I'm a over 30 years old and a female virgin.
How do I get bf who loves me and whom I can trust? I always feel depressed and frustrated, I want to have sex, but I don't want it to be meaningless. I want to have sex with someone who loves. Yet all men are either looking to use me like a cumdumpster which I refuse to do or too much of spineless wimps for me to consider them men. If they can't even initiate things that means they didn't really care about me, and I don't want to do it with someone who doesn't care about me.
At the same time I really want to do it. Life's hell.
i hate to say it and i dont want to troll but if you're gonna ask this kind of question and want answers - give a photo for us to see or at least describe yourself more - ethnicity, weight, body type, hair colour, likes dislikes, etc
Nice trips checked.
Think you are a bit expectant that a man has to initiate everything we are in the 21st century.
Can I ask where it the world you are?
Have you been actively looking for a guy?
I'm a 32 year old male virgin. The difference from what you want and don't is similar to me to some degree.
I don't pursue women, women tend to pursue me but... the big difference between me and you is I am a-sexual not by choice but by brain chemistry and life choices.
Those men that will treat you like a cumdumpster are gone around this age range from what I see. ( Not 100% but other dudes my ages all don't really give a shit anymore about sex. We talk shop, or other interesting topics. )
Your problem and this is saying a lot coming from a virgin male at 32. Assuming you don't understand what a-sexual is. Even I can tell you are chasing males away. ( Most likely with looks and by your aura. ) ... I don't care if you don't believe in auras, its like intuition. We can tell and even a neckbeard closed off 20 year old fat kid can tell. Its something us males have. Women seem to think they can judge us males easily. You are wrong...
You can't get a boyfriend who will love you at least at first. Every male, even ones with little to no sex drive still crave some level of sexual lust overriding reason and "love." I don't care about having sex. But if I was interested in a woman. I'd first think with my dick and how much sex and sex like things happen. Though in my case... More as a though that doesn't lead to anything. An average none a-sexual male will however require at least the possibility to fuck you.
Love develops inn time, not from letting a male fuck you and then you start screeching "You are an asshole" or whatever none sense you seem to live by. Enjoy being alone forever.
You need to sling leg if a male shows some interest to you. At least within the 6 to 8th week. I've known males waiting 2+ years before getting laid by their girlfriend. Its called not being completely cold and hateful. The males seek sex, you will have to deliver if you want to find that one "love."
"Yet all men are either looking to use me like a cumdumpster"
Why it has to be the men that looking to use you like a cumdumptser ? you can use them like fucking machine too you know ?
And stop wanting "meaningfull" sex, dude, it's just sex, when you'll be no longer a virgin you'll see that sex is really overrated, of course it'll be better with someone you love but still, it's not something "woooah", it's basically a better masturbation.
Just let your inner slut go out sometimes, it wont hurt you and you'll feel better.
>How do I get bf who loves me and whom I can trust? I always feel depressed and frustrated, I want to have sex, but I don't want it to be meaningless. I want to have sex with someone who loves. Yet all men are either looking to use me like a cumdumpster which I refuse to do or too much of spineless wimps for me to consider them men. If they can't even initiate things that means they didn't really care about me, and I don't want to do it with someone who doesn't care about me.
The problem, as it always is with virgins, is in you:
1. Trust is not something that other people hold the key to; it is entirely within yourself.
2. The meaning of sex is also not something that other people define, you define it for yourself.
3. You're putting men into two categories: "exploiters" and "undesirables"; this is a false dichotomy, and I can see that you're straining to explain why this is so; you're giving us "pretzel" logic about what (you believe) it means when a man doesn't initiate with you, and why it just so happens that this means it fits into your nice, simple, two-option worldview.
The real unspoken worry I think you probably have is this: "what if I'm just not worth what I'm asking for from men?" Since love and relationships exist in society there is an informal marketplace, and you are selling yourself for a price higher than anyone apparently is willing to pay.
Will you admit your own flaws and accept something lesser? Or will you refuse to risk a shot to the ego and continue doing what you're doing?
Are you fat/unkept?
If so then fix yourself up first.
Second, most of the advice here is going to be bullshit about how much sex doesn't matter and how waiting is stupid... blah blah blah. It's as important as you make it, nothing more or less.
You more than likely will have a tough time finding another virgin if that is something you want, if you don't care then your problem is probably that you aren't seeing reality. Do you ever think about what makes a guy a wimp? Talk to some guys and try being a little honest, plenty of guys are unaware if you're interested and don't want to bother you. It doesn't make them wimps.
