I have my first electroconvulsive therapy treatment at 9am on Monday!
I'm not as excited as I really should be, simply because it takes 4 treatments on average before you start to see any results. But I am very excited to start and finally see if I can get my depression the fuck over with.
You live in a group home for fuck's sake; why would you throw away a dry, warm home and food just so you could get high?? Your ass is going to be homeless and you have no where to go. You're a fucking idiot, and while it's a shit move your Dad pulled, you knew better.
Oh well. I don't know what to do for you.. Yes, I am worried sick about you, but there is nothing I can do, my family is still bent on hating your guts. So... You can't really live here; I'm sorry.
Tfw you realise they never actually gave a fuck about you and never actually loved you at fucking all, and that they were probably cheating on you the entire time.
Tfw you know they're going to go home with someone tonight and fuck them the way they used to fuck you. If they haven't already found someone/s else yet. Which they probably have. They've probably been fucking someone/s else since they left. Tfw they're going to make love to someone else the way they used to make love to you. Tfw they're going to hold someone else the way they used to hold you.
Tfw they've 100% moved on already and have forgotten you even exist, and have forgotten the whole time you were together.
Tfw you stupidly and pathetically hoped that they'd wait for you, even though you should know better by now not to hope for something so worthless and naïve.
Tfw you don't and never will compare in any way, shape, or form to anyone they're fucking and/or are romantically interested in/probably in love with.
I've been having an overwhelming desire to start self harming my self lately. The idea of cutting myself and causing myself pain brings me a lot of inner joy and gives me an outlet for my feelings. Even though i know it's wrong and not healthy for me in the slightest i can't help but see it as a positive thing. I just wish i could actually stop being a coward and go through with it.
>>16773802 The long-term effects -- and success rates -- of ketamine treatments for depression are not well-understood as of yet, and the treatment is still experimental. Also, I got denied entrance to a treatment-resistant depression program for not being suicidal enough (meaning they had too many urgent patients to accept me), so it isn't an option anyway.
Medical-grade ketamine is different from the party drug, so I'd basically need to get it from a veterinarian supplier (it's sometimes used as anesthesia for horses), and then figure out the dose (I don't exactly know how to administer an IV on myself, or dose myself, or anything)... yeah, fuck that, ECT is easier.
Especially considering the 50% long-term remission rate for people with treatment-resistant depression. Those are really good odds.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Keep in mind that time will heal wounds. The path to recovery can be long, but you will make it. Try to focus on your friends and/or family or try to distract yourself by finding a new hobby. Try a sport like baseball, bowling, or disc golf. Just something that you can focus on while relieving some stress.
Why is it so easy to turn to stone? My face grows slack and so quickly does its smile teeter off. And like a drop of smelted iron, the brivant glow and warmth soon dissipates leaving only a cold chunk behind. I feel like sometimes I fall waste deep into a pit of mud. It slowly tries to swallow me, and I try to fight it. I struggle with a smile, and hang on to conversations, but the more I move the deeper I sink in. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I can't love him the way I want until I can crawl away from the bubbling swamp. It smells here; it smells like death.
>>16774062 i could try that, i dont anyone aproach her like that before. The problem is that there are a lot of anorexia and bulimia cases in our group of friends, so when they start talking and criticizing themselves about their weight, she stays quiet and silent
>be me, sophomore in high school >straight A's >chill with everyone in the grade >teachers all love me, solid 7/10 GF >my parents favorite (youngest of two bros) >be me, gym class with autismo >autismo trips while I'm running down court to throw basketball back in >slam my head into brick wall of shitty gym class, pass out >wake up five hours later in hospital, everything's fuzzy >go back to school the next day, can't concentrate for shit, acting high even though there was no medication >MRI scan >brain is FUCKED, frontal lobe is basically one massive bruise >lose all social skills, everyone hates me, my gf breaks up >grades go from a's to d's, teachers start to hate me for not paying attention in class >at school, get yelled at by teachers and taunted by kids >go home, get yelled at by parents and taunted by sack of shit cunt brother >no longer want to be a burden to my family >should I run away from home, or just off myself? >suicide is nigh on impossible, no gun, no rope, on suicide watch >help me /adv/
You both could be growing out of your relationship. The distance is causing a strain. I think the best option would be to change things from a relationship to a friendship. Talk it out and discuss the advantages and disadvantages of every potential outcome.
Holy shit anon. Have you went into any kind of therapy?
How can you be chill with everyone when you label another student as "autismo"? That kind of immature mindset isn't going to help you get far in life kid. This is harsh, but I'm sure you now have an idea of the kind of stuff "autismo" has to go through. Fix your immature mindset and focus on those who still treat you like a human being. There has to be some people who still care about you.
Be me, last year school year has just begun, college freshmen studying abroad, in a cool new dorm. Starts off great, hang out with a bunch of girls, the ones who seem to be "popular" Get closer to one of the girls, everyone loves her, but we're just friends. Really fun to hang out with, but then she likes me. I don't think she's cute at all and I don't find her personality attractive. So I say no. Because everyone loves her, and she slowly distanced herself from me, everyone did too. Fast foward to the end of the semester, to right now. Everyone I knew are now a "squad" They always seem to have hella fun. I see it all over their snapchats and Instagrams and everything. Meanwhile today is my birthday, and sitting alone in my room. I'm sure they'll do something cool and fun today too.
Jerked off to hentai last night. Had sex with a girl tonight. She had 36DDD breasts and that was nice, but I'm not that into her. I actually prefer masturbating to sex, unless it's with someone who I'm in love with. The question is, how do I avoid this girl in the future? Pic related is the kind of girl I prefer. Looks exactly like my ex, who I think I'll never get over. The one I was talking about with the huge boobs looks nothing like this.
Shitting drops of blood again, because I like self-harming my own asshole full of hems and then jerking off. I'm not gay though, have never felt a single shred of sexual interest for any male and I'm constantly chasing after girls.
I wrote out some long shit about this but I don't want to post the long thing. Basically >decided to go to community college >friend went to uni >I became a recluse while friend blossomed >he comes back periodically and reminds me that I'm shit at everything >today realize that I'm fucking life up, time to build confidence and get it straight >this chump is coming back for the weekend with his new 9/10 gf >wants to bring her to meet my family so they can all laugh at me for being a failure while he tells them about all the sex they're having and how much money he's making What's his point? I thought he was my friend but it seems like ever since he's gone to University all he wants to do is tell me about how great he is. The few other friends I haven't pushed away don't do this at all and I don't mind having conversations about what they're doing in their lives, but this guy just loves buttering himself up. It wasn't like this growing up. I also don't understand why he has to come and make my family gush over him for it, all that leads to is them criticizing me with him as a basis. It's making me hate him but I really don't want to. I know it sounds stupid, because it is. I know I need to get my shit together and I definitely will. It's just annoying that someone I've known all my life seems to only be concerned with shitting on me now.
>sister has brat of a teen daughter >entitled, spoiled, shitty brat of a daughter >never cleans up after herself, talks back, expect everyone to hand things to her >neglected the one pet she had enough where I took it into my care and found it a home >tell her literally a dozen times not to let my cat outside (coyotes are around at night) >leaves back door wide the fuck open and lets him out >denies she did but I watch her walk back in and she leaves it open >starts mocking me for looking for my cat >"I don't know why you care so much about a stupid animal. Like, take a chill pill, gawd." >Me: "First, shut the hell up. Second, I care because it's MY CAT and there are COYOTES around here at night. Can you not follow simple instructions like 'close a door'?" >Her: "Jesus christ! Like take a chill pill jeez. It's a dumb animal. Gaawd I'm gonna walk off a cliff cause of this dramaaaa." >Me: "Shut up, you brat. I don't want to hear another word out of you unless it's an apology or you spotting my cat."
First time I've ever talked to her like that and it felt awesome. Sister just came up to me to 'discuss how I spoke to her daughter'. My niece already quickly fabricated a ton of lies and my sister heard our convo through the kitchen. Niece basically got herself into trouble.
Talk to him about that shit. There's good natured shit talk but if he's taking personal digs at you and propping himself up to look better that's fucked up.
I lost one friendship because of things like that. I was a poorfag and virgin at the time and one old friend kept making really personal jokes about my status. I thought everyone was going with it due to it being funny but I found out the rest of my buddies thought it was fucked up and were uncomfortable. They were surprised I didn't 'snap' earlier.
>bragged about banging his average gf to me >"aww man just got nudes..like you'll ever know what that's like dude ahaha" >would constantly do this until I commented that she wasn't 'that good looking' >actually tried to fight me over that >go out to with him and other buddies >make a joke like "oh anons here. looks like he won't have electricity this month ahaha" >would go and spend lots of money, sometimes waving bills in my face >eventually hold a big party later on >"why the fuck am I not invited dude? why did no one tell me?" >Me: "because you can get fucked. never speak to me again and don't show up at my apartment ever again."
