My boyfriend was at a party this week, where he got a text from me, and it ruined his mood. A girl he had classes with noticed and said, "wow, she's really bringing you down". He asked if she meant just then or generally, and she said generally. We were on the verge of breaking up like 8 months ago and she helped him move his stuff temporarily. They aren't close, but they're familiar with each other.
When he came home he told me about it and said that he agreed with her. I do too. I know it's my fault, I'm a bad partner a lot of the time, and I've improved in some ways and I try but to be honest I don't ever see myself not being like how I am now. I'm pretty sure it's part of who I am.
He definitely doesn't want to end the relationship. I'm afraid it's because of some Stockholm Syndrome type thing? I've read that people see their partners like how they were when they first met, and I think he had a very good first impression on me. I don't want to be bringing him down, or be an abusive partner, but we've been together almost 5 years, he's my first boyfriend and everything. Our entire adult lives have been together and we're really compatible apart from the fact that I'm a huge asshole a lot of the time. I don't know what to do.
I agree with this. Sounds like he doesn't want to be with you anymore but is too scared to be alone or start over with someone else.
You're probably going to have to be the one to end it.
My gf does stuff like this sometime, when I (rarely) go out with friends, she send messages like "are there pretty girls around or something
" like that. So OP, try and figure out your insecurities and work on that for start.
And for your bf, he seems like a bitch for waiting to comment about this alone, and not with his friends. Personal messages are not to be shown like that.
Why do you think he doesn't want to be with me? He insists that he does. He was unsure 8 months ago but I started crying (I can be a moody emo too) saying that maybe we should break up because of the bringing him down thing, and he just laughed and hugged me, and said that it was my choice but that he knew what his choice was (he wants to stay in the relationship). Is there something in my post that indicates to you guys that he wants to end it but is scared?
He didn't show the message to her, she just knew it was from me...which is telling...
I was upset before he left over something that had happened, and he asked but I was having a hard time expressing it. I texted it to him later. I was on the fence but I sent it, I know it was an asshole move though .He said he didn't want to go to the party and I didn't know it would upset him like that.
It's really impossible to judge your situation without any specifics. What did your text message say? What do you do/say that makes you such a "bad partner?"
Really, to me, it sounds like the "girl he has classes with" wants to be his new girlfriend, she's shit-talking you any chance she gets, and getting to his head.
But again, if you actually explain what you did/said that's so awful, it'll be easier to judge without jumping to conclusions
From what you said it sounds like he breaks down whenever there is a disagreement. That is usually a telltale sign when someone is wanting to break up - they attempt to use any excuse to start talking about leaving.
Also, nobody wants to be with an asshole. It is not cute or endearing, it is annoying to have to walk on eggshells due to your partner being a manchild who responds to any and all stressors with a tantrum.
Frankly it sounds to me like this guy is just another fickle bitch who doesn't know anything about commitment or loyalty and probably just doesn't want to be with you anymore. It's sad, but people are like this, that's part of the reason why people suck ass in general. Both women and men.
>it sounds like the "girl he has classes with" wants to be his new girlfriend, she's shit-talking you any chance she gets
"wow, she's really bringing you down." TEXTBOOK thirsty-white-bitch tactics
I don't know her but I'm pretty sure she's gay.
I'm kind of a bigger asshole than he is, but he says he still wants to be with me. I'd say he's more the one walking on eggshells and that that explains the girl's reaction saying that I bring him down. I get upset or mean over small things too often.
But he talks about the long term and wants to stay, but being in a relationship where I'm an asshole feels morally wrong to me, but I can't imagine life without him.
>I'd say he's more the one walking on eggshells
>I get upset or mean over small things too often.
Maybe I wasn't clear, but that is exactly what I was saying. He hates being around you because you're a crazy person.
People who are trapped in a relationship always talk about staying and long term shit with the oppressor because they know it appeases them so they won't fly off the handle. It doesn't mean anything.
I'd give you my requisite advice of putting on your big girl pants and talking to him about it but it doesn't seem like you're capable of that.
Sorry, I was confused by "manchild" and people saying he was overreacting.
His talks about the long term are legitimate, not something I've requested. He's pushed for it more than I have.
I've tried talking about it, we've had conversations. What do you mean specifically? Having the break up conversation?
Sorry, but you're too delusional for me. FYI: once you start bringing up things that completely change the conversation then people on /adv/ usually assume that you're a liar and begin to troll your thread.
Maybe someone else will be willing to talk to you, but I'm done.
How am I bringing up things that completely change the conversation? I legitimately don't understand what you're saying or how I'm delusional. What I've said is pretty objective.
Not the person you're replying to, and I wouldn't call you "delusional," but it's pretty much impossible to give you a good answer in this thread. You've been very vague in your description of these problems, you give no real examples or specifics, and then when someone tries to piece it together to give you advice anyway, THEN you give the one little piece of information that renders the answer meaningless.
Pretty much all we can do here is jump to conclusions for you, completely un-informed, and just hope that one of our random guesses about your situation turns out to be correct
What did you write to him, what was it about and what was the tone like?
All these faggots in this thread sound like white-knight betas that just want to suck up to you.
a text can contain literally anything, which can bring down anybodies mood - as such it would be better if you told us/me what you wrote in order to be able to better asses the situation.
Also, describe your behaviour to him that you consider "bitchy".
The other anon is being very intimidating and probably has problems of it's own, I wouldn't worry about it.
No, AFAIK, you didn't change the topic, anon has reading comprehension problems.
The feeling of having helped someone and thus feeling reinforced in ones own opinion.
In this situation OP might have written anything, as such the first few replies in the gist of "hes a bitch...!!" are just sentences they think she wants to hear or are from simpletons, neither of whic actually alleviates her issues.
You guys deserve each other. You're a nagging bitch, and he's an unconfident pussy.
You stay together because you both know that you don't deserve the love of a better person until you get your shit together.