Basically, it happens a lot that my bf gets all horny, but can't cum. He almost gets there, just not quiet. It's as if he's well on his way and then something throws him off and it's an instant mood/boner killer. I was brushing this off, but I just read somebody confessing that they can only cum with the gf when thinking about their ex. This hit close home and now i'm all insecure and shit. Is there another possible reason for this than him not being attracted to me/not over his ex?
I have trouble cumming with most women because I'm incredibly insecure, suicidally depressed and believe I'm a woman inside. Some guys suffering from anxiety experience similar problems.
How long have you been with him?
Hm, ok. He is a bit insecure and can also be awkward sometimes. Just mildly, but still. But how does this affect his ability to cum? What are the thoughts going trough YOUR head when you can't cum?
It's only been 3 months.
>It's only been 3 months.
That could be the problem. Most of the time I've let women dictate when we start having sex. I've never been ready when they were and that's part of the reason I can't cum.
>how does this affect his ability to cum? What are the thoughts going trough YOUR head when you can't cum?
Anxiety and worry prevent him from getting turned on enough to climax. Plenty of introspective, non-sexual thoughts have gone through my head during coitus. It sucks. Once I get over it, I start cumming super fast. I'd like to find a middle ground.
Then again, I'd rather be a woman. ::shrugs::
He doesn't trust you because he attracted you using a facade. Being able to orgasm would require him to relax, such would make him nervous about shattering the ruse.
Talk to him about being honest with you so his body can do the same.
He's probably picking up on your insecurity, and it's making him insecure. Do you drink before hand? If not, try having a couple with him before getting down. Just make it seem like you are enjoying yourself. Shit, I'd even suggest faking an orgasm or two. Get his confidence up, and he'll be busting nuts in no time.
I'm a dude that that has problems cumming with women. It's not that I'm gay, or don't find them attractive, or whatever and I can last for literally hours, it's just for whatever reason I've got weird self issues where that moment of release is difficult to get to (It's probably a control issue. I'm a pretty serious guy and I get told I seem high strung a lot).
Really, it was only with my current girlfriend that I started to be able to cum consistently and more rapidly from sex. It used to be like once every 5 times and it would take hours for me to hit that point. Now it's 80% of the time, and the fastest was as quick as about thirty minutes.
I'll tell you exactly what I told my girlfriend when we first started dating: Don't worry about it. That's [his] issue not yours, just enjoy yourself and [he] will too.
That's a rather broad question. I think it's good. We have sex whenever we meet. He was the first one to be able to make me orgasm. We usually go for more than one round when he's over.
I'm going to greentext the last timewe fucked so you get an idea.
>haven't seen each other in 6 days
>he's finally home again and comes over
>we make a cup of tea and catch up on each others week
>start listening to music, really getting into it, major throwback
>we finally decide on a playlist and head to the bedroom (we where making out onand off during listening to music)
>proceed to make out on bed, me on top.
>take off my shirt, he takes off my pants. Undress him.
>he goes down on me and almost makes me cum.
>i tell him to stop cause i'd rather fuck him before i cum (else, all my horniness is drained from my body)
>he gets on top of me and slides his dick in with no problems cause i'm soaking wet and he's diamonds
>we fuck missionary for a while.
>he grabs me and rolls over for cowgirl. >Get at it for a while, then i get down from him and we do doggy.
>proceed to prone bone after a while
>back to doggy then missionary again (position that makes him cum the easiest).
>tells me he's going to cum.
>after a while, i throw him on his back and do me on top again. He's still hard.
>we do some "spooning" position and then he starts to loose his boner.
>he proceeds to rub my clit whilst trying to get it up again.
>Gets boner again, tries to jack off.
>i try to lend him a helping hand (knowing that me taking over wouldn't cut it. Tried that a lot of times. He just goes completely flaccid)
>play with his balls, and gently play with his ass (he loves that)
>almost cums. Ioads of precum and he's rock hard
>after a while, we take a water break, resort to cuddling and go to sleep.
>this whole thing took about 2 hours i'd say
I have no idea, really
>Most of the time I've let women dictate when we start having sex
Could be. I had a year long dry spell before him and was crushing on him
hard for about 3 years (this was mutual, we just were both too shy to make a move). After our 3. Date we made out in his car and i just couldn't contain myself any longer. He asked me if i was sure
about this and i just said sure and proceeded. Haven't even crossed my mind that HE might not have been sure about it... Now i feel really bad about that. Fuck.
He IS able to cum. First few times we had sex he came pretty fast. But to this day, he sometimes APPOLOGIZES after he came. As in "that was too soon". Even when it clearly wasn't. What would help YOU to overcome this, anon?
This sounds about right. People would describe him as confident and assertive. But he isn't. Not really. But i love that about him. No need to not be honest around me. How can i get him to relax when no one else is around?
Not to my knowledge
No, we don't drink. That would be weird honestly
I mean, i don't have to PRETEND that i'm enjoying myself. I do. And i guess his confidence skyrocketed when he was able to make me cum for the first time.
But now it seems as if he only focuses on getting me off. Which is neat and all, but i love to see him in pleasure too. So this shit sucks
What fantasies do you resort to, and why is the girl you are with/the physical sensations not enough?
This is really pretty easy to fix. Stop doing too much. You're both pushing past the point of peak excitement, that point when cumming is unstoppable, well you're overshooting it.
This is also called delayed ejaculation but it's really over stimulation.
Next time, when you start fucking, just keep going and let him know you want him to cum. Don't change position, just let it happen.
Often a long session, and 2 hours is long, will push most people (guys and gals) onto the plateau of response.... you've climbed the hill of excitement but can't go higher so it plateaus. Less time means the excitement peaks rather than plateaus and he'll cum.
I know that feel. It's what prevented me from cumming alltogether in the past. Now i am able to cum with my bf, but it's a lot of work on his side and a lot of mental stuff on my side.
I'm not sure i am able to just stop worrying. I don't know what the reason for his "problem" is. And i tend to blame myself if things don't work out
I suspect that he thinks he cums too fast and tries to hold back and then gets over that "peak excitement" without being able to return again. I DO tell him that i want him to cum. Sometimes i feel as if he mistakes our sex for a "performance olympia". I just don't know what to tell him anymore. The ball is in his court. I feel like nothing i do will change his mind. As if he's death set to be able to
Ask him to communicate what he wants you to do that would turn him on like crazy and make him cum.
he might be nervous to tell you if it's something like "I want to finger your butthole." but you should still ask.
communication is the key to great sex.