>>16774235 I'll give it a try but I feel like if he can't tell me about how hard he came when he got his dick sucked anymore, he's as good as gone. Now everyone will think I'm the bad guy for cutting him off.
Yeah, not going to hit anybody although that would feel awesome to backhand 'em. It wouldn't do any good though. I'm just going to lay the verbal smackdown on either if I hear any backtalk or shitty comments from now on. Used to brush it off but now I'm not going to. They're guests in this house right now.
Still haven't found my cat either. Tried to look for him but it smells heavily of skunk spray outside. Just leaned the screened-in porch door open so he might go in there.
>>16773748 >>16774341 >>16774421 I'd give anything to have someone think this about me. Go tell your person this, put it in words, tell them. You never know if it could be your last chance to let them know.
God damn it she has the most beautiful voice too bros. It was my favorite part about her - literally made me forget how bad I am in every other part of my life, as cliche as it sounds. Hearing her stories and jokes really made me less of a cynical and grumpy loner.
If we ever cross paths ever again I'm not going to let her go without knowing how I feel.
>>16774444 >4444 The last time I talked to her, it was a grand romantic gesture on my part, and she disregarded me completely, once again breaking my heart. Perhaps the other two anons shall fare better than me; that epic get of yours must be worth something.
I feel shameful for not replying to your email, but you burnt that bridge long ago. A few lines bemoaning your lost friendship and all the pain it cost you without any acknowledgement of the top-shelf assholery you indulged in evokes no pity, just disappointment.
I feel shameful because of society's expectations, and how it might criticize me for "closing the door" on someone. I kept that door open for months and all you sent through was lies and knives.
I didn't close the door. You let it rot away. If you want to try to repair things, there's ground for it; but I'm not going to do anything until you show me I can trust you.
Until then I'm going to stand here, waiting, until you realize just how much you fucked up.
>26 >have a job some people would kill for albeit low pay >on the outside comfortable and interesting life >have one friend who lives a three hour flight away and we talk every day >never had a long lasting relationship >can't connect with anyone on a deeper level eventhough I want to >everyone is telling me that I am smart and witty and that I have this energy that attracts other people >personally I am a very sad and feel incompetent at life >constantly have a feeling of wasting my life >think that all people think I'm crazy and that I am a lesser human than them >somehow it bothers me that other people have better relationships (friends and couples) than me
So yeah the last three days have been hell and I've been crying over the fact that my father was admited to the hospital with a serious issue and I can't be with him since I live thousands of kilometres away.
Oh pudgy girl from the computer lab, If you only knew the extent of my lust for you. Watching you play dos games on your laptop while news videos and political videos run on your headphones... Seeing you lean back and rest your fat hands on your bright pink controller that rests on your fat stomach contained by a supernatural t shirt. Your thick glasses making your green eyes look huge as you play your game, your first hair, as long and unruly as the princess from brave... How I lust after you... And your pale freckled form... How I wish to connect every dot on your doughy form with my tongue, how I wish to shove my face into that red haired muff of yours. The day you slipped and fell, and your tartan skirt lifted to reveal your white pillowy asscheeks and frilly panties... That is a memory burned into my brain.
B, I wanted to be bolder, but fuck this shit is FUCKING hard. I dunno if I'll start talking to you ans you'll lose your interest. I will however message you today. I've noticed the other day when I messaged you, you were expecting me to talk about random stuff and give you attention, but I was already late for my training... Dammit. I have noticed you giving me new chances this week, but I like you and I don't want to fuck this up. Ok. I feel a bit better know. I will talk to you later today and we may even go out this week or something. - V.
I am a 31 year old male virgin. I am decent looking I have had chicks that are attracted to me. my problem is that once a girl gets attracted to me or start showing interest, I kind of scare her away, because I'm afraid that they will find that I am a virgin. nobody knows about this except me. I have not told anybody. I think it's because when I was younger around 12 or 13 years old, me and my sister used to a kind of messed around with each other, & I think that scarred me for life. We use to perform oral on each other. and I tried to have sex with her. I was able to penetrate her, but I just think it in a few times no thrusting. I'm not sure if that counts or not. In my opinion it really doesn't. I have never been in a real relationship before also. No girlfriends or anything like that. I have make out with a few girls before, but as far as in my adult lifetime, never gone to third base or scored all the way. I really hope I can lose my virginity soon. But not just to anybody, I kind of want to find the right girl to lose it too. I'm just afraid that once I tell them l I'm a 31 year old Virgin, that they're just going to freak out or something. say something like OMG how come you never had sex or something like that. And all days its like almost everybody is having sex.that it feel good to get off my chest because I've been holding it for so long. if you have read my whole story, I really do appreciate your time. I'm so sorry it's so long but this is something that I have to express and get off my chest for the longest time. And it does feel good
>>16774744 thank you anon. I feel like I'm going to be like the guy from 40 Year Old Virgin, But I've read other people lost their virginity much older than me. It's like my whole adult life I felt like I've missed out on lots of opportunities because of me just being afraid of telling chicks my situation. I guess at the same time I've prevented STDs and unwanted children, so I guess that's good for me. I'm just hoping to find a nice girl, maybe get in a relationship, and I just hope she doesn't freak out if I tell her my situation.
>>16774726 anon, some girls find that attractive in a man. eventually the right girl will come along who accepts and loves you for who you are, especially for not being with anyone else before.
don't get caught up in the idea that you should have slept with a bunch of women by now. I'm 22 and have slept with over 100 women, but honestly wish i had have waited for the right girl, not thrown it away when i was young.
don't base your life or future relationships around the fact you're a virgin,focus more on your career or your friends until you do one day come across the woman of your dreams and she won't won't care that you've never been with anyone else.
>>16774763 yeah you are right anon. On a Quick note, when I was 16 and 17, I did have two different opportunities to lose it to some friends who were girls, but it was kind of like a lust and def not love. I guess in a way I'm kind of glad that I didn't because I haven't even talked to them ever again. But I do appreciate your kind words of advice, and mad props to you on over 100 girls at that's an accomplishment lol. you have no idea how great this feels to get off my chest. thank you again for reading and giving advice
As time goes by since you left me i become better, more stable, more normal, more functional. I'm not crippled now or insanely depressed every day.
But it's there, you're there. Your ghost is there, haunting me. You pop into my head randomly every few minutes, a random memory, thought, action or thing we did together. The longer that goes by, the more i seem to miss you, despite how much better i get.
>>16774800 yeah you are anon. it is not the end of the world. My friends and my job is way more important to me right now. Just FYI, sometimes coworkers or friends start talking about sex in a conversation and start asking me questions about it. I pretend I know what they are talking about and then kind change the subject nobody notices. but cheers anon for all the helpful advice and making me feel better about myself. I guess I should not feel so bad about anything then.
>>16774029 Darknet vendors have good quality product apparently. The dosage can be easily found on Google. A quick Craigslist post would provide you with someone capable of administrating it. The efficacy is significant, and in comparison to ect markedly less taxing. Youd probably enjoy it. Just saying
I'm never going to make it through this. I want to, but if I'm going to, someone's going to get hurt. I'm sick of being a pushover. I'm sick of trying to make you happy while you treat me like a doormat. I need to have my own life, and I don't feel like I can do that while I'm with you. It's almost been a year, and I feel like "almost" is the closest we're going to get. Neither of us are happy anymore, so what's the point? I lost a chance at the shot of a lifetime last night and instead of supporting me you asked if I could support YOU because YOU can't handle how distant we've grown. You tried to push me away when you tried to kill yourself four weeks ago. I thought that it didn't work, but apparently I was wrong. Congratulations.
I love my girlfriend, but sometimes I realize just how much she holds me back from developing on a personal level.
After she went on vacation for a month I suddenly had all this time back and I remembered how much I like woodworking and working out and the hobbies I used to enjoy more. I was outside and adventurous instead of laying around watching next flix or eating over priced dinners, when I don't even really like restaurants.I like sleeping at 10 and waking up at 7 and getting things done in the daylight. I hate going to bed at 2am and waking up at 11am, having barely seen the sunlight, which is what I do with her because that's her schedule. I hate laying in bed for an hour and a half burning away even more daylight.
I need to limit her presence in my life or alter her behavior or else I'm going to be pining for this time when she's back.
Honestly I don't miss her until she's not in the bed with me. She's socially awkward and doesn't like any of the hobbies I do. I think we are mostly together because of how well of view align, but not our habits.
She is so comfortable to be with, but I think that may be a problem in the long run. She's a comfy cabin, but she's rooted in the ground.
