Has anyone ever reached the stage of being single where they are almost content being single, or feel like they have very little interest in pursuing people? Perhaps content isn't the correct word. I've just grown accustomed to it, but probably not content. I don't know how to describe it. I'm 28, I've been single for over a year now.
I would like a relationship. But I have nothing to offer. I'm going back to college this year (UK), and I'm overweight and I don't think I'm attractive.
I used to be active on dating websites. I would treat them like job searching. Browse through until I found someone I liked to message. I could easily spend hours every week looking. Now I just don't have the energy. No interest. No girl stands out to me, either on the internet or real life.
I would like a relationship. I know I would. But I don't feel like I'm meant for relationships. I have had them. But it's usually resulted in being cheated on/screwed around, and I get very little success. Perhaps that's the cause? I'm not sure. It doesn't help Valentines day is coming up.
Screenshot just whatever I found on my desktop.
I was in an on and off relationship for about five years. My experience of relationships is that they're double edged swords. I was happier at an earlier time in my life when I was by myself. I've decided I want to try living independently.
My advice to you is be very honest with yourself about why you're choosing to stop pursuing relationships - if it's because youre hurt or angry and this is your protest against that or a self pitying resignation then you wont ever be happy. It's a toxic mindset.
To be happy living independently you need to accept that you will, at times, feel lonely and isolated. But so does everyone, even those people in relationships. You need to feel a genuine sense of optimism about pursuing a life of independence. You need to throw yourself wholeheartedly into everything that makes you happy.
For me it is always the reverse. When I'm in a relationship I'm far more productive and outgoing. My general interests are solo. Gaming/reading, the usual indoorsy type stuff. When I've been in a relationship, these take a back seat. I'm far more likely to plan a trip to a musuem/camping/plan a nice restaurant/bowling/festivals etc. It's not as if I was forced or, I just felt happy and wanted to do these things. When I'm single, I have no interest in these things. Even if friends offered me the chance to go to a restaurant, it's just not the same as going with a significant other.
This is the thing - I don't know why I'm choosing to stop pursuing relationships. It's probably one of the reasons I made this thread. A part of me believes its to do with how hard dating is for me. I'm not exaggerating with how hard it is. I'm a 270lbs guy, after all. But it's never stopped me before, so why now? I guess I'm interested in hearing other people here to see if its something I can relate to.
The early stages of love are like a drug. If you felt more productive and motivated to do things it's because the early infatuation of love is a rush. How long was your longest former relationship? And how did it end? If it barely lasted a few years, I'd question whether you even know what it feels like to move beyond the infatuation/honeymoon stage. Maybe realising this (If it is infact true) might help you think more clearly about how to really feel about relationships.
It might also be that, being a larger guy, that dating is hard work and it's just worn you down.
well as someone who has been on the outer of society for about 7 years, i can saftley say i have no desire to be in a relationship anymore. I have had only a handful of them but they were lacklustre at breast, and i really see no point entering into one if you are a male; being that if you invest sufficient time and effort the woman has the potential to take half your shit and go sleep with someone else, then there is the guilt trips, nagging, implied responsibilities, monetary drains ect... I cannot for the life of me why anyone with half a brain would put up with this shit, i mean sure you like each other for a time but after that wears off you are left with logical conclusions.