So /adv/ I got a question. For the last 3 years I have gotten a girlfriend in the holiday season (December) dated for a bit and broke up within a week of Valentines day (2014 and 2015 was the week after, this year the week before). So why does this happen? Obviously I can get girls to date me but its never long term. Those 3 were my only girl friends. 25 male btw. Does this just mean I am a boring boyfriend or somthing that gets old fast after my humor runs dry after a month? Sorry for the run on sentence, i am drunkish. Pic probably not related, cant see whats in the thumbnail. Also I noticed there is a national sucide prevent hot line number right under where you post. I know why its there, but is it really that bad here? First time posting.
You probably weren't a good fit for them. They wanted to date you for a few months, which is good; but they could have broken up with you for a bunch of reasons.
If you're boring, no problem; there are shitloads of mind-numbing boring women out there to be with.
Pretty much all relationships which aren't meant to be will fizzle out in that time span. It's also not shocking that you meet women during a time in the year when people most realize and contemplate their loneliness. Your situation is unremarkable. Just keep trying to date more often.
First two was face to face so I dont really remeber what they said past "it isnt working out". Most recent one was in text, "This is difficult for me to say but I think it is for the best. I'm sorry but I don't think we should see each other anymore. You're a smart, amazing guy. We just dont work as a couple. I hope we can be friends.
The first valentines date is often a defining moment in a relationship. whether young like yours were, or more mature (in comparison to a year). So when you get to valentines day, what did you do with those women? their reaction is telling about them and their personalities in that time.
did you do a big romantic gesture? if so, it would seem it was too much too soon and they didn't want that level of seriousness in their relationship quite yet, so they got out.
did you do something small and cute? perhaps they thought you didnt take them seriously enough.
maybe you did both, one wiht each girl and were shocked by the differing results. the thing you can't accoutn for is that human aspect. whatever is goign on with them, in their brain, in their lives, before and up to that moment influences that.
to put it simply. 4 + 5 equals 9.
but so does 6 + 3.
as for the ones before valentines day, they might have had a thousand reasons, even pertaining to valentiens day itself (even if only subconsciously). as it approaches we tend to think about our relationships. god knows i am. wondering if its right, if this is a good idea, if valentines itself could ruin what we already have. no one asks for their life to change. but valentines can change everything.
I took the first two to a nice restaurant (200 dollar range), nice flowers and nice chocolates ( I work for candy conglomerate so those are really nice but free). I dont see this as over the top but I come from a wealthier background than all my gfs so maybe it was to much to soon for them.
it isn't over the top per se but it might have been more serious than they'd like. it might have been a final nail in a really quickly built coffin. there generally isn't one defining moment where it all went long. life changes because of the little moments you dont see happening.
maybe I just need to find a girl who shares all of my hobbies and interests instead of just 2 or 3. On a side note where is a good place to meet compatible girls? first three were from a bar, blind date set up by friends, and tinder. most of the areas where I am sociable are parties (and I am getting to old for that shit) and bar. Maybe I should join some sort of club, but the only thing I would go to is a TCG club or a video game club. All the investment clubs I know are stright up rich trust fun kids doing coke and lying about how much money their parents/trust funds make (they are fun but not a place to meet girls)
>maybe i need girls who share interests.
yes and no. yes as in, most people expect that from relationships these days, but no as in, that is why most relationsihps fail.
im all for equality and the gap between gender interests have certainly been bridged to quite some degree, but the truth is that most relationships dont center on a level of mutual interests, just chemistry.
which is fine, but these people expect to center their lives around each other. until recently the idea marriage was someone you were attracted to enough to fuck, and compattible enough simply to live with. but your time was generally your own. the time you spent together was something that didnt quite involve interests, dates, dinners, and some TV time. being together in a room doing your own thing and maybe chatting was what made a successful relationship.
thats over. now people want to watch the EXACT SAME SHOW, and you cant be distracted and you HAVE to have the same hobby and when you dont you just argue about what to do all day and end up doing something you dont like.
so while you can find someone who shares your interest and still finds you attractive and has chemistry, and all the vice versas, these are few and far between. the concept of relationsihps has been a bit mutilated in this sense because instead of incorporating each other into your lives, you tend to rebuild your lives around each other.
all that being said
>where do i find girls im compatible with
you have to realize how stupid and flawed that question is, right? to boil it down: at places that cater to your interests. or as you mentioned, clubs (meets ups, such as at meetup.com or even the craigslist interests section, or local hobby shops are also a good way as well). but there is no guarantee you will meet someone compattible enough, or that they will like you etc.
i find the best way to live life is to realize that all relationships do end, at best you might have one that doesnt. but with the way the world works, you arent likely to find that anymore.
somethign isn't beautiful because it lasts, and nothing has to last forever. thats really just nonsense that makes up movies and TV shows and romance novels.
why settle for one great love that will definitely go stale when you can open your life up to many great loves and many great adventures.
longevity is a great experience. but no matter how great it is, you will wish for that rush of passion that comes with meeting a new love again. so accomodate both and focus on just spending time in that moment with people you like, the way you like to. even if it is doomed from failure from the start, like all relationships are.
I guess I have to keep looking. Only 25 so I am still really young and I am not worried about dying alone, but at this point in my life I wished I had a more serious relationship than just 2 months. Maybe I am just upset that my sister/all my cousins (past 23 (younger than me) years old) are married/engage. But yeah guys, thanks for the adv, just wanted to vent after a few beers and pasta. I still live a happy life with great friends and good family. Just missing the gf.
it happens. but perhaps you shouldn't think of it as 'missing the gf'. girls tend to like guys who seem fulfilled. they want to be incorporating into something thats already great. instead of looking for someone to fill that hole, just fill it yourself.
that way when the RIGHT people walk along, they know they arent being relied on to fix or change anything. they are just an added bonus to an already amazing existence, and grateful to be a part of that.
its hard to act that way when a girl friend is the only thing that is missing in my life, but I take it the other 3.5 billion males figured out how to act that way that I can also act that way. To be honest what I got out from this thread is to keep looking for a girl to share my time. I do belive anyone can find true love, you just have to keep your eyes open for it and try/be open to finding it.
eyes open is fine, but the fact that you insist that she is missing is a big issue. you are hoping to find a wedge. or you yourself are a wedge. trying to find a place to wedge yourself in to make something complete.
wouldnt you rather be complete regardless of wher person does or doesnt come in your life?
yes. that means alot to me. I should live my life and be happy. Ill find happines regarless I if i find the perfect women. I may be drunk but I think now that is how I should live my life. That dude or dudette
cool. write it down before you go to bed. hopefully stick wiht it.
the moment i realized i was one complete person was the moment my life changed. you can enjoy anything if you can enjoy it on your own. i even think it made me appreciate the people who do come and go even more.