At the beginning of this school year, I didn't really like anybody, but then there were these two girls who I separately. Now I'm in way too deep, One of the girls which is about a 5 even a 4 in other peoples opinions is like a 7 or 8 to me, she is really nerdy, but as soon as I felt like I was ready to make the move she got asked out by someone else. Now, the same situation happened with another girl who was a solid 9 or 10 in anyone else's eyes but she recently got heartbroken by a man who pretty much just used her for sex, we talk too much, and do other things that can easily be seen as intimate to me, but I know aren't to her, with her being so out of my league I will probably never make the move, either way this has pretty much been my whole relationship life in a nutshell so I don't know what to do, I guess I'm just unattractive, I tried to start working out for this same reason with what I can at home (Treadmill, Dumbbells... etc) but I just lose motivation, and I'm slowly falling into depression, everything isn't as funny, games aren't as fun, I always have one of the girls in my mind, I can't talk to any of my friends about it because they are almost all huge fucking dicks so idk what to do.
started hanging out with a classmate about a year ago, less perhaps, and we got on quite well, went everywhere spent countless hours together and so on even though our only common interest is the music genre we like, literally everything is different but we get along so damn well...and the thing about me is that i have never had anyone so close ever due to my character being so specific (call it what you will) and never dedicated so much time to someone now the thing is i started to fall for her, so hard, i never expected it to happen but it just did and ive mentioned it to her a couple of times and she said that she feels alike but theres one thing, as we are just about to finish high school, i am going to get an opportunity to fulfill one of my greatest childhood dreams which is to move to austria or germany and i am working very hard in order to make that happen and this is scaring her a lot and makes her uneasy and terrified because us getting separated would be a disaster but then that makes me so uneasy because i love her so much and im sure she feels the same and i just have no idea what to do its killing me as i type all this...
>be 18, started uni a year early, in second semester >squatting with father, using survivor's benefits from social security from mother's death to pay for it >don't have to pay for food or utilities or anything >sister pretty much always has weed/drugs so if I want some I can just go down the hall >even with this carefree college life, I'm spending most home time on 4chan avoiding housemates, cleaning after my family's mess, easing constant dread of schoolwork, and being depressed >made a single friend last semester, have very little social contact otherwise, don't know how to make friends
I joined a club that was suitable to my interests but I'm still bad at socializing, and I feel awful about it. I think it may be because of my ADHD and that's even worse. I want to move out, but I don't think I can handle another job on top of uni, and and I refuse to spend the death fund on rent. What do?
>>16774898 You're not the person I'd be responding to, I'm sure. But I'm not unphased, I never was. I left someone I love for their own sake because of the circumstances I couldn't possibly be okay with.
If I could wave a magic wand, this wouldn't be a problem. I want to be a part of his life, but he cut contact after I ended it, then he cut contact with a lot more people and me for a second time. He chose someone else and trusted them more, it was for the best that it ended but now I'm just left with a wound that I can't heal I can only try to ignore.
My hatred is starting to come back again. Its the loneliness, the isolation, everything. I don't know where to start. I'm 19 and never had a gf and am a kissless virgin. People tell me that I shouldn't worry about that at such a young age, and I know there are people much older in the same situation. But there's also those that got to experience love at ages as young as 13. I hate that. I hate them. They don't deserve love. They're assholes. I'm better than them. Fuck. I sound like him... 'The Supreme Gentleman' he called himself. That's not who I am. I don't want to be that. I'm autistic and I'm also just self-aware enough to know how much of a narcissist I am. This leads to my inner conflict, one side that tells me that I'm superior to others, and another that tries to talk sense into me. I don't even know where I'm going with this.
South Africa could be one of the most incredible, beautiful, economically dominant countries in the world if not for the fucking black twats we have that run this country. I have nothing against black people as a race, but their lazy, entitled mentality has driven this wonderful country into the dirt. There was a book written by an Indian lady titled "What if there were no whites in South Africa?" you know what there would be? Little tribesmen fucking their daughters for goats. What if there were no blacks in South Africa? We'd be a British/Dutch economical powerhouse colony dominating the mineral and agricultural field. What are we now with blacks? A shithole and a joke. It's good to say this shit somewhere. There's no way to voice my opinion here without being murdered.
You seem to be trying to protect yourself and your future by cutting me out of your life a little at a time. I think I might drop off the face of the earth soon and just go stagnant mode again. I wish you all the best in your new life and I'll never forget you. I guess the circumstances were unfortunate. You can do it. You are fragile but I'm rooting for you nonetheless. even if it hurts too much to talk to you, to the point where I think that my heart would erode my insides from the heaviness. I'm glad I got to spend time with you, though. Very bittersweet. It was too good to be true, after all. I guess that's life though, eh? I'm still a wishful thinker though, I like to think you'd come back to me when you get your shit together. I hope that your feelings are still strong for me. That's dumb to say because you're already starting to forget about me. But I won't forget about you, okay? It's gonna be hard getting over this but I'll do it. Maybe someday fate will let our paths cross again. Or the ever cliche "maybe in another life."
>>16775713 Anything emotional would usually be difficult to forget, I believe. If it was remotely emotional for them, I believe they won't forget you.
On the other hand, just drawing from my own experience, I believe if anyone feigns emotional interest for whatever reason, then when it ends they'll be quite capable of forgetting. I hope and trust your person wasn't like that. If they weren't, then may you always be remembered by them.
Everyone on this planet including me has mental retardation, weird, psychotic, and is fucked up in the head. If you do not believe me and everything seems peachy, you are wrong. By five thousand miles.
i started having sexual dreams and fantasies about my sister. i take secret pics of her naked and stuff and i feel like shit about it but i think i have a crush on her? i just need to ride it out and not do anything more. every time she hugs me im very aware of her whole body against mine and it gets me rock hard but also makes me feel ashamed more than anything. what the fuck do i doo?
How the fuck can you stand talking about nothing but yourself all the time? I can't even remember the last time you asked me how I was doing or what was currently going on in my life, or asking me ever to go deeper into whatever it is I just shared with you. Not that I really care overall, obviously, since I haven't raised a stink about it in the 8 or so years we've been talking. What annoys me is the fact that you haven't changed at all in all this time. It's mind-boggling.
It's always about your "blues" too. Everything in life is so hard for you. You also always think you have the answer. The funny thing is, I've found you to be a fool since we first met... maybe it's been partially my fault that you never changed then. Then again, you were always so ignorant and obstinate, that I doubt me saying anything would have made much of a difference.
I mean, I have no problem with people who are prone to complain a lot, and I have no problem listening to others' issues. But it's all the time, you never really reciprocate the delight of being discovered in the relationship, and you haven't changed in this way for all these years. I am just tired of it now. My patience is gone.
Though I may or may not get charges pressed, I'd take just the misdemeanor trespassing charge over that and underage drinking and possession of a Schedule II substance any day. Wish I knew how to find out if the charges are being pressed and/or if there's a warrant out for me. Adderall comedowns are a bitch.
Man I wish people could not be so vengeful towards others and themselves. Having to go by the saying give them for what they did to you. Show them how you feel! That is what they deserve! As if that is how cool people do it. And the person who tells this is apparently crazy, but is not. Reflecting pain to others is wrong.
I implemented pain and agony to her life,she cries while the deed brings me the joy which I longed to try my luck on,and I want to do it again,to emotionally break one more even when sometimes it terrifies me,the question comes to spotlight-how did I become what I am now?
I think I'm falling for her. But I want to marry a Chinese girl, not an Indian girl. I've already decided on a Chinese name for my daughter. Shit. I need to get over my ex but getting a rebound is just... not me. I don't know whether to go for it or not. It would be fun for a while, yeah. But then there would be inevitable heartbreak because she's not the one. I think.
Like, I got butterflies when I talked to her today. We clicked so fucking hard but I KNOW I wouldn't end up marrying her anyway. And there's another girl who is wife material, but sounds like a boy and I don't know whether to go wild with it or what
Nothing is fun anymore, I don't know how to be happy. I don't know what I like or ever what I want to do. I spend all day at work wanting to get home, then I get home and don't want to do anything so I go to bed early. I try to spend time with my friends but when I get there I just feel bored and want to leave.
The only time I'm remotely happy is with my GF but I know that's not healthy and im just riding a hormone high.
Yep, I'm a failure. I tried to talk to her, and for the first one hour and a half, things were ok. Then things went down hill. Her last message was hours ago and now I feel like the greatest loser.
Well, I have been through worse, however I wish this had worked. She is beautiful, inteligent and is an amazing person. I cannot allow the bad mood mess my mind again. I have managed to keep it at bay and not take control for what feels like so long. God, now my mind will make things even worse. She'll look even more stunning and I'll act even more like a retard next to her. Well that's what happens when you have a shitty personality and acts like half your brain is dead around the girl you're into.