There are plenty of men who want love in addition to sex. However, if you reject all men who makes advances on you because you assume they just want to fuck you, then reject all men who don't pursue you because you think they don't care, then you're left with no men and you die alone. Don't blame men for your own warped attitudes and failure to be realistic.
Is this bait? have you been avoiding men this long just because you assume that all men you meet just want to fuck you? there's your problem right there, you assume to much without giving them a chance. How good are you socially? that might be another problem because you might be horse shit when it comes to social skills and reading people, probably because you automatically assume that he just wants to sleep with you when he just wants to get to know you. just try to get to know him as well, trust me it's not as hard as you think.
seriously OP, if you want a bf the fix your toxic idea that ALL men are heartless and horny douche bags.
>how do i get a human that fits a certain mould
you dont. you find humans and see how you react to them. and if they react to you well, you do something abut it.
there is no set path on how to get certain people. if there were no one would ever be single ever.
>you can use them like fucking machine too you know ?
That's not how it works. The moment one becomes a cumdumpster she will be shamed and mocked and ostracized all her life, she'll be treated like absolute trash by the good part of society.
OP, honestly sex isn't that big of a deal. Well, to me. I just don't... like it that much, no matter how many men I've done it with (handful). I do have friends who CRAVE it and love it though, idk.
As far as love... maaaaan, good luck. Even the most pretty 10/10's who are chill have had heartbreak from assholes or shit didn't work out.
It's like saying, "I want to have a friend who won't betray me or make me feel bad", it's hard to tell what will ever happen but you just gotta try meeting people
Your looks probably have nothing to do with it, I know 2/10 hambeasts who have had bf's, got laid, etc.
Fuck I am jealous of you :( Puberty hit me and I had a fat, crazy crush on a guy in an almost obsessive way. Finally after high school I started actually dating the guys I found super cute and I thought "... yes... YES" but it still fucked me over ;_; heart ache sucks.
No she won't lmao
Maybe if she publicly lets everyone know she's had over 100 partners
eh, I've met tons of men as friends or dated or whatever, and they'll even admit that 99% of them all just want sum fuk
knew guys who "settled down" who cheated all the time too
not op but
>but likes sex
u wot m8?
and even women I know who like to meet men who are beautiful and nice end up hating men through all the pieces of shit and pervs they've came across
No they wouldn't lmfao
not op but
I've found that truely confident, decent looking guys with a lot going for them are the best people. Honest, nice. Genuine spineless wimps just complain then do shitty things behind backs
Forward men are pigs looking to exploit a woman, and reserved men are useless because you'll never get anywhere waiting for them to get a grip. Making the first step yourself is the utter humiliation, it means you weren't good enough to attract anyone, and it leaves you most vulnerable. The world sucks.
>Yet all men are either looking to use me like a cumdumpster
Which is why you'll remain single.
If men are only seeking you out for sex, why do you think that is? Either you're absolute shit at vetting their interest, or from their perspective you have nothing else to offer while other women are in healthy established relationships.
Considering the fact you are lumping men into either horndogs or losers, I'm going to guess it's a bit of both.
If someone is sexually frustrated in the relationship, that frustration will leak into all other elements of the relationship. If your libido is low, date someone who's the same way.
Looks have nothing to do with it. If a man is proud of who he is, he is more likely to be an honest individual. It's one thing to add smear shit onto shit, and another to make something dirty to begin with.
OP sorry for hijacking and being a cunt but ANYWAY, you gotta get out there honestly. Just meet people. Don't try to put too much worth on your first time, because things don't work out like fairytales so often :/ hell even you get married shit can still go wrong
not op but men (more than not) are horn-dogs, they even say so themselves lol who keeps the porn, hooker, parlor massage, etc industry so big?
>find someone who also has same libido
fuck, that's hard for a girl with low libido. And telling someone you don't care about sex can REALLY turn everyone off, it's hard you know?
>looks have nothing to do
I worded that previous post totally wrong, you're right it just depends on the person. I was saying that everyone assumes "ugly nice guys are the best" but there's a lot of good looking confident guys I've met who are kinder than some so-called nice guy "betas" who look weird
>who keeps the porn, hooker, parlor massage, etc industry so big?
On the flipside, I could argue the 80/20 rule. We can play this game if you want, but the point is if men only seek you for sex there's something wrong with you, either because of your poor perception or your real value.
