I am 27 and it dawned on me I have never had a girlfriend. My mind has grown inept and rotten and sometimes even delusional. I remember 5 years ago telling myself "One day we will find a girl". I still haven't met any girl and my mind is falling apart.
I have tried going on dates but I get ghosted or friend zoned(I am not salty about being friend zoned but what kills me is having to find another girl to even chat up to the point of getting a date.)
What also kills me is that I feel like I don't have enough dating capital. A woman recently let me have it verbally when she found out I don't have a car. Here are her words VERBATIM
>I can't date a dude with no car. How are we ever supposed to do anything if I have to come get you OR you have to take the bus which could sometimes take 2 hours when a car drive would have been 30 mins!
I felt really shitty when she told me that because I feel like a lot of women think this way. Even though I am willing to pay for their gas to come get me or even meet them someplace(I take the bus a lot).
Anyway, what can I even do? I have stagnated and my mind is... so fucked. I have no confidence and I am bitter. I fucking need help but what can even be done? My confidence is so shit that I don't make any sort of commitments because I don't want to let anyone down. Its fucked.
I don't have a car because I am paying back student loans. I have a decent job but all my money goes to loans and I wouldn't be able to afford the monthly payments of a car. What fucks me is the insurance and possibly car note. Those monthly payments would fuck me over badly. I have enough saved up to buy a car but it would wipe my account out and then I wouldn't have enough for those stupid monthly payments.
It kind of sucks because I have never had a car and the last time I was behind the wheel of a car is when I was 19 which was also the day I got my license. Haven't driven a day since.
It sucks that women care so much about men having cars whereas I don't care if they live with their parents or if they have a car or not.
Kinda going to have to agree with this. I can look past it in your early 20s, but by age 27, I expect you to at least not be living at home (unless there are exceptional circumstances). I can look past not having a car if there's good public transport in your area, but a car is definitely infinitely more convenient.
What else do you do, OP? Job, education, living situation?
You can't expect people to have the same standards for you as you have of them. It's all well and good that you don't mind them not having a car or living with their parents, but they're under no obligation to do the same for you.
And honestly, you sound like a financial trainwreck. I would be very reluctant to enter a relationship with you even if you did have a car.
Man at this point life is kinda hard, everyone around you is growing up and getting serious. You got to solve your problems at least the main patrts: apartment, job, car, some furniture etc. Don't need anything fancy, just basics. And another thing- whatever sentence you about to spit out in front of someone you want to not fuck up in front- say it in your mind and listen if it doesn't ssound stupid, too awkward or crazy, just like "I don't mind paying for girls gas''
A car is pretty much a minimum requirement unless you have a medical condition or legal reason not to. Even if you pay for gas, a girl doesn't want to do the driving or meet you places. Building a relationship that way is practically impossible.
Are you saying you have enough money to get a new car or a used car? You can get a passable car for $6000. I helped someone I know buy a car for $4000 and it's presentable as fuck (though German, so maintenance is a bitch).
There are plenty of reasons to be living at home and such at 27 - if the world was a rational place and OP was working a "real" job and working on himself, people "should" be able to look past that. Fact is that they don't though, most of the time (I know you agree, just underlining for OP).
I don't know, I think most people would be able to understand if someone lived at home because they had sick parents or were saving up to buy a house. I don't think you'd want to date someone who doesn't accept a reasonably good excuse as to why you're living at home in the first place.
In my experience most people who have their shit together have their shit together because they have had everything handed to them, so they can't relate to people trying to get their shit together.
I think by their late 20s, most people have got their shit together on their own, at least for the most part. And what I said about most people being understanding depending on the cirucmstances still applies
>What also kills me is that I feel like I don't have enough dating capital.
Fellow 26 yo loser, though I'm a KV and it's probably true, you don't have enough dating capital, though it's probably not just the lack of car. Tell us more about your situation. People can accurately infer a lot of things than bitter anons give them credit for.
This is a tough spot to be in.
Get a second job in order to have a car, if you want a gf. That's the best plan. I have a buddy to got a car with 100,000 miles on it 'cause that's what he could afford. Student loans suck.
OP here. Honestly, my life kind of went down hill after my parents died. They were supposed to assist me in paying back the student loans if I did well. That did not work out and now I am paying the loans.
I just wish things could have been different. I feel like I have no more life to live. I am not suicidal but I am not a very excited person. I rarely say "Man.. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and do all these interesting things!" The world has lost all color and now I feel like I am coasting with no control.
I have lost control of the situation and I feel like time is no longer on my side. People make crazy conclusions about you if you don't have certain things by this age.
I wish I could stop being bitter and jealous but how can I?
Your only option here is to try to make something of yourself. As far as I am concerned, there is no joy in life for the average person, though many will disagree and try to scavenge some enjoyment from their pleb lives.
There is no feeling like accomplishing something great, like seeing that someone you are attracted too reciprocating the feeling, like winning a tournament, knowing that you would be fine financially if you never worked another day in your life, etc.
Most people never experience these things at all, so they are depressed and don't know what's missing, so they assume that there is nothing at life at all. Those things ARE there though.
Of course life has no appeal when you look forward to work and begging for the attention of some girl you don't even like.
I realize this isn't necessarily helpful, but I think it's the only route you can go, and you should try. You aren't at "it's 100% over age" yet, though getting close.
English here. No car isn't a dealbreaker over here, by any means.
Depends on your country, anon. US hoes are gonna expect a car unless you live in DC/NYC/other comparable "undriveable" city.
There really isn't any way around not having a car if you don't live wthin walking distance of things - hoes don't wanna bus.
>People make crazy conclusions about you if you don't have certain things by this age.
I don't want to kick you while you're down, but they aren't crazy conclusions.
They might not be correct but they aren't crazy. Time is real short and unfortunately you realize this late.
i feel like i am going to end up like this. i am 21 and i have never had a proper relationship. i have dated a few women and sleep with a few but nothing ever serious has happened. i always get bored of the girl or she has problems (crazy ex, emotionally unstable, mental). i feel like if i dont get into a proper relationship i won't know what i am doing when i do want one but at the same time i dont want one at the moment.
>In my experience most people who have their shit together have their shit together because they have had everything handed to them, so they can't relate to people trying to get their shit together.
Smart. Rare to see this here.
To add: there is no agreed time frame to get one's shit together, because everyone has different lives. It might take someone years, but not at any fault of that person. Sometimes it's just how things work. Life events happen that are often outside of one's control.
It is good to be understanding of people's situations.