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When should I tell her?
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>be me male 32
>polyamorous
>been sleeping with ex until two weeks ago
>been sleeping with new woman since six weeks ago
>considering having long term open relationship with new woman
>not considering exclusivity, rather be single
>ex knows I'm poly, but became jealous, might still come back eventually
>new woman does not know about ex or that I'm poly

I've been seeing her more frequently the last two weeks. Been staying over at hers four times the last week, and will be cooking dinner together tonight.

Is it wrong of me to continue beyond this point without initiating a conversation in which I talk to her about being polyamorous, or should I do what I feel is right for me and wait until the topic of relationship comes up naturally?

Pic unrelated
>>
cont'd

>inb4 you're an asshole for leading her on

I don't work on the assumptions that:
>she doesn't sleep with other guys
>she's interested in monogamous relationships (fact: she does not want kids)
>she wants a relationship at all

Also, I believe one should wait until one know each other far better than what is possible in the span of a couple of weeks before deciding to try for a relationship, and in the meantime even serial-monogamous people will date and sleep with more than one person at a time.

I just want some opinion.
>>
>>16774681
>>16774684
If you're fucking multiple people at once, each and every one of those people deserve to know the simple fact that you're sleeping with other people for THEIR OWN SAFETY.

It's a safety issue. You sleeping with multiple people at once exposes all of those people to heightened STD risk. I don't give a fuck to hear about "I always use condoms." It doesn't fucking matter man because condoms do not protect against STD transmission in many cases and you don't wear condoms on your face do you now.

SO you're in the wrong for not letting this woman know that you're fucking other people:
>new woman does not know about ex
>been sleeping with ex until two weeks ago
>been sleeping with new woman since six weeks ago
Not cool.

About the polyamorous stuff - it's whatever. I agree that you should wait until the girl wants to "have something" with you because until she vocalizes it to you what the fuck do you know? You're not responsible for reading minds Ms. Cleo. Plus women aren't rational even when they think they're ready for that conversation. You bringing it up before she's ready could get ugly.

But you ARE responsible for putting people at heightened STD transmission risk without their knowledge.
>>
>>16774759
I agree with a lot of your points, and thanks for the lengthy answer.

You assume a few things, though.

1. I got myself tested five weeks ago
2. At the point when my ex didn't want to continue sleeping with me, she hadn't been with anybody else since before we reconciled in early October, and I got myself tested then as well. Nobody will get sick.

I'm more responsible than you might think. More interested to know how I should go about telling her about my polyamory for the sake of jealousy and hurt feelings, not so much STDs. And in that area we seem to agree that it's too early to talk about relationship stuff, so cool.
>>
Some points I think are noteworthy:

1) You and your ex are on different pages. You want polygamy (presumably without hurt feelings), she isn't capable of it without getting jealous and hurt. Something to bear in mind.

2) The new woman you're sleeping with has known you, presumably, for a little over one month. I would argue that since you haven't explicitly agreed to being a monogamous item, you haven't wronged her.

3) How and when you decide to tell her is up to you. If I were in your shoes, I would tell her sooner rather than later to potentially avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. But it's your call.

4) As for you putting their sexual health at risk, as the above poster pointed out; If someone said to you "I won't sleep with you until we both have STI tests, and that we agree after we both get a clean bill of health that we won't sleep with other people", and you lied about getting the test and about sleeping without other people, that would be one thing.

But nobody lied or asked for the above to happen. The girl sleeping with OP chose to sleep with OP knowing there was the risk, as did OP when he slept with her. If you don't ask for the above to happen, it's your own risk,and even then you can't guarantee you won't be lied to.
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