i used to be socially inept but after working out for a few years i gained a lot of confidence. started uni about 5 months ago, i have been pretty social and made lots of new friends. however, most people just talk shit about others and even the minority who are nice dont know anything because they dont read so i can't have decent conversations with them.
i wish i was socially inept again. what should i do?
>even nice people are dumb
great. so because someone is half a decibel less intelligent (or not as well read) than you, they aren't worthy of your friendship.
ergo, you are the least intelligent of all the smart people. being just intelligent enough to pass, but so dumb that anyone less well read than you is not worthy of your kinds time.
ironic, dont you think? rather elitist too. maybe focus on that, do a little growth, and try to expand your interests instead of assuming a conversation can only be had when someone shares yours.
i no nothing of legos, but met a guy who builds them for a living. great conversation and great evening.
im not insinuating that people are not worthy. i just can't have a deep conversation with them because I'm aware their knowledge is limited, I'm not opposed to it but i can't relate. i have plenty of interests but another problem is that most people dont do anything apart from drink/party and play video games. I'm not going to talk with someone about playing guitar or some shit as i have no interest in it. i dont want to wear a mask in order to fit in. There friendship should help me grow and expand not hold me back. anyone can read, its not hard. they choose not to because they are lazy and associate themselves with a reference group that encourages respect regarding stupid shit. >>16783751
i dont literally wish i was socially inept, i am just disappointed in what has been revealed to me.
>im not insinuating that people are not worthy
>I just can't have a deep conversation with them because their knowledge is limited
>almost as if their limits in knowledge prevent them from being worthy of a conversation with me
see what you did there?
>im aware their knowledge is limited
are you sure cuz when you say
>im not going to talk with someone about playing guitar or some shit as i have no interest in it
sounds like YOU are not knowledgable here. you just consider it interest instead of knowledge because you're elitist.
that being said
>i have no itnerest in it
why not? i have no interest in legos, but as an elitist of knowledge, i wish to consume more. ergo, i must talk to people who know better about other subjects so i can learn more. not only will i learn, but i might even gain an interest by learning more about it.
>the friendship should help me grow and expand
like by learning about new things that you assume dont interest you? how does talking to someone about your same pretentious literary opinions help you grow and expand? seems more like it would shelter you.
>anyone can read, its not hard
its true. most of us are literate. but just 'reading' is not out interest. its not that you're smarter than us, in fact you're so dumb you only seem to know things that can be written down. are you intelligent enough to master an instrument? or just too lazy?
perhaps people have wide and varied interests, and its elite to assume that just because you like to read, everyone else should to. i mean fuck, learning an instrument was long considered an intelligent thing to do, its sophisticated and wise. but you dont like it so only lazy people learn instruments? i mean fuck thats not an easy feat.
all you did was prove how elitist you are. and how socially inept you are. congratulations?
you are way too offended because what i said applies to you. you have made too many assumptions. I'm not interested in learning about guitars for example because at the moment i dont have time to learn. it was just an example and you are reading way too much into it. i didn't even claim that learning an interment was "dumb". see the "or some shit" part? that was an insinuation implying i am not interested in talking to someone for a while about something which doesn't interest me. nor am i even claiming to be knowledgeable or smart. I'm pretty average intelligence. though, if someone doesn't read a decent amount then their understanding about the world will be extremely limited, its not even a criticism, its a fact. example - Napoleon wasn't born a genius, he gained his perceived wisdom due to hours of study. i didn't intend to offend you. i will never understand why one is not interested in gaining knowledge though, I'm dyslexic and reading is a struggle for me but i manage to do it. i have also done martial arts for 4 years and i am currently doing boxing.
depends on your definition. i believe everyone has a chance to prove themselves, but i dont think the proof is in how much they 'read'. you have to remember you are far from the most successful person around you. look at your superiors. do they refuse to associate with you simply because you dont share what is ultimately just an 'interest' in this day and age?
are all people created equal? no. but to put in place the idea that we can only associate with our equals just creates a very long chain of people who hate on the person below them. im not the smartest person in my group. ill date someone dumber than me too.
i met a guy who builds legos for a living. i hated legos growing up but hearing him talk about what it is that he does, why he does it, and how it fuels him is amazing.
hes a simple man who plays with toys for a living and loves every minute. you are a 'well read' elitist who refuses to make friends because people are somehow intelligent and driven enough to learn instruments but too 'lazy' to partake in your own interest.
by that definition, this man is better than you, regardless of what hes read or even just how intelligent he is.
i never said i dont have friends that dont read. all of my friends dont read, every single one of them, including friends in uni and from high school. its not that i dislike them, i just can't express myself to them. you dont understand my problem really and this is exactly the issue i am trying to get across. and I'm not even going to attempt to explain my problem anymore because i am just going to sound edgy. regardless of weather i can enjoy being on friendly terms with people who dont read. my main issue is how the fuck do i deal with people who do nothing but talk shit about others? you can think of me as an elite asshole. i just want advice in regards to this really.
Not OP, but I wish I knew how to talk to people. Like my mother is really good at talking to strangers and learning all about them.
I mostly just go "nice" and "wow thats great" I never know what to ask, but I want to meet interesting people like it sounded like you do...
Any tips for conversing?
subjects strongly discussed in relation to thought provoking subjects. >>16784124
yeah exactly, i want to meet more interesting people. tips - i basically just express how i am feeling concerning the subject at hand and normally the other person will say something and then i will ask question about what they said, and they will normally ask me. its easy to get the hang of after a little while. just talking about pointless shit can get conversations going. if you know what someone is interested in then bringing something up in relation to that interest can get a conversation going.
You have only recently started being socially active and compared to being an asspie before, the difference will seem huge. But you still have a lot to learn and more confidence to be gained.
You have problems expressing yourself and you think this is because of other people, when in fact the problem is in you. Start by expressing your opinions and sharing your thoughts, obviously some of the time people will not care and might not respond. It is completely normal. You will be surprised how many intelligent and interesting people you can find.
People talk shit about others because it is gossip. They are improving their social skills and learning about other people and themselves while doing so. As your social skills improve you'll start to discover the thrill of social interaction. Boxing seems like 2 men punching each other in a ring with little thought to someone who knows little of the sport. They don't see or understand all the tactics, feints, footwork and mind games. I
t is the exact same thing with socializing. The better your social skills get the more social interaction becomes deeper and more intriguing.
People who are socially more adept will usually avoid thought provoking subjects, since those discussions rarely end well. Also people might want to keep their beliefs about politics, ethics or religion to themselves, so they don't lose face. It is because they realize people have conflicting ideologies and different interests, generally they rather shift attention away from the differences and focus on the similarities. However, as you get better you'll be able to discuss these things without offending other people or create an atmosphere where people are willing to participate in deeper conversations.