>And telling someone you don't care about sex can REALLY turn everyone off, it's hard you know?
A man who already has a low libido won't give a damn. It's a problem that solves itself.
>too much of spineless wimps for me to consider them men. If they can't even initiate things that means they didn't really care about me, and I don't want to do it with someone who doesn't care about me.
>If they can't even initiate things that means they didn't really care about me
>all men are either looking to use me like a cumdumpster which I refuse to do or too much of spineless wimps for me to consider them men
I can tell you right now that if you only want to see things like this, you're never going to find someone and likewise, none of us are going to bother with you.
If you are into someone, go flirt, etc. with them. Make it clear you're interested in them, however indirectly you want to be, as long as they get the point.
There are a lot of guys that don't want to bother with it unless there's already an indication that you're interested as well.
Or you could sit around and refuse that and continue to post future threads about how you still are single because you couldn't find someone who met your expectations.
I was going to tell you you should keep your eyes open and talk to people you are interested in. I'm a male 40 year old virgin, and while I don't hate myself I've never considered myself attractive.
A woman invited me out completely out of the blue on New Years Eve. I never even knew she was interested, and I assumed I wasn't good enough for her.
I was wrong on both counts.
But your logic is fucked
>spineless wimps for me to consider them men. If they can't even initiate things that means they didn't really care about me, and I don't want to do it with someone who doesn't care about me.
If them not initiating means they don't care about you, what the fuck does your not initiating mean? If you tried initiating with someone you liked, maybe they'd be into you when they previously weren't.
the thing is, if you want someone to first have a committed relationship before you have sex with them you're both 60 years late and early. Nowadays the majority of men can get sex for free with a quick chat, a grind in a club, the swipe of a finger etc. Nobody is going to gamble on a 30 year old who may or may not put out when 22 year olds are already half undressed when they meet them.
That isn't to say you can't build a connection with someone before sex, you just can't expect someone to stick around for months without getting any.
Men want a partner who enjoys sex, not someone who will hand sex out as a reward for commitment.
>well we have been official dating for 3 month.
>I'll reward you with sex.
>missionary position only
>no longer than 25min
>good loyal boyfriend.
May the fires of Hell consume your soul forever!
What's to say it's one extreme or the other?
Unfortunately, it's unlikely that you're going to walk out there and meet the perfect guy for you, who is also going to give you everything you want without the risk of fucking you over. That risk is there regardless of age or gender.
You're expecting them to step up and ask you out, yet you're not willing to approach anybody either. You're a total hypocrite. There are probably hundreds of less confident guys out there who you could be with, in a fulfilling relationship, but perhaps aren't confident enough to approach a woman. The ones who are have probably settled down by now or are happy in a life where they confidentially approach women, fuck them and move on.
You're putting sex on a pedestal. Your first time should be awkward and probably leave you feeling like it wasn't the right thing to do but that's absolutely fine - you'll just be joining the millions of other people who have been through the same shit.
What you should really be worried about is the fact you're 30 and still haven't had experiences that most people have gone through and learnt from. Even if you do find the man of your dreams, you risk lacking the knowledge to make it work.
I suppose what I'm saying is...stop focusing so hard on finding someone perfect to lose your virginity to and just find someone who works for you. Not everybody you fuck is going to turn out to be the greatest thing in the world for you and there's nothing wrong with that. Don't go fucking the first person you meet but at the same time...stop expecting your first time to be absolutely perfect.
I lost my virginity at 32. Male here btw. It's rare, but it can happen. It's not so much about being a virgin, but the reason why you are still one. Are you not interested in men? Do you have serious issues that turn men off? In my case I just had a low sex drive, I had never even fapped. Just one day I suddenly felt horny and fapped. Then I went out and got laid within a month. I was a very late bloomer, maybe you are one too.
30 year old here. Had you gone on dates? I haven't, but I'll start that adventure this weekend (already made plans). I'm not worried about being a virgin, more about having no dating experience.
I was not kissless or dateless. I had more than one occasion to lose my virginity but for whatever reason always backed out. Mostly because when I was in such a situation it didn't "feel right". Never had a gf though, those were all going to be quickies/one-night things so that's probably why I didn't go through with them.
I have had gfs and one-night stands since my "awakening" though.
>Making the first step yourself is the utter humiliation, it means you weren't good enough to attract anyone, and it leaves you most vulnerable
men have to deal with this 100% of the time, get over yourself