Every single day I need to pull myself together just to get through the day. I get annoyed by everything, but I keep it to myself.
I only let out my emotions rarely,but every single time I do open up, I just get fucked.
Everyone says that opening up is the first step to feeling better when you're depressed, but in my experience, opening up has always been the thing that pushes me down. When you get emotional, you get distracted. When you get distracted, you make mistakes.
My 5+ year relationship is dead but I can't afford to move out so I'm pretending everything is okay when its not. My gf knows htis but is doing the same thing to me. I've been lifting and I'm incredibly horny all the time particularly now that I get mired more often. This is not helping matters.
I know I need mental help. I NEED it. Why can't I force myself to do it? I'm losing my mind I think. It feels like I'm actually going insane. I need to get this help but I cannot rely on anyone else for it. But I don't know how this insurance shit works, fuck man. I don't want to sink into suicidal territory. I'm losing it, I can't stop this shit.
Hey. You know he doesn't actually know me very well, right? He doesn't even know my birthday. I'd say he knows less about me than anyone I was close to before him.
But don't misunderstand, you are witnessing my bitterness that my experience with him led to. Even his actions right this very second are just confirming everything I already knew and believe even stronger now.
You know me better than he does and ever could. You're not the only one, of course, I can think of three other people who know things about me I couldn't trust him enough to let him know, but you knew me the best out of everyone.
I'm embittered by the experience I knowingly went into. I don't hate you, I don't even hate him or his "ex" despite everything past and present. The timing on you trying to talk to me again in December made me think you were paying attention to what I was doing, but it may well have been coincidence. Still, the timing is precisely why I said no, because that would have led me to an internal conflict. Not that my idiocy is much better anyway. In case you were aware, and still are, then just watch his actions if you ever feel like I deserve punishment for not talking to you. Or if you're ever down, just look at what he's like today, and you can laugh at me.
I apologize if you ever liked the personality you knew me by. Even my family have seen I'm changing, I'm bitter and withdrawing more. I'm sorry that if we ever did start to be friends again, I may not be the person you remember me as. I just don't have my old "kindness" in me, time wore it down and my recent experiences just did away with it. I really tried to stay optimistic, positive and cheerful about stuff, and to help people with whatever. I just gave up.
Haha, even if you did read this thread, you wouldn't think I was writing to you. You'd think I was writing to someone else. Be well in 2016, the friend I never forgot. Laugh at what I'm like now, and the "relationship" I exposed myself to
God I am so stupid for falling for someone who's married and has been with his wife for over ten years. I couldn't help it, it's not like I want this. My brain just flipped this stupid switch and now I have to figure out how to drag myself out of this pit.
I just have a sour taste in my mouth and my insides are twisted up from my own melancholy. And I'm too much of a good person that I can't even think bad thoughts. I want him to be happy; I'd never want him to leave his wife (not that he would). I'm sure she's a lovely person. She's so lucky to have him but I bet there's something really amazing about her too. I just envy her for what she has.
I love my gf but at the same time there are some things that make me angry and sad and want to break up with her. What a stupid, illogical feeling. I wish she just.. did what I really wish her to do, but I can't tell her what it is because it won't be the same anymore.
>>16776550 >God I am so stupid for falling for someone who's married and has been with his wife for over ten years. I couldn't help it, it's not like I want this. My brain just flipped this stupid switch and now I have to figure out how to drag myself out of this pit.
meanwhile you ignore all the perfectly available men that you men in normal life every day. Its not like there's only 10 men in the world. The ratio of men to women is pretty damn close to 50/50, but you don't give all the eligible men around you the time of day.
You're attraced, as a woman, to his obvious stability, loyalty, and ability to protect and prosper his own offspring. This is something women instinctively want.
its most obvious in guys who have money, and most lacking in guys who don't have money, even if they guy who has money knows he can play this game to get sweet hot pussy and actually will not deal with their offspring at all (which is why child support laws came into existence, too many robber barons of the 19th century having and then not caring for illegitimate offspring because women thought he was great because of his money and social power).
This response is my own rant about how people on both sides of the gender are generally shit to each other while lying to themselves.
I go to a self made porn website like those without mothers, and I see chick and guys fucking each other silly all day, even orgies and non-relationship types having fuck buddies. I can't get any of this despite being a single person.
When I was actually with a girlfriend, suddenly women were hanging on me all the time. Its so fucking stupid.
I hate to say that my mom is right but I really don't think my boyfriend of four year is right for me and since he's my best friend it is going to hurt so badly when we break up.
When we decided to do this whole long distance thing I thought he was going to finish school. He didn't and that's fine but I thought he would have seen my hard work and tried to make something more of himself by now.
I can't save him and I can't make him see how fucking depressed he is (his mom even said he won't be happy unless he gets help). We're growing apart and I think he may know it, and if he wants it to work he's going to have to work harder. I've paid for almost every fucking trip to make this work, I could have been saving up for my future.
I don't want to break up but it's seeming like we're at two different points in our lives. Unless he can get his mental health under check and show the same drive he had for making a good life for himself then this just isn't going to work. I know I put on some weight but I also know they're are a lot of guys and girls out there who would love to take me out and make me feel special like he used to. Almost all romance feels dead, he hasn't really tried at all to love me the way I need to be loved. I hate touch but I do it to him because that's what makes him feel loved. I don't care if he's quiet or an introvert, tell me I'm fucking pretty or something sweet just once a day. For fucks sake, I just got into a doctoral program and his only response was "cool," and when I said he didn't seem excited for me he responded "well, I just thought you'd get in." I'm excited and you should be too.
I'm done with the excuses, the depression, and the bullshit. The next time I see him we are having a serious talk about how this relationship is going. I don't care if it hurts, I need and deserve to be happy.
>>16773440 I have a confession, and I know I'm an awful person and I need to kill myself. I have an addiction to sexting, getting nudes, and shit like that. I'm in a really shaky relationship that I'm not happy in so my problem has gotten worse and I've found myself being unfaithful, even paying for nudes and videos from complete strangers. I wanna stop, but I just start without thinking and keep going. I want out of the relationship I'm in, I wanna stop going after girls, and I just want a peaceful life and to be a good person. I know I'm a bad person, I know someone will tell me to kill myself, trust me I'm thinking about it. But I want to change, I know I'm a shitty person and I want to be a good person.
>>16776758 Your gf doesn't send you nudes? My gf also doesn't and I damn wish she did that, but I don't want to ask her. I hope this will come naturally at some point, I'm only afraid, that it won't happen.
I think about you all the fucking time, and it's weird to think that you don't think of me at all anymore. I know you don't, or you would've called and said sorry.
I was nothing but good to you and it just doesn't make sense that you don't even want to keep in contact.
I can't hang out with Ricky anymore because his apartment looks just like yours. I can see you smoking out his window. When I use his bathroom, I can see you snaking up behind me and putting your arms around my waist while I brushed my teeth.
You're in every fucking dream I have. I remember everything. I can still remember how bad you shook when you told me you were scared I was going to get bored of you. I remember everything about how you first told me you loved me. I can walk around it like it's a room.
>>16776766 She sends me nudes, I'm not doing it because she won't send them. I think I just like the thrill of getting more, and with all the stress I have lately it's like the only thing left that makes me feel any relief, even though all the relief goes and crashes down after I cum. Anyways I hope yours sends you some soon. I'm sure she'll come around eventually.
>>16776808 Does she tell you why she won't send you nudes? Do you guys have sex at all or is it a long distance relationship? I'm stressed because I'm stuck in a long distance relationship, I don't wanna hurt the girl's feelings and I wanna try to make this work but I'm just not happy. I used to go on /b/ and /gif/ a lot for this stuff but I guess I'm addicted to the excitement of chatting with people and getting them to send me things, not the pictures themselves. I know it's really pathetic, and sometimes /b/ and /gif/ help but I really wanna change and stop doing this. Also, why do you think you're not as good as her ex's?
>>16776820 It's not a long distance relationship. I never asked for them, I know that she would send me some if I did ask, but I just wouldn't feel any pleasure from it if she won't do it herself.
From my experience and experience of many other people - long distance relationships don't work. No matter how hard you believe in the love between you, you must have the other person close physically. This is very important. So my advice is that if you love the girl, you should find a way to be close physically to her. This may also be a reason why you like getting nudes and other things from people. What you really want is physical contact with her and this is just something that attracted your attention - not the real problem.
I can imagine how exciting it can be for someone to get nudes from people you interact with, hell, it probably even is addictive to some degree.
Stop thinking about nudes and meet with your gf. Both of you need this.
