So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 and a half years. He's been in college to finish up his degree while I've been working at a game company in NYC for the past 2 years.
This is his last term of college but now he's planning on going to grad school and he may go to school in West Chester Pennsylvania because they'd be giving him a job there, essentially he'd be taking classes for free.
Unfortunately West Chester is about a 2 hour drive from me. He keeps asking me if he goes that if I could come with him and maybe find a job around there or in Philadelphia. I looked at what companies are out there, but nothing really similar to what I'm doing now.
And honestly as much as I love my boyfriend, I'm not about to drop my job that pays $57k a year + health benefits just to move in with him.
But he's upset I wouldn't even consider looking for a job in his area. I mean, as much as I love and want to stay with my boyfriend, we're not engaged or married yet so I don't understand why he'd put this pressure on me.
Am I wrong? If he moves to Pennsylvania, should I stay or should I go? I'm worried if he does end up choosing to go to Pennsylvania for the next 2 years, our relationship won't work out.
You guys are still young. Your bf needs to finish his degree to get his career rolling so he will be able to settle down and you have a job that pays well and don't know if this will be a once in a lifetime deal or not. Honestly, I think you guys should just break it off to save the trouble because long distance relationships almost never work out. Either you or him might find someone or the trust just slowly dies down or you can't fulfill your needs, etc.
I have been in your position: I live 3 countries away from my boyfriend and I manage to see him every other week. I have a good job here, and he went for a master abroad.
Your boyfriend is being unreasonable. First, it's just 2 hours drive, you can meet halfway or visit each other easily, even every week. It won't be like living together, but it's a decent compromise. Spend a lot of time on skype and on the phone, text frequently through the week, and it will be over before you even realize it.
If your boyfriend asks you to drop your career for his dreams, he is being very selfish. He is the one willing to go, so he should accept that you won't change everything in your life to be with him. Support him, plan visits, be there for him, but make him understand that he should respect your choice to stay.
>I don't understand why he'd put this pressure on me
Because he's still young, not deep into working adulthood and puts his emotional needs ahead of practical realities. No, your relationship will not work out. In fact the odds were always against you. How likely did you think the coincidence that you'd both chance into perfectly compatible life opportunities? You met under the circumstances of an accident. Right place, right time. However your lives were never meant to be that stable. You're not in your 30s, both having finished the climb and now running out the years. There was always going to be change. You both got too attached to something bound to change.
He should go to PA. You should stay where you are. You should cherish the time you've had together and keep climbing.
did you think 26 was old or something?
i get the feeling both of you aren't as mature as you think you are, start there.
>Because he's still young, not deep into working adulthood
that maturity thing is popping up again. definitely start there.
you don't have kids, there's no reason to follow each other around to be honest. don't leave your job for some dude, lol..
No you shouldn't move, and two hours drive is not that long. You should keep your job as it seems like you are glad for it. If your boyfriend gets mad at you for not moving with him, he is selfish. Remember it is him who are moving away from you, not the other way. As good as it is for him to find a place to continue his studies, he is the one leaving. Don't give up your job, especially because you aren't married or have children together, and if a two hours drive is going to ruin you relationship, you weren't mend for each others.
Sometimes early on in a serious relationship, you enter stages where you have to spend long periods of time apart from one another.
It sucks, but if you really love each other sometimes it has to happen. Usually if it works out, the relationship grows stronger from it.
He's wrong to pressure you into something you want to do, but it shows he cares about you. Explain to him that if you still want to be together, you have to compromise on some things.
Just because you're apart, doesn't mean you're not together. If it's meant to be it will work out just fine.
Of course this isn't your only option. Strive to communicate as much as possible about what you two plan on doing. Make sustaining your relationship a priority. Don't put off talking about it in depth till the last second where you feel the time ticking down.
Good luck to you