My parents are crazy - how do I deal with this?
I'm the oldest of 3 bros. Always was the best in school, respectful growing up and well-liked. Close with middle brother who's near my age, but youngest is a rude dipshit. He's received blatant preferential treatment his entire life, and it has ruined his personality.
They've always treated me like a baby, even though I'm mid-20s and finishing fucking law school in a few months. When I got my first GF, in fucking college, parents went apeshit. I maintained near-perfect grades, never got in trouble, but they still went crazy (lived in same town). Installed a GPS on my phone, followed me around on weekends, hired friends to spy on me, monitored if I bought alcohol, monitored finances to not let me pay for anything that could be for her.
They still keep up the same shit now. Refer to my current GF (really hot, now pharmacist) by "Bitch" instead of her name. Call her racist names (she's the same race we are). Make up stories about how her family is crazy (they've never met them or known them). Even wrote threatened to write letters to her family. Still drive 100+ miles to show up at my apt unannounced to crash us and verbally berate us.
My little shit brother - who has gotten everything he wants his entire life - is 17 and in a "long-distance" relationship with some little shit HS girl. They love her - she's over at their house weekly, they fucking buy HER shit, and they let him sleep over at her house. He came home with an STD and they never even gave him an ounce of shit for it. She's legitimately ruining his grades and dragging him down, yet they don't give a shit.
What can I do to make them see this hypocrisy? I don't want to ruin the relationship with my family, but this is insanity. Even coming home to visit, mom puts limits on me taking showers too long (little bro took a 45 minute shower other day), going out too late etc. Do I just accept that I'll never be close tot them? They're great besides this.
The contradictory ways in which they treat you and your younger brothers is unfortunately pretty typical shit, and while it might improve it will probably never go away.
However, the way you describe their treatment of your girlfriend is way over the line, and sounds childish at best. Put your foot down and tell them that you will absolutely not tolerate them talking about the woman that you love that way, and once you finish school, let them know that they are not permitted to show up at your home uninvited. Remember that regardless of their status as your parents, you are a legal adult - they are no more "allowed" to harass you than an unhinged neighbor is.
Might cause a shitstorm, but your long-term mental health (and the health of your relationship) is something that you and they should be more concerned about.
Yeah it's horrendous.
They literally are talking about which Valentine's Day gift to buy and send to his little shit GF. Of course the little douche (who has no concept of money whatsoever - never had to get a job unlike the rest of us) pulls up some $50 Amazon Teddy Bear bullshit. "What, come on, it's only $50! Geez" - and I can hear them crack and say okay sure. Is going to go spend the night with her and her family on some trip over that weekend too.
Meanwhile, they caught a box of condoms in my apt a couple years ago and went i-n-s-a-n-e, threatening to disown me and making me feel like trash for a week. And yes I'm strongly considering proposing when I graduate, so this is really pissing me off that I'm still treated like a child and belittled daily. They completely deny any mistreatment and throw a bitch fit when called out on this.
Can't wait till I'm making my own money and out of here. Still, it will kill me to never be close to them over this shit. But I feel like if I let them win, they'll just do it again with my next GF for some arbitrary reason.
Put as much distance as possible between you and your family. Keep contact to an absolute minimum. It sounds like they take you completely for granted, and if they're as crazy as they sound then there's no talking them out of this. At first they'll probably resent you for it, but if they have any mental capacity left then they'll realize they drove you away because you couldn't put up with their stupid shit
Can't help, but this is the type of stuff I fear my parents doing. I've actually stayed single because of them to counter act.
My problems with them are all money related. They don't understand that yes, student loans have to be repaid. Yes, when you put zero dollars into my education and I have to repay it alone that causes problems. I can't afford a new car, guys. I realize my car is 23 years old, but that's all I have money for. No, I'm not going to a dealership. And so on, and so on. They have no idea.