>>16776838 It's extremely addictive, and my advice is to never try getting nudes from random people you're attracted to, the thrill of the chase will bring you back for more. You're right, I should meet her and try to talk things out. I really don't have a lot of feelings for her left but maybe meeting would be good for us. If not, at least I tried. Thank you for talking to me about this, I really appreciate it. So you just want the validation that she'd send you a nude just out of her own desire?
I'm a fucking idiot who got pulled by a cop and told him I was smoking pot. I had forgot all of the legal action I could have done to prevented him from questioning me. I just told him up front. My parents came to pick me up and i had to smash my pipe and dump my weed in the bushes. I'm extremely lucky that the cop said he didn't have time to do this that there was a crash on the local highway. I'm also lucky I texted my brother and told him to hide my larger back of weed when my parents left.
I know I should have been smarter but I was an idiot. Ridicule me if you want, I just want to get this off my chest and receive some sort of comfort. I'm really shook up about this and can't believe it happened. I feel like everyone is shaming me and disappointing. My parents didn't know I smoked pot and I've never been pulled over in my life. All I read about online is stories of how cops are cool about that stuff now, I can't ever find bad stories, though I know it happens. I just want someone to sympathize with me.
>>16776845 I'm sorry, sometimes it's hard to try to hide things like that. You're not a bad person at all for smoking pot. Even if they're disappointed, it's your choice, not theirs. I hope everything goes okay for you. Were you charged with anything?
You were different to all of the other girls. For the first time in my life, I didn't have to put on a show to impress you; I could talk to you in my truest form.
You are so beautiful, and we were in such a blissful relationship, then you started hanging around the wrong group of people and you became an uninteresting, every day normie bitch, no longer passionate about the things that made me fall for you.
Our relationship was tight for 2 years, we rarely argued and we agreed on most things. I stuck by your side through thick and thin, caring for you and always reassuring you that I'd never break up with you when you suffered from immense depression and anxiety; couldn't say the same for me though could you?
I picked up a gambling and drinking addiction, and lost hope in the world. Why did you leave me at the time where I needed you the most? I was so desperate for help, reassurance and love. There were times before where you'd beg me to never leave you, crying your eyes out, and I'd be there to wipe the tears and make you happy again. Times where you felt anxious and hopeless, I would stay awake with you all night until you were sound asleep, and never leave your side.
I miss you so fucking much. I love you so much, and I will never stop loving you. I wish things could be different, but you've changed so much and it's sad because I had such high hopes for our relationship lasting our lifetimes.
Sometimes I think about just ending my pathetic life, then the 0.01% chance that things might work out between us one day keep me from doing it.
>>16776842 It's nice hearing that I helped in some way, good luck and have fun meeting her. I'm sure things may only be better because of meeting.
Exactly, I'd just want a validation that I'm a cool enough guy to get a nude selfie. It really hurts me that a guy she knew less than me got them. I hope some day she'll do it, I'll tell her then how much it means to me.
>>16776859 You helped a ton, I just thought I'd be told what a piece of shit I am. Dude, I'm sure you're a cool guy, I'm not sure why she wouldn't see that. There's actually a chance that she sees more in you than she saw in that guy. My guess is that she saw that guy as a cheap piece of meat and sees you as much more
>>16776856 Thank you so much. I feel a little better from just reading that comment.
No I was really lucky. I don't think the cop was to sympathetic though, he joked about me being 23 and living at home while in college. When I was trying to empty my pockets in front of my parents and him, I had difficulty getting one of my pockets out (nothing was in them). He said, "come on, don't be shy, mommie's here, it'll be okay". He was a real douche but I'm assuming for the best he only did it to try and scare me. My parent's haven't talked to me too, but I'm sure I'll be fucked by them tomorrow. They always thought of me as the child that almost never does anything wrong.
>>16776857 >I picked up a gambling and drinking addiction, and lost hope in the world. Why did you leave me at the time where I needed you the most? I was so desperate for help, reassurance and love. There were times before where you'd beg me to never leave you, crying your eyes out, and I'd be there to wipe the tears and make you happy again. Times where you felt anxious and hopeless, I would stay awake with you all night until you were sound asleep, and never leave your side.
You're a man. You're obviously bad man feeling entitled to her love and companionship.
>>16776882 I'm glad you feel better. It's a good thing that you don't have a charge, a lot of douchy cops would try to bust you for possession. There's nothing wrong about still living at home, I have my associate's degree and I'm 21, I still live at home. If your parents really love you they'll understand. They might be disappointed but they need to realize that no one is perfect, we all make mistakes. You're not doing meth (at least it doesn't seem like you would), you're in college trying to do something with your life. Your parents will come around eventually, you seem like a good person.
Yeah, you guys actually are kind of dicks for abandoning me like that.
I get that you're tired and all, and you have shit to do tomorrow, but c'mon man, you can't just show up like that and then leave after I go way the fuck out of my way to accommodate you fucks.
If you're too tired to hang, then don't hang out, god damn.
Don't make me go out of my way to rush back to my dorm, sign your ass in, and fumble around setting shit up for half an hour just so you can get up and leave when we were about to actually watch the fucking show you wanted to watch in the first place.
I love you guys - you're kind of the best friends I have here - but now I just kinda feel like shit. Spending another weekend alone and all that.
>>16776882 Not him, but have your parents gone on record as being against smoking pot?
Considering the current public perception of pot, I don't think they'd be seriously disappointed in you, and even if they were to be, I'd think that's due to serious misunderstandings or other ingrained stigmata on their part. I'm sure you can defend yourself about it, or at least play the "responsible user who made a dumb mistake" card. I mean, if you've gotten this far without getting into any shit, I think you can make a case for your own overall responsibility.
And shit, man, you didn't even get busted for possession or paraphernalia. You're basically off scot-free.
>>16776906 Thanks, yeah my parents are hardcore rightwing conservative. I couldn't even tell my dad (in the calmest, most sober voice I could) that I could drive fine high without him exploding in anger. I have things to say to them if they bring it up tomorrow, I didn't want to cause anymore trouble.
I know I'm off the hook but I still feel like I was taken down town. Maybe I'm still really shook up from it.
>>16776890 You've obviously never been in a long-term relationship in which you are both serious, comprises and sacrifices have been made, and one leaves when the other is at the absolute worst point of their life.
You don't do that to someone you love, or loved. Not unless you are a terrible person, or have some mental illness.
>>16776890 You've obviously never been in a long-term relationship in which you are both serious, comprises and sacrifices have been made, and one leaves when the other is at the absolute worst point of their life.
You don't do that to someone you love, or loved. Not unless you are a terrible person, or have some mental illness.
>>16777078 Dude, you feel the peace, and are alive. No need to fuck your shit up. If your life is that awful, drop me a line and I'll fix you up with a new identity in Latin America. New start, new life.
I think I have a crush on my second cousin. The blood line is really far apart and I think that she also likes me as well but is afraid to say something. She always looks for ways to try to talk to me online. I just don't want to express my feelings and have her not feel the same way. But it's kind of like an all signs point to yes thing. SHe's always wanting me to come out to her home in California to come visit her. I think if I did visit her, we probably go out to a restaurant or something and get some drinks, since alcohol kind of reveals your true feelings, maybe I can admit it and really believe in that stuff we are both the middle child of our family's, and both the rebels of our families as well, because our families are very religious and we don't really believe in that stuff. we just live life the way we want, no fuck given.
have been able to go to college due to lack of funds (dad has the money but doubts me greatly even though im motivated to do it and ill be studying things I love doing now so..it will just be in a more constructive way) also pretty sure my mum is getting a divorce with my current step dad... shit feels so far gone in my life that I think my depression is actually relapsing... i tried to kill myself about a year ago but with medication and therapy ive been able to coop and was even able to not need medication anymore! but i swear to god the past week ive maybe got 5hrs of sleep..
I need to end this miserable relationship with you. You're objectively ruining my life and I don't know why I can't fucking bring myself to just leave even though I know I'll be so much happier and successful and you might be too. Maybe not though, because you're one of the most selfish, resentful, pretentious people I've personally ever met and god help anyone who tells you any of your blatant character flaws that make you wonder why no one can tolerate you for any extended period of time. I'm too young to be in this much debt because of someone else's lack of impulse control. Me feeding into your constant, never ending carousel of drama has only resulted in putting my education on hiatus for so long that I'm losing motivation because you're so obsessively clingy and jealous that you'll actively attempt to start pointless drama because my attention isn't fully on you at that given instance if I AM in class. Your temper tantrums have single handedly alienated my family from me because I was stupid enough to choose you when my parents kicked your freeloading ass out of their house when they didn't feel like putting up with your bullshit how even your own friends and family have and you're so insecure that if I want to spend so much as a few hours with my family you have a fucking meltdown like the emotional child you're delusional enough to deny you are. I don't know why I'm so stuck on you, or why I'm as masochistic as I am by staying in this relationship, or why I keep lying to you and myself that this has a fighting chance and that I want this to go on, but I need to break myself out of this never ending cycle before you inevitably drag my life into an even more bleak and depressing place than I've already allowed you to.
