Hi /adv/, I need some relationship advice !
So I've been dating this girl for two months now. We are both in our mid 20's and still in college. I noticed right from the start that she was a very "sexual" person: she's very flirty, always moves and behaves in suggestive ways, and she's a total animal in bed. I have a very high sex drive too, so in that sense it almost seems like we were made to be together.
The thing is that I happen to have a severe anxiety disorder which I'm currently being treated for, and which makes me very paranoid at times. I've also, since my childhood, always had a tendency to live inside my own head. Which means that I can't keep myself from obsessing on certain things/events, even if they aren't real, and imagine them playing out as if I was the director of a movie.
You're probably thinking "where do these things connect?". Well, I know that my GF has had many more sexual partners than I have, and that she's what the most ignorant of us would call "a slut" (she has had at least 4 or 5 sex partners in the last three months before we met, we had intercourse on the first date, etc. etc.). A few days ago, she asked me to look for a text message in her phone, and me being stupid, I couldn't hold back on snooping around. Sadly for me, I found texts from a few other guys, dating back only a few days before we met saying "hey, what you wanna do tonight?" "I want to fuck you hard just how you like it", shit like that, and now I don't know how to deal with it. It makes me feel very insecure about the quality of our relationship.
I know this must sound pathetic to you, but it is taking a serious toll on the way I perceive our relationship. I am also afraid that as soon as things go bad she could go back to her "old" ways (not even considering the possibility of her cheating on me, since it would probably annihilate me).
Any advice ?
how did you meet?
if it was before you two started dating, you have to get over it. she was in the middle of being very single and enjoying it. then you came along and she decided that you where worth it to give all this up.
We met by coincidence at a bar.
I get the whole "she was single and enjoying herself" thing, it's just that I'm having trouble getting over it. How does a guy get over the fact that a few days before meeting his current girlfriend she had just spent a week getting plowed by four different guys ?
I sincerely hope that you're right about her deciding it was worth it to stop.
We are the same person OP. Same exact story and all. I'm 20 and my gf is in college. Severe anxiety, living in my head etc.
it's not ignorant to think she's a slut. you're anxiety makes you think that you're wrong most of the time because of random paranoia. The paranoia is you just knowing your shit. She's not unfaithful, just an idiot for letting you know about her past.
i don't really know how to deal with it either, but im a man about it and dont let it effect the relationship.
Either get over it or leave her, those are your options.
Part of being in love is trusting the other person loves you and will be faithful.
If you don't feel that, it's not a good match. If you don't trust her, she's just a posession to you.
The only thing you can do to prevent cheating is be the best lay she's ever had and treat her well. Being paranoid and controlling will only push her away.
When you focus on connecting, and not on her past, you forget that you were ever worried in the first place.
Dude, you guys have been going out for two months now, you can't let something like that get to your head! Be fucking confident, man! She chose YOU for the long haul. You should feel superior to all of those guys that were probably just calling her for a quick booty call. You appreciate her, and she appreciates that. THAT'S why you guys are still together.
dude my girl was the same way. ive seen pics on her phone that she sent to other people. ive read conversations on her facebook messenger with old teachers shes hooked up with but none of that stuff continued after she met me. Relationships are based on trust. i trust my girl and there is no physical evidence for me not to. Id say that as long as shes not acting weird or trying to hide her phone from you and stuff then there is no reason to be fearful. my girl is someone you could have considered a "slut" too and she even refers to a time in her life as her "slut phase". people change and grow all the time. and honestly im glad she has had a lot of practice in bed because now im the one who gets to enjoy everything shes learned. she still does get hit up by guys shes slept with and she tells me and because she tells me about it I feel like i can trust that shes not hiding things from me.
be open with eachother. have conversations about things that are on your mind. it helps i promise. as long as you both can have a level headed discussion about things like that.