/adv/ please help.
I'm 29 years old. I always moved around in life a lot (military, switching schools, etc.) so I have been in a lot of situations where I have had to make new friends without having any social connections.
However, since breaking up with my ex 2 years ago I haven't made any friends. (She was sort of the last link to the last social group I was in.) The breakup hit me hard (I thought I was going to marry her) and I was in a really deep depression for about six months.
But now it's like it's so much more difficult to make friends. I haven't had a single fucking friend in two years and I am afraid it's driving me insane. I haven't had a single person to talk to about non-work or non-school related stuff for TWO YEARS. I haven't been really happy for years and everything feels flat. Everyone around me my age is either married or has their own social group that they're not looking to expand.
To be honest I'm fucking scared. Did I fuck up irrevocably by not hanging on to my social groups up until this point? Is this what my adult life is going to be, a friendless, flat nothing? Are all my conversations from now on just going to be about work? Am I just never going to have a connection with anyone ever again?
I know it's starting to fuck with my head. I used to write a lot, now I barely do it at all. I used to read, now it's like I can't concentrate. I feel like I've lost all interest in the things I used to love. My head feels like it's in this thick fog all the time. A couple of nights ago, I was walking down a street I've been down hundreds of times, and somehow I just....didn't recognize anything around me. I felt like I was lost on a street that is literally one block away from my apartment. A lot of times when I lay down I feel weird, like I'm detached from my body and watching myself.
I don't know what to do anymore, really. It's been this bad for at least a year. I don't want life to be like this.
You probably fucked up in not developing a strong motivation to construct your own satisfying lifestyle. This is very common. It's just that most people enjoy the luxury of social lives to sort of cover up that mistake.
You're 29. There's no reason why you shouldn't have every little detail of your personal life exactly how you like it. You should eat the foods you like, travel to the spots you enjoy, play the games and sports which interest you, etc. 24/7 your life should be "The OP Show." That's the whole point of having the freedom of adulthood.
Now I know that part of your show would include other people, and that's obviously missing right now as per your entire post. But at age 29, no one is going to stick around as a close friend unless you have a really developed life which they can be a part of. No one wants to just exist alongside you. They have their own show, you have yours, and friendship will be about guest appearances. Step up and start dictating the terms of your life. The people will follow closely behind.
I sympathize with your story because I feel like I am heading in your direction. I don't think you "fucked up", as life goes on friends often begin to drift apart, They come and go.
What do you do outside of work? Do you have hobbies or anything that have you going out and attempting to communicate with people outside of work?
Try not to worry to much, it's easy to feel like the rest of your life will be like this but nobody knows when you're going to find your next friend or partner. You could even try online dating if you're looking for someone. But you have to constantly be around other people with similar interests as you if you're to make friends.
I'm not really sure what you mean, honestly?
Most of my hobbies are more or less solo activities (writing/drawing/doing my own little programming projects) although as I said it's like I have no interest in those anymore. I do like to go for long walks in the forest, although that's not really something you meet people at. I'm not really sure what kind of activity or anything you can go to that wouldn't be weird just showing up alone by yourself.
I've never really needed a lot of friends - there have been points in my life where I only had maybe 2 or 3. It's just that having none at all is driving me out of it.
Right now dating is completely out of the question for me. I don't feel nearly stable enough at all for that kind thing.
I'm 29 and haven't had a real life major friend in over 10 years. I can know the feeling. I mean I try to make up for with online people but yeah it's not the really the same or really friends at all. I just dunno.