Why is there this big stigma surrounding suicide? Why can't someone like me, someone who is in constant psychological and emotional pain with no end in sight, end their own life on their terms without being labeled a coward, selfish or shortsighted? I've tried everything. Therapy, medication, I've changed my environment. Therapy did absolutely no good because talking about the source of my pain doesn't ease it.
Pharmaceutical drugs did much more harm to my mental state than they did good. I tried marijuana, which actually helped a little, but with the legality issue my choice there is to be somewhat better mentally, but run the risk of losing my job, which would just add on top of everything else.
Over the last 5 years, I've completely changed my environment. I switched to a career that I like much more than when my depression started. I moved back home to my home state. I've distanced myself from the negative people that I used to associate with.
People keep telling me "it gets better". For 7+ years people have been saying this. And over these last 7 years, it has gotten tremendously worse. For every positive thing to happen, it seems like 10 unbearably bad things happens. I get a promotion, my best friend dies in a fire. I meet the girl of my dreams, and somehow get her, only to have my misery drive her away.
I can remember what it was like to be happy, which makes it even worse. I remember seeing these kind of posts and telling OP to get over it. I didn't realize people who suffer from this are trapped in an endless loop of pain.
The ONLY thing keeping me from ending my suffering has been the fear of my friends and family not understanding the reasoning my decision and condemning me for it.
Whether living with the depression is worth avoiding being remembered as a coward. I love the people in my life, but there's nothing they can do to help me. Should I suffer, or drastically change the way they would remember me when I'm gone.
Because despite my pain, I don't know if simply pushing it on them would be fair. Idk if you've experienced this kind of depression before, but for me it's like if I just deal with it and be miserable, I'm saving my family from having to deal with it themselves. I want the suffering to end, but I don't know how to go through with it knowing I'd just be causing more people pain.
I feel much the same as you, OP. I would suggest either killing yourself or doing something really out of the ordinary.
You're clearly not happy with life and the situation you're in. Do something really crazy, like go travelling for a year or just move country. Who cares if it doesn't work out and everything goes to shit? You're already willing to kill yourself, so why not just try something new and radical?
It's worked for me so far :)
>Why is there this big stigma surrounding suicide?
If you're dead, you won't mind, so why do you care?
I'll tell you why: because, like most people with suicidal ideation, you don't want to die. You want the pain to end, which is quite reasonable, but it's not the same thing. And although your condition is telling you that death is the only way out, you know that's not true. And that is why you care.
I've been there, bro. I know how much it hurts. I've even had paradox reactions to some medications, so I know that feel too. Fucking sucked, that did. But I kept trying medications, even though I was scared as hell after thw paradox incident, until I found one that worked.
I am not all better yet, though things have drastically improved from even just a year ago. I've even caught myself saying that things are finally looking up, after some 22-odd years of hell. My point is that there IS a way out of this, and it's a way you can live with.
People like you and I are not the exception. We are the rule. And that's why this stigma exists. The people who see it as the only way out are very nearly always wrong, and in many ways not even competent to male that decision. They fuck up the lives of the people around them -the people who loved them, and sometimes even the people who hated them- based on impulses and misconceptions, often ones which could have been cleared up with questions they were afraid to ask.
I have nothing against it. I think people get labelled selfish or cowardly if they have a wife and kids to look after. They have a responsibility at that point to see through, their own problems become secondary.
If you dont have kids thats okay, but maybe you have a mom and dad that really care for you. What are their lives going to become if you off yourself?
Now, as someone suggested you can make it look like an unintentional accident. Tell everyone you are going for a camping journey in death valley and "get lost". Take a bunch of pills and go off in the desert with empty water bottles so it looks like ou doed of dehydration.
Just a thought.
There is a stigma because it is the ultimate act of futility and surrender. You are going to die anyway. You only get one shot at this life, and you just want to throw that all away and give up trying? There are millions of people who would literally kill to have your chances. That is why there is a stigma.
