This is a general thread about self improvement, sharing your personal experiences, advice and tips. Since I started browsing /adv/, I noticed that a lot of guys out there have the same recurring problems like:
>tfw no gf
>tfw no hobbies
>tfw don't know where to start
I am not the most successful guy but I want to share my experiences with you, hoping that you may find something interesting or to learn. If you want to share your experiences, follow the template:
>Bio: age, where you live, job/studies, what was your situation before, what made you change/snap, current situation
>rank your tips/experiences from the least effort/least rewarding to the most
>experiences that deeply changed you or learned a lot
>books, references, videos
I will start:
I am a 22 y/o male from Canada, work part time at my parents bakery and full time firefighter student. I was a weak beta most of my life. I wanted to be an athlete (any kind of sport), especially a Formula 1 driver but my parents (1st gen immigrants) never had the time and money to take care of me. They always pushed me for a white collar job but I was never able to meet their expectations (grades were above average but nothing amazing).
From age 17 to 20, I had some kind of mid-life crisis. I was doing really bad at school, mostly because I didn't know what to do in life, no guidance, no real friends. I thought about suicide on a daily basis for 3 years but never had the courage because my parents didn't deserve this and younger brother would be all alone and prone to the same mistakes I made. One day, my neighbor proposed me to meet his track and field coach. I reluctantly agreed but little did I know this is where my life would change.
I instantly clicked with him and became best friends. The road to self improvement has finally started but what really kicked it off was meeting that girl at the gym. Although she is 5 years older than me, she was the first woman to ever take interest in me and it really ignited my desire to improve. I finally had a goal and applied for the firefighter academy. Although I failed at the first try, I waited a year and now here I am, at the end of my studies with a new car, new friends, new hobbies and a lot of experiences.
-Clean your room. It helped me so much to re-organize my life and it will become a habit the more you do it
-Stop eating junk food. From soft drinks to chips and sweets. Don't try to do it in a single day but progressively, over the course of a few weeks
-Get rid of your useless stuff. Give your old clothes to a charity. People in need could really use them. Sell your electronics or other stuff on ebay/amazon/kijiji.
-Clean your bathroom.
-Don't spend too much money on escort or strippers. It will help you get more comfortable with women but never spend over 300$ IN YOUR LIFE with them
-Stop buying video games. They are truly a waste of time and money. You can still play your old games but eventually, try to just stop. You could use your time for better things
-Brush your teeth twice a day. Once in the morning and just before going to bed. Take care of your teeth, you'll thank yourself later on in life
-Clip your nails once a week
-Sleep 7-8hours per day
-Stop playing mobile games
-Drink socially but don't go out too often
-Reach out some of your friends. Most people are afraid of socializing and you making the first steps will make them open up to you
-Stop thinking about tfw no gf. Girls WILL come to you but only if you WANT to change. Focus about yourself first and then you'll worry about the others
-Gradually reduce the amount of pornography you watch. Once a week is fine but try to go no fap. It helped me out and I'm sure it can help you too
-Get in shape. It is very hard at first but don't get discouraged. Go out for a jogging and then stretch. Do some push ups/sit ups in the morning. It is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise so start eating well (avoiding junk food like I mentioned earlier will greatly help you)
-Watch some youtube videos about weightlifting. Any channel with lots of views and subscribers will do but start somewhere. Try to copy the same movements
-Go to a gym that has a power rack and read about Starting Strenght. It is a great introduction to weightlifting. Remember to warm up before the training and stretch after. Eat well
-Be open minded. Try new restaurants, new activities, go to events
-Get yourself a new haircut that is trending. You can never go wrong with a short clean cut
-Get some new clothes that fit. Find a style you like and that is not autistic.
-Get some new shoes
-Stop hanging out with friends that bring you down. The social circle you have is a reflection on who you are
-Finish your studies, whatever you are studying
-Stop smoking or doing drugs. It truly is a waste of money
>Life changing experiences
-GO OUT. Seriously, go out. Anywhere. Get the fuck out of your house and explore your neighborhood/city. If I had not, I would not have met that coach from the gym and be here today
-People don't care about you, only if you are pretty or successful. That was true for me. Before I was a firefighter student, nobody gave a shit about me but now they at least notice me. Change yourself
-Don't get stuck on that girl. It really is pointless. I orbited around that girl from the gym for 2 years and it was all for nothing
-Clubbing outside of your city is generally cheaper and girls are way easier. I once went out with 70$, bought a few shots and drinks and had the best night of my life + laid
General advice with women and relationships
General advice with weightlifting
I will post more if people are interested.
Best of luck and never give up
Is it unhealthy to change thanks to someone else's influence? I've been chatting with this girl, she and I are pretty close and admittedly I'm starting to develop feelings got her.
She reminds me a lot of myself a few years ago before some bullshit entered my life (bad habits, unhealthy thoughts, etc). There's been a lot pushing this change for the better, but I do feel like her influence has been one of the factors pushing me closer to my true self.
In the past I'd reinvented myself to get people (especially girls) to like me. How do I make sure I'm not doing that?
The motivations may be flawed but itbis the end result that counts. I did initially change because of the girl I was attracted to but eventually, I started to do my own things without thinking about her.
If you change for bad habits, cut her out. The best scenario would be to never try to mold around that one girl but do it for yourself. Don't fall back to your bad habits, even if it was "closer to your true self". You can always change. I loved video games but eventually, I grew tired of them and wanted to progress.
Never give up. Those aren't sweet words I am throwing at you. The society, the world, the Universe is indifferent to your human concerns. You are the only enyiety that can bring change to your current situation. Nothing ever comes free or granted in this world. You have no choice but to fight. Some are born poor, others with disabilities and tou gotta make out with what you have and always learn.
I was in the same situation as you for 4 years. Do something, anything but never fucking give up