PT1... So I am having the worst week ever... 11 years ago I ran away from an abusive home.. I was homeless.. In all this time I have not spoken to my mother... 10 years ago I met a girl... we got in a relationship which has frankly made me pretty miserable a lot of the time but we have stuck it out this whole time because all the shit that was thrown at us was easier to deal with together... and truly I feel trapped.. I love her in my own sort of way, as a friend she can be ace... but she has a real mean streak.. anyway last year she lost her 0 hour job (they cut her hours without warning so she would leave)... her boss refused to give a reference making it extremely hard for her to find work even when given the job at the interview (which happened twice) so as time went on we accrued a silly amount of debt... I am a shop assistant so I don't earn a lot and can't really afford to pay it back alone... she's has a far better job than me now and earns more... anyway... last summer at work I met this girl who kept coming into the shop...
PT2... she a 10/10, totally mad on anime and games... loves music as much as I do (I am a musician and she is too)... needless to say I was really attracted to her so I guess I flirted a little bit... I didn't intend on it becoming anything... so over time she keeps coming back into the shop... we become pretty close friends, we end up talking on line for hours and hang out... anyway I started to realise I am not just infatuated with her... I am in love and I want to leave so damn badly... but I can't because everything will just suck so damn much... I could be homeless again... I have only been sober and clean a couple of years and this would be really devastating to my progress... so I say nothing... she was single all this time.. a few days ago she changed her relationship status... we were really close but there was no mention of somebody.. his friends commented something crude on the thread and I guess it really upset me... actually it cut like a fucking knife..
>in crippling debt
>substance abuser until recently
>romanticizing cheating on his partner with some random girl who hangs out at his place of work
Nigga you a 7/10 on the fucked-up scale. If you want to leave then leave but you're delusional if you think anyone will even give you the time of day once they figure out the truth about you.
the whole week I felt I really need to tell her how I feel... it seemed really important.. but I couldn't do it... the risk was two great... so I wasn't doing great anyway then a couple of days later I got a message from a friend of my mum... She fucking died..! I am still so angry and hurt about what happened... I could never forgive the woman.. so I told my sisters and went over to spend time with them... gf came along too... but nothing was a comfort... it all hurts so damn much.. I left my sisters on my own and went back to my place to be alone... then for some reason, I don't know what possessed me I went online and end up spilling my guts to the anime girl... she was drowning in uni work but still made time to talk with me... but I feel like such a horrible person.. :( a few days later i tried to tell her how I feel.. I said I love you very much but I was a dumb ass and followed up with but not in a divorce causing kind of way... :( my heart is broken
don't start lying to yourself now
> this would be really devastating to my progress
this is your fragile but correct conscience trying to protect you.
This is the part of you objectively looking at the things happening and trying to tell you which one of these things will hurt less in the long run.
maybe you are right... I just fear being stuck like this forever.. I want to be happy.. I would do anything to make all this go away or to start again... I know that it is highly unlikely that any of this will work out ok if I carry on being stupid... it just hurts... i guess I just wanted to tell somebody..
its okay for your relationship to be over.
but don't end it just because you've caught a wiff of something fresh strutting by.
look, you've spent a big chunk of your life with current chick and she represents stability when you were in your most troubled time.
Have you learned anything from your time with her? it seems like you are only now applying anything you've learned.
> I have only been sober and clean a couple of years
if it took you 8 years to get to the point where getting clean was your priority, you might still be too fragile, even if you're finally on the right path.
keep building up stability things around you and the fear of homelessness will lesson.
keep paying bills down and keeping the same job until a better paying one comes. save money.
and TALK to your girl more. She's stayed with you for a reason too, so she's got skin in this game.