I broke off contact with all of my friends more than a year ago, changed my phone number and all that. I did it because I had feelings for one of them (I already confessed but was rejected, we wanted to remain friends) and slowly started developing violent tendencies and fantasies. I was seriously afraid of hurting her or the people around me at some point so I stopped seeing them and shut myself in basically. I think I've grown quite a bit as a person over the last year or so, and while I'm still depressed and lonely I think I'd have that under control now.
So my question is, was I right to do that (I don't think they took it seriously but it genuinely freaked me out back then) from a moral standpoint? And should I crawl back to them (it all ended in a fight the last time I saw them when we had the falling out) and maybe seek their attention/friendship again? Nearly 2 years is a pretty long time after all.
And yes, the obvious response is that I should get my mental health under control, see a therapist, etc. I'm aware.
No way of knowing until you start talking to them again, OP.
Keep it in mind that it's been more than a year,, as you have changed so have them.
Old jokes will work half the times you use them, and expect that your new ones may not work.
Just keep it cool and be you. They were once your friends for a reason, people change, but they don't become someone else.
I don't even know how to initiate a conversation again to be honest, I think I even wrote a message to one of them after seeing (and ignoring) him on public transport, it was cringeworthy and emotional and way too long. Didn't get a reply (or he changed his phone number at some point, totally possible).
So, yeah. How do you talk to someone when the last time you saw them was nearly 2 years ago and you were telling them to fuck off and that you don't want to see them ever again?
Well, I had a similar situation going for a few years. Basically, fell for a girl, she lives in another state. Tell her anyway, she tells me she'll give me a chance. Some weeks later she gets a bf. I get destroyed.
Fast foward 2 years, she messaged me asking how was I doing and such. I had forgotten about her and didn't feel anything for her anymore. However she had changed a lot as well. We started studying different fields when we got to college and nowadays we text sometimes.
Yes, it doesn't sound good. But she still lives far away and we're both very busy. Anyway, you said you saw your friend. Interactions in real life are usually easier to work, as you can hang out and not just text.
Finally, I'd just message one of them like "Hey Anon, how are you doing?" or similar approach. No need to be afraid, don't be too desperate though. Just act normal and things will be fine!
>Interactions in real life are usually easier to work, as you can hang out and not just text.
I think I had a small panic attack when I saw him and now I'm extremely nervous whenever I'm around that part of town in public transport. It's really not that easy for me. Not that this is an excuse, but I don't think that meeting them in RL would be a good start. I could try texting them "hey, this is Anon, I changed my number, how are you doing?" But I'm terrible at smalltalk and I doubt that I'd have anything to talk about really. And I'd be devastated if they just ignored me honestly. I'm the one who broke off contact after all, crawling back to them after all that time and without a good reason seems really silly and needy.
>was I right to do that (I don't think they took it seriously but it genuinely freaked me out back then) from a moral standpoint?
I think you're just really stupid, that's about it.