>>16777266 No, because I wouldn't put it past one of your autistic, degrading orbiters to be browsing, notice the similarities (since all of our mutual friends (who even they've started gravitating to me more because they can't tolerate your volatility) sadly know this repetitive story all too well, and people talk, and I can't take any more drama and theatrics at this point in my life. I hate that I even see/am aware of your awfulness slowly spreading onto me. Especially when I talk about you. I've never felt the need to spew this much vemon about anyone until I met you and I don't like who I'm slowly becoming out of adaptative need to live with your incessant bullshit.
>>16773440 I'm in a long distance relationship (+6000 miles). We get to see each other for a week every 4 months or so. I'm not worried about cheating, because we love each other and we're not that kind of people. I'm worried about what this is doing to us. I love her so much, and I know she loves me too, but it's been really hard being so far apart. It's hard to feel and to express love, affection, kindness. Every four months, I go see her, or she comes to see me, and whenever we have to say goodbye at the gate, I tear up because we're perfect for each other, but we don't get to be together, hug, hold hands, kiss, and just hold each other and talk like we used to. This horrible void keeps me depressed for days. I get better quickly, but I still think about her all the time, and feel that little heartache whenever I realize she's not next to me. When we get to see each other, we're the happiest couple on earth, and it makes it so hard when we have to say goodbye. We're not religious, but I think we're good people. We volunteer to help others, we're hardworking, we're cute together, the sex is great. We're reasonable with our money, but we take pleasure in enjoying things, shared moments, little gifts. We cry when we read each other's letters. We don't fight over the little things, and we never stay mad at each other over the big ones. We're not 10/10s, but we've both been told we're "very cute" by our friends, even before we knew each other. We have dreams, we want to get married, have a small house with a small amount of land, have an alpaca herd because they're gentle animals and aren't very needy. We're decently educated (I have a master's, and she's getting hers in a few years), and always have things to learn from each other. I speak two languages, she speaks three (we have english in common), we traveled a lot. I'm very lucky that she's my girlfriend, but I hate the fact that we're so far apart, it's feels like it's "all for nothing". She left this morning.
>>I think I'm mtf trans, but a lot of my friends say hurtful things about trans people and I'm afraid I might be wrong. I defended trans people at my last work place, my friend recently transitioned and wanted to kill herself and they called me Jenner for weeks and then I quit. What is wrong with people? Can't we see beyond our bodies, skin color, and focus on greeting each others hearts? I wish could just test out what it feels like to be a girl for a while but I don't have the strength to deal with the hate.
there's nothing I want more than being with you, Is. I just like you so fucking much, but I fear even our friendship is going to fall apart tomorrow because you won't have anything to do with me as long as I'm still with A and you'd hate to be the cause for my break-up. I feel dirty before you, like I can't offer you anything that isn't tainted by the shit mess of a person I am, that I've been for years. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I love you.
I'm beginning to want to embrace the urge of becoming the ultimate social justice warrior. One that doesn't take shit from retards like /pol/ and other such people. I want to become a vigilante who kicks ass. Which is something no other SJW would ever think to do due to their pussified nature. I already own firearms and have some ideas how to become "The Degenerate".
You're such a fucking Norman Bates creep! Seriously, i thought you were going to eat my skin or make me into a fucking coat. I though you were gone for good, your existence makes my skin crawl. Fuck off back to hell you weaboo mommy fucker.
>>16777349 I hope you can hang in there, anon. I've been there. Only got to see him twice a year if I was lucky. As long as you both feel it's worth it and are on the same page with what you want then you can pull through.
Someone that we both know told me that you had graduated in December, from the college that you and I had both attended. Said person also E-mailed me a PDF copy of the commencement booklet, and I was proud to see your name listed.
I hope the GREs went well, and you are accepted into the school that you desire. It will be difficult, yes, but you are passionate, and as stubborn as I am; I hope you do not give up on your dreams.
Remember what I have told you when you doubt yourself, and you feel overwhelmed. I know you had serious concerns that you would even be capable of an undergraduate degree, due to your numerous issues, but I had faith in you then, as I do now; I was happier than you can know, to have played such a large part in your recovery, and to be by your side, supporting you as I could. Why else would I have taken such risks, no?
I just found out I'm pregnant with your child. I told you and you haven't responded. I'll give you all the time you want to think about this. However, I'm going to keep the baby whether you will be in our life or not. I understand a man has a choice to be present or not. I won't be mad at you, nobody will. Just don't take it out on your child. I hope you live a happy life...I'll forever miss you.
I love you What else do I have to even say That should be all that matters and you know, believe it or not Despite having heard it a thousands times or more you'll never hear it quite as sincerely as you just have
>>16773440 Why do I feel like an asshole when I try to be assertiveor aggressive, even when I'm in the right? Seriously, when I act or think of acting that way, I end up imagining myself as Draco Malfoy or some other two-dimensional shithead.
The alternative is being a doormat, and I refuse to be a doormat. I've been a pussy most of my life, mostly because I would get in trouble otherwise.
>>16773440 My job stopped scheduling me, I've been out of work for three weeks and I can't get a new one because I can't afford a new license to apply places. I have always been borderline depressant an now I can't sleep and smoke a lot of cigs. I don't have any friends that are in my state and don't have anyone to talk to.the drive to have confidence for girls has died as my car is a busted up van that screams when I accelerate I have thought about suicide a lot lately. I don't see much of a point in living much anymore. Not sure telling you guys helps but I'm in a terrible place in life right now.
Please give us another chance, I know we've known each other so long, yet it's always there. I found us somewhere. I don't care you're older or that we had a stupid argument over what we call our relationship, I can't stop being in love with you and when you're not around I wake with chills and dread that the world cannot make up for it. Some people wait years to see if they will fall in love, we never had to try, only be afraid - for what it's worth, you can see what I'd give. Beyond all limits, not so it's unwanted, I love, I love you. Trust has learned itself, it wasn't our fault. Love found us
I'm realizing more and more that "I would never treat you the way you treat me" is a thought I have often when my boyfriend and I talk.
For example, I would never ignore him if he asked me to bring him a can of soup or some take-out if he were too sick to leave his apartment for a few days. I would never make him venture out into the cold with a fever and irritated lungs, causing him to have a severe asthma attack at the tiny little sushi place across the street.
But he absolutely let all of that happen to me because he was admittedly too lazy to make the 2 minute walk between our buildings. Okay, babe. Thanks, I'll remember that. Except when it happens to you, I won't be a dick and I'll actually help you... if we're even still together.
>>16773440 Fuck. I am really conflicted about you. All I want to do is claim you as mine and care for you, calm you, heal you, love you. I loathe him for getting to you first, I loathe him for being so dumb to actually believe he loved you. The worst is that I see him fail where I would succeed
Yet I don't want any of that, you had your breakup. You are available, maybe even willing. That tears me apart, I know that you are bad for me but you are still the one I think of when I go to bed and when I wake up. You even haunt my dreams, you miserable girl.
>>16773783 Once your start, it will probably be with scratches that will rarely bleed. As you continue, it will become easier and easier to go deeper and deeper. If you always use it when you have extreme pain, sadness, or anger, it will become an automatic and almost necessary response to those emotions. It's easy to become addicted and very dangerous. I really don't recommend it
>>16778254 >I would never treat you the way you treat me I thought that quite a number of times with my ex, it's a really shit thought that can eat away at you. I hated thinking it, but I still did more times than I'd like to admit.
>>16778043 I said something terrible to someone that I regret. And I had an epiphany last night that this bullying thing I do stems from a lack of gratitude. I have things, I never got the full experience, but I still have a stable life and people who love me. I've been tearing down and jabbing at people out of jealousy I guess, when in reality there's nothing to be jealous of. I don't need what they need. I'm already at the end game.
It took a while but I already feel a lot less animosity towards people. Whoever said whatever they said to you probably has their own tangled knot of issues to get through. Please don't let it bring you down and stay strong.
If the person I offended is out there, I'm so sorry. I was being jealous and petty and that's a lot worse than a lot of other things someone could be.
I never thought SJW's were a real thing, or rather, I thought they were buttmad Tumblrina's without any real power. But I've been banned from my second subreddit for absolutely fucking NOTHING. But a SJW mod does some mental gymnastics to twist whatever you said into being worse than Hitler, and you're banned.
The bans are permanent, too. So this is a site where the mods basically just ban you for not agreeing with their politics, and then that's it. Sure, you can appeal the ban, to the same fucking assholes who put it on you it in the first place.
