I dont know what to do, we've been together for a year, i was unemployed for 2 months recently and I feel like i was taking all my stress out on her, now i completely regret it and I know ive fucked up bad. I love this girl to bits and cant stand to see her go, we have a vacation booked for spain in June, how do i convince her to try and hold on until then before we decide to split?
This is the only real tough spot weve had in our relatoinship and i dont want to fall at the first hurdle
Tell her how much you love her and want to work things out. If she doesn't know about the trip you may have to tell her prematurely.
Ask her how she feels view her perspective and shit.
Its tough going through patches, but it makes you guys stronger if you can get through it
We had that talk yesterday and she said she didnt know how we'd get back on track, she knows about the trip, we've been planning it since november. I've been through stuff like this before but she hasnt and I know its going to be difficult to get her thinking its possible to get back to a good place
is this break up legitimately happening, or is it somethign you see arriving? like is it already at the phase where she said you need to break up, or is it just you guys having some frustrating time together?
if shes already said 'we need to break up' hten its too late. its over.
but if you guys are just teetering on the edge waiting for someone to say its over, you're in luck.
take whatever money you have lying around
>BUT IM BROKE
then use a credit card
>BUT I DONT HAVE ONE
>then sell something
like your X box
>BUT I LIKE THAT
exactly. THEN, after getting said money, do something special for her. like tonight. or tomorrow. surprise her. take her to a REALLY nice dinner, then out to a movie, and just enjoy her. if you enjoy her, holding her, smelling her, being close to her. she'll feel that. girls are designed to respond to attention. its how they know they are loved.
give her a good night of things specifically she would like, maybe even things she likes that you hate. then take her home and dont expect anything. do something like a massage to top it all off, and just at the end as you're aflling asleep, apologize for the last few months and thank her for being the wonderful person she was and sticking with you.
continue little nice things throughout the week to ween her back to normal relationship mode. make breakfast hte next morning, help her wiht an activity she normally does alone and just smile and say you wanna do it to spend time iwth her. etc.
I wanted to take her to dinner tonight but she'd had a shit day at work so we just sat and watched a movie, she goes away tomorrow morning for a work course and gets back the day after valentines, so i'm going to get the room all made up nice, flowers candles all that shit, really put on a show for her
You're an idiot, if you can't resolve a relationship problem with a sit down then too bad, you fucked up too significantly. People want a stable partner, not one who is going to start dumping on them when shit gets tough. She stuck by OP even when he was unemployed and venting on her. Showering her in gifts isn't go to do shit. Not all women are materialistic prostitutes who can be convinced to stick round if you buy them toys.
The first poster nailed it. Sit down with her and tell her what you told us. You fucked up, you're sorry, you want to make it work and so on. You treat her like an adult and lay your shit on the table (without being bitchy) you might get through this. Learn from this experience and good luck.
>but she had a shit day at work
probably the best reason to take a lady out. probably would have appreciated it.
i dont recommend candles and such in the bedroom. its pretty much only useful for sex, and while hse may enjoy that, it comes off as an attempt to simply bed her, not to win her favor.
im sorry what? maybe i should have added the 'take her on a fucking picnic' option, but jesus dude, you cant just do something nice for your lady without them being a prostitute? its not about the money, its showing you care. life is made up of money. you gotta spend it on just about anything. spending it on dinner doesn't mean hes buying his girlfriend. hes just doing something nice to show he appreciates her, and it helps to alleviate stress and validate how strong she was.
You can spoil your partner and take them out without taking out a credit card, that is just plain stupid advice. If you can't afford it, then that sucks but don't get yourself in debt. A sincere, heartfelt apology will show those those instead "lol here some shit i bought i'm not in trouble any more right?". If you can combine that with a nice dinner (which ops girl doesn't sound overly into) then go nuts.
>if you cant afford it
if you can afford a trip to spain you can afford one night of dinner and/or a movie followed by a massage and a heartfelt reassurance.
>a sincere heart felt apology
you mean like the one i suggested he ad at the end of the night?
>will show those instead of 'lol here some shit i bought im not in trouble any more right?'
i never said that, and reducing my actual though otu declaration of appreciation to that when its LITERALLY what you suggested instead is silly.
one night of dinner wont put you in debt. its easy to be lazy and just say you are sorry. but going out of your way to show someone what they mean to you will put her mind at ease.
I only put that in because you're carrying on about credit cards and selling shit. Lol. How the fuck do you think a credit card works? Anyway, sure, it seems we're suggesting similar things, mine emphasises the sitting down and discussing it like adults, the other stuff should be secondary.
>i only put that in because you're carrying on about credit cards and sellign shit
i only put that in because as soon as you recommend doing anything that cost money, people act like its the most impossible task of all fucking time. it is not a big deal to take someone out to dinner for a special occasion. there is almost always a way to accomplish it.
>how the fuck do you think a credit card works?
you pay for something with it, then you pay it back over time. sure, in the technical sense it is debt. but its not 'putting yourself in debt' in the sense of maxing out a credit card or going to college. you can make a 50 dollar charge or go as high as 100 bucks on a fun night and pay that off the next month if you've been able to put away enough money to pay for a fucking vacation.
>mine empahsises the sitting down and discussing it like adults
this implies that i in any way suggested acting like a little kid. discussion doesnt show someone how much you care. its saying how much you care and expecting someone to believe you after you spent hte last few months taking out all your frustrations on them. going out of the way to do something at your own expense shows that you are willing to do something for them at your own fucking expense. followed up by detailing that you understand what you did was wrong, and how you appreciate them for being strong, and an affirmation to not let it happen again.
throw out the actual guesture and all you got is an abusive husband claiming it wont happen again.
She doesnt care about money, or nice dinners, she appreciates the thought, it means more to her when i go to the store and get her something nice to stick in the microwave when she's had a shit day than taking her out for an expensive meal
>she appreciates the thought
then put more thought into it than a microwaveable meal. like i said, picnic as another option, but you gotta do something more than 'oh it was convenient'. this isn't general relationship caringness. this is making up for being a douche caringness.
she did something WONDERFUL for you when you were not only at your worst in life, but your worst as a person. do something wonderful for her. it makes a good cycle.
karma man. why take the easy way out if this is that important to you
OP here, it alll went to shit this morning, we laid in bed and talked for 2 hours, she told me a lot of personal stuff she'd had going on so now even I think its for the best.
tl;dr its over, but thanks for all the advice guys, made me feel loads better, nice to know theres still helpful people our there