I arrived at the conclusion that sex is beyond me. Better than me. That there's something wrong with me because I can't have it. I tell myself that I also don't need it. That it isn't important for me and relationships would only serve to destroy me. I see myself as being incapable sexually, yet capable of other things. I control my sexual desires rather than them controlling me. I ponder on how amazing sex could be if I could experience it on the highest level.
I became a wizard time ago. I mostly ignored ever having a sex life. Now I feel as if it is no longer available to me. That I've become too old and undesirable. The undesirable part being a fault I recognize as my own. I don't dress up much or go out. My life is kept simple and uneventful. Something makes me think that I can't enjoy life without a crucial part of it in place. I don't have sex so it seems to rib me of a certain part necessary for a good life.
How misled am I? How much of a problem do I have because I avoid sex and relationships?
Since you are only talking about sex here, and not romantic sex. What exactly is stopping you from seeing a prostitute? You could hire one in your own country or go to a foreign country to have fun.
How old are you exactly?
I don't want a prostitute since there can be some risks involved regardless of preventative measures.
I stop myself from having sex since my dictation is that I wouldn't be good enough and I couldn't learn how. I am fearful of deep connection.
I am 32 years old. I think being of this age is a contributing factor against my eligibility for sex because I am completely inexperienced with sex at my age.
>there can be some risks involved regardless of preventative measures.
Does it honestly matter at this point? Literally man just YOLO it doesn't even matter. Do you really want to keep going on like this if it's bothering you so much? And also experience, so what? You are making some pretty weak excuses if this is something you really want man.
You have Three options. You need to pick one right now.
- Fuck a hooker and learn sex isn't that big a deal
- Start signing up for dating sites or networking and meeting people, Find your partner
- Carry on this silly struggle and keep doing nothing you change yourself
I will carry on my struggle. It's all I've ever known. From my early years I learned to accept that I will always suffer on my way to wherever I go. I won't change because it feels like far too great of a task. I will be slowly destroying myself as a result of my inability to change. Sex and love are not for those who are damaged like me and possibly doomed like me.
It's with heavy heart that I believe I must live as if I killed myself a long time ago. It's melodramatic, but true. I don't want to reach out. I'm too set in my ways.
Thanks anyways for your time and consideration. I hope you never become what I have become: a hollow shell.
> I will carry on my struggle
This is why you are a failure, you won't even fucking try. Good luck with life man, and if you ever feel the desire to off yourself, even if just a little, for the love of God please do it. The world needs less "woe is me, my life sucks but I won't even try to fix it" people.