the arrangement? It works with my schedule and I don't have to put up with having an actual relationship which I remember not going well.
But something seems off about all of this and I can't figure out exactly what it is. I don't really feel guilty; his wife doesn't deserve him anyway. It maybe bothers me some that they're the ones sharing his bed when I'm not there. I wish I could understand my feelings.
Well, there's two things to take into account here. 1. Would you be okay with your spouse sleeping with someone else? 2. Is this person's spouse okay with them sleeping with someone else? If you can answer yes to both of these questions then yeah, it's fine. If not, then obviously this isn't a fucking okay thing to do.
>>16785212 I know you don't have a spouse but imagine you do have one. And it doesn't matter what your opinion of his spouse is, he made commitments when he decided to get married. If she's not okay with or doesn't know about this, you're enabling him to engage in extremely dishonest activities which is pretty immoral.
>>16785196 Serious reply for you from a long time married man with FWB, just like you describe yourself to be.
Me. Marriage is OK but lacks excitement. Wife is happy with everything and is kinda boring stay at home type. Kids are all happy, well cared for so we have a good family. Sex is infrequent and boring.
Her. She doesn't want to invest in a relationship because she's been hurt before. She likes her space and thrives on the excitement and compliments she gets from me. Although she doesn't like being second fiddle to my wife she handles it because she's my primary sexual partner, so she feels that intimacy that my wife doesn't really care for anymore.
Is it right? Who cares? It's nobodies business and there's no harm being caused. So long as FWB accepts our relationship is secondary to the marriage it's OK, but I don't treat her like a secondary. I am very cognisant of her emotional welfare and she keeps me sexually satisfied. It works.
>>16785237 Does she have to be secondary though? It sounds like your wife doesn't even care about you so why do you have to word it that way? The "other woman" probably should be the MAIN woman because your wife just wants to be a mom. How do you treat your wife? Who do you spend more time with?
>>16785256 The other woman is my main sexual partner and we do have an emotional bond.
My wife likes our life as it is and and I see no reason to upset her or the lives of my kids.
But if it comes to a voice then the other woman has to go. Hopefully it never will, but that's how it is. I have too much invested (time, emotion, family) in my marriage to cast that aside. I also love my wife (and the other woman but in a different way).
And can you please explain how you love them in different ways. Do you ever talk to the main partner about your wife? If so how does that make her feel. Is the relationship really ideal for her or would she maybe do better if your wife wasn't around?
You're the only person to reply that has made any sense.
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