That really isn't OP problem though. They say life is a gift and that's just the thing--you don't have to accept gifts if you don't want them or if the gift serves you no purpose.
OP, if you want to off yourself then do it if YOU think it will make things better for you.
I dont believe one should ask someone-- who has to draw into the deepest depths of themselves just to get up everyday mind you--to keep living if they didn't want to.
>I dont believe one should ask someone-- who has to draw into the deepest depths of themselves just to get up everyday mind you--to keep living if they didn't want to.
What would you say if this was one of your parents? Or a sibling? Because that's what they will feel, only worse.
Just keep searching for improvement. Put one foot in front of the other, over and over. No parent should EVER have to bury a child.
Seek help. It's out there.
This is still one of the worst arguments there possibly is. Society keeps on popping out babies into empty, meaningless lives and then gets upset when these babies grow up dissatisfied with constant bad things happening and very few good things happening.
A combination of legitimatley being unable to comprehend why someone would *not* want to live combined with the fact whilst they might not want to or be able to help they dont wont to deal with the consequences of your saddness.
+ misc things like it makes people feel inferior as parents and friends.
Overall pure egotism
How many antidepressants have you actually tried? I've been on 14 -- some worked, some didn't, and the ones that did stopped working.
There are treatment options that aren't pharmaceutical, too. I'm starting my first electroconvulsive therapy treatment on Monday. A psychiatrist may be able to help you get into a treatment-resistant depression program if you keep actually trying to move forward and find a treatment that works (there are some hoops you have to jump through, and you'll need to try some more drugs, but they're not exactly the worst thing in the world if in the end you are happy and healthy.).
Giving up now when you haven't used even a remote amount of your treatment options is shortsighted and stupid.
Because people are terrified of death, and for the most part either
A) Didnt experience enough pain to really know what youre feeling
B) THey do, but they were never allowed to end it so why should you.
Way I see it, none of it matters, and if you cease to exist then your labels and the feelings of your family dont matter. Best you can do is leave a note explaining how badly you wanted this and how this is nothing to be upset over.
Life is wondeful, Anon, and if you really, truly cannot experience that, well... why do it.
May I just say fuck it, and take up unbelievably dangerous sports? Apply for too much credit, use your lifes savings or something, learn to wing suit, then fly through a fucking mountain valley or something.
I mean whats gonna happen, you gonna miscalculate, veer off course and hit a pointy rock at hundreds of kilometres an hour? What a tragedy... amirite?
I don't resent people for not doing what I ended up failing to do; I genuinely think that death is bad and I don't think that people should die when it can be prevented. When their unhappiness can be prevented.
>no parent should EVER have to bury a child
Man this resonates with me.
Like OP, I've been going through shit for the last 7+ years, my whole teenage life.
I've been on almost every medication available for my illnesses, I've seen over 10 psychologists and around 6 psychiatrists, I self harmed for those entire 7 years and still do when I'm in a bad low, I've attempted suicide so many times that I've honestly lost count, I've had the cops called on me during my psychotic episodes, and I developed an addiction to try and cope.
But the one thing that makes me even slightly okay with not being dead, the one thing that motivates that tiny, tiny part of me that wants to get better; is the fact that my mum has already buried two children, my little brothers.
Every time I make a failed attempt, that's the thing I feel most guilty about (aside from ~maybe one other completely unrelated thing), and that's the one thing that helps me stay alive.
I know for a fact that if I successfully killed myself, my mum would just not be able to deal with it. It would literally kill her.
That thought honestly haunts me.
I always thought that if you really want to die to wnd the pain of living why not instead of killing yourself you find someone else to kill who deserves it and maybe you'll die in the process but atleast you'll be remembered fondly.
Depression is tricky because it twists your perception and makes you believe you're hopeless when you may not be. 99% of the time, you're not actually as hopeless as you think you are. I say this as a 26 year old who has struggled with it since puberty and bought a gun two years ago (I returned it). Therapy, medication and changing shit up in your life makes all the difference.