I just moved to Spain a few months ago, was lonely and decided to hit people up on Tinder for friends/dating. Ended up meeting an amazing guy on there, we chatted for a few weeks and I hung out with him a few days after New Year's.
Well, since then we've kind of been inseparable- texting/messaging consistently and seeing each other in person, spending hours and hours together, around 2-4 times a week. We had the most romantic kiss at the ocean as well as holding hands/doing stupid cutesy stuff. I asked him last week if this meant that we were dating and he clammed up a bit and said he liked me but felt he needed to get to know me better, which is understandable. I can tell he genuinely likes me BUT I am respectful of his wishes, I will wait.
On Friday we slept together for the first time. It was very quick and passionate and a heat-of-the-moment thing. Saturday night (yesterday) rolls around and he's at a going-away party for one of his friends. He gets absolutely plastered (while insisting he's fine) and ends up saying "Love you. <3" out of the blue.
I asked him if he meant it for someone else and he spammed questions like "would that bother you? what if I feel that way?" etc. and then I responded with that those kinds of terms were reserved for people in relationships. He then asked "would you mind if you and I were in a relationship?" and went on a tirade about how he likes me and that's why he asked me out for Valentine's and consistently swore up and down that his "FRIEND" sent the message. His friends don't even know English! Regardless, I told him that I reciprocated but felt this was an inappropriate thing to text and we should discuss it in person. This led him to profusely apologizing, saying "it was my friend I swear" and then leaving. I wake up to him saying his jacket/wallet was stolen this morning (Sunday) and I just have no clue what to make of it.
I guess I need to elaborate on the advice I need, sorry.
Do you think he popped that out because we slept together? He knows that I am MUCH more inexperienced and this is my first time doing such outside of a serious relationship. Maybe he is saying them out of guilt.
WHY would he tell me just a while ago that he wants us to get to know each other better but then continually act in a way pushing for a relationship and later even ask me if I would "mind" if we were in a relationship, as though I didn't just bring it up a week ago.
I mean the inconsistencies are just baffling to me. I have been very open and comfortable with taking things his pace but he is very confusing. I asked him what he was doing for Valentine's and he clammed and then said he'd leave space for me. I felt kind of disappointed that he clearly hadn't thought of it, but was satisfied that we'd spend the day together. A few meetings after this discussion and he outright asks me on a date for Valentine's. I asked him why he didn't before and he said he was afraid I would say no. BUT I OPENLY ASKED HIM OUT FIRST?
His behavior is so perplexing. What purpose does he have in acting this way? What does it all mean? I need assistance.
In Spain, people drink often. It is simply a fact of life. Him having his items stolen while at a gathering with people he is supposed to trust is NOT his fault. No victim blaming, even if the victim was being stupid and drunk.
I have confided in him with utter security and he's not once broken my trust. He simply has inconsistencies between his actions and what he says. I am simply unsure of why this cognitive dissonance is occurring how it is and was hoping /adv/ would bring a bit of clarity/outside perspective.
He is in most aspects. When we discussed our relationship status initially, it was done very calmly and politely at a Japanese restaurant. I have never seen him get drunk like this but it was definitely a special occasion. I am not going to discount the majority of times he acts in a very mature way simply because he got drunk and acted immature. I understand if I am painting him in a bad light, but that is not my intention. I simply want advice on how to proceed/maybe some insightful comments as to WHY he could be acting this way (from people with similar experiences).
He is definitely boyfriend-material-- strong family ties, intelligent, computer programmer, degree, attractive, kindhearted, gentlemanly, etc. etc.
We were both using birth control, it was very safe sex. Thanks for the completely unhelpful comment however, people like you really contribute to the overall quality of this board.
Most like he doesn't know himself. He kinda likes you, but there are tons of other girls too. He kinda wants to fuck you, but at his own terms. I guess you two are really young. And there's a good chance you aren't the only girl in progress he has.
I'd guess his behaviour depends on how full his testicles are. I could be wrong too, and what I try to stress here often is to talk honestly to the person in question. If he evades that sort of discussion or is unable to answer, then what more do you really need to know about him?
I would think so too were the words not said from a responsible 24 year old man.
I don't drink due to personal reasons and don't know whether alcohol might've made him say stupid shit or if they're suppressed feelings or what.
Regardless of how asinine it is, it's still something I would appreciate people weighing in on.
He focused solely on the jacket being stolen and any mention of me discussing last night was quickly avoided. Not sure what to do now.
I asked him before and he said he is not seeing any other women. He also spends copious amounts of time with me, I am not a jealous person nor am I distrustful. I've no reason to believe he is seeing other women, he even uninstalled Tinder Friday night (after I was home) out of the blue, saying he didn't have to look any further. I'm 5 years younger than he is, he is a lot more experienced.
To elaborate a bit, I do not have the ridiculous notion that he potentially loves me and I was also taken aback by how lightly he said it.
I am however confused on whether or not he wants a relationship with me, as his actions and words are highly contradictory and he seems to disagree with me and then go through with my suggestion a week or so later but on his terms/as though he conjured the idea.
I am just wondering maybe if I am too assertive/bold? Perhaps I should be leaning back and allowing him to take control. He seems to be very respectful and concerned with not pushing any boundaries which is why I've tended to take matters into my own hands progressing things, so that he knows I'm comfortable and it's okay.
I don't know, this is why I need help.