SJW's are real, and they moderate Reddit. I always figured 4chan's hatred of Reddit was just some stupid internet thing, but it's actually a terrible fucking site.
Posting here just makes me feel worse. You're just putting all your feelings out there to be ignored. I don't get the "get it off your chest" thing. Why not just write it down in Word and delete it then.
>>16777525 People who don't respond to messages are passive-aggressive assholes. It's a good thing they do this so you know to cross them offa your list. Trust me - they know it hurts and that's why they're doing it. Next time you see them and they say hey just ignore them and walk on by.
>>16778798 Tried that, tried accepting everything for what it is and keeping a positive attitude about the future, liking who I am and that I am "good enough" for myself and everyone else. But there's always something that has to drag me down every now and again.
I'll get back up on my feet, but I could just do with a little more respect you know. Respect is earned, not gained, I know, but I'm never quick to anger and keep a stiff upper lip about life's tribulations and work hard on everything I do. But it feels like I'm going nowhere really?
However, I wonder who's more fucked up -- someone who is just being alone, bitter, full of spite and delusional (which happens hey) OR someone who goes on 4chan and posts an anonymous letter about such person who is very likely not reading it.
The only reason I want a GF is so I don't feel fucking worthless anymore. No sex for 4 years makes me feel fucking worthless. Might as well be a virgin still. And I know girls are interested in me, but I still haven't gotten laid. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Dear sexy boy, I don't care if you're traumatized by four divorce blah blah blah. I love to have sex with you, I love to talk with you, and I know how it's not common for people like us to feel free with someone. I will take from you all I can, and I will give you what you deserve - nothing more, nothing less-. I'm 10 years younger than you, I had to deal with death, suicides, violence. You're older than me but you know nothing (John Snow). Seriously, a divorce? Poor, poor, poor baby boy.If you want to stay lonely and sad, do it. I want to be happy, and I will take all the orgams I can from your dick, all the cuddles I can from your arms, all the kisses I can from your lips. You're pretty good at it, and you know I'm not bad. And if by miracle you start to understand how we could be happy toghethers, feel free to share your thoughts. Being an adult is not that scary, babe. ps: I like you because I like your personnality. When you try to "flirt" with me, you do it like a real loser. It's cute.
[selfpity] I'm very good freinds with my parents but only because no one my age likes me. Teenagers who have no rebellious phase should be automatically flagged as lonely. >tfw too old to have fun and missed all the fun I was supposed to have as a kid. [/selfpity]
I'd visit home a lot more if I wasn't met with immediate criticism when I walked in the door. It's a very negative atmosphere, and probably a huge contributor to my low self-esteem. I can't even focus on my work because I get interrupted every thirty minutes for pointless small-talk, demands, or more criticism.
>>16775125 Dude follow your dreams, don't let others hold you back. You convince her to come with, try a ldr, or break up but try and stay amicable. Those are pretty much your options now. Sorry for sounding like Shia LeBeouf, but its true and you know it.
I'm pretty sure I have some sort of depression spiced with social anxiety and possible OCD.
I'm going to finally get help and I even have a number to call (I can even text to that's pretty damn great). I'm working right now but It's over in 2 months and I kind of want to wait the 2 months before doing anything big, but I suppose I should message the thing. I also found a blogger (through facebook ads, a blogger about his own mental health problems and past with drugs involved, I felt really psychotic at the time).
i want to get rid off of this cynical mindset, my hearth is strating to poke, i'm trying to stay positive but it last 2 consecutive days max., i'm tired of rewinding situations that made me angry then and now, i want to smoke a cigarette but i "quit". i'm writting this as healing, i'll take a walk, that might help too. i should write more.
whoever is reading this, i hope your journey gets better.
i had a strange phase where i had a huge crush on my older sister. i thought she was the sexiest girl ever and i thought about sex with her a lot. when i ended up looking for a gf i chose a girl who looked as close to my sister as possible. and sometimes when we're fucking i pretend im fucking my sister....
The thought of dating terrifies me. Going up to some stranger and striking up a conversation makes me anxious. I'm that worst kind of introvert that stays home all the time and gets exhausted after an hour at a party. My friends are my shitty version of a Linus blanket. I've never dated anyone that I knew irl first. It was always long distance because it was easier to find friends and fall in love that way so I don't even know how the fuck "dating" is supposed to work. I want to find someone. I really do but I don't know how that's possible for me with how fucked up I am in social situations.
Im not a very confident guy, not sure why but confidence is like a drug to me I fucking love that shit, makes me feel empowered, makes me feel good just dont always have confidence, what can I do to bring up my self confidence?
I have a GF and I've been with her a while feels pretty stale dont do much except bang really, and I'm starting to become attracted to smaller/thinner women only have had sex with this girl so maybe I'm just feeling like there might be something better out there.
I fucking love people, people are neat, people are fuckheads, people are people theyre different their experiances are crazy. But then half the time (I live in a very material town) I hate absolutley hate people around me, I get annoyed pretty bad when I'm driving and alot of people around here disgust me with their matwralistc goals. Like people who instead of wanting to better people and themselfs will take as much as they can get from a certain situation, but then again people are people.
Love spending time with people too, if I can pick someone up to chill and drive around all day soing random stuff I'm all for it but after a while when nobody pays for things except me I get a little burnt out.
And to anyone having a hard time right now, take a breath and breathe shits all good, remember someone always has it worse than you.
sometimes i think was it ever possible for me to become fully isolated from family, independent and financially stable enough to live my own life in one of the worlds most expensive cities at 20..? God i was so stupid at 15/16
You told me you loved me and I did too. I wanted to be your everything and at one point I'm sure you felt the same. But then you did all that stupid shit and we broke up twice. You say we're friends but with the way you've been acting I don't think we're even that. One of these days I need to harden my heart and move on
Rhetorically asking me "Are you just going to let it get the best of you?" or "You should step up and do something about it, then." when I express frustration only makes things more difficult. I don't want to "make the world my bitch". Empathy and understanding help me a lot more than "constructive criticism", which more and more I'm feeling is just a veil you use to tear others down so you can feel good about your own twisted logic.
Just because you're motivated by spite doesn't mean I am, so stop interpreting my disagreement as spiteful, petty rebellion against you. I am trying to be positive and focusing on what I'm good at. You are not a part of my reasoning, and constantly reminding me only of my shortcomings will lead to you not being a part of my life at all.
I'm afraid that I'll kill my girlfriend even though I don't think homicidal things, I'm afraid I'll ruin something cute and nice for her even though I don't feel the desire to, I'm afraid I'll be a pedo even though I think that stuff is disgusting, I'm afraid of cheating on my girlfriend to where I wake up in a dream if there's another girl in it, I'm afraid of going broke and having to ask for help from my family, I'm afraid I'll flunk out of school even though my grades are fine, I'm afraid I'm turning into a horrible human being and most of all I'm afraid because I can see all of these fears starting to sprout up out of nowhere and I don't know how to make them go away.
when I say NO to playing over the phone, I MEAN IT. I do not mean for you to BEG for it like a starving dog. Seriously. I know you want it, but you don't need it every time we're on the phone; I am starting to hate our phone conversations.
as a matter of fact, I am awaiting a text of you whining and trying to manipulate and/or guilt me because I was exhausted and you begged me to not hang up the phone, Fucker, it is 1am and I have a half of a muscle relaxer in my system! Do not cry over the fact that I took one; I needed one and therefore, I took one.
I met my girlfriend online almost 5 years ago. More than a year ago we got to meet in person and it was great. We met a few more times and then finally moved in together last Fall. The place we lived sort of sucked for our situation and she wasn't doing well at her school. So we decided to move back to my hometown so I could finish my degree and she could work on something she cares about. Unfortunately due to money reasons, she can't actually do what she wants (read: she is taking a theory class but the practical class costs too much to do right now because she had to pay international fees). Lately she's been acting cold and unsympathetic. I try to be as loving and inclusive as I can be, but her cold apathy hurt so much.
Like today we woke up and were happy. But as the day went on, she responded less and less. I went to my friend's for the super bowl (just to hang out, since I don't see my friends often because she doesn't like hanging out with them because we're too "exclusive"). When I get back home she doesn't even look at me. As she's playing a video game, I rub her back and encourage her and talk normally. She goes to bed telling me I have to get the laundry.
I mean, she will never talk emotions with me. That's the way her family was growing up, which is in huge contrast to mine. So I try to talk with her, but she shuns every question.
It's taking a huge toll on my well-being.
She's my first love and ideally the only one I'll ever be with. But given a few occurrences over the last year, I don't trust her with my heart. I fear she's going to leave me after the semester is over.
Now I don't knw what to do, since she claims she still loves me but this is bullshit. Why won't she recognize me emotions? Or hers?
I'm drinking now and it's 1:30. I don't want to go to bed because she won't even touch me.
im miserable because i love my friend and he doesn't barely like me like he used to. he has a lot of "side hoes" and i have nightmares about competing with them all the time. i cant tell anyone because i'll sound insane. i've been talking to his ex to get a handful of things off my chest and i dont feel too guilty about it because he really does treat me like shit when i get to see him
I'm drinking but I really wish I had better drugs. I liked psychedelics I think they'd help me look into my current problems more. I took one of the 2c research chemicals after my first break up. And it helped me accept it. Stupid as it may sound, I watched the Fox and the Hound, and connected it to my relationship. We cared about each other, but we were better apart. The psychedelic made it seem much more deep and emotional. But now... I need to deal with family things. Whether I let people in my life when they were always toxic. But they're immediate family, so that should mean more right? There's a line between being forgiving/understanding and just being plain naive. I don't know if I can really bring myself to care about them again.
>>16781925 The dividing line between friends and family is yours to make. "Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb."
You don't HAVE to have a strong connection with your family; their opinions don't HAVE to mean more to you.
But fuck. I know what you mean about drugs. I'm drinking now too and wish I had anything more. I miss the days that I had anything at my disposal. Right now what I could go for would be some mushrooms. That'd hit the god damn spot.
>>16781935 Oh I know, I've wrote similar here a few times. I came up with the phrase "A blood relative is not family" like a house is not a home. (or at least I thought of it before I heard it anywhere, in case other people use it. I never tried shrooms. I prefer research chemicals since it's more visual and less mindfuck.
On LSD once I spent too much time trying to log into something or create an account and it kept saying "You're almost there!" because I was doing it wrong. And in my head, it meant I was getting closer to the ANSWER. Life, universe, whatever. Started to come down and then realized how much time I wasted haha. That sucked.
He's a man now, he's all grown up. And I'm just a dumb kid. Everyone is so damn mature, and here I am, wasting my life away. It's Peter Pan syndrome, and I feel so alienated, because life, in my eyes, is trivial, but to others...
>28 >living at home >on and off NEET >NEET for past year and a half >can socialize like a normal person >have large group of friends >slowly they're seeing I'm hopeless >don't like spending much time with anyone and prefer to be alone now >never ask for anything, like to work myself around the house until exhaustion so I can reach sleep easier and escape >family is strained, poor >no means to get medication, help >struggling to find reasons not to commit suicide daily
This isn't what I thought my life would be. I smile, make meals, clean, do things for everyone and laugh but all of the time I want to sleep. My heart races when finding a job is brought up and I have been making money in odd ways to not be a burden.
I'm supposed to be a man and support myself. I'm too old. I've been slowly and to little success trying to wake up earlier, eat healthier and be more positive toward family. I still feel empty, hollow, but I've noticed my family seems happier with this. I just wish I did.
Fuck it, So you reject me and take my bestfriend ok, do you know how much that fucking hurts me you cunt. The worst part was helping my friend ask you out for valentines day. I thought I was over it, but I guess im not. Anyhow I hope your relationship doesn't last more than a month, fucking whore.
I don't want to go to uni. I don't like what im doing. I don't want to live in the apartment my parents bought for me. I don't want to keep on living in the city I've lived in since I was 12 (now 19) - I really dislike most of the people here. I'm not antisocial at all but everyone here is just extremely normie and boring.
I want to get out of here, I want to travel or go to uni in my other city. I want to be independent from my parents, and have my own experiences.
I want to live for myself instead for anyone else.
I have my first electroconvulsive therapy treatment in three hours. I'm nervous, but not about anything in particular -- I mean, I'm not worried about dying and I'm not that worried about the anesthesia or the memory loss, so what's to worry about?
It's just this stupid, aimless nervousness that I always get when I get a medical procedure I've never done before. Same as surgery.
Why is death so much more painful than birth? We don't exist, then we exist, we learn, we grow, we peak, we stop growing, we forget, we fall apart, and we stop existing again. Play it in reverse and it makes no difference.
I fucking really can't stand Amy Schumer even a little bit and sincerely hope people only tolerate her like they did Rosie O'Donnell because the fat women in their lives will get all huffy and offended otherwise.
I've always felt an intense guilt when I eat around other people. It's feels like, since I am overweight, those around me are secretly judging me because I am eating; I don't over-portion.. In fact, I starve myself often, because I hate the feeling. Same goes for when I buy food at the grocery, or a fast food joint - I feel that everyone is judging me, saying, "Omg look how much food that fat cow has on her plate!!" Even if they really don't give a rat's ass.
The same goes for riding a scooter at a department store. I have a pinched nerve in my back that often gives me a LOT of trouble when I walk for so long, but I'd rather suffer than to sit and ride a scooter - esp if my Mother (who is physically disabled) is riding one too.
I just don't want to be an internet joke, you know?
I tripped acid shortly after having a revelation about the cause of my depression. The trip only reaffirmed my feelings on it, and I made my decision and started working towards positive change already. Everything makes so much sense. I haven't felt depression at all in the past few days. I'm so happy and fulfilled. Something about this feels different, so I'm hoping it might be permanent.
>>16782513 I would heavily recommend it. This was my 4th time partaking in it, and every single time has been an amazing experience.
It really strips away a lot of your ego, and allows you to think about yourself and the world in ways that you just can't under the influence of any other drug. I would highly recommend doing it with good friends, a significant other, or both. Having people you like around will make a bad trip nigh impossible and it's a fantastic bonding experience.
Tripping is insanely fun, but it's also a great opportunity to learn about yourself. All in all I'd wholeheartedly recommend it (though be careful if you have any mental health issues and do your research beforehand).
I want a relationship. You want a relationship. I can go thru the age gap stigma, and so do you. Why are you trying to make the best decision for me when I told you i was ready for that ? You said it was easy to choose for yourself but you were trying hard to make the best decision for me and wont listen to my points. I was doing the same until I realize we were holding ourself back to not hurt each others, but it seems like we are both ready. Why? Why can't we just live this moment together and not think about the future for a bit. It might not last forever, but it's beter to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You're not keeping me out of another relationship at all. You're not being selfish
I'm so sick of dealing with you texting with her every other night. I don't want to marry a guy who already has a girl best friend. You should just end my grief already and go be with her. You've both already done everything together I feel like I'm getting her sloppy seconds. You obviously text with her and go with her when you've had a rough day. I want a relationship with someone who comes to me with their problems not some ugly ass orbiter.
There are no words I can say to you. Because how could one person possibly cause this much destruction in someone else's life? Someone they don't even know? Someone they spent only a very short time with?
All I know is I made you very angry and I honestly don't know why. I was just trying to understand you. Or maybe I was trying to understand me. The funny thing is all that doesn't matter. The thing is that I feel your malevolence against me. Or maybe it's just my due in this world and I'm projecting all this.
Still, some people are toxic to each other. It's like two different species mating, it's against nature and the only thing that can come of it is hurt and hate.
Kind of scared I fucked up my chance at a relationship by finally telling a girl my history. I could have swore I mentioned my last relationship was 4 years long and we were engaged. She hasn't replied to me since. Fuck.
I want to go back to our casual FWB relationship. Loving you is torture. Missing you is torture. My feelings of anxiety and jealousy are torture.
We know that we're not compatible; we just won't say it. Can we even go back to the way things were before you said you loved me?
I love you. It hurts me how much I love you. I know that you love me, too. But love alone can't keep it going--not when we're so fundamentally different. I'm afraid that if we don't quit soon, the only ending we'll have is a bad one.
I have come to hate some of my past partners before. You know this. I don't want to hate you, too.
I'm thankful I finally met another cool guy who is older than me. We get along so great we even netflixed and chilled the other night I felt so comfortable with him. And he's even a decent lay. He just texted me and wants me to come over and I know he's wanting to fuck me and I'd do it but I'm playing this one because I can.
>>16773440 I fucked my best friends baby mama we where together for a while he was cool with it kinda. he was also real mad. me and him are cool now but i miss hewr SOO much i think weare both depressed not being together it's such a hard situation FML i miss her so much. I hung out with her but didn't fuck cause i didn't wanna piss my buddy off(again) n i thought me and her could just be friends but i think it pissed her off. i dunno w/e just getting it off my chest. i'm so depressed i barly get out of bed lately.
My girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me the first month. US being young and her being a little dumb. Today I got very angry because when I brought up the subject that she has some weird stories that don't sound true.. I got the true story out of her and she admitted to being with a guy on three separate occasions. All within that first month. The same guy not three separate people. She says she was too scared to tell me the truth because she knew I would leave her. She has grown up a lot more since then but I still got very sad and yelled at her. I'm smart enough to know it was in the past but fuck.
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at email@example.com with the post's information.